pairing 𖦹 juhoon x reader
genre 𖦹 angst with comfort at the end, established relationship
author's note 𖦹 I made this acc to write for enhypen but I decided to also write for cortis now too. If you don’t like this decision pls just kindly unfollow me. I don’t rlly like this but I hope you do :)
It was just past nine pm when you arrived home from work. It’s rare that you come home this late but your boss asked if you could work overtime since many of your colleges are sick. You didn’t mind though. Baking wasn’t just a part time job- it’s your future.
Ever since you were five, you started baking with your grandma. Cakes, brownies, cookies… you name it. When your grandma passed away after battling cancer for years, it turned your entire world upside down. It felt like a part of you died with her too.
However she made sure to leave something behind. Her handwritten cookbook. Even after struggling, she made sure to leave you all her recipes. That’s when you knew baking is something that you want to do for life. It’s your passion. And through baking, you carry her spirit with you.
You dream of opening your own bakery one day. A warm and welcoming place where people can enjoy homemade treats and one where you can share your love for baking with others.
Fishing your keys out of your purse, you slowly open the door. Lately your boyfriends schedule is very chaotic so it’s not unusual to find him already asleep at this time. You don’t want to risk waking him up.
Taking your shoes off and placing your purse on the small table, you make your way to the living room.
But you stop at the sight in front of you.
The living rooms light is on and there on the couch sits your boyfriend.
He’s leaning forward, his head lowered, elbows braced on his knees. His brown hair looks messy - as if he ran his hands constantly through it.
At first you don’t do anything. Just standing still. Watching him. Clearly somethings wrong and you don’t even know if he knows you’re home.
Now wanting to startle him, you softly call out his name. “Juhoon?“
He looks up in surprise, as if only know realising that you’re standing in the same room as him. His eyes look glossy.
Looking somewhere on the floor - avoiding your eyes, he clears his throat and only says “Hey.“
Usually when you come home to him, he can’t wait to have you in his arms. Hugging you as if he hadn’t seen you since years.
Juhoon isn’t shy when it comes to expressing his feelings. Far from it. He always makes sure to let you know how he feels about you. That’s why it feels so easy being with him. Because you know he means what he says.
So him greeting you like this… as if you’re just an acquaintance feels wrong.
Taking the remaining steps to him, you kneel down in front of him. ”Why are you just sitting here? Did something happen at work?“ you ask.
Shaking his head, he looks at you for a second and in a firm tone exclaims “We need to talk.“
You feel your heart sinking to your stomach. Hands getting sweaty, breath coming out too fast. Your fight or flight response triggered by just his tone.
The cushion dips under your weight as you sit next to him. “Okay…about what?“ you mumble.
Ranking his hands through his hair, he leans his head backwards and lets out a deep breath. For the first time he really looks at you.
His gaze lingers on you, heavy with something unspoken—like he’s carrying too many thoughts at once and none of them are easy.
“You know I love you, right?“
Someone starting a conversation like this… you know that can’t mean anything good.
“Yes.“ Your voice trembles despite your best efforts to keep it steady.
“But I just… I don’t know how to do this anymore.“
Your throat tightens, eyes burning. “What are you talking about?“ You hesitated asking him - afraid of his answer.
“Us. This whole relationship. I’ve been so busy y/n. My schedule is inconsistent and i’m barely here. What’s the point in continuing?“ He exhales slowly through his nose.
Silence hits the air. You just stare at him, mouth agape. Where is any of this coming from? Just two days ago, you were cuddling with him on this exact couch.
“Juhoon… are you serious? I don’t understand why you’re saying this.“
His jaw tightens at the sound of his name, like it physically hurts him. “Please don’t make this any more complicated.“
For whatever reason this struck a nerve. He’s the one trying to break up with you and you’re the one making it complicated?
“You don’t get to do this. Okay?“ You hit his chest with your finger, telling him firmly “You’re trying to ruin this relationship with no warning whatsoever so you don’t get to tell me that I should just accept it.“
He doesn’t flinch when your finger hits his chest. He takes it because he knows that’s the least he can do.
“I’m not trying to ruin anything” he answers quietly. “Don’t you get it? I’m trying to protect you. You don’t deserve this. Me being half here, cancelling plans, showing up exhausted, distracted -
He stops for a second, dragging his hands down his face.
“I don’t want to hurt you.“
“So what? You’re just going to end this? Give up on us? On me?“ Your voice breaks at the end and you hate yourself for it.
A flicker crosses his face—something painful, something close to guilt.
“Please don’t say it like that. You think I haven’t been fighting this?“ he asks, voice low. ”You think I just woke up one day and decided I don’t care about you?“
Your whole body is trembling now. You don’t get often angry especially with juhoon but you can feel your frustration slipping away.
“What I know is that you decided to end something that we build over years without even taking me into consideration. Does that sound like caring? Because it doesn’t to me.“
His silence is answer enough and it makes your anger rise.
“You don’t get to decide what I deserve,” you say, leaning closer. “You don’t get to look at me and just—just erase us like it’s nothing. Like we don’t have years of history together.“
His jaw tightens but this time he doesn’t stay quiet.
“I’m not erasing anything.“ he snaps, the first real crack in his voice.“ I’m sitting here trying not to destroy you before it gets too late.“
”By leaving me?“ you shoot back. “That’s your way of not destroying me?“ You can’t help but scoff at what he said.
He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated now, no longer as controlled.
“I don’t know what you want from me!” he says, louder this time. “You want me to stay and keep failing you every day? Keep showing up when I’m mentally not even fully here?”
“You think I can’t handle that?” your voice rises to match his. “You think I’m just going to break because you’re tired? Don’t you know me? If I couldn’t handle this I would have left long time ago.“
For a moment he just looks at you.
“I know you can handle it. I never doubted that.“ he admits quietly. “That’s what makes it harder.“
“Because you would. And you would keep doing it. And I don’t want that for you.“
His words hang in the air, heavier than anything said before.
Then he lets out a small breath that almost sounds like a laugh—but it isn’t.
“I don’t want that for you,” he repeats, but quieter now. Less certain. Like he’s saying it to keep himself upright.
“I keep telling myself that what I’m doing is the right thing” he says, voice uneven. “That if I really care about you, I should let you go before I mess this up even more.”
“But I don’t think I actually want to let you go.”
Your anger doesn’t disappear but it shifts.
His throat tightens visibly as he looks at you again but he can’t hold your gaze for long.
“I just don’t know how to do this,” he admits. “I don’t know how to be everything that my fans, staff and members need to be and still be… enough for you.“ His voice breaks.
“I’m barely here. And when I’m here? I’m always too tired to do anything with you.
“I started wondering… maybe one day you’ll look at me and just feel tired too. Like I do.”
His breath coming out in heavy bursts.
“I don’t want you to hate me” he says suddenly, smaller now, almost like it slipped out before he could stop it.
He looks down, blinking too fast. “I don’t want you to remember me as someone who made you wait for nothing.”
His shoulders tense, like he’s trying to hold it in—but you know his body as much as you do yours. His control is slipping away.
And then finally, his voice breaks completely:
“I don’t want to lose you.”
He looks up at you again and his eyes are glassy now.
“I just don’t know how to keep you either.”
For a second you just stare at him. Trying to take in everything he just confessed now.
All the anger you had a moment ago doesn’t know where to go. It hits a wall and dissolves into something deeper.
“So don’t “keep“ me. I’m not one of your schedules that you need to manage“ you tell him softly but in a firm tone.
“You’ve got this version of me fixed in your mind because of other people’s experiences. But that’s not me. I’m not tired of you. I don’t resent you. How could I?“
You cradle his head between your hands. “I love you juhoon. So much.” You choke out. “So don’t give up on us. Please.“
A sob rips from his chest, raw and uncontrollable. His forehead drops forward until it rests against your collarbone. Too weak to hold himself up anymore.
”I’m sorry. I just want you to be happy.“
Your heart softens at his words. A part of you - the one that cares deeply about him wants to comfort him but you know this won’t make a difference.
After a moment, he slowly raises his head and looks at you. Strands of light brown hair are falling messily over his eyes. His eyes are puffy, wet from all the tears.
Even in this state he still looks beautiful.
Brushing his hair away, you look him deep in the eyes and tell him ”I’m happy when i’m with you. Don’t you get that? I don’t care if we’re not talking - just being next to you is enough. I don’t need more. I just need you.“
His eyelashes flutter faintly at your words.
You continue, not giving him a chance to answer.
“When you have doubts, come to me. When you’re stressed, come to me. When you’re scared, come to me. But don’t decide for yourself about our future. Do you understand me?“
He inhales sharply, like it finally hit him that you won’t leave him. That you will stay by his side.
Then slowly his hands come up to cover yours where they’re still holding his face. His grip is warm, trembling slightly.
“I understand” he whispers.
The room falls quiet after that.
Not heavy this time. Just still.
You watch him carefully as he wipes at his face with the heel of his hand, embarrassed now that the intensity of the moment is settling. His breathing is still shaky but he has calmed down.
His eyes, red-rimmed and filled with exhaustion, stay on you and his expression softens.
“I love you“ he says quietly.
Your chest tightens at the sound of it.
He leans even closer, one hand sliding around your waist as the other pulls you gently into him. You go without resistance, your arms wrapping around him instantly.
The second you’re against him, his hold tightens. It feels complete.
“I love you too,” you whisper into his shoulder.
His head dips against yours, eyes closing as he exhales slowly and for the first time that night, neither of you says anything else.
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