A lady in her 30's. BG3 and BG3 related activities.
My AO3
Apparently I write fanfiction. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
P.S. people who leave comments/reblogs are the best
The following have accidentally turned into a series, although each can be read as a standalone.
It began as mostly Astarion x female Tav, with appearances from other companions, though it's all ultimately about my Tav Asmodea. My earlier fics are written in 2nd person and later switch to 3rd.
To summarise: a take on Astarion's relationship progression with a hectic, unhinged bardlock Tav. Mostly humour and banter, fluff with light angst. And then there's the smut.
Completed Longfic
Legacy of Ash - alternative ending for Astarion and Asmodea, set one year after the events of the game. Cazador Szarr's sister, a powerful warlock of a malevolent fey, appears in Baldur's Gate seeking revenge and power. An unlikely ally appears to help face this threat.
64k words; 17 chapters
Masterlist | chapter 1 - start here
Ongoing series
Bloodbang Chronicles - post-game continuation of my bardlock series (see below), set five years after the game. Astarion x f!OC - Astarion and Asmodea are running a cabaret. Shit goes down, hilarity ensues. The horrors persist, but so do they.
Masterlist | chapter 1 of 18 (so far) - start here
"It's not just a phase, mom!" or the life and struggles of Maximilian Ancunin - (2 chapters) - Maximilian (Max) Ancunin is Astarion's unlikely, unforeseen and unintentional child. He is not a dhampir. He is as likely to accidentally stab himself as he is to harm anyone else when he wields a blade. He has no magical talent. Hells, he can't even sing or juggle, and he is perpetually shit out of luck. And by the gods, is he going to make that everyone else's problem.
One-shot series:
Fluff etc
In chronological order, as they would take place in-game:
Where my nice, simple plan fell apart - scenes of Astarion x Tav relationship progression in Act 1 generally
Another Gift - Tav tries to comfort or distract a brooding Astarion, reflections on vampirism / Astarion's past
Mark me as yours (Astarion POV) - takes place the morning after 'Missionary with the lights off' (filed below under smut) - a day of pining in camp in the life of Astarion
Down by the river (alternating POV) - 18+, takes place immediately after 'Mark me as yours' - Astarion and Tav spend a night by the river, away from camp
Ignorance and bliss - Two idiots who are definitely not falling for each other lie in each other's arms pretending to be asleep [Most recently posted oneshot]
Something real (Astarion POV) - An evening in camp, Astarion and Tav are finally alone
Are you mine? (Astaion POV) - just flirty pillow talk and comfort
Gentle Warding Bond - short & sweet, Astarion finds the "true love's caress" and "true love's embrace" rings in the Shadow-Cursed lands and makes a decision
Admit that you love me - Act 2, Gale fucks around and finds out, Lae'zel becomes poetic and Astarion most certainly does not tell you that he loves you
Confession (Astarion POV) - title self-explanatory, love confession, tooth-rotting sweetness
The Morning After - short fic, follow-up to 'Confession', morning in camp - banter, humour, etc
Intimacy - Astarion's struggle with sex and intimacy, includes some fairly softcore smut
Communication - It has been nice, but it's time Tav and Astarion actually figured out what it is they're doing and what comes next
A night at the inn (part 1) - the gang gets a chance to let loose for a while. Humour, banter, and a lead-up to something smutty to come [Parts 2 & 3 under smut]
Smut
Also part of series.
Missionary with the lights off - Uh. Some really mindblowing sex here. No, really. Porn with plot, fluff to smut
Seeing stars - Astarion is jealous. What's more, he's eager to prove that no one could possibly compete with him.
A remedy for sleeplessness - porn no plot, Tav can't sleep and Astarion takes matters into his own hands
What do you want to do with it? - porn no plot, dirty talk, 'use your words', oral sex (male receiving) (kinda)
A night at the inn (part 2) - porn, Astarion x Halsin x F!Tav/Reader, dirty talk, oral sex, PIV and more
A night at the inn (part 3) - continuation of porn, Astarion x Halsin x F!Tav/Reader, vampire bites as an aphrodisiac edition
Sweat - porn with plot. Astarion, Halsin and Tav become a triad after the fall of the Netherbrain. This is a story of how it begins, progresses, and eventually ends.
The Sheath of Frontiers - Wyll's never been with a man. Astarion and Tav decide this must be rectified. (and yes that was an anal pun)
Challenges, shorts and misc
2024 Kinktober masterlist - a ficlet following a different prompt for each day of October 2024
'Erotic Misadventures' - my entry for the BG3 April Foolishness challenge: 'write something spicy that uses the worst possible terms for body parts, sex acts'. Reader beware.
Erotic Misadventures 2 - Smut for Ogres: A Friend in Heat - my entry for the 2026 'erotica 4 barbarians' challenge
Absolute Crisis or: How I Almost Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Netherbrain - summer gift exchange fic for icybluepenguin - Astarion and Asmodea are invited to the Circus of the Last Days to watch a play directed by Volo about the Heroes of Baldur's Gate. Comedy crackfic.
Mr Mime - BG3 x Pokemon crossover. Astarion and Tav find a Mr Mime out in the woods. It follows. Horror crackfic for Halloween.
Apples - Very important questions are asked and answered about vampires, their warped sense of taste, and pussy
Untitled - Ask reply HC, Astarion accidentally attacks Tav during a nightmare
A cut - Tav accidentally cuts themselves, and Astarion scampers over like a cat to a can of tuna
Untitled - Ask reply, bonus scene following Seeing Stars - jealous giddy Astarion enacts revenge on Wyll after his failed awkward dance seduction attempt
'Gentle Warding Bond' should rightfully be here also, but it's too relevant to the 'plot' if you can call it that
Written for other Tavs:
I thought I lost you - Written for a Valentine's Day exchange for astarioffsimpmain - Astarion x plus-sized Tav / Reader - angst with happy ending, mild smut
The Witching Hour - Written for an autumn / Halloween exchange for tragedybunny, Astarion x Sera - light angst, hurt/comfort
Asmodea - my OC bardlock headcanons etc
(the lady in all the above fics)
Commission - Asmodea and Astarion in Bloodbang Chronicles
Commission - Asmodea and Astarion post-game
Commission - Asmodea in her natural element
Gifted art from Valentine's Day exchange 2024
Gifted art from Halloween exchange 2024
Gifted art from summer exchange 2025
Some screenshots, also here and here
Asmodea x Astarion kinky NSFW alphabet
OC Questionnaire
OC more in-depth questionnaire
Another 'get to know your Tav' post
OC songs and outfits
Why my Tav fell for Astarion
Why Astarion fell for my Tav
OC (i.e. Asmodea's, not mine) MBTI results for shits and giggles
Wow the tumblr search function really sucks, can't find jack shit through it. Anyway.
P.S. I am a whore for comments, and nothing sparks joy and feeds further inspiration quite like a simple "HHHNNNNNG ASFKJAGJLKSJF" in comments or reblog tags. And no fic is too old to receive comments on - they are ALWAYS a joy.
P.P.S Feel free to leave a comment if you'd like to be added to a taglist. :) And if so, do let me know if there are any categories you would prefer to be excluded from.
Astarion recalls scenes from his past as he receives a tarot reading of his love life.
All roads lead to hell, or: Astarion pulls his fifth card
Pairings: Astarion x several original or known characters
Genre: Angst / Drama / Romance
Rating: Mature
Chapter word count: 4,309
Prologue | The Sun | The Tower | The Moon | The Magician
Series Masterlist | AO3
This work is part of the Fate Spins Along Tarot collection by @bg3-fate-spins-along - please check out the other writers' and artists' works!
Updates weekly
Death
Asmodea hesitated before allowing Astarion to draw the next card.
“We don’t really have to keep going if you don’t want to, you know,” she said.
“What? Weren’t you just boasting about how flawless your readings were? Why stop now?”
She bit her lip before answering. “This was supposed to be fun, but you’ve been growing more solemn with each one. And we’re getting closer and closer to the present with each one, making it hit closer and closer to home, and… are you sure you want to have those memories stirred..?”
It did feel somewhat like self-flagellation. Each turned card had been an old wound. And yet… And yet Astarion felt like it needed to be done. So much has been taken from him. But these memories were his, even if it pained him to unearth and acknowledge them, and he wanted them back.
“Yes, I’m sure.” He reached for the next card.
He knew what was coming. Each card thus far had signified a momentary lapse in judgment, a weakness, a vulnerability. Much as he had tried to steel himself after Taliesin, he’d slipped and failed again some decades later, and this failing - he still remembered. He didn’t even bother to look as he turned the card. Instead, he watched Asmodea’s face.
Asmodea looked troubled.
“Well?” he said, after a silence held a tad too long. “What’s the verdict?”
“Death,” she said, as Astarion finally deigned to look down at the card which depicted a skeleton and a scythe, “is actually a positive card. Its meaning is often misunderstood, but at its core, it is pure, indestructible, indiscriminate. It doesn’t signify an end, but a new beginning. A future full of possibilities. Transformation. The shedding of the old, to allow for rebirth and renewal.”
“Oh,” Astarion said, surprised. “Well that’s… that’s wonderful, isn’t it?” Perhaps he had overestimated his sentiment, and it was all nothing after all. “Maybe it’s my future.” Maybe there was hope. He looked at Asmodea, but she was shaking her head, looking at him sadly. “Well why the hells not - you just said it has a positive meaning!”
“Because you placed it upside down.”
His fingertips traced reassuring circles on the skin of her bare thigh.
The slit of the skirt had ridden up too high, again, and he’d had to fix it. Taking a sip of his wine, he lightly nuzzled the shell of her ear with the tip of his nose, before bring his lips to it, the perfect image of a sensuous lover lazily whispering sweet nothings to his belle.
“For hells’ sake, stop squirming - you want to leave something to the imagination.”
“My leg’s fallen asleep,” she whispered back.
“No, it hasn’t.” Catching an annoyed look, he leaned back and laughed, as though she’d said something funny, before returning to murmur secretively in her ear. “Your blood doesn’t circulate. No circulation - no limbs falling asleep - no pins and needles - no excuses for any discomfort. You, of all people should know this.”
Dalyria clicked her tongue, quietly, but resumed her position on Astarion’s lap. Scandalously-cut dress draped over her legs, just so, back arched, chest thrust forward, she leaned back against him, twirling a curl of his hair around a finger.
“Better?” she smiled sweetly, the smile never coming anywhere near her eyes.
“No.” He brought the wine back to his lips again and smiled. “You’re acting like a whore. Seduce, don’t advertise.”
Her grip on his hair tightened, just a fraction. “I am a whore,”she hissed, with a manic smile.
Astarion caught her chin with the tip of his finger, tilted it playfully to make her look at him. Tutted. “The way you are treated will depend on the way you are perceived, and the way you are perceived depends on the way you present yourself.”
He’d had to learn this lesson and many others some 150 years ago in a brothel. He’d never quite decided whether that had been a blessing or a curse. He supposed it was the difference between being given gradual swimming lessons, or being thrown off a boat in the middle of a deep lake. Regardless, the expectation was that he would swim, and swim he did. The same expectation was now being applied to Dalyria, Cazador’s newest spawn.
“You will be consumed no matter what,” he continued,“but as for whether you are savoured by a gourmand, or chewed up by a glutton - is up to you,” he said.
No, the brothel had been a blessing, he thought. There, he was an actor, a worker, a character. He played a role. Here, in this den full of couples looking to share and be shared, where he had taken Dalyria on seeing her lost and clueless, there was less protection from pretending they were anything but themselves.
“The couple by the bar,” he continued. “They’ve been watching us, with intent. Go talk to them.”
“And say what?!” she hissed, panicked, as Astarion sighed inwardly.
“Invite them to our table for a drink, but don’t linger, let them decide. Ignore the man, talk to the woman. She’ll make the call. Then come back.”
“Fine,” she said, tipping her own glass back for a generous mouthful of wine, for all the good it would do her - vampires weren’t immune to alcohol intoxication, but the intake had to be persistent and ample, else their bodies healed it faster than it could take.
“They look harmless,” he added with another reassuring squeeze of her leg, before sending her off.
Harmless, yes. That’s where he had started. Opting to search for malleable, trusting fools, who held no malice. Innocents with no bad intentions, who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Then, once he hated himself sufficiently, he deliberately began putting himself at risk of harm, picking out those who would hurt and abuse him. And for a while, it was almost satisfying when he could deliver them to Cazador. It almost felt as though he was serving justice. His abuse was vindicated by their deaths. For a while at least, he could feel spiteful.
Then, eventually, he simply stopped caring one way or another. Innocent, thug, vagrant, whore, drunk. Anyone would suffice, as long as he could get his job done and be left alone in peace.
Dalyria would go through that full cycle, too. But she didn’t need to know it, yet. For now, she was still afraid of pain. Hadn’t yet dulled to shame. Still thought that she could avoid it. What a shock this all was for her, he thought. Physician General to the Parliament of Baldur's Gate turned vampire spawn. She was too good for this. Too smart, too educated, too proud, too dignified, too significant, too full of potential.
He had been too, once, he supposed. They had that in common. Among other things. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d shared anything in common with anyone, aside from all that made him despise himself. But Dalyria’s company - it reminded him that he was more than just that. He enjoyed it.
Cazador seemed to enjoy it also. For the past moon, ever since her turning, he had been toying with her. He’d dressed her in rich gowns, had the servants rouge and powder her, tend to her hair. He’d shared wine with her, engaged her in conversations as with an equal. Had even taken her to a masked ball as his companion - though he did take the precaution of compelling her to steer clear of anyone who might recognise her from her past life.
Still, at the end of each night, he deposited her in the spawn dormitory with the rest of her newfound ‘siblings’ - rattled, lost, yet unharmed.
This was the first time Cazador had ever sent Dalyria out to hunt. Why the sudden change - who knew? Perhaps he had grown bored of her already.
Oh, but there she was, returning. Behind her, the couple were exchanging excited murmurs. They better not come to their table empty-handed - Astarion had already spent all the coin he had pickpocketed earlier that night.
“Now what?” Dalyria whispered once she reached him. Poor frightened little thing, she looked like she was about to be ill.
“Just sit back, look pretty, watch and learn. I’ll do the talking.”
Astarion stood rod-straight, feeling a trickle of sweat trail down the small of his back. Cazador was too quiet. Sitting behind his desk, shuffling papers around, as though there was anything of importance in them. Pointedly ignoring him. All calculated gestures aimed to perturb him. Predictable bastard… It worked, though.
“You returned with Dalyria,” Cazador said, finally.
“Yes, Master.”
Agree. Play stupid. Don’t provoke him.
“I send her out so she can earn her keep, and you perform her duties for her.”
“We brought back a couple, one each.”
As soon as the words were out of Astarion’s mouth, he flinched. He knew better than to say anything that came across as an excuse or justification. Talking back was anathema.
“Do you think I cannot count, boy?”
“Of course not, Master, only… Only I fail to see the harm, as long as we each returned with a mark…”
Oh he was really digging himself a hole now.
“Yes, you never cease to exhaust me with your failings…” Cazador accepted Astarion’s meagre offering of self-deprecation. “But this is a new low, even for you. Despicable. Filthy.”
“…Master..?”
“Dufay saw you through the spyhole.” Ah, confirmation that the chamberlain does indeed jerk off behind some hidden eyelet at last… That still did not explain what Cazador had found so disagreeable. “He saw your incestuous perversions. Dalyria is your family, now. Your sister. How could you do something so disgusting?!”
Cazador’s hypocrisy had momentarily rendered Astarion speechless. So it was the family standpoint… All this posturing and pretence of a ‘family’ with Cazador at the helm as a ‘patriarch’ had not prevented Astarion being bent over the very desk Cazador now sat behind, only a few days prior, and countless times before. Was he not their ‘father’ in this caricature of a household..? The audacity of this man to throw stones in this glass house so freely.
Thankfully, Astarion’s stupefaction prevented him from sharing any of his thoughts - so much so that Cazador sought to draw them out himself.
“What have you to say for yourself?”
“I… I’m sorry, Master. I was only trying to… I did not think.”
“You never do.” For some moments, only the staccato of Cazador’s fingernails drumming against his desk filled the silence. “But Dalyria should have known better. Was this her doing? Did she lead you astray? Is that why you have disgraced your family so? Oh my gullible child…”
Traps within traps within traps… What appeared to be a lifeline could turn into a noose at any moment. Though this was no mere lifeline - Cazador was handing him the opportunity to shift the blame.
“No! No, it’s…” It’s what? His fault? His responsibility? One did not take the blame for anyone else’s wrongdoings in this ‘family’ - to do so was to sign a death warrant for both. “It’s shocking how useless and incapable she is, how pitiful,” said Astarion. “It was inevitable that she would fail, and I couldn’t stand the thought of it.”
“You and the other children stab each other’s backs for sport, yet you took pity on her.”
Empathy was weakness, to be exploited and punished. Still, perhaps Astarion could talk his way out of this. That was the trouble with Cazador. He would show lenience, on occasion, if one played his games. Rarely, but often enough that his spawn wouldn’t give up without first debasing themselves trying.
“I merely did not want you to be displeased, Master.”
Astarion had had his eyes trained on the ground at his feet throughout this audience. Usually, this was safe. It didn’t provoke, and it prevented him from having to look at Cazador - a sight that invariably made his stomach turn. Unfortunately, it seemed he would not be afforded such luxury this time. Cazador’s boots intruded on the space Astarion had designated for his eyes. A large, clawed hand tilted his chin upward, forcing Astarion to meet Cazador’s eyes.
These eyes now bore into Astarion, seeking and probing with the expertise for uncovering levers and triggers for pain, humiliation, dismay and hopelessness that could only come from having firsthand experience of having been on the receiving end.
From what Astarion had been able to piece together, Aurelia had known Cazador back when he was still Vellioth’s spawn. He’d also gathered that she had been thoroughly compulsed to prevent her from disclosing anything from that time. The most Astarion had been able to pry out of her was a brief shake of her head when asked ‘Was he always like this?’. This explained a lot about Cazador. It explained a lot about Aurelia, too, for that matter, not that Astarion gave a damn about her.
Regardless, for all of Astarion tribulations, all his manoeuvring, all his mental gymnastics, all his efforts at trying to be clever and say the right thing - within an instant he could tell that Cazador could see right through it. That he understood it all down to a ‘t’. That much was evident from the cold irony in his gaze. And still he made Astarion continue this pointless game.
“You sought to educate her, to prevent my ire.”
“Yes, Master.”
“It is not your place and responsibility to concern yourself with your siblings’ education.”
“I’m sorry, Master, I overstepped.”
“Roads to the Hells are paved with good intentions, my boy,” Cazador sighed. His hand left Astarion’s chin to straighten his collar, pick invisible flecks of dust from his shirt. The attention only made Astarion’s spine stiffen further. “But you are correct in your observations about Dalyria. She is lacking. I have been… negligent. I must now attend to her education personally. It is my burden to bear - educating, guiding and punishing my wayward children.”
Astarion wanted to howl. He knew it was written on his face - he had never been a good actor. Try as he may, he could not hide it from those prying, expectant eyes that were still boring into him. There was nothing, nothing he could do that wouldn’t only make it worse. Was this how Aurelia felt each time he was flayed for her..? He should beg for Dalyria, he knew. Admit his own weakness, but divert from her. Cazador would take pleasure in pushing him. He always did.
“Have you anything else to say, boy?”
Astarion swallowed, hard. Sought to find his voice.
“No, Master.”
A frigid hand rose to pat him on the cheek.
“You tried,” Cazador said with mock pity. “Now send Dalyria to me.”
“Yes, Master.”
Astarion hurried through the manor, searching. Dalyria wasn’t in the dormitory - a small mercy, that he wouldn’t be delivering the news before an audience.
He couldn’t fix it now. He couldn’t be anything but this small, cowardly, selfish, traitorous creature Cazador had always told him he was. Now the only thing that was within his control was preventing anything like this - this weakness - from ever taking hold of him again. He would never put himself in this position again.
At last, he spotted her in the foyer, studying the grim art that ‘decorated’ it. She turned, her face lighting up when she saw him. A bashful smile began to form on her lips, sending an ice spike through Astarion’s heart.
“Cazador’s sent for you,” he said before she could get a word in. “He’s in the study. Go now, without delay.”
“Oh. Alright then.” The naive thing, she expected it to be the same as the times he’d summoned her there for wine and conversation… “…Is something the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?” Should he warn her, or should he pretend ignorance and leave her blissfully oblivious as long as he could? “…Astarion?”
“…Whatever he says, agree with him, tell him you were wrong and that you’ll never do it again. Don’t pretend to be stoic, he’ll only make it worse. Thank him after.”
“Thank-” Dalyria blinked. “What are you talking about? Wrong about what..? Is he angry?”
“Go.”
And still she lingered, waiting for an explanation. This would, perhaps, be the last time she still asked “why?” instead of hopping when told to jump.
How would he look her in the eyes after..? He would have to, would he not?
Just tear the bandage off…
If he was to be the villain, then he would embrace the role.
“And one more thing… I hope you were paying attention yesterday, because you’re on your own from here on. Now do us both a favour and stay the hells away from me!” Please.
“But…” she said.
“But what?!” Astarion hissed.
“But what about… us?” she said, faintly.
“Us? US?!” Astarion exploded in a vitriolic guffaw. “Are you stupid?! There is no ‘us’! Never was, never will be.”
He wished she would shout and abuse him. Lash out at him, tell him he was nothing and no one, that she didn’t need him and couldn’t care less if she never saw or spoke to him again. Instead, he saw her blink back at him, a wounded look in her eyes.
“Of course, brother,” she said, quietly. Perhaps she understood, and all too well, after all.
Unable to look at her any longer, Astarion turned on his heels and fled.
Hours had passed and still she had not returned.
Astarion lay on his bunk pretending to sleep - not that sleep was possible in that racket. Violet was strumming, loudly, trying to figure out chords of a melody that continued to elude her. She played a segment, over and over, building it to a crescendo before inevitably flubbing in some way and starting over. The cacophonous result was positively maddening, and Astarion would swear she did it on purpose, if not for her genuine anger and frustration. Her skills had deteriorated since her turning - she had admitted as much herself. That which used to be effortless now took strenuous exertion. Trouble with songbirds and captivity, Astarion supposed.
To his other side, Petras was recounting a boring, pointless and frankly implausible tale of some pursuit to Yousen - another one of Cazador’s recent acquisitions. It baffled Astarion why Cazador had taken him - he despised gnomes and halflings. Perhaps it pleased him to kick a gnome around. Yousen’s addition to the family did alleviate some of the attention Cazador ordinarily paid Astarion. The gnome now brayed at Petras’s idiotic story. Unsurprising. Yousen was the only one who gave Petras the time of day, and Petras was the only one who didn’t treat Yousen as a footstool. The two had formed something that resembled if not an alliance then at least a truce.
Aurelia alone lay on her bunk, catatonically, without causing any disturbance, as she was wont to do. Though it had been a quiet time, Astarion did not miss the days when it was just the two of them. A viper’s den was more exciting than sharing a tomb with a silent corpse. Aurelia’s melancholy was contagious. Being exposed to it with no counterbalance made the difference between craving murder and craving one’s own death. Astarion knew where his preference lay.
He despised all of them. Dalyria was the first of Cazador’s spawn whom Astarion found even remotely pleasant. Intelligent, thoughtful, tactful, soft and sympathetic Dalyria. She was a timid ray of light in their dank serpentarium. How Cazador will enjoy snuffing that light out… How he is enjoying it right now…
Then a silence fell, pulling Astarion out of his reflections. Petras trailed off mid-sentence, Violet ceased torturing her lute. The very same moment, the scent of blood assaulted his nostrils. It held no allure, some putrid note prevented him from viewing it as food. He didn’t want to know, but he had to. He opened his eyes.
She clung to the wall as she shuffled forward. What little scraps were left of her dress only impeded her movement, threatening to trip her. Her slender back was a ruin of torn flesh, stripped and peeled to the very bone in places. If anything like this had been done to a mortal, they would have long died of shock. But Dalyria was no longer mortal, and so she kept shuffling along the wall, half doubled-over, and shaking with silent sobs. Silent until she had reached the dormitory, at least - perhaps because she had healed sufficiently, perhaps because a dam was breaking loose once more now that she had reached the company of her fellows - but a forlorn wail escaped Dalyria once she was inside.
This is my fault.
The next person to break the silence was Violet. “Oh shut your mouth before I give you more to cry about!” she spat, before returning to her lute, muttering about spoiled brats learning their place.
Yousen and Petras only stared at Dalyria, dumbly. Aurelia showed no reaction at all, barely even glanced at her sister. And as for Astarion, he was frozen with horror and indecision.
This is all my fault.
Should he get up and do something..? Do what? And what would be the point anyway - it wouldn’t change anything. No, it would only make matters worse. None of them ever comforted one another - not since Aurelia had finally learned that the best thing she could do was to simply stay away. That was the best, wasn’t it? Staying away. Or else the others would see, sense weakness, peck them both to death. No, he couldn’t, shouldn’t, must not…
This is all because of me.
Just as Astarion was on the verge of leaping off his bunk (though to do what exactly he had not yet decided), it was Yousen who broke out of his stupor and stepped forward.
“Hush, it’s alright, you can rest now,” he said gently. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” He let Dalyria lean on him and led her away to the washing area.
Fucking gnome.
Astarion closed his eyes again.
The sound of sloshing water, Dalyria’s weeping and Yousen’s murmured nonsense came from behind the partition. On the other side of the room, Violet resumed the abuse of her instrument, now singing along to her strumming: no care or effort to her vocalisations, only volume, drowning out Dalyria’s cries. For once, Astarion was glad of it.
Attuned to minute sounds, Astarion’s ears still picked up another noise - a scurrying by his bed. He opened his eyes again, to see a rat. A rare treat to suddenly present itself. It paused within reach, stood on its hind legs, sniffed the air. He could’ve grabbed it, easily. Instead he only watched it skitter past, to be caught by Petras a few moments later. The cretin whooped, excitedly, eyeing his catch. Then some thought must have crossed the barren wastes of his mind, for he paused instead of sinking his fangs into the rodent. A crease formed between his brows as he contemplated the creature. He turned and walked over to the partition.
“Hey Dal… Dal! Here… It will help you heal a little faster. …But you owe me two, you hear?”
I could’ve done that…
Could’ve. Didn’t.
Some scratching at the back of his mind told Astarion that he was being watched. He looked up to see Aurelia studying him from atop her bunk - she likely had been for some time now. Her face as expressionless as ever, but he had long learned to distinguish different flavours of her melancholy in the 150-some years he had known her. This one was laced with a kind of understanding.
Astarion scowled and turned onto his side to face the wall. Fought the urge to curl into a ball. Lost.
Violet was still singing. Dalyria was still weeping as Yousen continued to pretend any of this could ever be washed away. Petras was using the rags that had been Dalyria’s dress to mop up the blood she had spilled on the floor of the dormitory.
Astarion began to idly claw at his own chest. The strength of a vampire spawn, at least of one that wasn’t starving, far surpassed that of an ordinary mortal. So did their pain tolerance and endurance. Suppose he could break through his own ribcage and tear his own heart out. Might that finally make this terrible ache stop..?
His claws dug in deeper, but the moment he drew a droplet of blood, his fingers refused to pierce any further. He giggled. ‘Thou shalt know that thou art mine.’ Silly, silly thoughts… Of course… What right had he to damage that which belonged to the Master? No, he couldn’t even kill himself if he’d tried.
“So what exactly does it mean, if it’s upside-down?” asked Astarion.
“There’s many ways to interpret this card, and all the others, but… What it comes down to, is missed chances and opportunities. Something that could have been, but never will be.”
Astarion hummed noncommittally. That much was true. He had been very thorough in enacting despise for Dalyria after that night. To do anything else would have been the same as laying his own neck, and hers, on the butcher’s block. Aurelia had pitied him, back when it was just the two of them. She had pleaded and begged on his behalf, and that had made it so much worse… He had known better than to make the same mistake.
“Was it ‘the one that got away’?” Asmodea’s question broke him out of him ruminations again.
“Not exactly,” he said. “…Actually, it wasn’t that at all, it wasn’t anything, really, and couldn’t be, anyway, because… Well...” He sighed. “…Because they died.”
Close enough.
Asmodea nodded and asked no more about it.
~~~~~
Next part coming in a week's time. It will be lighter, I promise!
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Astarion recalls scenes from his past as he receives a tarot reading of his love life.
All roads lead to hell, or: Astarion pulls his fifth card
Pairings: Astarion x several original or known characters
Genre: Angst / Drama / Romance
Rating: Mature
Chapter word count: 4,309
Prologue | The Sun | The Tower | The Moon | The Magician
Series Masterlist | AO3
This work is part of the Fate Spins Along Tarot collection by @bg3-fate-spins-along - please check out the other writers' and artists' works!
Updates weekly
Death
Asmodea hesitated before allowing Astarion to draw the next card.
“We don’t really have to keep going if you don’t want to, you know,” she said.
“What? Weren’t you just boasting about how flawless your readings were? Why stop now?”
She bit her lip before answering. “This was supposed to be fun, but you’ve been growing more solemn with each one. And we’re getting closer and closer to the present with each one, making it hit closer and closer to home, and… are you sure you want to have those memories stirred..?”
It did feel somewhat like self-flagellation. Each turned card had been an old wound. And yet… And yet Astarion felt like it needed to be done. So much has been taken from him. But these memories were his, even if it pained him to unearth and acknowledge them, and he wanted them back.
“Yes, I’m sure.” He reached for the next card.
He knew what was coming. Each card thus far had signified a momentary lapse in judgment, a weakness, a vulnerability. Much as he had tried to steel himself after Taliesin, he’d slipped and failed again some decades later, and this failing - he still remembered. He didn’t even bother to look as he turned the card. Instead, he watched Asmodea’s face.
Asmodea looked troubled.
“Well?” he said, after a silence held a tad too long. “What’s the verdict?”
“Death,” she said, as Astarion finally deigned to look down at the card which depicted a skeleton and a scythe, “is actually a positive card. Its meaning is often misunderstood, but at its core, it is pure, indestructible, indiscriminate. It doesn’t signify an end, but a new beginning. A future full of possibilities. Transformation. The shedding of the old, to allow for rebirth and renewal.”
“Oh,” Astarion said, surprised. “Well that’s… that’s wonderful, isn’t it?” Perhaps he had overestimated his sentiment, and it was all nothing after all. “Maybe it’s my future.” Maybe there was hope. He looked at Asmodea, but she was shaking her head, looking at him sadly. “Well why the hells not - you just said it has a positive meaning!”
“Because you placed it upside down.”
His fingertips traced reassuring circles on the skin of her bare thigh.
The slit of the skirt had ridden up too high, again, and he’d had to fix it. Taking a sip of his wine, he lightly nuzzled the shell of her ear with the tip of his nose, before bring his lips to it, the perfect image of a sensuous lover lazily whispering sweet nothings to his belle.
“For hells’ sake, stop squirming - you want to leave something to the imagination.”
“My leg’s fallen asleep,” she whispered back.
“No, it hasn’t.” Catching an annoyed look, he leaned back and laughed, as though she’d said something funny, before returning to murmur secretively in her ear. “Your blood doesn’t circulate. No circulation - no limbs falling asleep - no pins and needles - no excuses for any discomfort. You, of all people should know this.”
Dalyria clicked her tongue, quietly, but resumed her position on Astarion’s lap. Scandalously-cut dress draped over her legs, just so, back arched, chest thrust forward, she leaned back against him, twirling a curl of his hair around a finger.
“Better?” she smiled sweetly, the smile never coming anywhere near her eyes.
“No.” He brought the wine back to his lips again and smiled. “You’re acting like a whore. Seduce, don’t advertise.”
Her grip on his hair tightened, just a fraction. “I am a whore,”she hissed, with a manic smile.
Astarion caught her chin with the tip of his finger, tilted it playfully to make her look at him. Tutted. “The way you are treated will depend on the way you are perceived, and the way you are perceived depends on the way you present yourself.”
He’d had to learn this lesson and many others some 150 years ago in a brothel. He’d never quite decided whether that had been a blessing or a curse. He supposed it was the difference between being given gradual swimming lessons, or being thrown off a boat in the middle of a deep lake. Regardless, the expectation was that he would swim, and swim he did. The same expectation was now being applied to Dalyria, Cazador’s newest spawn.
“You will be consumed no matter what,” he continued,“but as for whether you are savoured by a gourmand, or chewed up by a glutton - is up to you,” he said.
No, the brothel had been a blessing, he thought. There, he was an actor, a worker, a character. He played a role. Here, in this den full of couples looking to share and be shared, where he had taken Dalyria on seeing her lost and clueless, there was less protection from pretending they were anything but themselves.
“The couple by the bar,” he continued. “They’ve been watching us, with intent. Go talk to them.”
“And say what?!” she hissed, panicked, as Astarion sighed inwardly.
“Invite them to our table for a drink, but don’t linger, let them decide. Ignore the man, talk to the woman. She’ll make the call. Then come back.”
“Fine,” she said, tipping her own glass back for a generous mouthful of wine, for all the good it would do her - vampires weren’t immune to alcohol intoxication, but the intake had to be persistent and ample, else their bodies healed it faster than it could take.
“They look harmless,” he added with another reassuring squeeze of her leg, before sending her off.
Harmless, yes. That’s where he had started. Opting to search for malleable, trusting fools, who held no malice. Innocents with no bad intentions, who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Then, once he hated himself sufficiently, he deliberately began putting himself at risk of harm, picking out those who would hurt and abuse him. And for a while, it was almost satisfying when he could deliver them to Cazador. It almost felt as though he was serving justice. His abuse was vindicated by their deaths. For a while at least, he could feel spiteful.
Then, eventually, he simply stopped caring one way or another. Innocent, thug, vagrant, whore, drunk. Anyone would suffice, as long as he could get his job done and be left alone in peace.
Dalyria would go through that full cycle, too. But she didn’t need to know it, yet. For now, she was still afraid of pain. Hadn’t yet dulled to shame. Still thought that she could avoid it. What a shock this all was for her, he thought. Physician General to the Parliament of Baldur's Gate turned vampire spawn. She was too good for this. Too smart, too educated, too proud, too dignified, too significant, too full of potential.
He had been too, once, he supposed. They had that in common. Among other things. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d shared anything in common with anyone, aside from all that made him despise himself. But Dalyria’s company - it reminded him that he was more than just that. He enjoyed it.
Cazador seemed to enjoy it also. For the past moon, ever since her turning, he had been toying with her. He’d dressed her in rich gowns, had the servants rouge and powder her, tend to her hair. He’d shared wine with her, engaged her in conversations as with an equal. Had even taken her to a masked ball as his companion - though he did take the precaution of compelling her to steer clear of anyone who might recognise her from her past life.
Still, at the end of each night, he deposited her in the spawn dormitory with the rest of her newfound ‘siblings’ - rattled, lost, yet unharmed.
This was the first time Cazador had ever sent Dalyria out to hunt. Why the sudden change - who knew? Perhaps he had grown bored of her already.
Oh, but there she was, returning. Behind her, the couple were exchanging excited murmurs. They better not come to their table empty-handed - Astarion had already spent all the coin he had pickpocketed earlier that night.
“Now what?” Dalyria whispered once she reached him. Poor frightened little thing, she looked like she was about to be ill.
“Just sit back, look pretty, watch and learn. I’ll do the talking.”
Astarion stood rod-straight, feeling a trickle of sweat trail down the small of his back. Cazador was too quiet. Sitting behind his desk, shuffling papers around, as though there was anything of importance in them. Pointedly ignoring him. All calculated gestures aimed to perturb him. Predictable bastard… It worked, though.
“You returned with Dalyria,” Cazador said, finally.
“Yes, Master.”
Agree. Play stupid. Don’t provoke him.
“I send her out so she can earn her keep, and you perform her duties for her.”
“We brought back a couple, one each.”
As soon as the words were out of Astarion’s mouth, he flinched. He knew better than to say anything that came across as an excuse or justification. Talking back was anathema.
“Do you think I cannot count, boy?”
“Of course not, Master, only… Only I fail to see the harm, as long as we each returned with a mark…”
Oh he was really digging himself a hole now.
“Yes, you never cease to exhaust me with your failings…” Cazador accepted Astarion’s meagre offering of self-deprecation. “But this is a new low, even for you. Despicable. Filthy.”
“…Master..?”
“Dufay saw you through the spyhole.” Ah, confirmation that the chamberlain does indeed jerk off behind some hidden eyelet at last… That still did not explain what Cazador had found so disagreeable. “He saw your incestuous perversions. Dalyria is your family, now. Your sister. How could you do something so disgusting?!”
Cazador’s hypocrisy had momentarily rendered Astarion speechless. So it was the family standpoint… All this posturing and pretence of a ‘family’ with Cazador at the helm as a ‘patriarch’ had not prevented Astarion being bent over the very desk Cazador now sat behind, only a few days prior, and countless times before. Was he not their ‘father’ in this caricature of a household..? The audacity of this man to throw stones in this glass house so freely.
Thankfully, Astarion’s stupefaction prevented him from sharing any of his thoughts - so much so that Cazador sought to draw them out himself.
“What have you to say for yourself?”
“I… I’m sorry, Master. I was only trying to… I did not think.”
“You never do.” For some moments, only the staccato of Cazador’s fingernails drumming against his desk filled the silence. “But Dalyria should have known better. Was this her doing? Did she lead you astray? Is that why you have disgraced your family so? Oh my gullible child…”
Traps within traps within traps… What appeared to be a lifeline could turn into a noose at any moment. Though this was no mere lifeline - Cazador was handing him the opportunity to shift the blame.
“No! No, it’s…” It’s what? His fault? His responsibility? One did not take the blame for anyone else’s wrongdoings in this ‘family’ - to do so was to sign a death warrant for both. “It’s shocking how useless and incapable she is, how pitiful,” said Astarion. “It was inevitable that she would fail, and I couldn’t stand the thought of it.”
“You and the other children stab each other’s backs for sport, yet you took pity on her.”
Empathy was weakness, to be exploited and punished. Still, perhaps Astarion could talk his way out of this. That was the trouble with Cazador. He would show lenience, on occasion, if one played his games. Rarely, but often enough that his spawn wouldn’t give up without first debasing themselves trying.
“I merely did not want you to be displeased, Master.”
Astarion had had his eyes trained on the ground at his feet throughout this audience. Usually, this was safe. It didn’t provoke, and it prevented him from having to look at Cazador - a sight that invariably made his stomach turn. Unfortunately, it seemed he would not be afforded such luxury this time. Cazador’s boots intruded on the space Astarion had designated for his eyes. A large, clawed hand tilted his chin upward, forcing Astarion to meet Cazador’s eyes.
These eyes now bore into Astarion, seeking and probing with the expertise for uncovering levers and triggers for pain, humiliation, dismay and hopelessness that could only come from having firsthand experience of having been on the receiving end.
From what Astarion had been able to piece together, Aurelia had known Cazador back when he was still Vellioth’s spawn. He’d also gathered that she had been thoroughly compulsed to prevent her from disclosing anything from that time. The most Astarion had been able to pry out of her was a brief shake of her head when asked ‘Was he always like this?’. This explained a lot about Cazador. It explained a lot about Aurelia, too, for that matter, not that Astarion gave a damn about her.
Regardless, for all of Astarion tribulations, all his manoeuvring, all his mental gymnastics, all his efforts at trying to be clever and say the right thing - within an instant he could tell that Cazador could see right through it. That he understood it all down to a ‘t’. That much was evident from the cold irony in his gaze. And still he made Astarion continue this pointless game.
“You sought to educate her, to prevent my ire.”
“Yes, Master.”
“It is not your place and responsibility to concern yourself with your siblings’ education.”
“I’m sorry, Master, I overstepped.”
“Roads to the Hells are paved with good intentions, my boy,” Cazador sighed. His hand left Astarion’s chin to straighten his collar, pick invisible flecks of dust from his shirt. The attention only made Astarion’s spine stiffen further. “But you are correct in your observations about Dalyria. She is lacking. I have been… negligent. I must now attend to her education personally. It is my burden to bear - educating, guiding and punishing my wayward children.”
Astarion wanted to howl. He knew it was written on his face - he had never been a good actor. Try as he may, he could not hide it from those prying, expectant eyes that were still boring into him. There was nothing, nothing he could do that wouldn’t only make it worse. Was this how Aurelia felt each time he was flayed for her..? He should beg for Dalyria, he knew. Admit his own weakness, but divert from her. Cazador would take pleasure in pushing him. He always did.
“Have you anything else to say, boy?”
Astarion swallowed, hard. Sought to find his voice.
“No, Master.”
A frigid hand rose to pat him on the cheek.
“You tried,” Cazador said with mock pity. “Now send Dalyria to me.”
“Yes, Master.”
Astarion hurried through the manor, searching. Dalyria wasn’t in the dormitory - a small mercy, that he wouldn’t be delivering the news before an audience.
He couldn’t fix it now. He couldn’t be anything but this small, cowardly, selfish, traitorous creature Cazador had always told him he was. Now the only thing that was within his control was preventing anything like this - this weakness - from ever taking hold of him again. He would never put himself in this position again.
At last, he spotted her in the foyer, studying the grim art that ‘decorated’ it. She turned, her face lighting up when she saw him. A bashful smile began to form on her lips, sending an ice spike through Astarion’s heart.
“Cazador’s sent for you,” he said before she could get a word in. “He’s in the study. Go now, without delay.”
“Oh. Alright then.” The naive thing, she expected it to be the same as the times he’d summoned her there for wine and conversation… “…Is something the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?” Should he warn her, or should he pretend ignorance and leave her blissfully oblivious as long as he could? “…Astarion?”
“…Whatever he says, agree with him, tell him you were wrong and that you’ll never do it again. Don’t pretend to be stoic, he’ll only make it worse. Thank him after.”
“Thank-” Dalyria blinked. “What are you talking about? Wrong about what..? Is he angry?”
“Go.”
And still she lingered, waiting for an explanation. This would, perhaps, be the last time she still asked “why?” instead of hopping when told to jump.
How would he look her in the eyes after..? He would have to, would he not?
Just tear the bandage off…
If he was to be the villain, then he would embrace the role.
“And one more thing… I hope you were paying attention yesterday, because you’re on your own from here on. Now do us both a favour and stay the hells away from me!” Please.
“But…” she said.
“But what?!” Astarion hissed.
“But what about… us?” she said, faintly.
“Us? US?!” Astarion exploded in a vitriolic guffaw. “Are you stupid?! There is no ‘us’! Never was, never will be.”
He wished she would shout and abuse him. Lash out at him, tell him he was nothing and no one, that she didn’t need him and couldn’t care less if she never saw or spoke to him again. Instead, he saw her blink back at him, a wounded look in her eyes.
“Of course, brother,” she said, quietly. Perhaps she understood, and all too well, after all.
Unable to look at her any longer, Astarion turned on his heels and fled.
Hours had passed and still she had not returned.
Astarion lay on his bunk pretending to sleep - not that sleep was possible in that racket. Violet was strumming, loudly, trying to figure out chords of a melody that continued to elude her. She played a segment, over and over, building it to a crescendo before inevitably flubbing in some way and starting over. The cacophonous result was positively maddening, and Astarion would swear she did it on purpose, if not for her genuine anger and frustration. Her skills had deteriorated since her turning - she had admitted as much herself. That which used to be effortless now took strenuous exertion. Trouble with songbirds and captivity, Astarion supposed.
To his other side, Petras was recounting a boring, pointless and frankly implausible tale of some pursuit to Yousen - another one of Cazador’s recent acquisitions. It baffled Astarion why Cazador had taken him - he despised gnomes and halflings. Perhaps it pleased him to kick a gnome around. Yousen’s addition to the family did alleviate some of the attention Cazador ordinarily paid Astarion. The gnome now brayed at Petras’s idiotic story. Unsurprising. Yousen was the only one who gave Petras the time of day, and Petras was the only one who didn’t treat Yousen as a footstool. The two had formed something that resembled if not an alliance then at least a truce.
Aurelia alone lay on her bunk, catatonically, without causing any disturbance, as she was wont to do. Though it had been a quiet time, Astarion did not miss the days when it was just the two of them. A viper’s den was more exciting than sharing a tomb with a silent corpse. Aurelia’s melancholy was contagious. Being exposed to it with no counterbalance made the difference between craving murder and craving one’s own death. Astarion knew where his preference lay.
He despised all of them. Dalyria was the first of Cazador’s spawn whom Astarion found even remotely pleasant. Intelligent, thoughtful, tactful, soft and sympathetic Dalyria. She was a timid ray of light in their dank serpentarium. How Cazador will enjoy snuffing that light out… How he is enjoying it right now…
Then a silence fell, pulling Astarion out of his reflections. Petras trailed off mid-sentence, Violet ceased torturing her lute. The very same moment, the scent of blood assaulted his nostrils. It held no allure, some putrid note prevented him from viewing it as food. He didn’t want to know, but he had to. He opened his eyes.
She clung to the wall as she shuffled forward. What little scraps were left of her dress only impeded her movement, threatening to trip her. Her slender back was a ruin of torn flesh, stripped and peeled to the very bone in places. If anything like this had been done to a mortal, they would have long died of shock. But Dalyria was no longer mortal, and so she kept shuffling along the wall, half doubled-over, and shaking with silent sobs. Silent until she had reached the dormitory, at least - perhaps because she had healed sufficiently, perhaps because a dam was breaking loose once more now that she had reached the company of her fellows - but a forlorn wail escaped Dalyria once she was inside.
This is my fault.
The next person to break the silence was Violet. “Oh shut your mouth before I give you more to cry about!” she spat, before returning to her lute, muttering about spoiled brats learning their place.
Yousen and Petras only stared at Dalyria, dumbly. Aurelia showed no reaction at all, barely even glanced at her sister. And as for Astarion, he was frozen with horror and indecision.
This is all my fault.
Should he get up and do something..? Do what? And what would be the point anyway - it wouldn’t change anything. No, it would only make matters worse. None of them ever comforted one another - not since Aurelia had finally learned that the best thing she could do was to simply stay away. That was the best, wasn’t it? Staying away. Or else the others would see, sense weakness, peck them both to death. No, he couldn’t, shouldn’t, must not…
This is all because of me.
Just as Astarion was on the verge of leaping off his bunk (though to do what exactly he had not yet decided), it was Yousen who broke out of his stupor and stepped forward.
“Hush, it’s alright, you can rest now,” he said gently. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” He let Dalyria lean on him and led her away to the washing area.
Fucking gnome.
Astarion closed his eyes again.
The sound of sloshing water, Dalyria’s weeping and Yousen’s murmured nonsense came from behind the partition. On the other side of the room, Violet resumed the abuse of her instrument, now singing along to her strumming: no care or effort to her vocalisations, only volume, drowning out Dalyria’s cries. For once, Astarion was glad of it.
Attuned to minute sounds, Astarion’s ears still picked up another noise - a scurrying by his bed. He opened his eyes again, to see a rat. A rare treat to suddenly present itself. It paused within reach, stood on its hind legs, sniffed the air. He could’ve grabbed it, easily. Instead he only watched it skitter past, to be caught by Petras a few moments later. The cretin whooped, excitedly, eyeing his catch. Then some thought must have crossed the barren wastes of his mind, for he paused instead of sinking his fangs into the rodent. A crease formed between his brows as he contemplated the creature. He turned and walked over to the partition.
“Hey Dal… Dal! Here… It will help you heal a little faster. …But you owe me two, you hear?”
I could’ve done that…
Could’ve. Didn’t.
Some scratching at the back of his mind told Astarion that he was being watched. He looked up to see Aurelia studying him from atop her bunk - she likely had been for some time now. Her face as expressionless as ever, but he had long learned to distinguish different flavours of her melancholy in the 150-some years he had known her. This one was laced with a kind of understanding.
Astarion scowled and turned onto his side to face the wall. Fought the urge to curl into a ball. Lost.
Violet was still singing. Dalyria was still weeping as Yousen continued to pretend any of this could ever be washed away. Petras was using the rags that had been Dalyria’s dress to mop up the blood she had spilled on the floor of the dormitory.
Astarion began to idly claw at his own chest. The strength of a vampire spawn, at least of one that wasn’t starving, far surpassed that of an ordinary mortal. So did their pain tolerance and endurance. Suppose he could break through his own ribcage and tear his own heart out. Might that finally make this terrible ache stop..?
His claws dug in deeper, but the moment he drew a droplet of blood, his fingers refused to pierce any further. He giggled. ‘Thou shalt know that thou art mine.’ Silly, silly thoughts… Of course… What right had he to damage that which belonged to the Master? No, he couldn’t even kill himself if he’d tried.
“So what exactly does it mean, if it’s upside-down?” asked Astarion.
“There’s many ways to interpret this card, and all the others, but… What it comes down to, is missed chances and opportunities. Something that could have been, but never will be.”
Astarion hummed noncommittally. That much was true. He had been very thorough in enacting despise for Dalyria after that night. To do anything else would have been the same as laying his own neck, and hers, on the butcher’s block. Aurelia had pitied him, back when it was just the two of them. She had pleaded and begged on his behalf, and that had made it so much worse… He had known better than to make the same mistake.
“Was it ‘the one that got away’?” Asmodea’s question broke him out of him ruminations again.
“Not exactly,” he said. “…Actually, it wasn’t that at all, it wasn’t anything, really, and couldn’t be, anyway, because… Well...” He sighed. “…Because they died.”
Close enough.
Asmodea nodded and asked no more about it.
~~~~~
Next part coming in a week's time. It will be lighter, I promise!
Thank you for reading! If you liked it, you can find more of my writing here. Leave a comment and you'll make my day. ❤
Astarion recalls scenes from his past as he receives a tarot reading of his love life. He draws the fourth card.
Fucking around and finding out - a cautionary tale.
Pairings: Astarion x several original or known characters
Genre: Angst / Drama / Romance
Rating: Mature
Chapter word count: 3,011
Prologue | The Sun | The Tower | The Moon
Series Masterlist | AO3
This work is part of the Fate Spins Along Tarot collection by @bg3-fate-spins-along - please check out the other writers' and artists' works!
Updates weekly
The Magician
“Oh don’t look so smug,” said Astarion, after throwing a glance at Asmodea. “So there were three vague coincidences that happened to jog my memory. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“There will be four more ‘coincidences’ before the end of the night,” smirked Asmodea. “Deny it all you want - you’re still here, and you’re as curious as I am. So go ahead, pull the next one.”
Astarion reached and turned over another card. Sighed. Looked up to meet Asmodea’s eyes, as she fought desperately to keep a straight face.
“I am not in love with Gale,” he said.
She snorted and burst into laughter at last. “Pity. And are you sure? A sensuous vampire and a virgin wizard - what a romance that could be!”
“Virgin?” Astarion gasped, bringing a hand up to clutch non-existent pearls. “The man beds goddesses! Haven’t you heard?”
“Please,” Asmodea rolled her eyes. “But my, the two of you… Why it could inspire a thousand minstrels. A mountain of half-penny romances! One could write an entire series. What would we call it, hmm… Evocation and penetration. A mage hand and a vampiric touch. Fangs and fireballs.” Astarion groaned as she went on. “No, no you’re right, that’s too long… It needs a short and snappy name. Spell… blood? No. Blood… weave?”
“Are you done?”
“Power Word: Suck. …Alright, now I’m done.”
Astarion shook his head, refusing to give her any satisfaction. “You’ve had a half-decent run, but this card is a complete flop. I can assure you, I do not have any wizards in my past. …Perhaps if I did, I wouldn’t be in this mess,” he muttered.
“Jokes aside, this card isn’t literal either. The Magician, it’s ah… How can I explain it… It signifies the connection between the mortal and the eternal and divine.”
“So a priest..?” Astarion lifted a brow. “Not a single one of those, either. Most of them aren’t too fond of the undead, as you can imagine.”
“No, no, it’s actually more about… Art. It’s about the infinite possibilities of creation, it’s about taking potential and moulding it into reality. And using these creations to elevate the mundane, or make the sacrosanct more accessible. It’s about being a conduit between the two.”
Now Asmodea seemed to be the one with a wistful look in her eyes, Astarion thought. Unrealised potential..? Envy?
“Darling, you’re rambling… And now it just sounds like some charlatan guru that brings ‘enlightenment’ to the bovine masses.”
“I suppose it can be,” she said, “but it’s more about inspiration, not imposing one’s own will. …Does anyone come to mind? Someone full of energy and charisma? Someone who inspired? Think of someone with a big personality. Someone people flocked to. Someone who ignited passion, motivated, stirred strong emotions?”
Astarion scowled, sipping his wine.
He hated that idiot bard.
He hated everything about him. It was as though this lean, thin, fair, short little freckled, rosy-cheeked elven pipsqueak had been created by the gods for the sole purpose of vexing Astarion. From the way he was dressed: some might call it fashionable, but to Astarion it was gaudy - all those ruffles and pointy boots; to the way he moved, throwing his too-long mane of hair around as he played his violin. What kind of a colour was that for hair, anyway? Tarnished silver..? Astarion pulled on a lock of his own cropped hair, bringing it where he could see it with his own eyes - now that was a good, pure silver. Astarion turned his attention back to the bard, where he performed at the other end of the tavern. The way he strutted around reminded him of a booted bantam rooster. Astarion blinked at the thought, wondering how in the hells he knew what a bantam rooster was to begin with, and a booted one, no less - he had certainly never seen one. But never mind that. He hated roosters, too, harbingers of the dawn as they were. He hated all of it. Hated the dulcet chimes of the bard’s voice - no, no, that was a lie, the voice was quite pleasant, Astarion wasn’t above giving credit where it was due - but it was the only thing pleasant about this buffoon.
Taliesin Straeth. That was his name. The bard did not advertise being an heir of the Straeth house - filthy, disgustingly rich, tremendously wealthy merchants - Astarion had found all that out on his own. But no matter - the fact was, he had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Never had to work a day of his life. Any trouble he’d ever run into - a brief line to mommy and daddy, and at a snap of their fingers, all doors would be opened, all charges would be dropped, and all problems would go away.
Astarion despised him. But, as the dolt drew enormous, adoring crowds everywhere he went, Astarion followed Taliesin as he toured through the Lower City. Over the past month, he had hardly missed a night of trailing the bard, relishing and stewing in how much he detested him every step along the way. He had learned most of the bard’s songs by heart by then - against his will, of course. Even during the precious few hours that Astarion had to himself to rest, Taliesin continued to plague him, the melodies playing in his mind. He could not sleep, could not rest, without the bard riling him from somewhere in the back of his mind. And Astarion hated it.
It was yet another night in yet another tavern, with yet another giggling young woman whose name and face he had long forgotten on his arm, when matters which were already drab suddenly turned completely sour. Taliesin had already finished playing and Astarion was itching to lead his mark away to her doom, when the table Astarion had shared with a crop of other young, drunk, rowdy but malleable men and women he had ingratiated himself with, was joined by Cazador’s most recent addition to their little ‘family’.
Petras too seemed to exist purely to antagonise Astarion.
Like the generations of sycophantic maids and stewards who served Cazador of their own free wills for years before inevitably disappearing to be replaced with new fools - Petras had appealed to Cazador, asking to be turned. As for why Cazador actually granted the idiot his wish - it was completely beyond Astarion. Petras wasn’t particularly attractive, wasn’t charming, wasn’t remotely intelligent nor educated. He was, if anything, perfectly dull and average. And he was human. Perhaps that was the ‘why’ - the lowest common denominator could more easily wedge itself into more crowds, remain perceived as harmless and unassuming. The potential marks that shied away from Astarion, sensed some kind of deception from a too handsome, too cultured, too refined elf, took no such issue with Petras - he was, after all, just like them.
Petras hadn’t been a vampire for long, and still believed that if he was good and diligent, did his best to bring victims back every night - Cazador would reward him by granting him freedom. As though anyone would release a hen that laid golden eggs. Not that Petras laid any eggs, golden or otherwise. Astarion scoffed at himself, mentally - why was he still on the poultry trail of thought..? No matter. Petras was a fool, and not only was he a fool, but his failings were somehow Astarion’s failings according to Cazador, which meant that he had to endure and supervisethe nitwit, while all he wanted to do was throw him under a proverbial (and literal) horse-carriage.
“Astarion!” Petras beamed, sliding along the bench until he was next to Astarion, somehow mistaking his scowl for a smile of encouragement. “You will not believe who I’ve talked into joining us! The Master will be so pleased.”
Despite himself, Astarion was curious. Cazador was many awful, reprehensible things, but surprisingly ‘picky’ was not one of them. He hardly had any preferences. He only abhorred gnomes and halflings, but Astarion supposed that made sense - why should anyone be pleased with an appetiser-sized meal for a main course?
“Do tell,” he said.
Petras leaned in conspiratorially. “That minstrel,” he whispered, grinning “the one with the grey hair and the violin. I told him I could give him a tour of the manor, and he was interested. He’s just sorting his business with the tavernkeeper, and then he’ll head here.”
Astarion’s innards had turned to ice.
“Are you out of your godsdamned mind?!” he hissed. “You can’t take him!”
“What?” the surprise on Petras’s face quickly turned to indignation. “I can and I am. You’re just envious you couldn’t get him yourself and I will be the one to take him to the Master.” That remark had been enough to swiftly turn Astarion’s initial shock into white hot fury. Meanwhile, Petras had turned away from Astarion and raised a hand in a wave. “Tali! Over here!”
Before he could think, and before Petras could rise, Astarion’s dagger was out of its concealed sheath in his sleeve, and had pierced cleanly through Petras’s other hand, nailing it to the bench between them, out of anyone’s sight. Remarkably, Petras had the sensibility to only yelp quietly and grit his teeth, instead of screaming and drawing attention, as Astarion leaned in to hiss in his ear.
“Bards are off-limits, your cretin,” he ground through his teeth. “They are too high profile, too noticeable when they’re gone, especially this bard!”
“But Violet-” Petras whined.
“Violet was from another city, and was chosen by the Master himself, and still she is a risk. Why do you think he has me paint her like a doll each time he lets her out? She cannot be recognised.”
“But-”
“I said no bards, you incorrigible fuckwit!” Astarion spat, driving the dagger harder into Petras’s hand.
“Corellon wept!” chimed a too-familiar voice. “Have I intruded on a lovers’ quarrel?”
And suddenly there he was, across the table - so close, Astarion could smell him. Cedarwood, rose, black pepper. It had to have been custom-mixed, like Astarion’s own perfume oil, certainly not something produced and sold en masse by the local apothecaries.
Astarion’s blade disappeared back up his sleeve. Throat suddenly dry, he ignored the bard, instead whispering to Petras. “Get rid of him.”
“You get rid of him,” Petras whispered back, sullenly, rubbing his stabbed hand as it healed.
Useless… Well then…
Throwing Taliesin his best look of derisive contempt, Astarion turned back to Petras, speaking loudly this time.
“Did you invite the jester?”
Petras only gawped open-mouthed like a fish out of water in response, but that was all that was required of him. Taliesin, however, had taken the bait.
“Jester?!” he repeated with incredulity.
“Yes, jester,” Astarion pressed on, turning back to face the bard. His eyes, he now saw, were a most unlikely, unique shade of not-quite-pink. It reminded him of something. Rose quartz..? No, that wasn’t it. …I’ve seen a dawn that colour, he realised. “Jester, harlequin, fool, if you will. An inconsequential funny little lout that prances and makes funny little noises for the entertainment of his betters. That is what you are, is it not?”
Taliesin rose back to his feet, a storm brewing in those not-pink eyes that had been warm and smiling a mere moment ago.
“That is most certainly not what I am,” he said, looking down his nose at Astarion, a slight quiver in his voice betraying the hauteur he had suddenly assumed. “And you’ve some nerve speaking to me about my ‘betters’ - for you are assuredly not one of them.” Astarion had expected the bard to huff, turn on his heels and storm off then, and yet he was still there, glaring. In fact he had leaned over the table, placing his hands on it, so that he seemed to loom over Astarion, and continued. “Oh yes, I know exactly what you are.”
A rapidly growing sense of unease began to constrict Astarion’s chest. What did he mean? Why was he still there? Why didn’t he simply leave? What did he know?
“Yes, I remember you! Every night, I see you,” the bard continued. “Every night, you leave with a new person. Now I’m not one to judge how a man earns his bread, but the company you keep! Nothing and no one is below you, is it?” Heads turned as Taliesin continued his tirade. “And every night, I think to myself - what needs to happen to an elf, for him to fall so low, be that cheap? You know, a few times, I thought I’d go over and give you some coin myself - not for your services, I’ve no need to pay for that - but just so you could buy yourself a hot meal - but every time, by then you’re already gone with some scurvied sailor!” Astarion was frozen in place, transfixed by those malicious, not-pink eyes. Laughs began to sound from the crowd around them. “But then I realised: why even if I were to pay him, it would all go straight to fuelling his addictions. That is why you’re so desperate, no? What are you on, anyway..? Look at you - all pale and haggard. Is it blue sand? Deluge? Sharpsugar? Something worse? No? Or…” Taliesin brought a hand up to his mouth, theatrically. To Astarion’s ears, the crowd’s rumble turned into a maddening buzz, accentuated with Petras’s high-pitched guffaws as the asshole tried to blend in. “Oh gods, you’re not consumptive, are you? You are, aren’t you? You ought to be isolated, before you infect everyone around you!” The laughter around him had turned to worried murmurs. The girl that had been seated to Astarion’s other side shrank away from him, as did everyone else around him. Suddenly finding himself in an open bubble, he still felt like a caged, cornered beast, and yet was completely paralysed, a sheen of cold sweat dampening his skin. The damned bard looked triumphant, no doubt readying his killing blow, when something changed in his expression. Spite turned to suspicion. He tilted his head, slightly, frowning. “What’s wrong with your eyes..?” he asked, more seriously now.
That finally broke Astarion out of his stupor. His every instinct screamed at him to leap over the table and rip out the bard’s throat. Instead, he jumped to his feet, kicked Petras off the bench to get past him, and stormed out of the tavern, swearing and shoving at the simpletons who jeered at him as he passed, clutching to what little shreds of dignity he still possessed.
He stumbled out of the tavern, gasping for cold night air. Thankfully, no one followed.
Once his panic had subsided and was replaced by a simmering rage, he continued to lurk in the shadows for some hours. He couldn’t leave until he was sure Petras had kept his word and did not take the idiot bard back to Cazador.
He never heard Taliesin play again, though over the years he’d heard and recognised countless renditions of his songs performed by other bards. Even a century later, they still sang those songs, as though to spite and torture Astarion, though none of them could hold a candle to the original.
Cedarwood, rose, black pepper. Astarion had caught a whiff of it once, since. He immediately turned and walked in the opposite direction.
Words could not describe how much he hated that bard.
“Ah! I see that struck a nerve,” exclaimed Asmodea. “Let me guess… Now I don’t think it was a writer or a painter, that’s too subdued. A dancer - maybe. Or perhaps an actor, or a singer..? Or perhaps someone who was a bit of everything. …Aha, it was a bard, wasn’t it?”
Astarion clicked his tongue. “I can think of a bard that elicited some strong emotions, but those emotions were the very opposite of love.”
“Love and hatred are two sides of the same coin,” shrugged Asmodea. She looked up at him and smiled. “Oh don’t look so sour - there’s no shame in getting enticed by a bard. A good bard, at least, a true master of their craft. Everyone should fall for one at some point in their lives, else it’s hardly a life worth living.”
“What makes you say that..?” Astarion asked.
“Because they’re equally inaccessible for everyone. That renders the desire to possess futile. And if you can accept that, that leaves you with an unadulterated appreciation that you can share with others. No competition, no ulterior motives. Only pure love and joy that moves your heart in tandem with many others’.”
“You’re getting awfully philosophical on me, darling.”
Asmodea waved her hand in a dismissive motion, first looking away sheepishly. “So who was it, anyone I would know?”
“Oh, I doubt it… No one of consequence.” Perhaps, one day, he might spin the story of the famed Taliesin Straeth ousting Astarion for being a cheap whore in return for having his life spared into a humorous tale. But that day had not yet come.
“So do you believe in the reading yet?” Asmodea’s question interrupted his thoughts.
Astarion winced. The first card might have been an accident, the second a coincidence, the third - a fluke. But he wasn’t fool enough to insist that the fourth was anything short of a pattern. Three more remained… This was not a comforting thought.
“Yes,” he conceded. “I don’t know how you’re doing it, but you are. …But returning to bards, I’ve lost count of the nights we’ve spent on the road, and not once have you tried to strum ‘Golden Lyre’. I thought all bards took a vow to subject those around them to it at least once daily. Do you not know it?”
Asmodea snorted. “What, that trite, cliche rubbish? Of course I know it, everyone knows it. I make a point of not playing it.”
Astarion sighed with relief. Small mercies…
“Why, do you want to hear it?” Asmodea asked.
“Gods no… I’ve been subjected to hearing it every night for the past century. It’s nice to finally have some peace.”
~~~~~
Psst, behold, the wonderful Taliesin by @snowfolly. How could Astarion not be smitten?
Taliesin belongs to my multi-talented friend @snowfolly. Check out more of Tali's story (as well as Snowy's incredible art!) here, on AO3 or bsky. Thank you for letting me borrow him!
~~~~~
Next part coming in a week's time.
Thank you for reading! If you liked it, you can find more of my writing here. Leave a comment and you'll make my day. ❤
I've got so much Asmodea lore in my head, and I do intend to put most of it into Bloodbang Chronicles or other fics at some point, but I've been working on that so slowly and for so long, that I don't know when I'll ever get around to finally completing the series. Some spoilers ahoy.
🔥 Basics
🔥Name: Asmodea. Just Asmodea. Eventually Asmodea Ancunin.
🔥Alias: Asmodea is the alias, though Astarion calls her Oddie
🔥Background: Charlatan. If we're talking class - bard and warlock.
🔥Gender: Female
🔥Sexuality: Bisexual
🔥Pronouns: She/Her
🔥Other
🔥Family: Asmodea is the daughter of an elven woman and an itinerant rashemi human man. Once Asmodea was born, the elven side of the family paid her father a hefty amount of gold to take Asmodea and leave, and to never disclose the details of her heritage. This is what she knows. (as at the latest chapter of Bloodbang Chronicles, that is)
Here is what she doesn't yet know:
The elven side of her family is bound to fey. It is somewhat of a familial curse, carried by the female line. The elves thought producing a half-elf might break the cycle. It did not. Likewise, when Asmodea's patron (whose name she does not know and whom she ended up nicknaming 'Fuckface') appeared in her mind at a time of dire need to offer a deal, she thought this happened by chance. It did not.
Anyway. As at the last chapter of Bloodbang Chronicles, she does not know her elven family. Her father is dead. She and Fuckface are besties.
🔥Birthplace: Myth Drannor. However her father brought her to Elversult as a baby, and that is where she grew up. She had a normal, happy childhood. When she hit her teenage years she was sent to a bard college in Berdusk. Shortly after that her father was killed. (unrelated to elves and fey)
🔥Job: After being kicked out of bard college at age 15 she took on a few odd jobs but couldn't hold on to any of them. She ended up becoming enamoured with a young half-elven man, who turned out to be a dickhead and a bandit. Asmodea ended up running with his band for the next 5 years.
After she cut ties with the bandits, she became a travelling bard for the next 15. She was never particularly good at that, but could get by. Then, cue the nautiloid and Fuckface's appearance.
After the events of the game she runs a series of taverns (most notably The Spotted Dick, featured in Legacy of Ash) and eventually opens a theatre (The Dancing Siren, featured in Bloodbang Chronicles) in Baldur's Gate.
She and Astarion dabble in various other 'import - export' ventures on the side, but we don't talk about that.
🔥Phobias/Fears: Wasps. Being at the mercy of shitty men. Accidentally getting a mouthful of curdled milk. Using Animal Speaking in the vicinity of an animal being slaughtered. Biting into a cookie only to realise that what she thought was chocolate is actually raisins.
🔥Hobbies: The theatre was at one point a hobby and a passion, though over time it turned into more of an administrative nightmare (which she happily wrangles).
She journals and reads. She still writes music sometimes. She collects wine, spirits, illicit feywild substances, useful acquaintances and experiences. Sometimes she'll host an orgy as a little treat.
🔥Morals
🔥Alignment: Chaotic neutral - before embarking on any good or questionable deed, the foremost question is what's in it for her
🔥Flaws: She's impulsive and reckless. She largely disregards laws and consequences. She's selfish and hedonistic. She's a drunkard and a doper. She's a liar, a cheat and a thief. She's a terrible influence. Hell, she used to be a bandit. Her fey contract hinges on her providing entertainment to her patron, and she can be expected to act accordingly, prioritising that to her own and anyone else's detriment. She is ridiculously good at mind control magic and is not afraid to use it.
Honestly, she's an asshole and I'm not sure why anyone likes her.
🔥Virtues: Despite all of the above, she does get the occasional pang of guilt or compassion, and may try to right a past wrong. She is endlessly loyal, generous and forgiving with the people she identifies as her own. Her recklessness can be mistaken for bravery. Her stubbornness - for perseverance. She will refuse to give up even if common sense would dictate otherwise. She is charming. Funny. Contagiously sanguine. Understanding (though not necessarily caring). An absolute fucking pleasure to be around. She's creative, resourceful and innovative. Not afraid to take on responsibility. And she has a surprisingly good head on her shoulders for business and numbers, though her competitors would argue that's another flaw.
🔥This Or That
Introvert/Ambivert/Extrovert, Organized/Disorganized - neither, has systems which are unfathomable to anyone but her, Closed-minded/Open-minded, Calm/Anxious/Restless, Disagreeable/In-Between/Agreeable, Patient/In-Between/Impatient, Outspoken/In-Between/Reserved, Leader/Follower/Flexible, Empathetic/In-Between/Apathetic, Optimist/Realist/Pessimist, Traditional/In-between/Modern, Hard-working/In-Between/Lazy
Astarion recalls scenes from his past as he receives a tarot reading of his love life. He draws the fourth card.
Fucking around and finding out - a cautionary tale.
Pairings: Astarion x several original or known characters
Genre: Angst / Drama / Romance
Rating: Mature
Chapter word count: 3,011
Prologue | The Sun | The Tower | The Moon
Series Masterlist | AO3
This work is part of the Fate Spins Along Tarot collection by @bg3-fate-spins-along - please check out the other writers' and artists' works!
Updates weekly
The Magician
“Oh don’t look so smug,” said Astarion, after throwing a glance at Asmodea. “So there were three vague coincidences that happened to jog my memory. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“There will be four more ‘coincidences’ before the end of the night,” smirked Asmodea. “Deny it all you want - you’re still here, and you’re as curious as I am. So go ahead, pull the next one.”
Astarion reached and turned over another card. Sighed. Looked up to meet Asmodea’s eyes, as she fought desperately to keep a straight face.
“I am not in love with Gale,” he said.
She snorted and burst into laughter at last. “Pity. And are you sure? A sensuous vampire and a virgin wizard - what a romance that could be!”
“Virgin?” Astarion gasped, bringing a hand up to clutch non-existent pearls. “The man beds goddesses! Haven’t you heard?”
“Please,” Asmodea rolled her eyes. “But my, the two of you… Why it could inspire a thousand minstrels. A mountain of half-penny romances! One could write an entire series. What would we call it, hmm… Evocation and penetration. A mage hand and a vampiric touch. Fangs and fireballs.” Astarion groaned as she went on. “No, no you’re right, that’s too long… It needs a short and snappy name. Spell… blood? No. Blood… weave?”
“Are you done?”
“Power Word: Suck. …Alright, now I’m done.”
Astarion shook his head, refusing to give her any satisfaction. “You’ve had a half-decent run, but this card is a complete flop. I can assure you, I do not have any wizards in my past. …Perhaps if I did, I wouldn’t be in this mess,” he muttered.
“Jokes aside, this card isn’t literal either. The Magician, it’s ah… How can I explain it… It signifies the connection between the mortal and the eternal and divine.”
“So a priest..?” Astarion lifted a brow. “Not a single one of those, either. Most of them aren’t too fond of the undead, as you can imagine.”
“No, no, it’s actually more about… Art. It’s about the infinite possibilities of creation, it’s about taking potential and moulding it into reality. And using these creations to elevate the mundane, or make the sacrosanct more accessible. It’s about being a conduit between the two.”
Now Asmodea seemed to be the one with a wistful look in her eyes, Astarion thought. Unrealised potential..? Envy?
“Darling, you’re rambling… And now it just sounds like some charlatan guru that brings ‘enlightenment’ to the bovine masses.”
“I suppose it can be,” she said, “but it’s more about inspiration, not imposing one’s own will. …Does anyone come to mind? Someone full of energy and charisma? Someone who inspired? Think of someone with a big personality. Someone people flocked to. Someone who ignited passion, motivated, stirred strong emotions?”
Astarion scowled, sipping his wine.
He hated that idiot bard.
He hated everything about him. It was as though this lean, thin, fair, short little freckled, rosy-cheeked elven pipsqueak had been created by the gods for the sole purpose of vexing Astarion. From the way he was dressed: some might call it fashionable, but to Astarion it was gaudy - all those ruffles and pointy boots; to the way he moved, throwing his too-long mane of hair around as he played his violin. What kind of a colour was that for hair, anyway? Tarnished silver..? Astarion pulled on a lock of his own cropped hair, bringing it where he could see it with his own eyes - now that was a good, pure silver. Astarion turned his attention back to the bard, where he performed at the other end of the tavern. The way he strutted around reminded him of a booted bantam rooster. Astarion blinked at the thought, wondering how in the hells he knew what a bantam rooster was to begin with, and a booted one, no less - he had certainly never seen one. But never mind that. He hated roosters, too, harbingers of the dawn as they were. He hated all of it. Hated the dulcet chimes of the bard’s voice - no, no, that was a lie, the voice was quite pleasant, Astarion wasn’t above giving credit where it was due - but it was the only thing pleasant about this buffoon.
Taliesin Straeth. That was his name. The bard did not advertise being an heir of the Straeth house - filthy, disgustingly rich, tremendously wealthy merchants - Astarion had found all that out on his own. But no matter - the fact was, he had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Never had to work a day of his life. Any trouble he’d ever run into - a brief line to mommy and daddy, and at a snap of their fingers, all doors would be opened, all charges would be dropped, and all problems would go away.
Astarion despised him. But, as the dolt drew enormous, adoring crowds everywhere he went, Astarion followed Taliesin as he toured through the Lower City. Over the past month, he had hardly missed a night of trailing the bard, relishing and stewing in how much he detested him every step along the way. He had learned most of the bard’s songs by heart by then - against his will, of course. Even during the precious few hours that Astarion had to himself to rest, Taliesin continued to plague him, the melodies playing in his mind. He could not sleep, could not rest, without the bard riling him from somewhere in the back of his mind. And Astarion hated it.
It was yet another night in yet another tavern, with yet another giggling young woman whose name and face he had long forgotten on his arm, when matters which were already drab suddenly turned completely sour. Taliesin had already finished playing and Astarion was itching to lead his mark away to her doom, when the table Astarion had shared with a crop of other young, drunk, rowdy but malleable men and women he had ingratiated himself with, was joined by Cazador’s most recent addition to their little ‘family’.
Petras too seemed to exist purely to antagonise Astarion.
Like the generations of sycophantic maids and stewards who served Cazador of their own free wills for years before inevitably disappearing to be replaced with new fools - Petras had appealed to Cazador, asking to be turned. As for why Cazador actually granted the idiot his wish - it was completely beyond Astarion. Petras wasn’t particularly attractive, wasn’t charming, wasn’t remotely intelligent nor educated. He was, if anything, perfectly dull and average. And he was human. Perhaps that was the ‘why’ - the lowest common denominator could more easily wedge itself into more crowds, remain perceived as harmless and unassuming. The potential marks that shied away from Astarion, sensed some kind of deception from a too handsome, too cultured, too refined elf, took no such issue with Petras - he was, after all, just like them.
Petras hadn’t been a vampire for long, and still believed that if he was good and diligent, did his best to bring victims back every night - Cazador would reward him by granting him freedom. As though anyone would release a hen that laid golden eggs. Not that Petras laid any eggs, golden or otherwise. Astarion scoffed at himself, mentally - why was he still on the poultry trail of thought..? No matter. Petras was a fool, and not only was he a fool, but his failings were somehow Astarion’s failings according to Cazador, which meant that he had to endure and supervisethe nitwit, while all he wanted to do was throw him under a proverbial (and literal) horse-carriage.
“Astarion!” Petras beamed, sliding along the bench until he was next to Astarion, somehow mistaking his scowl for a smile of encouragement. “You will not believe who I’ve talked into joining us! The Master will be so pleased.”
Despite himself, Astarion was curious. Cazador was many awful, reprehensible things, but surprisingly ‘picky’ was not one of them. He hardly had any preferences. He only abhorred gnomes and halflings, but Astarion supposed that made sense - why should anyone be pleased with an appetiser-sized meal for a main course?
“Do tell,” he said.
Petras leaned in conspiratorially. “That minstrel,” he whispered, grinning “the one with the grey hair and the violin. I told him I could give him a tour of the manor, and he was interested. He’s just sorting his business with the tavernkeeper, and then he’ll head here.”
Astarion’s innards had turned to ice.
“Are you out of your godsdamned mind?!” he hissed. “You can’t take him!”
“What?” the surprise on Petras’s face quickly turned to indignation. “I can and I am. You’re just envious you couldn’t get him yourself and I will be the one to take him to the Master.” That remark had been enough to swiftly turn Astarion’s initial shock into white hot fury. Meanwhile, Petras had turned away from Astarion and raised a hand in a wave. “Tali! Over here!”
Before he could think, and before Petras could rise, Astarion’s dagger was out of its concealed sheath in his sleeve, and had pierced cleanly through Petras’s other hand, nailing it to the bench between them, out of anyone’s sight. Remarkably, Petras had the sensibility to only yelp quietly and grit his teeth, instead of screaming and drawing attention, as Astarion leaned in to hiss in his ear.
“Bards are off-limits, your cretin,” he ground through his teeth. “They are too high profile, too noticeable when they’re gone, especially this bard!”
“But Violet-” Petras whined.
“Violet was from another city, and was chosen by the Master himself, and still she is a risk. Why do you think he has me paint her like a doll each time he lets her out? She cannot be recognised.”
“But-”
“I said no bards, you incorrigible fuckwit!” Astarion spat, driving the dagger harder into Petras’s hand.
“Corellon wept!” chimed a too-familiar voice. “Have I intruded on a lovers’ quarrel?”
And suddenly there he was, across the table - so close, Astarion could smell him. Cedarwood, rose, black pepper. It had to have been custom-mixed, like Astarion’s own perfume oil, certainly not something produced and sold en masse by the local apothecaries.
Astarion’s blade disappeared back up his sleeve. Throat suddenly dry, he ignored the bard, instead whispering to Petras. “Get rid of him.”
“You get rid of him,” Petras whispered back, sullenly, rubbing his stabbed hand as it healed.
Useless… Well then…
Throwing Taliesin his best look of derisive contempt, Astarion turned back to Petras, speaking loudly this time.
“Did you invite the jester?”
Petras only gawped open-mouthed like a fish out of water in response, but that was all that was required of him. Taliesin, however, had taken the bait.
“Jester?!” he repeated with incredulity.
“Yes, jester,” Astarion pressed on, turning back to face the bard. His eyes, he now saw, were a most unlikely, unique shade of not-quite-pink. It reminded him of something. Rose quartz..? No, that wasn’t it. …I’ve seen a dawn that colour, he realised. “Jester, harlequin, fool, if you will. An inconsequential funny little lout that prances and makes funny little noises for the entertainment of his betters. That is what you are, is it not?”
Taliesin rose back to his feet, a storm brewing in those not-pink eyes that had been warm and smiling a mere moment ago.
“That is most certainly not what I am,” he said, looking down his nose at Astarion, a slight quiver in his voice betraying the hauteur he had suddenly assumed. “And you’ve some nerve speaking to me about my ‘betters’ - for you are assuredly not one of them.” Astarion had expected the bard to huff, turn on his heels and storm off then, and yet he was still there, glaring. In fact he had leaned over the table, placing his hands on it, so that he seemed to loom over Astarion, and continued. “Oh yes, I know exactly what you are.”
A rapidly growing sense of unease began to constrict Astarion’s chest. What did he mean? Why was he still there? Why didn’t he simply leave? What did he know?
“Yes, I remember you! Every night, I see you,” the bard continued. “Every night, you leave with a new person. Now I’m not one to judge how a man earns his bread, but the company you keep! Nothing and no one is below you, is it?” Heads turned as Taliesin continued his tirade. “And every night, I think to myself - what needs to happen to an elf, for him to fall so low, be that cheap? You know, a few times, I thought I’d go over and give you some coin myself - not for your services, I’ve no need to pay for that - but just so you could buy yourself a hot meal - but every time, by then you’re already gone with some scurvied sailor!” Astarion was frozen in place, transfixed by those malicious, not-pink eyes. Laughs began to sound from the crowd around them. “But then I realised: why even if I were to pay him, it would all go straight to fuelling his addictions. That is why you’re so desperate, no? What are you on, anyway..? Look at you - all pale and haggard. Is it blue sand? Deluge? Sharpsugar? Something worse? No? Or…” Taliesin brought a hand up to his mouth, theatrically. To Astarion’s ears, the crowd’s rumble turned into a maddening buzz, accentuated with Petras’s high-pitched guffaws as the asshole tried to blend in. “Oh gods, you’re not consumptive, are you? You are, aren’t you? You ought to be isolated, before you infect everyone around you!” The laughter around him had turned to worried murmurs. The girl that had been seated to Astarion’s other side shrank away from him, as did everyone else around him. Suddenly finding himself in an open bubble, he still felt like a caged, cornered beast, and yet was completely paralysed, a sheen of cold sweat dampening his skin. The damned bard looked triumphant, no doubt readying his killing blow, when something changed in his expression. Spite turned to suspicion. He tilted his head, slightly, frowning. “What’s wrong with your eyes..?” he asked, more seriously now.
That finally broke Astarion out of his stupor. His every instinct screamed at him to leap over the table and rip out the bard’s throat. Instead, he jumped to his feet, kicked Petras off the bench to get past him, and stormed out of the tavern, swearing and shoving at the simpletons who jeered at him as he passed, clutching to what little shreds of dignity he still possessed.
He stumbled out of the tavern, gasping for cold night air. Thankfully, no one followed.
Once his panic had subsided and was replaced by a simmering rage, he continued to lurk in the shadows for some hours. He couldn’t leave until he was sure Petras had kept his word and did not take the idiot bard back to Cazador.
He never heard Taliesin play again, though over the years he’d heard and recognised countless renditions of his songs performed by other bards. Even a century later, they still sang those songs, as though to spite and torture Astarion, though none of them could hold a candle to the original.
Cedarwood, rose, black pepper. Astarion had caught a whiff of it once, since. He immediately turned and walked in the opposite direction.
Words could not describe how much he hated that bard.
“Ah! I see that struck a nerve,” exclaimed Asmodea. “Let me guess… Now I don’t think it was a writer or a painter, that’s too subdued. A dancer - maybe. Or perhaps an actor, or a singer..? Or perhaps someone who was a bit of everything. …Aha, it was a bard, wasn’t it?”
Astarion clicked his tongue. “I can think of a bard that elicited some strong emotions, but those emotions were the very opposite of love.”
“Love and hatred are two sides of the same coin,” shrugged Asmodea. She looked up at him and smiled. “Oh don’t look so sour - there’s no shame in getting enticed by a bard. A good bard, at least, a true master of their craft. Everyone should fall for one at some point in their lives, else it’s hardly a life worth living.”
“What makes you say that..?” Astarion asked.
“Because they’re equally inaccessible for everyone. That renders the desire to possess futile. And if you can accept that, that leaves you with an unadulterated appreciation that you can share with others. No competition, no ulterior motives. Only pure love and joy that moves your heart in tandem with many others’.”
“You’re getting awfully philosophical on me, darling.”
Asmodea waved her hand in a dismissive motion, first looking away sheepishly. “So who was it, anyone I would know?”
“Oh, I doubt it… No one of consequence.” Perhaps, one day, he might spin the story of the famed Taliesin Straeth ousting Astarion for being a cheap whore in return for having his life spared into a humorous tale. But that day had not yet come.
“So do you believe in the reading yet?” Asmodea’s question interrupted his thoughts.
Astarion winced. The first card might have been an accident, the second a coincidence, the third - a fluke. But he wasn’t fool enough to insist that the fourth was anything short of a pattern. Three more remained… This was not a comforting thought.
“Yes,” he conceded. “I don’t know how you’re doing it, but you are. …But returning to bards, I’ve lost count of the nights we’ve spent on the road, and not once have you tried to strum ‘Golden Lyre’. I thought all bards took a vow to subject those around them to it at least once daily. Do you not know it?”
Asmodea snorted. “What, that trite, cliche rubbish? Of course I know it, everyone knows it. I make a point of not playing it.”
Astarion sighed with relief. Small mercies…
“Why, do you want to hear it?” Asmodea asked.
“Gods no… I’ve been subjected to hearing it every night for the past century. It’s nice to finally have some peace.”
~~~~~
Psst, behold, the wonderful Taliesin by @snowfolly. How could Astarion not be smitten?
Taliesin belongs to my multi-talented friend @snowfolly. Check out more of Tali's story (as well as Snowy's incredible art!) here, on AO3 or bsky. Thank you for letting me borrow him!
~~~~~
Next part coming in a week's time.
Thank you for reading! If you liked it, you can find more of my writing here. Leave a comment and you'll make my day. ❤
hey! guess who wrote Karlach for an 18+ fanzine? me!!! you can get it for a minimum $5 donation to one of the selected charities! much sexy!!!! there's also a dead dove add-on for an additional $2 donation if you're into that.
it's a great zine, and everyone involved worked very hard on it. it's worth a donation to charity for sure.
Astarion recalls scenes from his past as he receives a tarot reading of his love life. He draws the third card.
Dudes being bros - drow orgy edition
Pairings: Astarion x several original or known characters
Genre: Angst / Drama / Romance
Rating: Mature
Chapter word count: 4,777
Prologue | The Sun | The Tower
Series Masterlist | AO3
This work is part of the Fate Spins Along Tarot collection by @bg3-fate-spins-along - please check out the other writers' and artists' works!
Updates weekly
The Moon
A corner of Astarion’s mouth twitched upward in a sardonic smirk once he turned over the next card.
“Not literal, you say?”
The card depicted a path laid between two towers, a wolf and a dog separated by the path, and a half moon shining dim light over the scene.
“Ah, the Moon,” said Asmodea.
“The two towers,” Astarion mused, sipping his wine. “Is it like the previous card? Do they mean anything?”
“They can,” shrugged Asmodea.
“And the two mutts - which one am I?” Astarion pointed at the wolf and dog.
“You’re the crayfish,” said Asmodea.
Astarion took a closer look at the image - indeed, a crayfish was depicted crawling out of a pond and onto the path at the bottom of the card.
“You’re a bloody crayfish,” he muttered. “So, what in the hells does this mean?”
“It signifies duality. Complicated, conflicted emotions. Possibilities and choices, and the path we walk between these choices.”
“That doesn’t answer what it means for me. Choices…” Astarion huffed. “That is so vague, why that could mean absolutely anything and anyone!”
“Hardly,” Asmodea objected. “Have you, perhaps, met someone who walked a parallel path? Whose path converged with yours, to eventually split off into another direction again?”
“A ‘parallel path?’ Again, that could mean anything,” said Astarion. “Everyone I’ve ever met has ‘converged paths’ with me.”
“It will be more specific than that,” Asmodea said patiently. “Think. Someone who influenced you, who you had something in common with. Say… Another city elf… Another magistrate… Another hedonistic asshole who did nothing but bitch, moan and drink all the best wine. Another…” she was cut short as Astarion suddenly began choking, violently, on his drink. “…Are you alright? Go down the wrong pipe, did it? Well, not like you need those lungs anyway…”
“Vampire,” Astarion choked out, coughing. “It was another vampire.”
It wasn’t the first time Cazador hosted guests, but it was by far the most lavish.
A duo of drow vampire sisters and their large retinue had all but taken over the manor. A trade deal of some kind was being brokered. Astarion could guess what the sisters wanted: Baldur’s Gate had a port, and although Cazador had no rights to the said port, it was entirely within his ability to extend or deny other vampires the ability to use the said port unmolested. As for what the drow sisters could offer in exchange - Astarion could only speculate, though he cared not to.
What he did care about was that once he had surrendered his victim to Godey and his ghoulish assistants, he was expected to return to the city to find more marks within the very same night - the usual arrangements had been altered due to the guests and their appetites.
He hadn’t even seen them with his own eyes yet, nor did he want to, but they were making his life a more aggravating hell than usual. Their departure could not come soon enough.
He was on his way to the kennels to refresh himself when he was apprehended by Violet. His new sister was clad in scanty minstrel garb and carried a lute - the bitch had talents which Astarion had not, and had been permitted to demonstrate said talents instead of prowling the streets. It appeared she had just finished entertaining.
“Took you long enough,” she sneered. “I couldn’t rest until I gave this to you.” She tossed a velvet pouch at Astarion. It felt and sounded like it contained a hefty amount of coin. Gold..? Astarion frowned. Can’t be a tip… Am I to run some errand? “You are expected upstairs. Wash, perfume and oil first, and be quick about it. The Master wants you extra pretty tonight.”
“Does the Master want me..?” Aurelia’s voice sounded nearby, as Astarion stood extracting the contents of the pouch - some kind of tangled chain interspersed with gemstones.
“Has the Master ever wanted you?” Violet snapped, collapsing onto her bed.
Astarion released a weary, resigned sigh, having realised what he was holding.
Not coin.
A jewelled body harness.
Why he wasn’t even the most scandalously dressed attendant at the soiree. His attire, if the body chain could be called that, was, in fact, among some of the most tasteful and elegant.
Astarion observed the festivities, concealed by a drape by the grand hall’s entrance, awaiting instructions from Dufay. The hall was crowded with the drow sisters’ followers, servants, and slaves. Most of the mortals - at least the more heavily compulsed ones - wore nothing at all. Most of those now served as living footstools and other furniture, or were engaged in contortionist acts. Astarion noted a few familiar faces of his own marks from nights prior, with some satisfaction - not so haughty now, were they? The servants that still had their wits about them and were trying to please through their own volition wore unassuming liveries. The free guests that made up the drow entourage, on the other hand, would not have looked out of place attending a ball at a whorehouse.
Astarion caught sight of Cazador and the sisters, seated at the grand hall’s dais. The two drow were about what he expected - beautiful, minute, dressed in precariously draped wisps of spidersilk. One was engrossed in a female tiefling’s neck. The other lounged, sprawled over the seat which had been provided her, conversing with Cazador, her legs thrown over his lap. Astarion had to bite his lip not to laugh at the sight. Unlike the visitors, his master sat stiff and upright, the collar of his usual tasteful but unremarkable garb buttoned to the chin. He was completely out of place in this den of licentiousness, sticking out like a withered, crooked and sore thumb. And he looked positively miserable.
Astarion’s eyes continued to wander, reaching a small stage erected at one end of the hall. He watched with a revolted fascination an act put on by a trio of tumbling gnomes dressed in naught but spiked leather harnesses and dog muzzles. It was delightfully disgusting. It was a shame he was to be part of the evening’s entertainment, if not for that - he might even have enjoyed this flavour of debauchery.
“You’re up next,” Dufay appeared next to him.
“And just what in the hells does he expect of me..?” asked Astarion. A rhetorical question. He knew he was short on talents. An image flashed in his mind, a rare glimpse into his childhood: a memory of being made to stand on a stool before a faceless crowd and recite a poem, and of being so nervous he nearly vomited. The image dissipated, but not before he pictured himself doing the same now, in the midst of the drow orgy, naked but for the chains of gemstones and pearls. He giggled. Doubtful. Regardless, the gnomes were going to be a tough act to follow.
“You are to participate in a grappling, of sorts,” answered the chamberlain. Ever tactful even with the spawn, Dufay.
“‘Grappling’,” snorted Astarion. “With whom?”
“The sisters brought a champion of their own. There.” Dufay motioned to a man Astarion had somehow overlooked in the mass of nude and demi-nude bodies in attendance.
It was the largest drow Astarion had ever seen. Hells, he might have been the largest man he had ever seen, period, barring some half-orcs whose acquaintance he had had the misfortune of making. Slabs of muscle bulging beneath his blueish grey skin, straight lavender-white hair falling past his clavicles. He stood at the other end of the hall, dressed (if it could be called that) in a manner similar to Astarion’s, arms crossed, sheer boredom painted on his face. And he was staring, unblinking, at Astarion. Studying him, even. Having met Astarion’s eye, expression unchanged, he nodded and wagged his flaccid penis in greeting.
Astarion giggled again, and silently congratulated himself on having oiled very thoroughly.
“Go,” said Dufay.
And suddenly he was on a stage, trying to settle on the right balance between dazzling and sultry for his smile, giving a sensual turn and a spin for the benefit of the eyes now turned to him, all while the butterflies in his stomach made a determined rush for his esophagus.
“Ah, so this is the pearl of your collection!” one of the drow sisters exclaimed.
Is that how Cazador had described him..? Singling him out as his ‘pearl’? Conflicting emotions washed over Astarion. A sense of pride, immediately followed by a wave of disgust with himself for having felt the pride.
“Oh don’t feed his vanity,” drawled Cazador. “He pleases the eye, but he is good for one thing and one thing only.”
That settled the turbulence in Astarion’s mind, if not in his innards, his feelings once again settling in a familiar, dull hatred.
“Oh? This refined specimen of a moon elf?” remarked the other sister. “Why I’d wager he’s of noble descent. Does he sing? Or perhaps he shall please us by reciting some classical poetry?”
Astarion barely suppressed another nervous giggle, the memory from his childhood flashing before his eyes again. For once he was happy that he had not had a single drop of anything that might have otherwise come up from the depths of his stomach.
“Cania will melt before I believe you give a mephit’s ass about poetry,” the other sister, the one whose legs dangled across Cazador’s lap, came to his rescue. She hopped off from her seat at the dais and moved to retrieve a decanter and goblet from a nearby table. “Let’s see just how good he is at something more interesting, shall we?” she said, filling the goblet. “Your master says you were hard at work earlier today,” she addressed Astarion, smiling yet managing to look down her nose at him despite her being a full head shorter. “…Were you? Hard at work?”
“Like steel, my lady,” purred Astarion. Always best to humour them.
“Velvet-wrapped, no doubt,” she laughed. Astarion resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the cliche. “Well, we can’t have your fatigue upset the balance. Let’s even the odds, shall we?”
Even the odds..? For what?
The drow woman sauntered to him and passed the goblet under his nose, playfully, letting him catch the aroma. A rich wine, mixed with… Blood. Thick and cloying. Teasing his nostrils. Blood.
“On your knees,” she giggled.
Though it took a monumental effort, Astarion’s eyes first flicked to Cazador. The Master gave him a slight nod, which to Astarion said “you may obey the deranged bitch”, a sneer, which Astarion interpreted as “do not embarrass me, boy”, and a (likely involuntary) slight flaring of the nostrils which wasn’t for Astarion’s information or benefit at all, but which indicated that Cazador could not wait for this night to be over either.
He sank to his knees without any further hesitation - Cazador could still dismember him later for being too eager, he did not care - the goblet was filled to the brim, and this woman would give it to him.
“Fresh blood of a displacer beast in heat. This will rejuvenate you. Now open your mouth…” His mouth was open before she even finished speaking, head thrown back in anticipation. Another giggle, and she tipped the goblet, letting the rich liquid flow between his lips.
Smooth, smoky velvet, so much richer than anything he’d ever had before. He drank, desperate not to allow even a single drop to spill, though of course it was impossible, of course she moved the goblet to make some of it pour over him. Most of it did end up making it into his mouth however. And gods, if the blood of a displacer beast was this good, then how would it feel to sink his fangs into a sapient creature’s pulsating neck..? No matter, that was a fantasy, while the liquid gold that poured from the goblet was reality, until the stream stopped, and it wasn’t. He would have grabbed the goblet from her hands and licked it clean, but she took it away, and ran a thumb along his lower lip and chin, where precious drops had spilled, and brought it to her own mouth instead. “Good boy,” she purred. How he hated her then. But then a heat began to settle in his groin, pushing away all thoughts of hatred, of fear, even of hunger, leaving only a pulsing need.
He staggered back up to his feet at a motion from the drow woman. Appreciative shouts and laughter, and even some applause from the spectators registered somewhere in the back of his mind. He paid them no attention, instead his eyes were drawn to the hulking mass of the drow ‘challenger’ which had apparently joined him onstage while he was gorging on the displacer beast blood. It was only now that the drow was within a few steps of him that Astarion realised that he was also a vampire.
Even the odds for what..?
“The rules are simple,” the drow woman’s voice rang in his ears. Did she always sound like a mosquito..? “The one to make their opponent climax wins.”
His head swam and his cock was on fire. It pulsed. It throbbed. It ached. It burned. And the only thing worse than touching it would be to leave it alone. He reached for himself.
“No, no, no, silly, you win by making your opponent climax, not yourself!”
Laughter from the faceless crowd.
Good gods, did they feed that mountain of a drow that blood too..? Is that better, or worse..?
“Incapacitate your opponent, pin them down, break something if you must. Whatever you need to get the job done. Oh, but you don’t have to stop at just one. The night is young - if you lose at first, you can always double down and bounce back.”
A gong must have sounded somewhere, either that or the ringing in Astarion’s ears reached a crescendo, but the next thing he knew was he had been lifted off the ground and was being spun around, hurled over the drow’s shoulder. Why? He had no idea.
“Focus,” he thought he heard the drow growl between gritted teeth. Focus on what..? Everything spun. Though the word was enough to break him from a stupor, so that when the drow hurled him back on the ground he managed to roll on impact and bounce back to his feet. Moments later they were circling each other like two tomcats, half-crouched.
“Work with me,” the drow hissed, unmistakable now.
Well then. He had never wrestled anyone this way in his life - he only hoped that his fumbling was more amusing than offensive to his spectators, as he tried to follow the drow’s lead. What followed was a crash course in pair acrobatics and feigned tussling. Astarion could only speculate what it all looked like, but he imagined that it might appear as though they were both using their individual skills and talents to their advantage: the drow’s forte was strength, size, and actually knowing what he was doing, Astarion’s - speed and being covered in oil.
And then, just as Astarion thought he was getting the hang of it, he found himself pinned down on the floor by the drow. It was finally time to retreat for the night, he supposed.
“What will he do to you for losing?” the drow’s question jolted him back to the present moment. The whisper was barely audible, their faces concealed behind a cascade of the drow’s hair that momentarily hid them from view.
Too surprised to think to lie, Astarion answered truthfully. “Flay me, probably,” he said.
Somehow, the drow was now under him. It might even have looked like it was all due to Astarion’s own efforts. The drow struggled, pathetically, as though he was locked in place.
“Why?” Astarion breathed.
“I’ll only go without dinner tonight. Thank me later.”
The rest of his recollections of the night grew ever muddier, as he slipped into his familiar thoughtless routines. The last thing he remembered before the memories crumbled to nothing was an image of the drow impaled on his cock, his absurdly big and absurdly blue penis in his hand.
“There,” the drow whispered. “Now no more posturing, be gentle.”
He was.
Astarion’s way out of the spawn kennels was impeded by a large chest. In his hurry, he ricocheted off it back into the chamber, nearly losing his footing. The chest was connected to two trunk-like arms, folded in front of it. Above that - a thick neck, and above that - a blindingly white, fanged smile, shining from a dusky-toned face.
“Didn’t recognise me with my clothes on?” the drow grinned, seeing Astarion’s confusion.
Astarion’s first, most natural instinct was to put on his charm and flirt. But of course this was not necessary - this was not a mark, nor was this an important guest that needed to be pleased. Rather, this was an equal, of sorts. Which prompted a secondary instinct in Astarion - one equally natural, which he employed every day in dealing with his dear darling sisters - which was to raise his hackles and speak from a place of preemptively defensive contempt. Only the drow’s smile seemed entirely free of mockery and malice, which Astarion didn’t quite know what to make of. He frantically searched for a third option.
“Erm…” he produced, though the drow was already looking over and past him, casting a curious look over the kennels.
“Lolth’s tits, is this where you sleep?” the drow asked.
Astarion turned back to survey the quarters he shared with Violet and Aurelia, as though seeing them for the very first time himself. It had never occurred to him whether he ought be ashamed of them. The question didn’t sound derisive, however, so he just shrugged at the drow.
“I suppose it’s different to ah… your accommodations?” he asked.
“The mistress usually keeps me on a cot at the foot of her bed,” he said. “Sometimes on the bare ground, sometimes in a cage,” he added, nonchalant, still looking around the chamber.
Astarion gave a polite acknowledging hum, as though this exchange was as normal as a casual chat about the weather or the latest news headlines. “…I think I prefer the arrangements Cazador has in place to such alternatives, to be honest.”
“Out of sight, out of mind,” the drow nodded, turning back to Astarion and grinning. Why did he keep grinning..? Astarion needed to be rid of him.
“Oh if only…” said Astarion. “But anyway. Much as I’d love to stand here and compare notes, I have some errands to run, so if you’ll excuse me…”
“Errands!” the drow laughed. “Yes, that’s why I’m here. I’m to accompany you on your ‘errands’.”
“What?” Astarion said, his tone curt. Babysitting this giant oaf was the last thing he wanted to do. He had worked out a system. A one man system.
“How do I look? Good enough for Baldurian watering holes?” the drow spun. Astarion finally took note of what he was wearing. Silk shirt in a dark purple, complementing his skin tone. Leather breeches that sat snug - very snug - on his ample haunches. A pair of well-made boots. He looked like a wealthy adventurer or mercenary out for a night of debauchery. Drow tailors and leatherworkers were impeccable in their taste and skill, and clearly the man’s mistress spared no expense in dressing her spawn, Astarion thought with a touch of envy.
“It will do in a bind, I suppose, but-”
“The mistress also gave me this,” the drow continued, retrieving a paper slip from a pocket and handing it to Astarion.
“‘No drow, druegar or deep gnomes! Tiefling (any age and gender), robust middle-aged male (human), female virgin (any), something heavily wine-drunk’…” Astarion’s voice trailed off, though the list went on. “…Is this a bloody shopping list?!”
“Obviously,” the drow shrugged like it was the most apparent thing in the world, plucking the slip back from Astarion’s fingers. “Is your master not as particular?”
“Well, no, I suppose,” Astarion stuttered, “but-”
“That must be nice,” the drow said, already turning and walking away. “Let’s get a move on, only got until sunrise. …Say, when is sunrise?”
His name was Ryldor. He had belonged to the sisters from birth, had been trained as a warrior and a pleasure servant, and had been turned once they had decided he had attained his peak physical form.
Astarion learned all this and more in the hours they spent ignoring their duties, deep in the wine at the Mermaid. Gods, but he couldn’t even remember the last time he had been able to sit around and gossip, freely, with anyone… He couldn’t remember the last time he’d enjoyed himself half this much. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so carelessly drunk, either, whether on the wine or the pretence of normality - he did not know.
“He makes you fuck them first?” Ryldor snickered into his goblet. “Why?!”
“Who knows why that sadistic bastard does anything… A humiliation ritual? Honestly, it’s just a drag.”
“Have you ever seen a mortal chef prepare a tough piece of meat? You know, when they smash it with a mallet, to tenderise it? Is that what Cazador thinks he’s got you doing..?”
And again, they burst into laughter, loud and genuine, if a bit desperate. Still, how refreshing to find himself on the right side of laughter for once… Ah but these moments were so fleeting… With every passing minute, it felt as though a chain constricted tighter around Astarion’s neck.
“Listen… I don’t know how lenient your mistresses are with that little list of yours, but I will be skinned alive if I fail to turn up with prey for Cazador, so…”
Ryldor seemed to sober up then, immediately, perhaps realising that Astarion meant that literally.
“Right… Of course… Let’s get to it.”
There was a shift in him then, which Astarion observed with curiosity. He had expected to witness the appearance of a mask, something similar to what he ordinarily did himself, but surprisingly it was more of an unveiling. Everything that Ryldor had already appeared to be, became more. Effortlessly so. Not even a bell later, admittedly aided by the gold the drow sisters had generously supplied him with, he was the life of the party, riling up the entire tavern. A few bells later, half the tavern left with him, never to be seen again. Every item on the list had been ticked off, and then some. Astarion understood how all those poor unfortunates had been so hopelessly enchanted - after all he was, too.
The drow party stayed at the manor for about a tenday.
The night after their joint escapade, Astarion hoped that Ryldor would be sent to accompany him out in the city again, but he wasn’t. He had hoped that there would be another orgy, to entertain or serve at, but that didn’t happen again either. He found himself lurking on the upper floors of the manor during daylight hours - something he ordinarily avoided. He hoped, and he waited, and he yearned, not even sure exactly what it was he craved. Every day was a mixture of hopeful anticipation. The chain felt ever tighter around his neck, but he ignored it as best he could.
There weren’t many opportunities for him and Ryldor to exchange words - his mistress kept him close - but on one of the occasions when they did, the drow told Astarion that his mistress had requested to borrow him, but that Cazador had refused. Astarion was shocked with his own disappointment at this discovery.
Then, one day, as Astarion was preparing for another night serving as bait for Cazador’s dinner, Aurelia walked into the dormitory.
“They’re leaving tonight,” she said.
Astarion stiffened. After what felt like an eternity and a plunge into an ice bath, he willed himself to continue his preparations. “Good,” he said. He thought he heard a quiet scoff.
“He’s in the east wing.”
“…Who? The Master..?” he looked up to meet her eyes. Aurelia started back at him with something bordering on pity.
If she insinuated that- …How dare she- …Well if she thought that he was about to- …He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of-
Moments later, he had already brushed all those thoughts aside, and was rushing upstairs, shirt still unbuttoned, without having as much as run his fingers through his hair.
The east wing was empty.
Cruel… So pointlessly cruel… He would have expected this from Violet, but Aurelia… Perhaps she did mean Cazador, and he would appear at any moment. That, or he was too late, and…
These thoughts too were cut short, as an arm pulled him into a dark alcove beneath a staircase.
Another flash of those stupid white fangs on that stupid, dark grinning face, and Astarion was on his toes, pulling the drow down by his ears, also stupid, into a kiss. The first kiss Astarion remembered wanting to give. It felt defiant, somehow, to take a kiss for himself and not for the sake of Cazador. Defiant, desperate and ultimately futile. He began to mourn it before it was even over. Just as nothing was sweeter than the moment of trepidation just before their lips locked, nothing could fill him with more grief than knowing that he could never experience it for the first time again.
Somewhere far, a voice called for Ryldor, and he broke away, with a gasp and a tremble. The tremble passed, and he leaned back toward Astarion. “I’ll come back for you,” he whispered, barely audible, in Astarion’s ear.
“What..?” Astarion managed, with shaking breath.
“By Vhaeraun, I’ll find a way to dispose of those two lecherous, vapid cunts, and I’ll come back for you. I pro-”
Ryldor’s words were cut short as Astarion pressed his lips against his again. “Don’t,” Astarion whispered, once he pulled away again. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
The drow inclined his head to touch his forehead against Astarion’s, and held it there for some moments, until his mistress repeated the call with more shrillness in her voice. He clenched his jaw, and then he was gone.
In the ensuing silent stillness, Astarion sank with his back against the wall. The chain constricted tighter around his neck until it cut off all promise of oxygen, again. It was fine. Everything was fine and back to normal. He didn’t need air, but good gods did it taste sweet to breathe it, even if only for a little while…
Some years later, Astarion overheard that the drow house had been annihilated by its rivals. The sisters had been staked, impaled, and taken to the surface to burn. Their courts had been massacred as a warning to others. Whether a certain vampire spawn had survived the carnage or had perished alongside his mistress - Astarion never learned. Regardless, no one ever returned for him.
“A vampire? I thought your kind detested each other. I always imagined a meeting of two strange vampires to involve arched backs and a lot of hissing and spitting.”
“A safe assumption,” said Astarion. “Though there are some occasional exceptions to the rule.”
“Don’t tell me you enter each other’s territories to mate.”
“Plot, scheme and trade, usually. And throw the occasional grand ball to showcase one’s wealth and influence, of course.”
“Of course.” A silence held. Asmodea observed as Astarion contemplated the card with an almost wistful expression. “So what happened?” she asked.
“Hmm?” Astarion looked up, his reminiscence broken. “Oh, nothing much… It’s been so long, and was so meaningless I’ve all but forgotten, until now.”
“Can’t be that meaningless, the cards picked up on it and you almost immediately knew who it was.”
“What happened, was…” Astarion paused, searching for words, but ended up shaking his head. “Have you ever had a torrid affair with someone who was in your life only for a brief moment..? Say, someone who was passing through town, who you knew would disappear in a matter of days? Leave you with nothing but memories, a racked up tab, a forgotten handkerchief and a bout of chlamydia?”
Asmodea nodded. “I’m usually that person. The one that leaves. …And no, I don’t leave chlamydia in my wake.”
“That’s all it was,” said Astarion. “A little… ‘dalliance’, if you will.”
“A vampire passed through the city and took a piece of your heart with them,” Asmodea concluded.
“Now let’s not go that far,” said Astarion. “It wasn’t love.”
“What was it then?”
Astarion took a thoughtful sip of his wine before answering. “Childish naivety… Daydreaming… A bit of make-believe. In other words: nothing. Just wishful thinking.”
~~~~~
Next part coming in a week's time.
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