Why I (mostly) left the Dragon Age fandom with no regrets...
I realize most people who come across this post might not care, but I know there are some who do, some who have asked me several times at that. So, this is for those people, and for those who perhaps follow me for DA content (mainly fics) that I haven't touched in many months (a year for some pieces).
I've been playing Dragon Age games since Origins dropped when I was 19. I was never active on forums, but I did write a couple fics under a different pen name, and spent time chatting on AIM (yes, I'm old) with a few fic writers. Those days were great! But I moved on shortly after DA2 came out because life called for that.
When DAI came out, I played and played and replayed for many years before ever stepping foot in any fandom space, until late 2023. Since then, I have met plenty of lovely people, but also noticed a pattern in this fandom that only made itself more apparent after DAV came out.
- cliques, jealousy, talking behind people's backs, passive aggression out in the open, whispering about suspected AI use until tarnishing reputations, servers curating even more cliques and promoting tension between people with differing opinions, etc., and unfortunately, the list goes on.
I even deleted my tumblr and didn't come back until later, once I felt a little better about just ignoring the bullshit and doing what made me happy, which was more focused on virtual photography for BG3 at the time, and eventually learning how to make my own 3D renders. There have been bumps along the way, both personally and BG fandomwise, but it's never felt as dire or awful as it has in the DA fandom.
Well, imagine my horror when yesterday I see a friend of mine get blasted on socmed for blocking people for her own mental health (after seeing her close friend be bullied out of the fandom by sanctimonious, self-righteous people and their flagrant accusations/vague postings combo). Not that the reason behind it ever matters, because it never does. People can block whoever they want, when they want, with no need to explain why. Ever. That is just how it is and has always been. So where this entitlement has come from, in this fandom in particular, makes me sick.
Joking about stalking someone like a crow spy, accusing them of blocking out of guilt, for what exactly? Ever thought that perhaps some of those blocked (like the ones openly making those kinds of stupid comments) are just behaving like assholes, and that's the reason right there?
It was pretty gross to witness, and to see more people egg on that behavior instead of calling it out for what it is—bullying, stalking, harassing, and just nasty—really surprised me, despite everything.
I am not afraid to tell someone to fuck off when they've earned it, but I'm also in my mid 30s, with a family, a life, responsibilities—I don't have time or mental stamina, nor the desire to deal with that petty garbage in a space meant for recreation and a shared love of fictional characters. This, of course, applies to all fandoms, and I am no stranger to how dramatic fandoms can be (hello, BG3).
But there is something so insidious about the way the DA fandom over the last couple of years has just felt so unwelcoming to be part of, and yesterday, it confirmed that my choice to back away was the right call.
I have a lot more I could say, but I know there is no point, and I don't really care beyond stating what I've just shared. I still thank all of those who have been genuinely supportive of me and my work, checked in on me, asked me how I've been, etc.
That's it, really. Hope those who have asked me see this. Take care, and good luck with all the things you want in life! 💜
back to doing what I was doing now 😂 🫶🏼
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