Vix Writes Again @vixwritesagain - Tumblr Blog

Jul 17

one simple rule | alexia putellas

Part 4

Summary: The daughter of a legendary football manager has one simple dating rule: no footballers - a rule that becomes increasingly difficult to follow after meeting Alexia Putellas

Word Count: 15.0k

You and Alexia haven't spoken in two days.

Well that isn't entirely true. You have exchanged good morning texts both days - hers arriving first on Thursday, yours first on Friday. Each message is careful and painfully brief, saying just enough to reassure the other that neither of you has disappeared while saying far too little to acknowledge everything still sitting unresolved between you. You have sent goodnights too, each one lingering unanswered for several minutes before the other responds. The small typing bubble appears and disappears once, sometimes twice, like one of you keeps beginning to write something honest before losing courage and deleting it again.

Good night and nothing else. From either of you.

It is like you have become two people who have run out of words but cannot quite bring themselves to stop reaching for each other, passing the same fragile thread back and forth across the silence simply to make sure neither of you has let go first.

So no, it isn’t complete silence.

It is something worse. It is the particular kind of silence that still contains evidence of how much you care, where every carefully restrained message feels heavier than no message at all because you know exactly what is missing.

She is probably fine.

That is the thought that has been quietly destroying you for forty-eight hours.

Alexia is someone who can feel things with her whole self. You've watched her do it. The way grief or frustration or joy moves through her without apology and then, with the practiced ease of someone who has spent her entire life performing at the highest level regardless of what is happening beneath the surface, she moves forward. Athletes develop that ability the way lawyers develop the ability to argue positions they don't personally hold, through necessity and repetition, until it becomes reflex.

She probably cried in the car on the way home Wednesday night, or maybe she didn't even do that. Maybe she just turned the music up and drove and let the city blur past the windows until the feeling became manageable. Then she went to training on Thursday and was brilliant, because she is always brilliant, and her teammates made her laugh about something in the dressing room and the sadness of the night before gradually softened into something she could carry without it showing.

She is probably at the stadium right now, or in some team meeting, or laughing at something one of the younger players has said. She is probably exactly as composed and beautiful and infuriatingly fine as she always is.

You, meanwhile, have not left your bed.

Thursday you call in sick. You have never once called in sick in four years of practicing law, not through head colds or migraines or the spectacular food poisoning incident of last March. You have a near-perfect attendance record, a reputation for arriving early and leaving late, and treating personal inconvenience as something that happens to other, less disciplined people.

On Thursday morning you stare at your phone for ten minutes and then call your assistant and tell her you won't be in. When you hang up you put the phone face-down on the nightstand and pull the duvet over your head.

You don't sleep. You just lie in the dark that you've made for yourself and listen to the sounds of the city outside your window for hours. You think about the way she looked when she said what the hell are we even doing. You think about the tears she refused to let fall, the careful steadiness of her voice, the way she'd kissed your cheek at the door like she was trying to leave you with something gentle to hold onto after she was gone.

You wonder whether you should have agreed to the match. You wonder whether she should have understood. You wonder whether Sunday is still happening, whether we’ll talk then means fixing things or ending them, whether the two of you had ever actually been together enough for her to end anything in the first place.

By Friday morning you have had enough of yourself.

You drag yourself upright by sheer force of will, shower, dress, put on enough makeup to cover the puffiness under your eyes and the redness of your nose, and go to work. You have worked too hard and for too long to allow a situation to compromise your professional reputation. It doesn’t matter how devastating it feels at seven in the morning in a bathroom that still has her spare toothbrush in it. You are twenty-eight years old, you are excellent at your job, and you are going to the office.

You make it to lunch before you lock your door.

You don't even particularly mean to. You just finish a phone call, sit back down at your desk, and open the contract you've been reviewing for a client. You read the first page, and then you read it again because none of it has gone in, and then you read it a third time and realize you have still absorbed nothing. Something about the indignity of that - the absolute uselessness of yourself, of a brain that has always been your most reliable asset, sitting there completely empty of everything except her - makes you reach over and press the lock on your office door.

You read the same page eleven more times before five o'clock.

You know it's eleven because you count.

See you tonight! I love you ❤️

The text from Papa arrives right before five and nearly makes you close your eyes and press your forehead directly against the desk. You had forgotten entirely. He'd messaged earlier in the week with the menu from some new restaurant he wanted to try - he does this, sends menus ahead as though reviewing them together is half the pleasure of going. You had said yes without hesitation because you always say yes to your father. But now, after everything that’s happened, the thought of sitting across from anyone and pretending to be a functioning human being sounds exhausting.

You gather your things, fix your makeup for the third time in a bathroom mirror that has started to feel judgy, and go to your parents' house.

------

Your father is on the couch when you let yourself in, the television on, the lamps casting the living room in the cozy glow that has meant home to you since you were small. He hears the door and turns, already rising with the uncomplicated happiness he always shows when you appear. Your arrival is something that genuinely brings him joy regardless of how recently he last saw you, regardless of what you're carrying through the door with you tonight.

"Hey!" He crosses to meet you, wrapping both arms around you in the kind of embrace that has been solving your problems since childhood, before pulling back with a bright expression and gesturing behind him toward the screen. "They're all talking up your girl."

The phrase lands somewhere soft and unprotected.

You make yourself look. You owe yourself that much, at least - the dignity of not flinching.

The television is showing a pre-match press conference, a long table of microphones and cameras and journalists with their hands raised, and in the center of all of it is Alexia. Her hair is down and shining. Her skin has the particular glow of a body in the peak condition during a season that has been going very well. She is leaning slightly toward a microphone with an easy authority, she’s been doing this since before most of the journalists in the room had their press credentials. Even through the screen, even across the two days and the locked office door and the eleven readings of an unabsorbed contract page, you can feel the way the room tilts toward her. The particular gravity of her. The way everyone in the space unconsciously orients in her direction when she speaks.

She laughs at something a reporter has said, her head tilting back slightly. The sound doesn't reach you through the television but you know it anyway. You know exactly what it sounds like and the knowledge of it sits in your chest like a weight.

She looks completely, entirely, insultingly fine.

"Turn that off."

You are already turning toward the kitchen before you've finished speaking.

Your tone must be harsh because Papa begins to scramble behind you. To his credit, he moves with impressive urgency. The sound cuts out and the room goes quiet.

You pull the takeaway bags apart on the counter with more force than the situation technically requires.

The food smells good. Your stomach registers this distantly, the information arrives and then is quickly overtaken by the traffic of everything else currently moving through your head.

You, who spent yesterday in bed. You, who have visited the bathroom three times today with concealer and setting powder trying to make your face look less blotchy and more presentable. You, whose handbag currently contains enough used tissues to suggest you are recovering from pneumonia. You who spent forty-eight hours analyzing the punctuation in her text messages like a freaking conspiracy theorist.

And there she is. In high definition. Laughing.

Fucking footballers. The thought arrives with a bitterness that you are aware, even in the middle of it, is not entirely fair and also feels extremely satisfying. DMs probably full of replacements waiting patiently for their turn, because of course they are, because she is Alexia and women have been waiting in line since she was nineteen. Women who would happily sit in Camp Nou every weekend wearing her shirt and screaming themselves hoarse instead of turning a simple invitation into an existential crisis.

Fine. It’s totally fine. Good luck to all of them, genuinely. Good fucking luck finding someone better than you. Maybe the next one will be better at communicating, but she certainly won’t be smarter. Or prettier.

You slam containers onto the counter like each one has done something to offend you personally.

You become aware, gradually, that your father is standing in the doorway.

You glance up.

He is watching you with a very careful expression. It's the studied neutrality of a man who has spent decades in high-pressure rooms reading people far better at concealing their emotions than his twenty-eight-year-old daughter, and has therefore had absolutely no difficulty reading her. His eyes are wide like he sees something slightly alarming and he is being very deliberate about not reacting to it.

He comes over without saying anything and begins silently helping you move the containers to the table.

You let him. You don't have the energy to object.

He pulls out your chair, which he has been doing since you were small, and you sit. He collects the plates and lowers himself into his own chair across from you with unhurried patience, having already decided that this meal is going to take as long as it needs to take.

You are grateful, in a way that sits very quietly in your chest alongside everything else, that your mother is out with her friends tonight.

You love your mother. She is warm and perceptive and has been one of the great constants of your life, but she would have known something was wrong before you'd cleared the front door. She would have asked, with complete love and only the best intentions, approximately seventeen billion questions before you'd even sat down.

Your father knows better. It is one of the ways the two of you are most alike. You two understand that some things cannot be pried loose, they can only be offered when they're ready. He learned it from years of managing men who would not perform until they trusted you, and you learned it from watching him. Neither of you has ever had to explain it to the other because it just exists between you as a shared language.

Papa eats without rushing you, occasionally reaching for one of the containers in the middle of the table while you mechanically move food from your plate into your mouth, chewing without tasting any of it. Every now and then the quiet becomes too heavy so you fill it with something meaningless, asking whether your brother is still fighting with his girlfriend over Christmas plans or whether your aunt ever apologized to your mother for whatever ridiculous argument had apparently consumed the family group chat earlier that week.

He tells you about the latest developments and you nod and make the appropriate sounds while moving food from one side of your plate to the other. You are not listening. He probably knows you are not listening. Neither of you mentions that.

You push some rice around the plate and watch it settle.

"Why did you play football?"

The question leaves your mouth before you've decided to ask it, landing in the middle of the table between you like a grenade. Your father looks up from his plate with an expression of genuine surprise. For a moment he just looks at you, trying to determine whether you've just asked what he thinks you've asked.

"Um." He sets his fork down carefully. "I just loved it, I suppose. And I was good at it."

That answer actually makes sense to you.

You love being a lawyer. And you are really fucking good at it.

The satisfaction of walking into a negotiation better prepared than everyone else in the room, of finding the weakness in an argument before the other side even realizes they have exposed it, of taking something complicated and pulling it apart until every piece finally makes sense - those things make you feel alive in a way you have never quite known how to explain to anyone who doesn’t feel the same way about their work.

You wonder, maybe for the first time, whether football had ever made Papa feel like that.

“Did you always love it?”

"No." The quickness of it catches you. You glance up from your plate.

"I hated it for years when I was younger." He says it with straightforwardness, like he is describing a person he barely remembers being. "I played with the older boys and they always pushed me around. I was smaller than them."

You give him a look of open skepticism. Your father is not a small man. He has never, in any photograph or story or living memory, appeared to be anything other than built like a brick wall.

He rolls his eyes, he has definitely received this reaction before. "I was small at one point," he says, with great emphasis on the words. "But over time I got better, faster and smarter because I couldn’t be stronger. And eventually it started being fun again."

You nod. Push more rice around. Think about that.

"And coaching," you say, after a moment. "Did you love being a manager?"

He watches you from across the table. You have never asked him these questions.

You have asked about his travel schedule when it affected family plans, complained about late matches and missed dinners, rolled your eyes at journalists waiting outside restaurants, and occasionally listened when he told some amusing story about a player you didn’t know. But you have never sat across from him and asked what football felt like to him, because for most of your life you had been far too consumed by what it felt like to be his daughter.

“I mean...definitely less than playing” He leans back slightly in his chair. “But I love the game. And managing was a way to stay close to it. And to the people in it."

You frown at your plate. For some reason, that answer hurts.

Your father watches you for another long moment before leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table.

“Why are you asking me these questions, my love?” The question is gentle. He knows exactly when to wait and exactly when to coax, a skill he has perfected through twenty-eight years of being your father.

You set your fork down.

"Alexia and I got into a fight." The words come out more evenly than you expected, which means very little given that you can already feel the pressure building somewhere behind your sternum. "About football. She has a match tomorrow and she wanted me to come."

Your father nods once, slowly. There is something in his expression that looks, for the briefest moment, like recognition.

"Yes," he says. "Her five hundredth cap." He says it with the particular calmness of someone setting something down carefully. "Really incredible. She even surpassed me."

The fork you've just set down would have clattered if you'd still been holding it.

"What?" The word comes out unsteady. "What do you mean?"

"It's her five hundredth game for Barcelona." He says it simply, watching your face as he does. "I believe only one other woman has ever reached that number. And only a handful of men. The club will certainly be making an event of it, some kind of ceremony or recognition on the pitch." A small pause. "She is very, very important to them."

The room goes very quiet, uncomfortably quiet. The kind of quiet that arrives when a realization is still moving through you, rearranging things as it goes, and you have not yet caught up to where it will leave you when it's done.

It wasn't about the match.

She had said that. She had said it in your apartment on Tuesday night, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes already looking away. It isn't even about the stupid match. She had said it and you had heard it and you had filed it somewhere beneath your own panic and your own grief and the sound of your own history playing so loudly in your chest that you couldn't hear anything else.

“Oh my God.” You put your head in your hands as the first tears spill through your fingers.

"It wasn't about the match." Your voice, muffled against your palms, sounds like something that has been broken and poorly reassembled. "She told me!" A sob catches in your throat, painful and involuntary. "She told me it wasn't about the stupid match and I didn't listen to her."

Your father is beside you before you've finished the sentence. His chair scrapes softly back and then his arms are around you, solid and unhesitating, pulling you into his chest the way he has been doing since you were small enough to disappear into him entirely.

"Carinyo…"

"She just wanted me there." The words collapse as they leave you. "That's all she wanted."

And there it is. The full shape of it, finally, arriving with the brutal clarity that realizations always seem to save for the moments when you are least prepared to receive them.

Alexia hadn't been asking you to suddenly love football. She hadn't been asking you to become someone else, to undo twenty-eight years of history, to walk into that stadium and feel nothing but uncomplicated joy. She hadn't been asking you to stop being who you are.

She had been asking you to sit beside the people who matter most to her while she reached one of the greatest milestones of her life. She had been asking you to be there for her, specifically, on a day that would exist only once. The way that the people you love are supposed to be there for you when something unforgettable is happening.

And you had looked at her request through every wound your father's career had ever opened in you, and you had seen football instead of Alexia. And you had said no.

"I didn't even know." Your voice has given up entirely now, the words arriving wet and broken against the front of your father's shirt. "I didn't know what it was, I didn’t even ask why… I just said no."

He says nothing. He just holds you, one hand moving slowly through your hair the way it has always moved, the rhythm of it unchanged since childhood, since Munich, since Manchester, since every version of this room where you have needed him and he has shown up without condition.

The duality of it tears at something deep inside you.

This man, who strokes your hair in the dark when you're falling apart, who researches restaurants because surprising you with somewhere new brings him genuine happiness, who cried more openly than you did at your law school graduation, is the same man whose absence you measured your childhood against. How does a person contain both of those things. How does love coexist so completely with hurt. How do you spend your whole life adoring someone and resenting them in the same breath, without either feeling canceling out the other.

You don't have an answer. You have never had an answer.

You eventually pull back just enough to look at him, your face almost certainly a mess at this point, and he looks back at you with an expression that has nothing behind it except love - uncomplicated, absolute, the kind that doesn't require you to be anything other than exactly what you are.

You take an unsteady breath.

"You said you loved it." Your voice is still fragile but the words are finding their shape again, slowly. "Playing, managing, all of it. You loved the game and you wanted to stay close to it and the people in it." You swallow against the pressure still sitting in your throat. "And I understand that. Or I'm trying to."

His expression shifts, very slightly, as though he can already sense the weight of what is coming.

"But you loved me too."

"More than anything." The answer arrives without a single moment's hesitation, and the speed of it, the absolute certainty of it, lands somewhere between comfort and devastation.

"Then why did you keep choosing something that took you away from me?"

The question comes out quietly. There isn’t any accusation in it, or at least you don't intend for there to be. It’s just the sound of something that has been sitting at the bottom of you for so long it has become structural, weight-bearing, part of the architecture of who you are. You've been carrying it since you were eleven years old watching Munich appear through a car window, and you've never once said it out loud to the person who needed to hear it.

“I told myself that I was doing it for all of you.”

The answer makes something bitter twist deep inside your chest, sharp enough that you have to look away from him before the emotion reaches your face.

“I know how that sounds,” he adds quickly.

“Do you?”

The question comes out harsher than you intend, but you can’t bring yourself to take it back. Instead, you fold your arms tightly around yourself, like holding your own body together might stop twenty years of resentment from spilling out all at once.

“We already had everything, Papa! We didn’t need more money. We didn’t need another house or another car or another-”

“I know.” His voice breaks on the final word.

Papa lowers his eyes to his hands, turning them slowly against one another as though he has suddenly found something fascinating in the lines of his palms. For a man who has spent most of his adult life answering impossible questions beneath the glare of cameras, who has survived hostile press conferences and furious boardrooms without ever appearing at a loss for words, he looks strangely small sitting across from you now.

“I know that now.”

There is something about the shame in his voice that drains some of the anger from you before it ever fully forms. You had expected him to defend himself, perhaps even wanted him to, because anger would be so much easier if he gave you something solid to push against.

Instead, he looks tired and regretful.

“At the time, it was easy to tell myself that everything was for the family,” he continues after a long moment. “The money, the security, the opportunities.”

He shakes his head slowly. “And some of it was. I wanted you and your brothers to have every possible choice in life. I wanted your mother never to lie awake worrying about finances. I wanted all of you to have things I didn’t have when I was young.”

His mouth twists into a sad smile.

“But that wasn’t the whole truth.”

You remain silent. Something in his expression tells you not to interrupt.

Papa draws in a slow breath, his eyes still lowered toward his hands.

“I was ambitious.” The admission is simple, but you can hear the weight behind it. “I wanted to win. I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to be the best.”

Your bottom lip begins to quiver before you can stop it, and you press your teeth into it hard enough to hurt, forcing yourself to swallow around the growing lump in your throat.

He finally looks at you.

“And every time I achieved something, there was always something else waiting just beyond it. Another league I hadn’t won. Another club I thought I could build. Another impossible challenge that only I could solve.”

His gaze drifts away again, toward the dark windows overlooking the coast.

“I would tell myself that after this season, I would slow down. After this contract, I would stop moving everyone. After this trophy, I would finally feel like I had done enough and I could come home and just enjoy everything we already had.” A laugh escapes him, but there is absolutely no humor in it. “I was never satisfied.”

The honesty of it settles heavily between you.

For a long time, neither of you speaks.

Outside, the Mediterranean continues moving against the rocks below the house, each wave breaking softly into the darkness before retreating again. Somewhere deeper inside, the refrigerator hums steadily, and the ordinary sound feels almost absurd against the enormity of everything your father has just admitted.

You stare down at your own hands.

“I think I blamed football,” you say, your voice barely carrying across the table, “because it was easier than blaming you.”

Your father goes completely still. You keep your eyes lowered, watching your fingers curl slowly against your palms like the rest of the confession might be written there.

“Football was this enormous thing. This thing that everyone loved and worshipped and built their entire lives around, and it just kept taking you away from me.” Your breathing begins to turn uneven again, catching somewhere deep in your chest before releasing in shallow, unsteady bursts. “So I hated it. God, Papa, I hated it so much, for so long.”

You pause, swallowing against the ache climbing steadily into your throat.

“Because I couldn’t hate you.” The words seem to change something in the room. Slowly, you force yourself to look up.

“I just loved you too much.”

“Oh, carinyo.” His voice is so low that it nearly disappears beneath the distant sound of the waves, and the grief in it makes your chest ache all over again.

“And now Alexia loves it.”

You shake your head slightly, the movement small and helpless as the realization you have spent two days circling finally forms into words.

“She loves it the way you do. The way it lives inside her.” Your eyes begin to blur again. “It isn’t just something she does for work, and it isn’t something she can leave at the training ground when she comes home. It’s part of who she is, and I know that. I’ve always known that about her.”

You draw in a trembling breath.

“And I think every time I look at that part of her, I’m waiting for her to become you.”

Papa remains completely still across the table.

“She asked me to come to one match.”

A laugh escapes you, broken and miserable, barely recognizable as the sound it is trying to be.

“One match, Papa. In months of knowing her, she has never once asked me to watch her play. She has never made me look at a table or a highlight or a score. She has never asked me to pretend I care about any of it."

Your fingers rise to cover your mouth as another sob threatens to surface, but the confession keeps coming anyway.

“And the one time she asked me, the one time it actually mattered to her, I didn’t even stop long enough to wonder why. I just heard football and saw you.”

The realization tears through whatever fragile composure you had managed to rebuild.

“I made her feel like loving something important to her was a reason I couldn’t love her properly.”

The words finish destroying you.

For a long time, your father says nothing at all. You can see him thinking, carefully considering what you actually need to hear rather than just what might comfort you. It is one of the things that has always made him extraordinary at what he did, and it is one of the things that, despite every failure you are finally allowing yourself to name tonight, has always made him extraordinary at being your father too.

Then, very softly, he speaks.

"Alexia is not me."

You close your eyes. "I know."

"No." His hand finds yours on the table, covering it with a steadiness that allows no room for you to retreat. "I don't think you do. Not yet."

You open your eyes and look at him.

"She may make mistakes," he says carefully. "She may hurt you one day, without meaning to, the way people who love each other always manage to do. And you will hurt her." His expression holds nothing but gentleness. "But you cannot punish her for choices I made before she ever knew you existed."

The truth of it leaves no room to argue and nowhere to hide.

You look away. Beyond the windows, the warm glow of the streetlights stretches along the coastal road while the Mediterranean disappears into darkness beyond it. The distant sound of the sea endures as it always has, moving forward with quiet indifference to whatever grief anyone carries to its edge.

“She loves football,” your father continues after a moment, his voice still calm and steady. “That does not mean she will hurt you the way I did.”

Your throat tightens.

“And it does not mean she will love you in the broken the way I did either.”

You turn back toward him. Papa holds your gaze.

“I loved you completely, carinyo. I still made choices that hurt you, because for too many years I believed loving you was enough to excuse the ways I failed you.” His expression tightens with regret, but he does not look away. “Maybe Alexia will make different mistakes. Maybe she will make some of the same ones. I cannot promise you that loving her will never hurt.”

A single tear slips free from your eye. This time, you don’t wipe it away. You let yourself feel its slow path down your cheek, the warmth of it disappearing along your jaw before tracing the side of your neck.

“But if you care for her the way I think you do,” Papa says softly, “then you have to give her the chance to be herself before you decide she will become me.”

Something deep inside your chest gives way at the words. It’s like some part of you that has spent years bracing for the same hurt to find you again has finally grown too exhausted to keep fighting. Papa’s hand tightens gently around yours, his thumb brushing once across your knuckles before he speaks again.

“You need to talk to her, mi amor.” His voice softens even further. “There is still time for the two of you to fix this.”

Your face crumples.

You don’t manage an answer before you are moving toward him again, abandoning your chair and folding yourself into his chest with the same instinctive desperation you had as a child. Papa catches you immediately, his arms closing around you before you have fully reached him. You bury your face against his shirt and nod into the warmth of his chest, once and then again, the movement small and helpless as the tears begin flowing freely.

“I know,” you manage eventually, though the words are muffled against him and fractured by another uneven breath. “I know.”

Papa says nothing more, there is nothing left for him to say. He just holds you tighter, one hand cradling the back of your head while the other moves slowly along your spine. You let yourself cry against the man you have spent so many years loving too much to blame, finally understanding that forgiving him and grieving what his choices cost you were never mutually exclusive things.

For the first time in your life, you allow both truths to exist at once. Your father loved you completely. And he hurt you deeply.

Perhaps loving Alexia would require accepting the same terrifying uncertainty - not that she was destined to repeat his mistakes, but that there was no way to love another person without giving them the power to make mistakes of their own.

You tighten your arms around Papa and let the tears come.

Because for the first time since Alexia walked out of your apartment, you know exactly what you need to do.

------

For the first time in your entire life, you actually need the football nepotism.

And Papa, who has spent twenty-eight years respecting your stubborn, occasionally infuriating refusal to use his name as anything other than a surname, seems almost offensively delighted to provide it.

Within minutes he is on his phone.

You sit silently across the table and watch him become, in real time, the version of himself that the rest of the world has always known better than you have. There is an easy authority in his voice that never once feels demanding. A particular warmth he deploys with such effortless precision that every person on the other end of the line somehow leaves the conversation believing they are the one doing him the favor rather than the other way around.

He listens more than he speaks. He laughs at exactly the right moments. He makes each call feel like a conversation he has been looking forward to rather than a favor he needs to extract.

He has always been incredible at this. And although you have spent most of your life being too proud to acknowledge it directly, somewhere along the way you borrowed more from him than you ever intended to. More than once you have caught yourself using that same measured confidence across a negotiation table - the careful listening, the warmth offered before the ask, the ability to make complete strangers feel trusted before they have even realized you've done it. You never told him that. You suspect he already knows.

He works through three calls in under fifteen minutes.

By the time he finally lowers the phone onto the table between the remnants of dinner, there are two seats in the president's box with your names attached.

The relief is immediate. But it lasts approximately four seconds before something else rushes in behind it.

You want to call her.

The wanting settles deep in your chest, specific and insistent, the kind that doesn't respond to logic or reasonable argument. You want to hear her voice. You want to tell her that you're coming, that you finally understand now, that you're sorry in a way that deserves more than a text message and that you'll explain everything properly the moment she no longer has the weight of tomorrow on her shoulders. You want to say her name and have her say yours back.

Your hand drifts toward your phone before you think to stop it.

Then you glance at the clock.

Too late.

Alexia has described her pre-match routine in enough detail over enough late evenings that you could probably reconstruct it in order without missing a step. The early dinner, the stretching, the specific way she lays everything out the night before so that the morning requires no decisions at all. The point at which she turns her phone to silent and puts it face-down on the nightstand and lets the world dissolve until morning.

She would probably answer if you called. You know she would answer - she would see your name and she would answer, because she is Alexia, and because regardless of everything that has passed between you over the last forty-eight hours, she has never once failed to show up for you when you needed her.

Which is exactly why you won't call.

You have already cost her enough this week. You will not be another thing she has to manage tonight, another distraction sitting behind her eyes during warm-up tomorrow morning, another weight she has to find somewhere to put while she is trying to be present for one of the most significant matches of her career. She has given you so much of herself so easily and so often. The least you can give her tonight is an undisturbed night's sleep.

You thank your father. You embrace him longer than usual, which makes him squeeze you a little tighter without saying anything about it. You gather your things and tell him you'll see him first thing tomorrow, and he nods with warmth and pride in his eyes, proud for a reason he doesn’t need to name.

The apartment is too quiet when you get home.

It announces itself the moment you step through the door, a particular absence that belongs specifically to her. No shoes abandoned beside the entrance in the way that used to make you perform mild exasperation. No faint trace of her perfume on the throw blanket she claimed as her own sometime around week three and never relinquished. No sound of her voice carrying from the kitchen while she raids your refrigerator and maintains a running commentary on whatever she finds inside it.

Just the hum of the air conditioner and the distant sound of the street below. The kind of stillness that makes a person aware of exactly how much space another person has quietly filled without either of them noticing.

You move through your evening almost robotically. You wash your face. You set an alarm for a time that would, under normal Saturday circumstances, represent a personal affront. You change into your pajamas and get into bed and lie on your back in the dark and stare at the ceiling.

Sleep does not come.

Your thoughts drift the way they have been drifting for two days - endlessly, unhelpfully circling back to the same woman no matter how many times you attempt to redirect them toward something less consuming. You think about her pre-match routine, unfolding right now somewhere across the city without you. You wonder if she is nervous. You wonder if she is thinking about you. You wonder if she'll forgive you.

You think about her spending her entire life working toward a milestone that almost nobody ever reaches.

You think about her asking you for one afternoon.

Sleep takes a very long time to arrive. But eventually, somewhere in the early hours, it does.

------

Your father is waiting outside your building by mid-afternoon, leaning casually against the passenger door of his SUV with a coffee in each hand and the unmistakable expression of a man who slept considerably better than you did.

He takes one look at you and offers the larger cup without a word.

You accept it with gratitude, having surrendered your pride somewhere around three in the morning and not yet located it again.

Neither of you says much as he pulls away from the curb. The radio stays off. The city moves past the windows in the comfortable silence that has always existed between the two of you when words would only get in the way. You wrap both hands around the coffee and let the warmth of it do what sleep failed to accomplish.

The drive takes barely twenty minutes, but Barcelona seems determined to remind you exactly where you're going every step of the way. Catalan flags hang from apartment balconies you've passed a hundred times without noticing them. Cafés that normally spill conversation onto the pavement are spilling blaugrana instead, clusters of supporters occupying every available chair and table and square foot of sidewalk. Every few blocks another wave of people joins the slow migration toward Camp Nou, flowing naturally into the larger stream, until it feels less like individual choice and more like the entire city being pulled by a current. The closer you get, the thicker the crowds become, the air buzzing with that particular electricity that only exists around events capable of making an entire city hold its breath in unison.

You keep your eyes on the passing streets and try to breathe through the tightness sitting in the center of your chest.

Beneath your leather jacket, the polyester is driving you absolutely insane.

It had been your father's idea. Of course it had been your father's idea. Most things that require you to do something you would never do on your own trace back eventually to at least one of your parents, which is a pattern you have never properly addressed with them and probably should.

He had mentioned it that morning, casually, like it was a perfectly obvious suggestion.

If you can, buy her shirt. It'll mean a lot to her.

You had grumbled to yourself the entire drive to the club shop. Polyester is not a material you wear. Your wardrobe is built almost exclusively from linen, silk, wool, and fabrics that behave like fabrics rather than elaborate synthetic casing. You have strong opinions about this. You have maintained these opinions consistently for years. They are not opinions you expected to be tested on a Saturday morning at nine forty-five in a Barça merchandise store surrounded by overexcited supporters who all seemed to know exactly what they were looking for.

You had not known what you were looking for. Or rather, you had known, and the knowledge had made you stand in front of the wall of jerseys for so long that one of the sales assistants had begun performing those small, circling approaches that retail staff use when they're trying to determine whether a customer requires help or intervention. You had felt him drifting closer every few minutes, his professional concern growing incrementally, while you stood there staring at a wall of blue and red as though it had personally challenged you.

Eventually you made yourself reach out.

The home shirt. The number eleven. Her name in the lettering you've seen on billboards throughout this city without ever quite allowing yourself to look at it head-on.

The assistant had smiled with entirely uncomplicated warmth as he folded it into a bag, blissfully unaware that he was handing over the first football shirt you had willingly owned since you were nine years old. He probably handled hundreds of transactions exactly like it before lunch. He had no way of knowing that this particular one had required twenty minutes of standing very still in front of a merchandise wall and a significant amount of internal renegotiation.

The last one had belonged to your father.

There are photographs somewhere in your parents' house - buried in the albums your mother maintains with a thoroughness that borders on obsession - of a small, chubby-cheeked girl perched triumphantly on Papa's shoulders in an enormous Barça jersey, arms stretched wide, grinning with the total unselfconsciousness of a child who has not yet developed opinions about synthetic fabrics or professional sport. PAPA printed across the back above his number, your mother's laugh visible in the blur at the edge of the frame. You wore those shirts for a handful of seasons before deciding, with the absolute uncompromising certainty that only a stubborn nine-year-old can possess, that you were finished with football and everything connected to it.

That had been the end of it.

Until this morning, standing in a club store with a bag in your hand and an entirely unreasonable amount of feeling in your chest.

Now, for what your father will later confirm is the fourth time since leaving your apartment, your hand moves instinctively to pull your jacket closed over the number hidden beneath it. The movement is completely unconscious. You don't notice you've done it until you feel the soft resistance of the zipper already halfway to your chin.

Your father notices. He has always noticed everything, which is both one of his greatest qualities and one of his most consistently inconvenient ones.

"You know," he says, the amusement in his voice only partially concealed, "if you're planning to spend the entire afternoon hiding it, you could probably have saved yourself the trip to the shop."

"I'm not hiding it."

He glances at the zipper with the patient expression, this is afterall, a man who has decades of experience not pressing his luck.

"Mhmm."

"It feels strange," you say, which is true, though not entirely in the way you mean it to sound. Strange against your skin, yes, this fabric that belongs to a world you spent half your life trying to keep at a distance. But also strange in the way that things feel when they are the right thing and you are only just catching up to that fact. Strange the way it had felt to stand in the club shop and understand, fully and without hesitation, that you wanted to buy it.

Your father's smile softens.

"I know," he says simply. He lets the silence settle for a moment, the way he always does when he's choosing his words rather than simply reaching for the first ones available. "But I think it's going to mean more to her than you realize."

Your hand drifts instinctively to the embroidered crest beneath your jacket. Your fingertips rest lightly against it through the leather, feeling the slight texture of the stitching, the warmth the fabric has taken on from your skin.

Outside the window, Camp Nou appears above the roofline. Enormous and inevitable.

You take a slow breath and leave your hand where it is.

You can only hope he's right.

-------

The stadium fully appears through the windshield as you round the final corner, and even you - who have spent nearly three decades maintaining principled indifference toward football stadiums - cannot entirely pretend that the scale of it isn’t impressive. It towers over the surrounding streets like a temple to the gods. Streams of pilgrims converge from every direction, drawn toward the stadium as though they are being pulled in by its gravitational force.

Your father follows the signs toward the underground entrance, and little by little the city disappears behind you.

The sea of supporters outside gives way to cool concrete as the tunnel swallows the car whole, the roar of sixty thousand voices fading until it becomes little more than a distant echo reverberating through the structure above.

Several security officers step toward the SUV as it rolls to a stop, but the moment your father lowers the driver’s window their professional expressions soften into easy smiles of recognition. What begins as a routine checkpoint turns effortlessly into conversation. Hands are shaken through the open window, someone asks after your mother, your father in turn asks about a granddaughter who has apparently just started university, and within seconds the interaction has transformed into some sort of warm reunion.

Somewhere farther down the corridor, a radio crackles briefly before the security barrier begins to rise. One of the guards gives your father a cheerful wave, another wishes Barça luck, and with an easy nod in return he guides the SUV deeper into the belly of the stadium.

You remain quietly in the passenger seat, your fingers tightening unconsciously around the now-empty coffee cup resting in your lap. And as the concrete walls close in around you, your pulse begins to pound harder.

Papa leads you from the garage through a series of wide hallways lined with photographs, framed shirts, gleaming trophies, and moments from the club’s history that have been preserved like pieces of religious art. Every few steps another familiar face stares back from the walls, legends frozen in celebration beneath bright lights. Your eyes land on a photograph of Alexia, arms raised high above her head as she lifts another trophy while confetti rains around her.

Your steps falter almost imperceptibly. The sight of her makes you swallow.

The entire hall feels designed to remind visitors exactly where they are and who built this place. To make some people feel as though they have come home while reminding everyone else that they are only passing through.

You aren’t entirely sure which category you belong to.

Club staff greet your father every few minutes with excited expressions that he returns just as naturally. He pauses to shake hands, exchange jokes, or ask after someone’s family before effortlessly picking the conversation back up as the two of you continue deeper into the stadium. Watching him here feels strangely different than watching him anywhere else. This isn’t the legendary manager from television or the father who makes you coffee when you’re sad. This is someone returning to a place that once belonged to him, greeted with affection by people who still seem genuinely happy to see him.

Eventually, the corridors open into the President’s Box.

The balcony hums with easy conversation, full of executives, former players, sponsors, and guests who wear the relaxed confidence of people accustomed to watching football from the best seats in the house.

Beyond the glass, the view is breathtaking. The pitch stretches beneath you in that impossibly perfect shade of green that seems to exist only in the world’s great stadiums. Music drifts through the speakers, children point excitedly toward the field, and every few moments another swell of applause rolls around the bowl of the stadium as someone recognizes a familiar face on the giant screens.

You feel the atmosphere settle into your chest as a low vibration, almost like a second heartbeat.

You shake hands with everyone you're introduced to. You smile appropriately. You produce the correct responses to the correct questions and stand where you're supposed to stand.

Normally, this is the point where the old feeling would begin to creep in.

The smell of freshly cut grass filtering through the ventilation. The distant voices of commentators warming up. The growing roar of a crowd gathering around something that was never yours. It had always been the same feeling, the same subtle reminder that football was a world capable of captivating the people you loved in ways you could never compete with, leaving you standing just beyond its edges, watching from the outside.

Today, though, that feeling never fully arrives.

It is still there somewhere, lingering beneath the surface out of habit more than conviction, but it no longer consumes everything else.

Instead, your eyes drift down toward the pitch again. You think about a woman who has played on that grass five hundred times. A woman who had asked you, only once, to come and watch.

The teams haven’t emerged yet.

Somewhere below your feet, hidden behind walls and corridors you cannot see through, Alexia is finishing the same pre-match routine she has repeated hundreds of times before, completely unaware that for the first time in your life, you are here because you wanted to be.

“You’re doing it again,” your father murmurs beside you.

You glance over. “Doing what?”

He nods toward your hands.

Only then do you realize your fingers have wandered back to the zipper of your jacket, absentmindedly wiggling the metal between your thumb and forefinger as though keeping it moving might somehow quiet the nervous energy racing through the rest of your body.

You let out a sigh and force your hand to fall back to your side.

Papa watches you for another moment, his expression softening into the small, reassuring smile that has always made you feel a little younger than you actually are.

Then, with a suspiciously casual tone, he says, "I might have one more ace up my sleeve. If you want to use it."

You turn toward him. His face gives away absolutely nothing, which tells you everything.

You hold his gaze for a long moment, your skepticism arriving almost automatically. It is your default setting where your father and his schemes are concerned.

Eventually, your attention drifts away from him and back toward the stadium.

The stands continue filling by the minute, thousands upon thousands of supporters settling into their seats while the atmosphere builds around them, the collective anticipation rising with every new wave of applause and every chant that rolls through the bowl. Your eyes settle instinctively on the players’ tunnel, lingering there a moment longer than anywhere else, as if simply looking at the place she’ll eventually emerge somehow makes you feel a little closer to her.

You wonder if she’s nervous. You wonder if she’s still hurting. More than anything, you wonder what her face will look like when she sees you again.

The thought settles something inside your chest before you even realize a decision has been made.

You look back at your father. Then, quietly, you nod.

He smiles, gives your shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and gestures for you to follow.

You trail after him as he leads you out of the stands and back into the maze beneath the stadium. You descend light after flight of concrete stairs until the polished hospitality suites give way to the practical underbelly that keeps the entire place running. The corridors become narrower here, lined with exposed pipes, thick bundles of electrical cables disappearing into the ceilings, and harsh fluorescent lights that leave nowhere for nerves to hide.

Staff hurry past with the focused urgency of people working against an immovable deadline. A steward pushes a cart stacked high with bottled water. Someone carrying an enormous medical bag disappears around a corner at a near jog. Another person stands with one hand pressed against an earpiece, speaking rapidly into a microphone while simultaneously waving two television technicians in opposite directions.

Your father, meanwhile, strolls through the controlled chaos as though he has never left.

Every few steps another member of staff recognizes him, some smile, others stop to shake his hand. You remain half a step behind, silently watching a version of your father that somehow belongs here just as naturally as the concrete beneath your feet.

Eventually, the hall widens into a large holding area where the steady flow of people suddenly slows. Staff cluster together in last-minute conversations while others move briskly from one room to the next carrying equipment bags, clipboards, and crates of sports drinks, every person seeming to know exactly where they need to be. At the far end of the room sits a pair of heavy double doors bearing the Barça crest.

You know exactly what’s behind them. Or, more specifically, who is behind them.

Your palms instantly begin to sweat.

Papa walks confidently toward an official-looking man sporting an immaculate black turtleneck and perhaps the most aggressively symmetrical coconut haircut you have ever seen. The man spots him immediately, his face breaking into a broad smile before your father has even closed the distance between them.

Their greeting begins with a firm handshake but naturally becomes the brief shoulder clasp shared by people who have known each other for years.

"It's good to see you," Papa says warmly. "I'm looking forward to watching us kick some Madridista ass today."

The other man laughs. "So am I."

They spend the next minute catching up, the conversation drifting effortlessly from retirement to mutual acquaintances before somehow landing on a Champions League quarter-final from nearly a decade ago that they both appear to remember with remarkable emotional clarity. You follow perhaps every third sentence, but judging by the animated gestures and synchronized groans, somebody had missed an absolutely unforgivable chance.

Eventually, your father tilts his head toward the dressing-room doors with deliberate casualness.

"I was wondering..." he begins, deploying the particular charm that has persuaded club presidents, journalists, and millionaire footballers to do what he wanted for decades. "Would it be alright if I popped in for a moment to wish the team good luck?"

He pauses just long enough for the corner of his mouth to lift. "I'm a very big fan."

The manager beams back at him. "Of course," he says, without a moment's hesitation. "Of course! They'll be delighted."

You slowly turn your head to side eye your father. He turns toward you with an expression of complete and total innocence. "What?? Everyone knows I really am a big fan," he says, with great dignity.

Coconut head chuckles to himself before stepping over to the doors. He slips through the narrow gap, exchanges a few quiet words with someone inside, then reappears a moment later with an easy smile.

"They're ready for you." He steps aside, holding the door open as he gestures for your father to enter.

Papa glances back at you, his smile softening. "You ready, mi amor?"

You know he isn’t asking whether you’re ready to walk into the dressing room. He is asking whether you’re ready to leave the last twenty years outside the door.

For a moment, all you hear is your own heartbeat. You draw one slow, steady breath into your lungs, and give him the smallest nod.

Then, together, you step inside.

------

The room is warm and alive, filled with the overlapping sounds of twenty plus women in various stages of preparation. Music filters through hidden speakers somewhere overhead, conversations overlap in Spanish and Catalan, tape tears sharply from a roll before disappearing beneath the chatter again. The scent of fresh detergent mingles with deodorant and various perfumes. Every corner of the room hums with purpose, the collective energy of people who have spent the better part of a week preparing for these ninety minutes and now find themselves only moments away from finally stepping onto the pitch.

The moment your father crosses the threshold, the nearest players notice him.

Recognition ripples outward like a wave.

One player breaks into a grin before calling his name loud enough for half the room to hear, and suddenly heads begin turning in every direction. Smiles spread from face to face, conversations pause, and your father is swallowed into a cluster of friendly embraces and enthusiastic handshakes. He accepts each one with the easy warmth of someone who genuinely loves these people and, despite everything, still feels completely at home among them.

You linger half a step behind him, suddenly uncertain where to put your hands, your eyes drifting instinctively across the room.

Blue and red everywhere. The same colors resting against your own ribs beneath three hundred euros’ worth of black leather.

You find Alexia instantly. She is on the far side of the room, bent forward over her boots, fingers working methodically through the laces. Her warm-up jacket is folded with characteristic neatness on the bench beside her. The captain's armband sits snugly around her bicep.

Something shifts in your chest at the sight of it.

You've seen her in this context before, technically. You have caught fragments of matches on your parents' television while passing through the living room with somewhere else to be, letting your eyes slide deliberately past the screen. You have stood beneath the enormous billboards she occupies throughout the city, the ones that appear on the sides of buildings and above busy intersections and in the arrivals hall at El Prat, her face ten meters tall and entirely unavoidable. You have passed those posters without looking at them directly because looking directly had always felt like conceding something you weren't prepared to give.

You told yourself you knew this version of her. The footballer, the captain, the reference.

Standing a few meters away from her now, in the actual room, with the noise and warmth and charged energy of the real thing pressing in from every direction, you understand that you knew nothing of the sort.

There is an authority to the way she occupies the space that you haven’t seen before - or rather, one that you’ve seen in every other context and simply never understood the source of until now. In restaurants and bars and the peaceful domesticity of your shared evenings, her confidence has always been effortless, the kind that belongs to someone who stopped needing external validation long before you met her.

But this is something different. The captaincy isn’t something she steps into before kickoff or switches off once the final whistle blows. It lives in the easy set of her shoulders, in the unhurried certainty of every movement she makes, in the settled calm that occupies her expression as she finishes with her laces and straightens. Around her, the room organizes itself along lines she doesn't draw and doesn't need to. Her teammates drift toward her almost without appearing to notice they're doing it - a quick question here, a brief exchange there, a glance seeking reassurance or confirmation or simply the steadying weight of her presence. She receives all of it without shifting her posture or interrupting her preparation, absorbing it the way a fixed point absorbs the movement around it.

The armband doesn’t make her their captain. It simply tells everyone else what they have known all along.

It should unsettle you. You are standing a few meters away from the physical embodiment of everything you promised yourself you would never fall in love with. She is football in its purest form, Barça through and through. A woman who has devoted her entire life to the game with a completeness and totality that ought to make every alarm you've ever built go off simultaneously. She is the thing you swore against. She is your rule made flesh.

You had braced for it the moment you walked through the door. The old contraction, the reflex resistance, the sensation of football inserting itself between you and someone you love the way it always has, claiming its share before you've had the chance to object.

Yet the resentment never comes.

Instead, you find yourself just looking at her.

This is a side of Alexia you have never allowed yourself to see before - never permitted yourself to seek out or acknowledge or sit with long enough to understand. And to your complete and genuine surprise, you don't feel what you expected to feel. You feel something closer to the opposite.

You like the effortless authority she carries without ever announcing it. You like the confidence with which she moves through the room, every action unhurried because she has always known exactly where she belongs. You like the way the captain's armband pulls tight against her bicep as she reaches up to adjust the headband at her hairline, and the way her kit fits across the lines of her body. You study the powerful muscles in her thighs that represent thousands upon thousands of hours of devotion to something she chose with her whole self, long before she was old enough to fully understand what that choice would cost her and long after she understood it perfectly.

And beneath all of it, sitting quietly beneath the admiration and the nerves and the two days of accumulated grief still tender in your chest, is something that feels unexpectedly like understanding.

For the first time, you aren't looking at the sport that took your father away from you.

You are looking at the woman who chose it.

The distinction arrives with a clarity that surprises you with its simplicity. She didn't fall into this life the way your family fell into it - carried along by someone else's passion, relocated without consent, asked to love something you never chose. She walked toward it deliberately, at an age when most children are still deciding what they want for breakfast, and she has walked toward it every single day since with a consistency that isn't compulsion or habit but genuine, abiding love. Football didn't take her from anyone. She gave herself to it, freely and entirely, because it was hers.

Because it is hers.

The distinction feels impossibly important. You think, somewhere in the back of your mind, that your father would probably know exactly what to say about that. You think you might tell him someday, when you find the right words.

The growing commotion near the door finally catches Alexia's attention.

She looks up from her boots toward the cluster that has formed around your father. He has somehow managed to gather half the squad in the thirty seconds since you walked through the door and appears to be thriving. He moves through the room exactly as he always has - hugs and fist bumps, a word for everyone, wishing each player luck with a specific warmth that shows he means it personally rather than collectively. Then, apparently deciding that good wishes alone are insufficient, he launches into entirely unsolicited tactical advice regarding Madrid's left winger and the particular vulnerability of her weaker foot.

Several players nod with such exaggerated seriousness that it borders on performance. One of them salutes him with complete solemnity.

Your father beams. He is, you think with a helpless mixture of exasperation and tenderness, genuinely in his element. This is the man beneath the legacy, the man who truly just loves the game and the people in it and has never once managed to be in a room full of players without wanting to nerd out about football with them.

Alexia smiles at the scene. It is warm and genuine, but only lasts for a heartbeat because her eyes are already moving. They drift past your father and out beyond the cluster of her teammates, searching the room with a desperation you recognize instantly because you have worn it yourself for two days.

She is looking for someone.

When her gaze finds you, she goes completely still.

The dressing room continues humming around you - the overlap of voices, the click of cleats on concrete, music playing from somewhere near the back, a burst of laughter from the cluster surrounding your father - but none of it reaches the small pocket of stillness that has opened between you and the woman sitting on the far side of the room. Her hands rest frozen against her knees. Her eyes are fixed on your face with an intensity that makes the distance between you feel both very large and entirely irrelevant.

For a long moment, neither of you moves at all.

Then Alexia stands.

The movement is so sudden that the bench rocks softly behind her. She doesn't pause to excuse herself from the conversation happening beside her, doesn't acknowledge the curious glances that begin tracking her across the room, doesn't do anything except start moving.

She weaves between teammates and members of staff with an urgency that makes no attempt whatsoever to disguise itself. Her eyes stay fixed on yours the entire way, like losing sight of you for even a second might undo whatever fragile thing has just been restored.

You don't realize you've started moving too until you're already halfway across the room.

She reaches you first. She closes the last few steps without slowing and wraps both arms around you with a completeness that steals the breath from your lungs. It’s the kind of hold that communicates everything that cannot be compressed into language. She pulls you in like she has been waiting for this specific moment since the door closed behind her on Wednesday night and has been holding herself together around the absence of it ever since.

You hold her just as fiercely.

Your arms find her waist and your face finds the familiar curve where her neck meets her shoulder. You breathe her in, inhaling her warmth, that scent you know better than you know most things. Something inside your chest that has been braced and rigid for two days releases so suddenly and so completely that you feel it physically, like a fist unclenching somewhere deep beneath your sternum.

Neither of you speaks.

There is simply the steady certainty of her heartbeat beneath your cheek, the strength of her arms refusing to loosen around you, and the overwhelming relief of finally touching the person you've spent the last two days convincing yourself you might have already lost.

The room dissolves around the edges. Blue and red kits blur together, someone laughs somewhere behind you, a locker door closes. None of it matters.

You feel her exhale against your shoulder, long and unsteady, pressed into the fabric at your shoulder. The composed captain who has been running training sessions and attending press conferences and laughing for cameras all week slowly coming apart, just slightly, just here, against you.

"I missed you," she murmurs into your hair. The words are soft, barely above a breath. "So much."

The confession finds the place in your chest that has been aching since the sound of your apartment door closing, and presses there with a gentleness that makes your eyes sting.

"I know." Your arms tighten around her. "I'm so sorry, Ale." The apology comes out quieter than you intended, rougher at the edges. "I'm so, so sorry."

She shakes her head against yours, but you need her to hear it properly. You need it to exist somewhere outside the walls of your own head, where it has been circling for two days without anywhere to land.

"I wasn't fair to you." The words come out steadier now, finding their shape. "You tried to tell me what that match meant to you, and I heard every word you said but I still refused to listen. I made it about my fears instead of your feelings, because I was too afraid to look past my own history and see what you were actually asking for." You swallow. "You deserved so much better than that."

She pulls back just enough to look at you, her hands moving to cup your face with deliberate gentleness. Her thumbs move beneath your eyes, catching traces of tears you hadn't fully registered were falling, sweeping them away with the same patient attentiveness she brings to everything. She studies you with concentration, like she is taking inventory of every version of you at once, seeing not just the composed professional surface but everything living beneath it.

The confident lawyer. The stubborn daughter. The frightened little girl who still believed football would always take away the people she loved.

All of them held in the same gaze, all of them accepted with equal tenderness.

"There is nothing to forgive," she says softly.

"There is."

"Then it's already forgiven." Her smile arrives quietly, impossibly gentle, carrying no trace of performance or effort. One thumb traces the line of your cheekbone before her fingers move to tuck a loose strand of hair back from your face. "It was forgiven the moment I saw you standing in that doorway."

Something in you gives way entirely at that.

You exhale, slow and shaking, the last of the tension you've been carrying finally finding somewhere to go. You lean your forehead briefly against hers, your eyes closing for a moment while the room continues its preparations around you and neither of you makes any move to rejoin it.

"I can't believe you're here." Her voice is barely above a whisper, eyes moving across your face like she's still not entirely convinced you're real. "This is so crazy of you."

"Good crazy?"

A laugh escapes her, bright and completely unrestrained, it transforms her whole face. "The best crazy."

"Good," you say, unable to stop your own smile from growing. "Because if showing up is crazy, then what I did this morning is borderline certifiable."

Curiosity flickers across her expression. You take a small step back and reach for your zipper.

The leather jacket falls open.

You turn slightly, enough for her to read the name across your shoulders, and then look back to watch it land.

Your father was right. The look on her face is worth every second of standing in that club shop at nine forty-five in the morning feeling spectacularly out of place. Her expression moves through several things at once. Surprise arrives first, followed almost quickly by recognition, but neither lasts long before giving way to something infinitely softer, her eyes filling with a reverence that borders on disbelief.

"Who are you?" Her voice catches around the words, caught somewhere between awe and wonder. It’s like she genuinely cannot reconcile the woman standing in front of her with the one who had once sworn she would never willingly set foot in a football stadium again.

You feel yourself smile.

It isn’t the playful smile she learned to read in the first week of knowing you, nor the teasing one she has become so good at drawing out of you. It is quieter than that, steadier, born from finally having nothing left to hide.

You hold her gaze for a long moment, gathering the last little bit of courage you’ve been carrying with you since you walked through the stadium doors.

“Well…” you say softly, your fingers finding hers between you as naturally as they always have. “I figured it was only fitting. It is my girlfriend’s five hundredth cap, after all."

The word lands between you and stays there.

Warm and deliberate and entirely unambiguous, it is offered without hesitation or condition, free of the careful hedging that has defined every conversation the two of you have danced around for months. There are no technicalities this time, no retreating behind friends because neither of you has quite found the courage to say what has long since become obvious, no desperate attempt to soften the truth before it has the chance to exist. And, perhaps most importantly of all, there is no rule held up between the two of you like a shield, because somewhere along the way you had crossed so completely into loving her that there had never really been anything left for it to protect.

Just the word, placed delicately in her hands like something it’s you've been meaning to give her for a very long time.

You watch it reach her.

You watch the precise moment it registers behind her eyes. It moves through her expression like light through water, illuminating everything it touches.

She has looked at you across candlelit restaurant tables and in the calm of Sunday mornings and in a hundred unremarkable moments that somehow became the most important ones. You know all of her expressions with an intimacy that comes from months spent unconsciously committing each one to memory.

But this one is new.

Beneath the recognition, beneath the warmth that has always been there, something else begins to bloom across her face. Relief. It arrives so completely and so without reservation that it transforms her entire expression, softening every line until she is looking at you with a kind of openness you don’t think you’ve ever witnessed before. It is beautiful in a way that almost hurts, because you can see exactly what has disappeared from behind her eyes. The wondering. The waiting. The hopeless fear that perhaps she had loved you more openly than you would ever be willing to love her back.

It is the look of someone who has finally stopped bracing themselves for disappointment, someone who has just been given permission to believe the thing they had wanted for so long that they had almost stopped allowing themselves to hope for it.

It leaves behind only certainty, and the sight of it is so achingly tender that for a moment you can do nothing but stand there and stare at the woman you love.

She pulls you back into her arms, and this embrace is different from the first.

The desperation of reunion relaxes into something steadier, the urgency slowly melting away until all that remains is the peace of knowing that you are here, that you chose her, and that you aren’t going anywhere.

Her arms settle around you with a certainty that the last two days had stripped away and that single word has restored completely. Her lips find the side of your neck, she presses a kiss there with a deliberateness that is both entirely subtle and completely unmistakable. It is soft and unhurried, communicating something that has very little to do with the room full of people surrounding you and everything to do with the two of you and the particular shape of this moment.

"I'm so happy." The words are murmured against your skin, simple and full of adoration. "You make me so happy."

You close your eyes.

You press your lips to her temple and hold them there, breathing her in.

The dark bedroom, the locked office door, your father’s kitchen table, the endless stretch of your apartment ceiling at three in the morning - they all loosen their hold on you, dissolving somewhere between her arms and your next unsteady breath.

The feeling that takes its place is almost too large to contain.

You have never thought of yourself as someone who overwhelms easily. You have built your entire professional identity on the ability to remain composed under the harshest conditions. And yet standing here, in a football dressing room of all places, with this woman's arms around you and her name against your shoulders, you find yourself entirely undone by the simple, staggering fact of how much you love her.

You would wear this polyester every single day. You would sit through every match, every season, every trophy celebration, every rainy away game, and every freezing night football could possibly demand of you, if it meant she would always look at you this way. A look of so much love and adoration, like you being hers was the greatest gift anyone had ever given her.

Though, in the interest of honesty, you reserve the right to scroll through your phone whenever she isn’t directly involved in a play, a compromise you consider both fair and remarkably generous.

"You mean everything to me," you whisper against her hairline.

You feel her exhale against you - slow, deep, and relieved. The kind of breath that only comes after finally setting down a weight that has been carried far longer than it ever should have been. Her arms tighten fractionally, drawing you incrementally closer, and she turns her face slightly into your hair.

She begins to respond but doesn’t get a chance.

A throat clears from somewhere behind you with all the subtlety of a fire alarm. The exaggerated sound making it abundantly clear that its owner has been waiting very patiently for an opportunity to interrupt and now has every intention of making the most of it.

"Capitanaaa." The voice is dripping with barely contained amusement. "As much as we are all absolutely loving this - and I want to be clear, we are all absolutely loving this-"

A ripple of laughter spreads through the dressing room. Alexia lets out a long, defeated sigh into your shoulder, sounding every bit like a woman who already knows exactly where this is going.

"We do unfortunately have a Champions League quarterfinal to attend." A brief, cheerful pause. "I don’t know if you remember… It's against Madrid." She glances dramatically at an imaginary watch. "In about forty-five minutes."

"Yes, thank you," Alexia says, somehow managing to sound perfectly composed despite the unmistakable pink creeping into her cheeks. "I am aware."

"Okay, just checking."

Someone near the back mutters something you don’t quite catch, prompting half the dressing room to double over laughing while Alexia closes her eyes for the briefest moment with the weary acceptance of someone who has captained this team long enough to know they will never let her live this down.

She lets out an exasperated groan. The sort that says she is aware that she is no longer in control of the situation.

You feel her glance down at you before she looks back toward her teammates, and somewhere in the middle of that breath you her expression softens into faint amusement. If they were all determined to turn this into a spectacle, then perhaps she didn’t mind quite as much as she was pretending to.

Her arm stays comfortably around your waist.

“Everyone…” she says, her voice cutting effortlessly through the room without ever needing to be raised. The chatter immediately quiets, years of following their captain’s lead taking over before anyone consciously thinks about it. A smile begins tugging at the corner of her mouth as she looks around at all of them before glancing back down at you. “This is my girlfriend.”

The dressing room erupts.

The cheer that goes up is the kind that rattles off locker room walls and almost certainly carries much farther than anyone intended. Someone begins applauding with slow, dramatic enthusiasm while another triumphantly shouts, “I told you!” loud enough for the entire room to hear. A chorus of vindicated laughter follows, accompanied by several smug nods from teammates who look far too pleased with themselves. Everywhere you look, you’re met with warm, knowing smiles, the kind worn by people who have apparently known you for weeks through Alexia’s stories and are delighted to discover that the woman standing in front of them is exactly who they had imagined.

You look around at all of them, these women dressed in blaugrana who have celebrated with Alexia, suffered with her, cried with her, and trusted her enough to follow wherever she asked them to go. They are her family in a way you are only just beginning to understand, and yet every one of them smiles at you as though you’ve been expected all along.

You find yourself smiling back. You like them far more quickly than you ever imagined you would.

"I'm really happy to finally meet all of you," you say warmly, straightening ever so slightly into your very best courtroom composure despite the fact that you're still tucked securely against Alexia's side. "And congratulations on surviving five hundred matches with this one."

The room erupts into another chorus of cheers and hellos, several players banging their hands against lockers while someone whistles loudly from the back.

You nod solemnly, as though acknowledging an exceptionally distinguished accomplishment.

"Which reminds me," you continue, your expression remaining impressively sincere. "I assume the afterparty is at Alexia's? She told me you're all invited."

The room falls suspiciously quiet. Beside you, Alexia turns her head with painful slowness until she's looking directly at you.

"Umm..." she says carefully. "I most definitely did not say that."

You furrow your brow like you’re genuinely trying to remember. "Really? I'm almost certain you did."

"I'm absolutely certain I didn't."

"Hm." You tilt your head thoughtfully, pretending to reconsider the evidence. "I suppose it's possible I misheard."

The dressing room explodes again.

"No, I heard it too!!"

"Pretty sure she said open bar!"

"I'll bring dessert!"

"We're coming straight after media!"

Alexia lets her forehead fall dramatically against your shoulder, the long, suffering sigh that escapes her making it abundantly clear she already knows this is completely beyond saving.

"Congratulations," she mutters into your jersey. "You've known them for approximately thirty seconds and somehow they're already taking your side."

“Well I can’t help it if they have excellent taste.”

She lifts her head just enough to give you an entirely unconvinced look. Before she can respond, your father calls across the room, wearing the broad, unmistakably smug smile of a man who has just watched his plan come together exactly as intended.

"Welcome to the family, Alexia!" he announces. "And good luck with my daughter. She's trouble."

Your head snaps toward him so fast you nearly give yourself whiplash. "Papa!"

"What?" He spreads his hands with the wounded innocence of a man who has done nothing but offer helpful guidance. "It's important she has realistic expectations going forward."

"Wait daughter??" a voice echoes from somewhere near the middle of the room, sounding like she was doing intense mental gymnastics. You can practically hear the gears turning. Several teammates exchange wide-eyed glances.

"Holy shit," someone blurts out from the back. "La Reina already had enough aura, and now she's dating into football royalty."

Alexia doesn't even glance in that direction. Her attention stays fixed on your father, her expression softening from mild exasperation into something warmer and more genuine.

"Thank you sir," she says as blush covers her cheekbones. "And thank you for coming down to wish us good luck."

"My pleasure." He beams at her, the kind of unguarded pride you have only ever seen him direct at people he has decided, quietly and completely, to love. "Now go beat Madrid."

"I plan to."

You meanwhile are still staring at your father with a particular look of betrayal reserved exclusively for when your parents embarrass you in front of an audience.

"I am not trouble," you protest, though the effect is somewhat undermined by the smile you are failing spectacularly to suppress.

Your father simply raises an eyebrow. Alexia turns her head slowly toward you, taking her time about it, clearly savoring the moment. Neither of them says a single word.

You look between the two of them - this united front assembling itself against you with alarming speed and even more alarming enthusiasm - and throw your hands up. "I hate both of you."

"You don't," your father says cheerfully.

"I really don't," you admit, which only makes Alexia laugh.

She looks at you then for a long moment, visibly trying to hold onto some semblance of exasperation at you inviting twenty teammates to her house and failing completely. The corners of her mouth refusing to cooperate with whatever stern expression she's attempting to produce. It's difficult to take offense, you suspect, when the person supposedly causing the trouble is standing in front of her wearing a jersey with her own name stitched across the back, having spent an entire afternoon crossing every boundary you'd once agreed to respect just to be here for this.

Some things simply cannot be argued with. She seems to have arrived at that conclusion somewhere in the last five minutes, and abandoned the fight without much resistance.

She leans in and presses a kiss to your cheek, slow and deliberate, lingering just long enough to make you smile before she finally pulls away. Then, almost imperceptibly, the softness gives way to purpose as she settles back into herself, into the captain who has a quarterfinal to lead and a team waiting to follow her.

You take that as your cue.

You find her hand one final time, lacing your fingers briefly through hers and squeezing once. You hold her gaze for a moment that carries everything neither of you needs to say out loud again today.

"I'll see you after," you tell her softly.

Her smile turns small and private, entirely yours. "After," she echoes.

You let her hand go and turn toward the door, where your father is already waiting with the carefully restrained expression of a man who has just witnessed something that has made him profoundly happy and is doing an admirable job of not making a bigger scene about it than he already has.

You are almost through the doorway when the voice reaches you - young, bright, and completely unfiltered

"She is so awesome." A deliberate pause, clearly for maximum effect. "And she's so much cooler than you, Ale."

The laughter that erupts behind you chases you out into the hallway, layered over the sound of Alexia's response, which is impressively indignant for someone who just introduced you as her girlfriend to a standing ovation two minutes earlier.

The door swings shut behind you, and the noise of the dressing room becomes muffled and distant, leaving you alone with your father in the quiet of the corridor, both of you grinning like fools.

Papa pulls you under his arm, drawing you against his side in the easy, loving way he has done your whole life, and the two of you begin making your way back through the halls toward the ascending noise of the stadium.

"I'm proud of you," he says simply, after a while.

You say nothing. You lean into him slightly, and let that be more than enough.

Somewhere ahead of you the crowd swells and breathes, sixty thousand people finding their seats, the vast collective hum of something enormous building toward itself. The smell of cut grass drifts through the cool tunnel air. The lights, when you emerge, are enormous and golden and entirely unavoidable.

You walk toward them without bracing yourself.

You think about the jersey stretched across your shoulders, about the word girlfriend finally offered without condition, and the look on her face when you said it. You think about your father’s arm around you, the conversation at the kitchen table, and the long, winding road it had taken to arrive at a truth that, perhaps, had been waiting patiently for you all along.

You think about rules. About the safety they promise and the walls they quietly build. About what yours had protected you from, and what, in the end, it had been preventing you from finding.

You never, in any version of your life you might once have imagined, expected to find yourself here. Walking willingly into a football stadium and realizing that the dread you had carried for so many years was gone, replaced entirely by love.

But then again...

Rules were made to be broken.

------

Author's Note: Guys I think that might be a good place to end 😭 I wrote that last line and was like wait a minute 👀

I've really, really enjoyed this one and I'm so happy it seems like you all have too :) Maybe someday I'll come back to these sickeningly in love cuties but for now I have to go back to under her wing iii because in my procrastination I legit wrote a 43k word story 😭😭😭

vixwritesagain

It makes total sense for this to be the end, but god I wish it could go on forever and ever and ever 🥲🥲 a masterpiece. I love these two idiots. Thanks for gifting us this ❤️❤️❤️

#fic recs

vixwritesagain

Jul 17

Take it All Pt. 1 | Misa Rodríguez x Reader

A/N: Either I sit on this for another month, or I give it you. Prelude to actual fic. 3k-ish, getting back into the swing of things. Ideas from a comment exchange with @2truthsand1lie on this post.

Tags: Mafia AU, mentions of guns, NO SMUT WHO AM I (lead up to smut). Sequel(ish) to Till There's Nothing Left. This won't make sense unless you've read that. Please read that first, or the dynamic swings in this are going to be a bit crazy.

Ever since that night, things had spiralled.

The morning after, you'd been roused by Alexia’s low murmur. “I should have your hand cut off for that.”

It took a second to register that she was across the room, not the heat pressed against your back.

The fingers curled around your hip twitched.

“Don’t move.” Alexia breathed, “She’s sleeping.”

You most definitely weren’t. But when the door clicked shut and Misa nuzzled into the back of your neck, it was easy to doze again.

The house arrest almost went unspoken that morning. You, too afraid to ask. Misa, making the coffee she’d usually insist on paying for in a cafe. Travel cups in hand, she'd gently suggested a walk in the garden.

It wasn’t till you were sat in the shade watching the bees sweep from flower to flower that she sighed.

“I know it’s between you and the boss, and I don’t want to…” A quick glance confirmed that she had become fascinated by the curve of her hands around her own cup. Her knuckles had been covered in fresh gauze that morning.

“Go on,” You replied.

Another breath. “Last night, you were sure you wanted to be a part of it.”

You turned back to the bees, pulling your knees up. It was quiet out. Quieter than it ever was in the city. “I want to be with her. And you. And I don’t have anyone else now.”

And after last night, I have no choice.

It sat between you, unsaid but ever present.

“Once you’re in, there is no way out. I don’t want you to regret it." She sighed.

It was hard to fathom what you were signing up for, your own perception skewed by muffled conversations overheard as a child and films watched as a teenager. You knew that your own knowledge was limited, yet walking away from Alexia wasn’t even a possibility.

You chose carefully, keeping your tone light. “Do you?”

“No.” She replied instantly. “Never.”

You hummed back, sipping from your cup slowly.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable per se, but it stretched.

Eventually, Misa leaned forwards and rested her elbows on her knees. You watched her profile look out over the garden, stretching all the way to the high wall.

“In that case,” she began, “I know you’ll have questions about… everything. I think you should save them for Ale. She knows more than me. Knows how she’d want things answered. But she wants you to learn how to shoot. You need to know how to defend yourself properly. And if you’re certain about staying, I’ll teach you.”

You processed slowly, no pressure from her posture nor her tone. After a while, you replied, “I’m certain.”

Her smile was slow and lazy when she stretched back against the bench. “Maybe after lunch, then?”

Nodding a little, you nudged your shoulder against hers. “Lots of time to practice. I don’t suppose I’m going to be allowed to leave here anytime soon?”

She snorted, pressing back. “Count yourself lucky Ale hasn’t locked you inside.”

You tried to suppress your sigh as you rolled your neck to stare at the leaves and listened to the gentle twitter of birds overhead. You'd expected as much, but the confirmation was still painful. “Can I ask you other things, then? About you. Not you know… work related?”

“Of course. Anything you want.”

And so it went.

Slowly.

Slowly, the days slipped into a gentle kind of torture.

First, the shooting lessons. The dark-lit range under the garage which was straight out of a Batman film. Misa, bright and alive when she enthusiastically explained the difference between bolt-action and break-action. Her fast-moving fingers dismembering her piece just to show you how it fit back together. The hard press of her body behind you while she readjusted your grip, your angle, your stance.

Second, Misa’s non-negotiable gym time. Her goofy grin if she caught you looking between exercises. The snap of fresh tape against her knuckles which would last exactly one and a half sets before she’d rip it off and let her wounds be bare. The devastating cut of her physique, covered in sweat and stronger than it had any right to be. And you, trying to ignore the way every quiet grunt made its way into your lizard brain and demanded to be played on repeat until you were undeniably turned on.

Third, the information your carefully curated questions would work out of her. The way she’d smirk but wouldn’t make eye contact when you’d bring up her past. Then her half-assed answers, which started short and then lengthened with each passing day. It took three of those conversations before you finally blurted out the thing which had sat at the front of your mind since that night.

“Can I ask you a question?” You’d rationalised that it deserved a little warning.

Though you could tell it took everything in her not to point out that you just had, Misa raised her eyebrow and kept her mouth shut.

"You and Ale," You’d started, "Romantically..?” It wasn’t until the word was out of your mouth that you realised you hadn’t given her a question at all.

She did a bad job of keeping her face straight, smirk creeping through her apparent indifference. “Less romance, more… physical.”

“Often?”

Misa folded her arms, but there was nothing tense about her. “Are you going to pretend Ale hasn’t already told you?”

You ignored her, pivoting fast. “And Jenni?”

Misa chuckled, reverting to her usual shortness. “It’s complicated.”

“And with Lucy too?”

“Lucy and Ona are a package deal.”

“But you’ve slept with them both?”

Misa’s eyes narrowed. It was like mental chess, trying to work out why she was being so evasive when Alexia didn’t hold anything back. “Any reason you want the details of my sex life, doll?”

“It involves my girlfriend.” You'd reminded, since you could hardly blurt out that the memory of them kissing had been playing on repeat in your head for days. “It happened a lot?”

Seemingly placated, Misa shrugged. “With Ale, not since you came around.”

“Sorry.”

She laughed at that. “Don’t be sorry. She’s happier now.”

And that was sweet enough to make you drop the subject, because that was the final pain point.

For her promise of no more secrets, Alexia was always gone. Some mornings you’d wake to her and Misa’s whispered conversations, the latter’s body entwined with your own, the former already half-way out the door. Others, you’d miss her entirely.

Each night, with Alexia and the others yet to appear and time ticking on, Misa would grow tired of trying to entertain you, then grow tired of watching you trying to keep your eyes open.

“Time for bed?” She suggested the first time.

“Yeah,” You’d breathed back, though your heart hurt, “But I wanna-”

“Come on then. I’ll stay until Ale gets back.”

But Alexia wasn’t back. At least, not before you fell asleep. Night after night, whatever bleary-eyed glimpse of her you caught in the morning was as much as you'd get.

Her sporadic texts weren’t nearly enough with the number of questions marinating in your mind. The gentle rejections to FaceTimes and phone calls were an everyday occurrence. If you did catch her, it was just a check-in, less than five minutes before she’d be called away to something else.

You knew Misa could see it. While you had been isolated before, you'd at least had the freedom to shop and eat in the city, talking to strangers if only to order from them. Alexia had been available, and the others were around far more often. Now, it was just Misa and the perimeters of the admittedly large villa.

By the fifth morning, your heart stuttered when their gentle whispers roused you awake.

“You're taking your bodyguard role very seriously, Mis.” Alexia’s bemused lilt carried.

You could feel Misa’s head pressed against your neck, her arm around your waist, her thigh stretched over yours. Her chest rumbled husky when she spoke. “I’m being a human shield.”

Alexia muffled her amusement before her tone lowered. “Hmm. Guard her any closer and we’ll have to have a talk”

With a pout, you forced your eyes open to find her across the room. She pulled on her jacket before noticing your alertness. You half-hated her for leaving so easily. For waking up and sneaking out. For teasing when she was meant to be jealous.

The other half desperately wanted her to come back to bed and stay.

You spoke before she could, curling your arm around to keep Misa close. “So what, you get to fuck her, but I can’t even have a cuddle without comments?”

Alexia hardly hid her surprised giggle. “You’re awake, cariño?” Her whole face lit up as she walked over, then gently kneed her way onto the bed. Her hand stroked back the wild flyaways of your hair before she leaned in. Her soft kiss made your heart hurt. Asking her to stay was on the tip of your tongue, but you already knew what the answer would be. You’d text each other enough ‘I miss you’s’ to know the response to that too.

Instead, you soaked in the worshipful caress of her fingers. Another kiss. Then one to your cheek. Alexia pulled away, just a cheeky smile before, “You can fuck her too, baby.” Another kiss. “Be safe.”

She turned and pressed her lips to Misa’s wild hair. Then, she left without turning back.

That comment played around and around in your head all day.

When Misa stood over the stove, sleep-rumpled and cooking breakfast.

When she readied herself for your walk in the garden, sliding her gun into her jeans.

When she stood behind you in the shooting range, strong hands correcting your own while her hips pressed against your ass.

When she stripped her shirt off before even starting her workout, then again when her sweat made her skin shine.

When she lingered at the door of the bathroom, eyeing how you settled on the bed to wait for her since she wanted you close.

And then again, when you could hear the shower's drone next door and know that she was hot, naked, and dripping under it.

You opened your phone to entertain yourself in the meantime. Flicked between the Lucy-approved weather app, your messages, and your contacts list a few times.

You tried to ignore the changing of the water patterns, then the quiet as it turned off. You tried to ignore the door left ajar in her paranoia. Tried to ignore the slithers of movement you could see through the crack.

Weather app, messages, contacts.

The hairdryer turned on.

Weather app, messages, contacts. Then back to messages. Impulsive perhaps, but Alexia’s was the first thread. Without overthinking it, you typed:

[13:56] You: Were you serious

[13:56] You: What you said this morning

Immediately, the read receipt lit up. Then:

[13:56] Alexia: ?[13:56] You: About Misa

[13:57] You: And what I can do

Then, instead of three dots, just silence. You stared at the thread for a few seconds, then went through the app rotation for good measure. Still nothing.

You half-expected your phone to light up with an incoming call, but instead, your focus was stolen by the hairdryer shutting off.

The silence stretched, no movement in the bathroom, no notifications on your phone. You’d opened the text thread again and started typing by the time the door crept open.

Immediately, you felt the heat. Misa stepped through, bare feet on the carpet, short shorts hardly hiding the line of her piece, the lines of her tight stomach exposed under a fresh sports bra.

She tilted her chin and leaned against the doorframe. “You okay? Ale said you needed something?”

You’d hardly registered the phone in her hand till she raised her eyebrows at your silence.

“I…” You sat up, staring at your own unanswered thread, “She texted you?”

“Sí, just now.”

Your stomach fluttered. You tried to ignore the heat rushing to your cheeks, shifting around to pick up your phone again. “I don’t need anything, I just wanted her to text me back.”

You deleted the half-written text, opting instead for the simple message:

[14.02] You: I hate you right now

And then right after, because you knew that a good old guilt-trip was an effective tool: [14.02] You: I thought you were mad at me :(

But instead of your phone’s vibration, it was Misa’s which chimed. She lifted the screen, immediately grinning.

“Is that Ale?” You asked.

Misa’s gaze flickered to you, her smile confirming.

Defiantly, you crawled your way to the edge of the bed and schooled your expression to confidence. “Can I see?”

Instead of answering, Misa shook her head, her amusement grinding against your thinly-veiled embarrassment.

A new tactic, wide eyes and pouting lips. “Please? She won’t text me back.”

Misa was still for a second. She glanced down at her screen again, then straightened up and stepped over the plush carpet in front of you. She handed you her phone while you registered how good she smelled.

You tapped the screen to brighten, then scrolled to the top of the most recent messages in the thread.

[13:57] Alexia: What are you doing right now?

[13:57] Misa: Shower. Was at the gym. She’s in the bedroom on her phone. I can see her.

You didn’t know what to do with the affection curling in your chest at being brought up unprompted in their conversation.

[13:57] Alexia: She’s horny

[13:57] Alexia: For you

[13:57] Alexia: Do something about it

You were certain your cheeks were bright red now.

[13:58] Misa: Is that an order?

You scrolled down.

[13:58] Alexia: If you want it to be

[13:58] Alexia: If you’d rather stand outside and listen to her getting off, you could do that instead

[14:02] Alexia: I’ll be home late

[14:02] Alexia: Tire her out for me

[14:02] Alexia: I want cuddles tonight

Nothing else came through. Misa still stood in front of you. You could feel her gaze, even if you didn’t want to meet it. Instead, you offered her the phone back, reaching for your own and typing quickly:

[14:04] You: I can’t believe you.

[14:04] You: You’re in so much trouble Alexia

It wasn’t surprising when you were left on read. You sighed just to fill the silence.

Misa didn’t move, still stood in front of you. Her voice was laced with her usual playfulness. “What did you say to her?”

“That she’s in trouble when she gets home.”

Her unrestrained laugh lifted a bit of the tension, as did her weight shifting to sit next to you. “I meant earlier?”

You could see her eyes dart to the phone in your hand. Something about her openness had you handing it over before you’d really thought it through.

She tapped the screen, head tilting like a confused puppy while she started to read. The seconds ticked by.

You were unsure what to do with your hands, anxiety tightening your chest with every passing moment.

Then, Misa held it back out with a snort. “Don’t be too mad at her, princess. She just wants you happy.”

Picking imaginary dirt from your fingernails seemed like the best solution. That, and digging even further. “If she wanted me to be happy, she’d be here.”

Misa tilted her head, a flicker of sympathy in the dip of her smile. “Soon,” She breathed, setting the phone to her side when you made no move for it, “As soon as she can be.”

The quiet sat. You were ready to suggest making a start on dinner despite your very recent lunch.

Misa, on the other hand, with her hair half-dried, half-dressed, half-smiling, was reading you like a book. With a dramatic clearing of her throat, she tapped the outside of your thigh with her fingers. “So… did you want me to step outside?”

The groan was escaping before you could think twice. You lay back, covering your face with both palms. If hell was a place, the ground would have already eaten you up.

As it were, a different kind of torture.

You felt the weight of her shifting as she leaned back on her side.

“No.” You grumbled, torn between hiding behind whatever tattered pride you had left and ogling her body.

“You want me to stay?” She prodded. You could hear the smile in her tone.

“You’re enjoying this far too much.”

“You want something else, then?”

The heat from your cheeks was unbearable. “I hate you. Both of you.”

Misa laughed, shifting to stroke her fingers against your forearms. “Come on. You’re never shy about asking for what you want.”

“Mis,” You sighed, pressing your arms down and out of her reach. She was closer than you expected.

She didn’t pull away; instead, she shifted closer, her shoulder brushing yours. She leaned in, her voice dropping to a playful, knowing hum. “For the record, I would.” Her eyes made a less than-subtle dart down your body. “Gladly. And if you didn’t belong to Ale, I’d have made a move the first time I saw you.”

You froze.

Misa smirked again, exhaling as she propped herself up on an elbow. “Surprised?”

Quite the opposite, in fact. Having confirmation that the weeks of flirting weren’t just proximity and obligation felt a lot like relief.

“You’re a menace,” You deflected, though it lacked any real conviction. In fact, it felt a lot like flirting back. The room felt small all of a sudden.

“I’ve heard worse.” Misa wasn't smirking anymore; her expression had softened into something hungrier, her gaze tracing the line of your throat before locking back onto your eyes. “Now, I’m under strict instructions to tire you out, so either you tell me to leave, or…”

“Or what?”

Misa’s eyes twinkled at the hint of bratiness. “Or you take your clothes off and we’ll see if you’re as smart with my head between your legs.”

You felt your thighs clench, but tried not to let her crudeness throw you. Her tease was familiar, so normal now that it still felt casual.

Misa didn’t look at you like a job she had to complete, but like someone she wanted to serve.

Reverent.

The power was heady. The decision, well beyond made:

“I don’t want you to go.”

“No?” Misa breathed, reaching out to draw the back of her hand against your forearm.

You moved to tangle your fingers together, letting the playfulness curl into your smile. “No," You inhaled just to see her be unusually patient for the next sentence, "But I do want you to kiss me. And maybe more.”

With a chuckle, Misa rolled her eyes and squeezed at your hand. “Maybe? She asks her girlfriend if she can fuck me and now she’s playing hard to get.”

That drew a giggle from you, the absurdity of it all. “Maybe,” You hummed, “Depends how the kiss goes.”

With an athletic grace that caught you off guard, her hand untangled itself and slid across your jaw. Misa leaned in, fast first, then completely still with just a centimetre between you. You could feel the heat of her, suddenly hyper aware of your own body, how your lips had already parted for something she only teased.

You didn’t give her time for whatever smooth comment she was about to deliver. You closed the gap with a stretch of your neck, pressing your lips against hers without fanfare. It wasn’t the soft caution of a first kiss, nor reflective of the blunt hunger simmering inside. Instead, her kiss felt right. Steady with the pressure and rhythm of two people who did this all the time.

But you didn’t do this all the time, and the way she pulled back and made you chase her for another was addictive. She seemed to enjoy that, smiling against your lips when you sighed your frustration. Your hands were trapped too low to keep her close, one stuck against your stomach and the other meeting the hot skin of her waist.

Misa pulled back, “Did I pass?” She purred, stroking her thumb over your bottom lip with practised confidence.

Her smugness was a challenge.

You turned your head, tongue darting out to lick softly at the pad of her thumb before taking it into your mouth.

Misa’s breath hitched, her jaw slackened as you hollowed your cheeks, eyes locked on her reaction. The sound felt like a victory. Her brow creased, pupils blown wide as she watched you suck her thumb against your tongue.

“Fuck,” She breathed.

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