"Treat them the way you want to be treated."
You've likely heard this as advice for how to treat women. And it's very important, because part of the social contract includes having rules that everyone must follow. Expecting others to be not allowed to do something that bothers you while you get to do it would be breaking the social contract.
But it's very easy to misinterpret this rule.
If you struggle to read signs of interest or initiate interactions, you may feel good when a woman is dominant and invasive. If a woman approached you and immediately started touching you frequently and invading your personal space, you may like that because it makes your response easier. You don't have to take guesses and wonder if she's interested in you. You can mistakenly invade her personal space and have more leeway because she's doing it also. That can easily feel like relief. Even if she was touching you more often than you want her to, you may still prefer that over struggling to read her signs of interest.
So you may be thinking, "Since I would like that, I should do that." When you're told to "treat them the way you want them to treat you", you may think that means that anytime you approach her, touch her, say something sexual to her, playfully tease or insult her, or flirt with her in any other way, it's automatically okay as long as you're doing what you wish she did.
You see a woman wearing tight jeans that show off her really big ass, and you want to put your hands on her waist and brush against her ass as you walk by her. You remember the rule "treat them the way you would want them to treat you". So you ask yourself whether you would like it if she did that to you. And you decide that yes, you would like it, so you conclude that it's okay for you to do it.
But before you have consent, you have to follow the default state. And in the default state, you can't ask yourself, "Would I like if this person did this to me?" You have to ask yourself, "Would I like if everyone did this to everyone?"
Would you like if everyone who wanted to touch you, for any reason, was free to do so? Would you like if every time you went in public, you had to accept being touched as a natural consequence of simply being there?
You may still answer yes, if you're touch-starved and you're like Timmy Turner carelessly wishing to Cosmo and Wanda for something he wants on the spot because he has tunnel vision at the time. But imagine if the wish was permanent and Cosmo and Wanda could never undo the wish. Would you still wish for it?
When someone is no longer a total stranger, you can then start asking yourself, "Would I like if everyone did this to everyone who has the same level of connection as us." And in that case, you'll sometimes answer yes so people have a safe way to pursue interactions that could be beneficial to them both, and you'll sometimes answer no because you won't want every single one of your acquaintances to have full access to you.
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