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attention!! don't starve yourself

trigger warning: weight + food discussed

If you want to lose weight DO IT HEALTHILY If you want to ruin your body for the sake of a thigh gap, collarbones or hip bones then do it. Starve. Yourself.

In a matter of months of starving myself I had protruding hipbones, ribs I could feel through my clothes, collarbones that laced my shoulders and an infamous thigh gap.

IT WAS NOT WORTH IT

YES people showered me with compliments. YES I felt more comfortable when going out.

BUT what I didn’t expect was this: • being chronically ill with a chest infection • getting asthma • I bruise very easily and badly • I fainted once and felt close to it many other times • It sucked me of all my passion for the things I enjoy • It’s difficult going out with friends to eat • my friend is worried about me and I hate that • I can’t stop counting calories in my head • I don’t enjoy eating, I just feel guilty • I lost myself along the way, but people didn’t notice because I was thinner

The saddest thing is, I can’t fathom waking up and have a bowl of cereal and a smoothie anymore. Because in my head that’s 2 meals. 2 meals more than I should be having. Every bite, whether it’s healthy or not these days, is making a little spot in my brain grow, telling me that I had a “bad day of eating” when I had 2 slices of pizza at a friends and then went home and warmed up some pasta. It consumes you and wears you down.

It is a slippery slope, and I for one wish I had never even looked down it. Because the slope just gets longer the further you fall down.