thinking about beverly who died young, in a car crash, in a blaze of glory; just like she was meant to.
chet and cherry find out and it turns their lives inside out. sure, bev was terrible, so exhausting and complicated but god, she loved them. and despite it all, even after the number of times she made them cry, they loved her, even if she never made it easy.
anyways here’s a letter that cherry wrote to her a few years down the line
or bev, or queen bee, whichever you prefer tonight
i was gonna call you that week, you know. i swear i was sitting by the phone waiting to dial a few times but it never happened. there’s time, i thought. now, i just think i was stupid.
i wanted to tell you about chet, about soda, about how weird it felt to love them both. i think you would have screamed, mostly because you were proud of me for getting my head out of my ass, but also because you would have never imagined loving two boys at once. i think you always loved at least three at a time, though. you would have told me to be smart, to be charming, and not to get my hopes up, even though you knew i would anyways.
i hope brill is up there with you, i hope you’re finally letting someone love you like he could. god, you never could trust that someone just loved you, it was always for something else, but i think he really did. i think he loved you loudly and embarrassingly and you hated him for it, but i think you needed it just as much.
you were a real pain in my ass. i wish i didn’t miss you the way i do. you once made me cry so hard i tore up a love letter i’d written to chet and flushed it down the locker room toilet and then you fished the pieces out and taped it back together like it was some damn artifact. “don’t be pathetic,” you said. “tell him.”
but you also held my hair back when i puked at prom. and you danced with me barefoot in the rain the night brill got his draft notice. and you told me i was too big for tulsa, even when i was pretending i wasn’t.
i wish i told you i loved you. i did. i still do. i think we all do. i’m sorry i didn’t call you after my first sonogram or when i found out i was pregnant. i’m sorry i never said goodbye. i’m sorry you don’t get to be old and awful and brilliant.
you’re still mine, you always will be.
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