ship: the ringmaster (shirley edwards) x kellie ayers
pov: kellie ayers
rating: T
summary: it's past the point of return.
warnings: angst deluxe.
“Look at me, Shirley! Look at me!” I shouted, feeling his distraught gaze meet mine. I was mad, more than mad even, I was beyond the point of no return.
Shirley pulled slightly, body facing away from me yet his gaze still hung on mine. He wanted to leave, it did not take a genius to read the body language of Lord Edwards. These were a few of my last words to the love of my life, I was ready to never see him again.
“Tell me you can’t take me as I am, tell me you won’t take the love I’ve been begging you to accept.” My tone was demanding, sharp as the blade of a knife, intentionally at that. I begged him to accept my love, I begged him to see beyond his worries, but all I was to him was a body. I regret every damn night I spent with that man, I regret trusting him with my deepest secrets and desires, I have grown to hate my own naïveté, the part of me he was enamoured with the most.
He remained quiet for several moments, clearly not planning to release me from the fucking torment. Say it and set me free, let me resort to suppressing every memory of you and the memory of your scent and the placement of all your birthmarks, for fuck’s sake, Shirley!
“TELL ME!” My shouts were heard all across the circus, I knew it. “Shirley fucking Edwards, tell me you can’t fucking love me, that is all you owe me. SAY IT.”
“I am not the man for you. I never was.” He said quietly, breaking eye contact.
“Say it with your damn chest and leave. Be the man you claim to be, stand for your words.” The tears kept rolling down my face. My eyes begged him to stay but it was a lost cause and we both knew it. After a moment, he spoke again, this time, turning his back to me and slowly walking away.
“I can never love you, Kellie Ayers, I bid you farewell.” And that was the last I saw of Shirley Edwards, the man I would follow to the ends of this earth. Never will I give all I am to anyone else as it has proven to be futile, my heart will never be received as gracefully as it should be. Any affections my heart held onto had disappeared, that man selfishly took a piece of my soul that I selflessly offered with him.
love how I am scared of sharing my passions in rl I still remember my abuser saying that it's stupid and that he's doing me a favour listening (or pretending to) and that I should put out to show I'm grateful
Yaoi, Old man yaoi, old woman yuri, yuri, scandals, work marriages, me almost being adopted by a work marriage (he asked how expensive I am per month even), me being the sheriff that runs a tight ship bc efficiency, age gap, height gap, trauma gap—
Mothering the interns (that are around my age or a few years older) that look like they want to cry bc I feel maternal towards them and protect them from the big bad wolves (mean attendings)
Also HUGE shoutout to that really young attending that looks like my abuser but is really nice and kinda scared of me, you are the best trauma therapy I could ask for; I only pissed myself once out of fear when I saw you for the first time!
Yaoi, Old man yaoi, old woman yuri, yuri, scandals, work marriages, me almost being adopted by a work marriage (he asked how expensive I am per month even), me being the sheriff that runs a tight ship bc efficiency, age gap, height gap, trauma gap—
Mothering the interns (that are around my age or a few years older) that look like they want to cry bc I feel maternal towards them and protect them from the big bad wolves (mean attendings)
Also HUGE shoutout to that really young attending that looks like my abuser but is really nice and kinda scared of me, you are the best trauma therapy I could ask for; I only pissed myself once out of fear when I saw you for the first time!
Yaoi, Old man yaoi, old woman yuri, yuri, scandals, work marriages, me almost being adopted by a work marriage (he asked how expensive I am per month even), me being the sheriff that runs a tight ship bc efficiency, age gap, height gap, trauma gap—
Mothering the interns (that are around my age or a few years older) that look like they want to cry bc I feel maternal towards them and protect them from the big bad wolves (mean attendings)
Yaoi, Old man yaoi, old woman yuri, yuri, scandals, work marriages, me almost being adopted by a work marriage (he asked how expensive I am per month even), me being the sheriff that runs a tight ship bc efficiency, age gap, height gap, trauma gap—
dailybridgerton
turnnoffyourmind
tangentwithtanner
discoholicmusic
origamiaround
