X kisser

" with a body and a brain so sickening , practitioners find it not worth fixing . " vent blog , IWEC they / rot / any [ NPD + ASPD + COTARDS + BPD + DID SYS HOST ] Splitroject 18y/o

[voidwalkerrabbit]

vent blog !

Uh so this is my vent blog !

everything will be marked with tags ,, also , please IWEC ! This blog will include content about my feelings,, uh yeah

[voidwalkerrabbit]

i should sleep soon its late and my eyes are getting reaaaaally weighty

[voidwalkerrabbit]

i care about them so much it makes my heart want to explode from my ribs

i dont think ive ever lopved this much before

[voidwalkerrabbit]

I wish that I did more writing / blogging , i think its been relatively helpful for me

its super late at night rn

well

technically its 12 am for me rn

current mood loooolll

I really wanna get better

I know its not impossible , but i know it'll be a leap

i have therapy in a few days so hopefully i can talk more with them

golly i just hope above all that everything is going to be okay

I hope one day i'll get to be happy and feel like im more than simply a issue or a problemchild who just makes excuses out of everything

i love myfound family very much

i wantto get better for them regardless of what happens wirh my blood family

i know ill nevrr been good enough for them but sometimes yiy just have to comr to terms with that no matter if your the most radiant light in the world there will always be people who prefer the dark or whatever

i'll get better and my metamorphosis will be beautiful

[voidwalkerrabbit]

hi ranty rant

I feel like all i really do is make things worse as of late . its not like i want to but it happens anyways

i went through a wjhole character arc last summer trying to learn how to be better at taking accountability but its so hard for me to like . figure things out at all . even when im trying super hard to learn and reuse the skills ive learned nothing really ends up working out

and i know perfect takes practice but regardless I just wish it stuck correctly when it truthfully mattered the most

I wanna make sure the people i love get taken care of because of course I do , they're all I have and I cant bear the thought of hurting them

but im just

not good at my job and im

failing both as a partner and as a parent to my found/forged family and children

the only things really keeping me afloat lately is some music , fiction , exe content , my fictional husband and the words of support from my partner , my ( questioning ? ) FP coming back from a break , and the chance of not letting myself die so early

I really wish the cards ive been dealt with where nicer and that they'd give me a little more mercy but who really cares ? I mean I have to deal with them anyways wether I like it or not so I might as well make the best with what I have right ?

[voidwalkerrabbit]

I've been miserable for weeks and ive barely been able to do much about it and im getting scared for myself . this is the worst ive been in a really long time and I wish it could just pass me by

[agerefritzsmith]

Hi!! Would you be able to do cg!Lord X headcanons, please? <3

I'll try my best...

(Yay, my first request on this blog!)

Caregiver Lord X headcanons!

[PT: Caregiver Lord X headcanons!]

•He was initially confused yet also intrigued, the fact that humans can for a moment regress to that of a child or whatever younger mindset.

•Considering he's dealing with someone in a younger mindset, he tries not to scare them in any way.

•Lord X does try his best when caring for a regressor, making sure his regressor is happy, content and comfortable.

•He'd play games(NOT the scary ones, but actually innocent ones) with his regressor.

•He'd speak to the regressor with a fairly soft and gentle voice.

•When he's busy doing whatever, he lets the Guardians babysit and sometimes, he'd let the regressor hang out with Alice.

•Lord X personally likes to make things quiet and calm for his regressor and sometimes, he'd play some nice piano music.

•When the regressor is asleep, he keeps an eye out to make sure no one disturbs them and even has the Guardians keep an eye out too.

I hope these are ok, I did try my best here.

[voidwalkerrabbit]

when your fp(?) isn't liked by one of your partners so you lowk just sit there conflicted because on one hand they're somebody you weep over like a dog waiting for its owner to come home but then theres that sharp hurty feeling reminding you they dont like them so you lowk split a lot because your partner is somebody who has a opinion that can just . make you split because you take their feelings into account very seriously so your just constantly splitting back and forth

[voidwalkerrabbit]

being borderline and watching yourself split in real time is one of the most miserable experiences I think anybody could have and I feel like its not talked about enough

[foxboycomet]

butcher vanity inspired oughghf

[voidwalkerrabbit]

ranting below the cut

very VERY venty

being cluster B has genuinely ruined my life . I make mistakes with people , and then I can’t fix this wings properly because the tools are literally stripped away from me

my communication skills are in the gutter even though I try so so so hard to make sure I am heard and clear

I do whatever I can to make sure I take accountability over things and express how I feel and how I’ve viewed things while listening to the other person to make it clear I want to change for the better and make things right just to just ruin it all because I just frankly , suck at talking and clearly figuring things out because my brain instantly goes to panic mode when somebody is talking to me about something serious with serious points in mind

it’s even harder to make sure I don’t hurt myself during the process because if I’m emotionally stressed I tend to subconsciously hurt my body and internalize things when I shouldn’t

I play out ways of communication in my head and try some out , especially if some of them didn’t work in the past , but even then it blows up and then I end up feeling like I can’t do anything right

I’m so horrified of people leaving because of something being my fault to the extent where I will start to question if my life is going to be kept in the next few minutes while I’m trying to process everything

I feel crazy or like I’m constantly running up a never ending hill in heels , but when I take the heels off I step on glass and sharp objects

nothing works

and I know I need to get help and take the steps

the problem is is therapy isn’t completely available for me right now

it’s horrifically scary

I’m trying my best and trying my hardest to stay true to what I belive in and what my intentions truthfully are with the people I love just for things to just

simply not work

because I’m mentally unwell and have bad habits

it’s miserable

[voidwalkerrabbit]

When they’re trying to make fun of EXE content “ jokingly “ while I’m around unknowing they are stabbing me in the chest while doing so because it is a interest of mine that has genuinely saved my life and I would’ve been dead before my 18th birthday if it weren't for it but if I say anything about how it feels like it’s backhanded when they talk about it in such a overly mean way they’ll assume I’m oversensitive ( I am )

[voidwalkerrabbit]

My mother never fails to make me genuinely scared I’ve done something I didn’t even do

She makes me anxious like I did something I didn’t even know I did

She makes me feel constantly like a rabbit in a trap

[weevildoing]

i’m not entirely sure how to talk about this. this is a fraught subject that deserves to be discussed by someone both tactful and astute, and i don’t know if i’m that person. but this is another post regarding my boundaries, and i cannot continue to disrespect myself by letting it go unsaid.

this morning i discovered that there are some people in the “radqueer” community displaying my characters on their pages and engaging with my content. i can’t control who likes my art, and i recognize this. i can’t prevent anyone from enjoying my work. but if these people have any understanding of basic human decency, i need them to know that i do not wish to be associated with them in any form, nor do i want my work to be promoted through them. please stop using my characters as your blog themes if you are a “radqueer”. please do not reference my music anywhere on your blog.

i feel so confused and tormented that these people have listened to Chocolate-Box Girl and somehow think their actions are exempted from the critiques expressed through the song. to be fair, many of these people are children, so i understand that media literacy may not be their most fully-formed skill. but, if i really need to restate it, the whole point of the song is how communities like these should not be fostered. you are not participating in a counterculture by saying children can consent. you are reinforcing our preexisting, pedophilic society at large. you’re playing into someone else’s hands, and you’re going to feel like an idiot when you get older. i’m not saying this from a place of judgment. i’m saying this as someone who has looked down these internet rabbit holes before and has seen how these people turn out. they end up permanently isolated due to their actions, jobless, unwilling or unable to seek help, perpetually miserable in a masturbatory way, and/or in prison. you do not want to align yourself with these people. you do not want to be known forever as the person who wanted to fuck dogs or the person who thinks the age of consent is stupid or the white person who “identified” as black.

my advice is to find another subculture. it’s not too late to jump ship. dedicate your energy to something productive and worthwhile. you could be spending your time reading or watching movies or sewing or baking or birding or doing literally anything else you want to do. if you want to make a permanent mistake, give yourself a stick-n-poke tattoo. give yourself a piercing. do something impulsive that won’t permanently ruin your reputation. you can be better than this. you’re going to fall out of love with this community eventually, it’s best to just rip the bandaid off now.

if you choose to continue to identify as “radqueer”, do not involve yourself with me or my art in any way. i do not like you. you don’t understand me or my work. leave me alone.

[chaonicgalaxystar]

Beautiful saint 💖

[voidwalkerrabbit]

headcannoning my f/os with disorders I have because you'd be surprised how similar we are in that regard

[voidwalkerrabbit]

transferring my chronic pain , bodily malfunctions , and all my disabilities to anybody who unironically calls themselves an empath . idgaf anymore