COSMOS STEW @voidxcouncil - Tumblr Blog

NOTICE!

This is a system blog. We are not OCs—do not treat us as such.

This blog is not meant to be anything more than a place for us to muse and engage in self-discovery from a place of freedom. It will not be educational. If you wish to educate yourself, I would recommend looking here.

If you relate to these posts and do not identify as a system/are questioning, please do not send asks as a way for me to help you figure that out. They will be deleted. We would encourage you to seek out a professional you can trust and to do your own research.

Content warning for the following (will be expanded as necessary):

Self harm, suicidal ideation, anxiety (OCD and generalized, catholic guilt), substance abuse, child abuse, general abuse, bullying, mentions of misogyny and things that could be constituted as sexual harassment, psychosis, unreality.

#w #z #r #a #c #mn #blur

Inside of me, there is a lake. It exists in a forest, somewhere, outside of time and space. I go to submerge myself, to be away from every part, every influence. Autopilot. Trust the body to know what it needs, what it needs to do.

#blur

Dissociation, for me, feels as though I am submerged underwater. Everything is muffled. The world doesn't exist. I start and end where the water does.

#blur #dissociation

Praying and hoping but also dreading the idea that my psych appointment will bring up no fruit my therapist will decide that all of this means nothing and i can go back to pretending to be something i'm not until another breakdown occurs

#and this feels very. clinical.#i can vaguely feel the stab of anxiety and emotion from Somewhere. don't want to find it #want to exist floating on this lake. eyes underneath the water. nose and mouth above so i don't drown #the mechanisms that keep me alive but not feeling alive #blur

Normally i think I'd feel afraid of being so clearly both depersonalized/derealized to such an intense degree, but i also Do Not want to feel anything right now other than a soupy haze

#blur

socialprawn

all of you ppl super into writing about and drawing your OCs... you are what make me go so smiler on tumblr.... ur so aspirational to me

(′д｀ )…彡…彡

#yesssssss

Well glad R got that out

#spacey and blurry as all fuck but hey. y'know #w #blur

Whatever. OCs. This shit Doesn't matter

#r

Weeeh weh weh see it from their perspective THEY SHOULD SEE IT FROM MINE FOR FUCKIN' ONCE.

#r

I hope everyone sees how pissed the fuck off i am and avoids us. I hope i'm radiating a "fuck around and find out" aura so intense it makes people fuckin' double take. Fuck with me.

#r

Sorry W i don't give a FUUUUUCK. I'm about to cuss a fucker out. I don't give a fuck about polite.

#pretty sure we're bordering on goddamn psychosis keep seeing shit and shadows move #depth perception is all fucked to rat shit #whatever #fuckin whatever #this can happen. i fucking guess.#r

You come into a fuckin grocery store floral shop lookin for all this custom wishy washy bullshit leave an entire cart full of BULLSHIT that uou COULD'VE put back. We are not your fucking servants. FUCK.

#r

Guy who was treated as a medical marvel for the vast majority of its childhood+teen years by medical professionals and subsequently dehumanized for it: Huh I wonder why I seem to have a bit of a medical kink. Weird.

#no i'm not saying kink is inherently derived from trauma. but in this case.#idk maybe i'm curious about how it'd feel to like. be studied. but lovingly.#does this make sense.#blur

Here I thought everyone was being chummy but nope. R from the top rope

#we haven't gotten much done at work so the council is. frustrated #w #r

The fact that I can be like "yeah my issues don't come from one single source" and know factually when i look at my life on a timeline that. There was a time when EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF MY LIFE was disorganized and dysfunctional as fuck. Mental spiritual physical medical you name it i fuckin' had it

#guy born with a disability rhat it's only realizing was a disability in hindsight #like a physical disability not a mental one. altho i did get that too. but yeah i have a prosthetic #and i have been told by friends some of the ways i was treated by medical professionals #sounded straight out of resident evil LMAOOO #w #blur

Getting more confident either Z is around or something else is causing us to heavily dissociate bc this day has FLOWN by

#blur

Suddenly repulsed by the pasta salad I was eating. This feels like a Z-ism but I really can't tell

#threw it out. feeling nauseous anyway #blur #w

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