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One day, you will learn how to love someone in a way more than how you know, now.

Most of the night, you would ask yourself about the man who broke your heart, ‘Is there still love that lingers out from the ashes?’. To your surprise it answered yes – beyond dust and particles. It’s huge. It’s actually heavy. It’s brave. But somehow it slowly fades and gone with the wind. The first time you were together, he was like the sun and his rays were your wings, your tail, your legs – your breath. You never felt special whenever you’re in his arms, you felt cherish. For the first time, you felt home. He showed you how much you mean to him. He convinced you that you’re the only air that fills in his lungs. Cliché but it surely destructed your nerve. You were so happy that time, no, you feel so beautiful everyday. One day, he changed and you’re proud to tell yourself that it’s easy to move on. It’s easy because you were strong, brave and independent before he came. But it never happened. The turning point of your life came, the flowers in your heart withered, your anchor shrunk, your what if’s kept you in a box. Why? Because no matter how fast you reached the finish line of your track it still felt like the starting point. No matter how excited you walk along that new road, you would still love the old unknown. There would always be, “I hope he’s here” that crossed along your journey. There would always be a familiar sensation that would stay as your favorite scent. You cried, you wanted him now to wipe your tears, to kiss your cheeks, to regain your trust. But is that what he feels too? Is that what he desires too? Of course not, he has no time for you. He’s now busy making he’s new one feel wanted. The same game he did to you. The same strategy on how he quenched your thirst to love. The same words that flattered your heart before. I know, it’s painful. I knew how it felt because I’ve been there, I mean, ‘I am there’ and I don’t know until when.

I’m broken, again. I am destroyed by the lullaby created by your heartbeat. I fell in love and so I fell hard on this pit. You allowed me to own you and I let you to keep me like a special gem of ruby. But I doubt, “did you really keep me the way I wanted to be?” NO. I mean yes you kept me, you kept me in a room full of choices. Then, my lips reminded me of everything. Everything when I am cloth with fine linen and you were there. But when I walked nude with thorns and nails on my ankle, you were no where to be found. I tried to beg and as much as you hate me, I hate myself more for mistakenly doing it. Now, as the sun drops and meets the horizon of the ocean, I realized you are like waves and I am the shore, we met and meet but not meant.

It is now that pain have somehow evaporated. It is now that my lips ain’t pale because hell of a life, you sweetly peel off those lonely skin. It is now that everyone is looking at us and I don’t know why – maybe because I dressed pretty good. But maybe because, I’m carrying this 360 pieces of roses with proses on its stem. It is now that I am ready to see a falling star, descending from limelight. It is now that I’m afraid I can no longer pull off poetry from my fingertips. It is now that I am happy and I know I deserved it and I thank you. It is now that I pleaded you to stay and I’m confident you will.

LAS CASAS FILIPINAS DE ACUZAR

Our country is considered unique and wonderful in all edges, and the glam it has makes me admire the culture around. All we really need is to see this beauty in front of us. So yeah, I had an amazing adventure again at Bataan which even until now I can’t forget (I mean I will never forget, insert feeling sick because I’m suffering of too much sepanx). Well, I really enjoyed taking photos of these houses which was built long time ago from all over the Philippines and was restored for us to experience how wealthy it was to live a life before (not to tell you most of it was the original home of our noble heroes). As I stared and touched its imperfection because of time, I cannot help but enjoy the warm sensation it soothes to my hands. Indeed, its beauty goes beyond imagination. It deserved a big applause. Brilliant artistry to Filipinos.

ISLAND OF VALOR 01|26|17

Unravel Corregidor Island, the place where our ancestors have fought and exerted so much effort just for us to taste and live this kind of freedom our country is enjoying. The place is totally breathtaking, it is enveloped of beautiful historical artifacts that made me more a proud Filipino.

Now, the sky never stop from being angry, it rain and it rain like his never been this mad before. And I suddenly miss you, not because its cold. But I miss you because the thunders and lightning remind me of you. I want you now, here, at my side, no, in front me. I want to hug you, I want to kiss your neck at the back down to your spine until you say ‘please stop’ then hug you again. But this never happened, I should better say ‘this will never happened’ because just like thunders and lightning, you’re gone, so fast, not because you leave but because I made you leave. And I’m sad, but I guess it’s more than being sad, it’s unexplainable, I’m so unwell. I want you back but just like thunders and lightning you’re gone, you might go back but no longer the same.

I will trust you even if your fingertips are not faithful enough. I will trust you even if your eyes are naughty and your lips ain’t trustworthy. I will trust you even if you lied to me a hundred times before, I mean a million. I will trust you because you’re capable of protecting me, protecting me from stupid-aching-pain, that aching pain you cause when our late-night fights don’t get settled. I owe you a million hugs. I hate you. You, being my other half and me, being the person every one get envious because I have you and most especially because you have me.

I wasn’t the person you’re holding in your dreams, I am the person you cuddle every morning and comforts you from your nightmare.

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. - Isaiah 9:2”

At Christmas we embrace the good news that God, in Christ, has come to us wherever we are and has bridged the gap between us. He invades our prison of darkness with His light and lifts the load of sorrow, guilt, or loneliness that weighs us down. He showed us that the most symbolical gift are not found in a box wrapped with beautiful paper crafts, He made us understand that no amount could fathom one’s happiness, it is only through LOVE that everyone is capable enough to give. The kind of love we can emit through simple or special way like a toxic that penetrates our atmosphere in a healthy perspective. The kind of love that escapes freely from our body and radiate to anyone regardless of it’s appearance, social status, or gender. The kind of love that heals the scars from past and transform it into beautiful flaws.

Today, may we remind our self that this is the best season to be someone’s shining ray that will fall to one’s life because of the abundance of brilliance that try to sorrounds this world. May we reminisce the teachings we heard that long time ago, the world’s greatest gift was a child name Jesus, that until now and even beyond man’s time is our most precious price. Merry Christmas Everyone. Spread love and keep safe! 🎄🎆🎇

WHITE BEACH, COLORFUL TALES

Clear skies, shallow waters and calm sea. I could almost hear the humming of the seagulls as I walk towards the boat going through the enticing island of Boracay. Yes, it was October 15 of this year when we went there for our 3-day Regional Mid Year Convention exclusive for the members of Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants Region VI (I know right, these photos have been so diagnosed of plenty diseases because of being stubborn and an-old-file, stocked on my gallery. Good thing it wasn’t caught by any molds before it died *insert loud laugh). Anyway, attending such convention give us a lot of expectations and adrenaline rush more especially because it was held on one of the fascinating island here in our country. Much to our dismay, it turned out to be a bad dream, yes, a worst reality perhaps. We were put in the perils of wilderness which was not part of our expectations, then we stayed in an uncomfortable hotel and a lot of nightmares followed. But despite of it, we still able to conquer the great seas of challenges. Our school excel in different categories we participated, and oops I even joined a modeling competition and we won as 2nd place (but hey, that was just few to tell, we really got a lot of awards that time). Well, that incident taught me a lesson that troubles always come in an uncertain time that is why we always need to be prepared.

Our experiences during our convention do not only revolve on bad things, it also include good times (not just include, I guess it was still dominated by good times) which I could say in one way or another, helped us ease from thinking that we have spent our parents’ money to nothing. We enjoyed unwinding our minds with the relaxing panoramic view of Puka Beach, our birthday surprise for our dear friend was even a success, it was also my first time to party until 4am at Epic Club (this one is on top my list when you will ask me how did we enjoy our trip) and most especially mingling with people you used to know and getting to know more about their personality into another dimension.

Indeed, everything might started topsy-turby and a realistic nightmare but in the end, happiness and joy will always depend on you, yes on you – whether you will unleash those beautiful adjectives from within or not. This may not constitute all the days of my experiences there but I am telling you it was a blast, a very colorful blast.

Yesterday, you hold my hands mainly wrapped my body at your arms. It was cold, freezing I guess but fortunately you were so warm. You whispered me something unclear but something I can recognize so well. Something I’m badly dying to hear. Something my eardrums delight to hear. Something I will tell to my sister. Something nags me even at dreams. Today, I asked you to say it again. Much to my dismay, it changed. It wasn’t something I’m expecting. It wasn’t something that can butters me in. Instead, it’s the words I fear to hear. It’s the nightmare that scares me out from slumber. Tears fall as it resonates to my soul, “I have loved you yesterday but, no longer now and I’m sorry”.

PS. Will there be someone who can sew my heart and fix it back? Or will it still him?

You said, “I know forever does not exist. But it’s all about how much we spent before everything’s gone, how much we chase our time holding hands”.

I said, “I never liked you, I needed you. I never loved you, I live for you. My heart aches when you cry. And it would be madness if ever I get tired of hearing these fresh butterflies”.

It is that certain type of kindness you can hear from one person’s voice that will make you know him further. It is that one of a kind love that lingers. It is that ironic moment you never planned in your dreams before that happened. It is that type of lips you curse but eventually turned out to be your-never-ending-wish your fairy godmother granted. It is that symphony you both enjoy when silence tries to deafen your awkward moments. It is the exact place you run when thunder and lightning disturbed your prepared-date. It is that person who can break your heart and causes bruises and wound. It is that name who can be a reason of your death. But, it is still that person who can mend your soul, the same name you can hold on when death is near, the same guy who can cure your scars out from the wound. It is that love you share under rain and storm. It is that face you look as you walk in aisle of roses and tulips wearing the white gown you both picked.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We commonly asked ourselves, ‘Who am I to be, gorgeous, talented, powerful, charming, famous?’ We over look things. We over sight ideas and opportunities because we become dependent on our beliefs that all the time we are capable. We thought that life is easy, we forgot that it’s road is not place in the garden, it’s in the forest, in the wild creepy forest. We thought that we are capable of making others liked us. We believed that we are capable of ruling mediocre individuals. And we are glad that we are capable of hurting them as well. In other words, we put too much love and affection on our capabilities. We become crucial, evil, threat to others life, imminent pollution to someone’s soul. Sometimes, we don’t even have happiness because we cannot be easily fulfilled by simple things. It’s sad but it is already chained on our wrists and ankles that made us uneasy to walk. Remember, too much pride kills, and only ourselves can break the chain. Actually, we should better ask ourselves, ‘Who we should not to be?’

DO YOU LOVE ME?

Do you love me? Because if you did, You shoudn’t stare my best friend yesterday the way you stared at me.

Do you love me? Because if you did, I shouldn’t feel like a hurricane is attacking my emotional equilibrium.

Do you love me? Because if you did, There are still you and me.

Do you love me? Because if you did, We’re still together tonight, connecting the stars and creating constellation.

Do you love me? Because if you did, My words shouldn’t ache or shall I say, I shouldn’t be in this bed lying – with wet pillow on my head.

Her point of view..

You carved my name on your heart whether the assurance is still lack. You put meaningful strokes on every edge of it ignoring the fact that it might turn me off because your penmanship is worst. I have seen how my presence can give you poetry causing aching prose to my body. I have seen how you stuggle for my attention and it gives me chills with bad conviction. You pronounced love every time you breathe. So, sadness to mine when I told you I can’t love you the way you did. It breaks my heart, no, it kills my heart. I know for sure, those masterpieces sculptured on your chest will no longer stay beautiful; it will soon die in the wind and no one likes to smell it again.

My point of view..

I know that I have lost you so long ago. I just pretend like I don’t know. There were no nights that I never cried begging from above to return you to me. To return the person who makes me feel worthy, I mean wanted. I was so in scar and dumbfounded but I am so thankful that I still manage to act like normal everytime we’re together. But today, I’ve heard what I was waiting to hear but I never want to. You give up, wrong, you gave up. It’s so hard to understand what else I haven’t done. I know I wasn’t perfect but I am certain I gave you the best love you can have. I never asked you stay because it would be madness. Now, I’ll just cry and cry but I can’t promised to stop. More, I can’t promise not to call you in the middle of the night asking if you’re okay, that is what I used to do and it would take time to get over. All of it, I will repeatedly do regardless you’ll ignore me or what.

PS. My friends told me I can forget you, maybe yes, but just maybe.

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