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@vtergrrrl
Happy birthday, Little Brother! You’re 4 today! We celebrated your first birthday together, and for the past two years I texted with your family to wish you a happy day. I didn’t write this year though. But I’m thinking of you. And I hope you had a wonderful day.
The Kids left on Monday. Their grandmother moved back to our state and DCFS moved them back to her. Lots of feelings.
Husband got a job offer! We move at the end of July, but E and I will go with him to the east coast for 3 weeks while he’s working there. So we’ll pack up before we go and try to find a place to live in the meantime. Since this Tumblr has been used to record our time as foster parents, I’ll move back to @littleduplexontheprairie and leave this here as a time capsule. Thank you, Fumblr friends, for your honesty and generosity.
Random
We were fooling around on the bathroom scale last night. Little Girl has moved from the 7th to 21st percentile for weight in the 6 months they’ve lived here. Maybe it’s a fluke.
We’ve had two wonderful babysitters who have been loving and wonderful towards the kids. They also both graduated from college. Weird or inconsiderate to just give them money? Or considerate and appreciated?
I’m doing some packing this morning while the kids are at school. We’re going to tell them tonight that they’re moving. I hope they’re excited, as I expect they will be. My therapist (a former foster and adoptive parent) was helpful in reframing it from their perspective. There are also good things about this move, despite many of the unknowns.
I have a lot of feelings about all the things that have happened with the kids’ case.
My biggest takeaway?
You have to be on the same page with your immediate family before entering into the system. Even if you used to be. Even if you think you are still. Have the conversation. I thought I knew and was wrong.
I’m sad it has ended this way. The kids don’t know yet. DCFS is moving them in 2 weeks. I don’t know to where, since their grandmother doesn’t even have an apartment in this state yet. But that’s not my problem. We’re meeting with their therapists to decide how to best support and prepare them to go back to a woman they have very mixed feelings about living with.
After court
This moral gray area is an impossible place to live. Depending on your perspective everyone involved in the case (ourselves included) is the solution or the problem. I don’t trust anyone. I feel like the shadow of my failure as a foster parent will follow me for the rest of my life. I chose my biological family over these beautiful babies and my heart is broken.
Continuance. I’m so frustrated.
1. Went to a funeral for a former professor. Saw lots of old college friends who I didn’t even realize I had missed so much.
2. Court on Tuesday.
3. E yells at the Google Home and I find it hilarious.
4. I can’t believe it’s May. I hope this month brings some definitive answers and positive momentum.
Why?
I hate when Little Girl is triggered and I can’t figure out why. This was a long weekend. Ringworm is back again. I am feeling the urge to burn everything we own.
Went to the doctor. Different pediatrician this time but same practice. She thinks it may not be ringworm at all but eczema. I give up.
Why?
I hate when Little Girl is triggered and I can’t figure out why. This was a long weekend. Ringworm is back again. I am feeling the urge to burn everything we own.
I spent a week crafting my letter to the judge. I sent it to a few people to proofread. I was going to mail it today. I received an email last night that CASA managed to get a hearing scheduled for next week! I need to do some major edits on the letter, but will send it anyway so the judge is aware of just how much a shit show DCFS has been.
In talking to a variety of people associated with foster care and this case, it seems the next step is to write a letter to the judge in the kids’ case.
E (20 months) loves the vacuum. He calls it ”Sucky.” Today he went into the garbage, threw some on the floor, grabbed my hand and told me, ”Mama, get Sucky!”
Easter
I’ve led fhw choir or sung for four church services and one rehearsal this week. Friday the kids didn’t have school and it was my mom’s birthday so we went to the zoo. We had eleven adults and four kids (ages 5, 3, 20 months & 12 months) over for dinner today. It was a gorgeous day so we had an egg hunt. I filled plastic eggs with stickers and Annie’s cheddar bunnies or graham bunnies. The kiddos all looked super cute in their Easter outfits but we forgot to get a photo of the five of us together. We somehow don't have a single photo of us all together from 5 months of them being back with us!
There are parts of foster care that are frustrating and then there are the parts that are impossible. I am not an investigator. I am not the caseworker. I am not CASA. The next step is to write to the judge. CASA is trying to write a motion to block the family member as an adoptive placement. I’m having second thoughts. Family is family. Who am I to say who they should live with? I don’t agree with the agency’s decision, but I also don’t know if it’s worse than the alternative.
We told DCFS months ago we wouldn’t be able to adopt the kids because (in a nutshell) we’re planning for Husband to get a job and we’re leaving the state. Today we had a case review meeting to talk about what progress has been made in looking for an adoptive family. Zero. Their caseworker is back talking to a family member who denied as an adoptive placement (the reason their ICPC was revoked) in another state. The family member is talking about moving back to our state so that she can adopt the kids. CW said they don’t have any adoptive families she can place the kids with, so that’s why they’re considering it. I asked if she had talked with any other agencies in our area (there are MANY private agencies). Nope. I asked if she had reached out to the organization that runs the state photo listing. Nope. I came home from the meeting and called the state photo listing agency today and gave her our CW’s contact information. Also called a local agency’s adoption coordinator for our county and gave her our CW’s contact info. Called a friend who works with the CASA attorney. I’m also meeting with our local foster parent coordinator to discuss hosting information sessions for prospective foster parents in our county. I’m going to start calling our CW every day for progress updates. I’m not sharing any case details, just putting them in touch with the CW. I’m terrified that these kids are going to get bounced from home to home and age out. I’m terrified that they’re going to end up in residential care. I’m terrified that they’re going to go to a family member and end up back in care - AGAIN. I can’t believe that DCFS has had months to find an adoptive home and have done NOTHING.