good times in traumaville

be strong, saith my heart; i am a soldier, i have seen worse sights than this

[g-meister]

[tachiikoma]

[labors]

i love the phrase “inner demons”! its so fucking funny. like yeah i was traumatized and now i got dozens of mean little bastards running around in my brain! i contain a multitude of evil spirits. i was emotionally damaged at one point and now im possessed

[littlesoftheart-deactivated2018]

[trauma-blog]

..

[q-a13-blog]

[zarathustra-would-be-proud]

[neoyorzapoteca]

Wish (2) by Bhanu Kapil | Poetry Foundation

[babyovum-deactivated20130527]

[shebitesgodinthewrist]

“because horror and sex really are the same thing […]”

— Dorothy Chan, “Take Me Out to the Dog Show and We’ll Kiss”, published in Glittermob

[vulturehead]

trauma dreams are bad but trauma remix dreams in which people you love and trust are the perpetrators are especially terrible

[raevelation]

[apotheolatry]

[vulturehead]

i am very well-loved. 

thinking today about all the ways in which i am loved: my mother who drove two hours to visit me every day in the psych ward and who is a vegan now because i care about it, even though she doesn’t. my brother who sometimes buys me video games when i’m sad and who sent me a hand-written birthday card telling me he’s proud of me and who wants to build shelters in our woods with me this summer. my half-brother who invites me to come sit on his couch with him and watch tv and not talk, my half-sister who talks to the birds she thinks are fragments of my dad’s soul and tells them to come visit me because i need them more. my friends who are endlessly supportive, who put up with my disaster personhood, who wrote me letters urging me to leave an abusive relationship because they knew me well enough to know i’d run away from an in-person intervention, who talk me through panic attacks, who love me unconditionally. my partner! my partner who says “oh cass, you beautiful creature” when i tell them about something stupid i did and whose existence fills me with joy and who somehow manages to convince me that i am worth their love. my dogs who wag their tails so hard when i come home that their crates shake! my best friend who is dead but who loves me so hard i can still feel her loving me. my father who is also dead but who used to just drive me around when i was a fucked up agoraphobic teenager, around and around until i stopped crying and then we got ice cream. there’s so much love, even though i don’t feel it sometimes, there’s so much love

[lifeinpoetry]

How else could I survive the endless winter of my childhood? Hell-spangled girl spitting teeth into the sink, I’d trace the broken landscape of my body & find God within myself.

— Rachel McKibbens, from “three strikes,” blud

[vulturehead]

i dreamed about being pursued relentlessly by a rabid fox who was also the pit bull who mauled me once and also the pedophile who lived down the street from me when i was a child. in the dream the creature repeated nonsensical rhymes and when it caught up to me i wrapped my hands around its teeth and tried to stop it from ripping into my flesh. the man-part of it assaulted me and the fox-dog part of it mauled me and then it started all over again, an endless loop of running and running and never being fast enough.

[vulturehead]

dissociative amnesia is such a wild ride, like sometimes i lose time and then find out i’ve self harmed and painted horrifying pictures with my own blood, and sometimes i lose time and then find out i’ve bought a bunch of stim toys and added a dozen disney movies to my netflix list