YET ANOTHER ROUNDUP OF ASOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to be a bit silly <333
CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
❛ I am not merely a clown; I’m the entire damn circus! ❜
❛ I will bite you if you continue this behavior. ❜
❛ Being a dramatic ass bitch isn’t a personality trait; it’s a lifestyle! ❜
❛ Trauma? Oh … you mean, my lore? ❜
❛ why must I cite sources? is it not enough to just say ‘trust me, bro’? ❜
❛ sorry for being a perfect sweetie and a genius it will likely happen again. ❜
❛ forget about touching grass; I need to touch WATER I NEED TO GO INTO THE OCEAN I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!! ❜
❛ I’m attracted to men with muppet energy and no i will not be explaining. ❜
❛ you want me to make friends with people? the thing that killed julius caesar? ❜
❛ what’s your birthstone? mine is rock bottom. ❜
❛ I absolutely hate that I’m not bioluminescent. Pathetic. ❜
❛ ohhhhh my god i have got to stop mourning the past or whatever. ❜
❛ you expect me to act like a normal human being? I’m wearing a turtleneck! ❜
❛ i don’t struggle with same sex attraction I’m actually very good at it. ❜
❛ unfortunately i often find out without even getting the chance to fuck around. ❜
❛ I’m bisexual which means that I’m attracted to anybody who can defeat me in physical combat. ❜
❛ all anyone needs to know about me is that i’m a dumbass and i love women. ❜
❛ sorry but philosophers aren’t impressive i came up with stuff like that when i was 12. ❜
❛ I pay my own bills; I can cuss all I want! ❜
❛ I don’t have rizz; I have sad eyes and a weird presence. ❜
❛ my demons are chasing me and they’re doing the Naruto run. ❜
❛ honey we are ALL doomed by the narrative. it's not that serious. have some fun with it. ❜
❛ dating me is like interviewing a psych ward patient. ❜
❛ being a girl with very large brown eyes comes with great responsibility. ❜
❛ i’m autistic in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine. ❜
❛ being a loser may be a phase to you but its a lifestyle for me. ❜
❛ entering a magical portal in the woods would fix me. ❜
❛ I’m lonely but not in a hot mysterious way; more like in a pathetic way. ❜
❛ life is so unserious just say womp womp and move on! ❜
❛ you’re vibing? In this economy? ❜
❛ just because I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass. ❜
❛ my primary motivators are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ❜
❛ sorry about the chaos; I needed attention. ❜
❛ WHAT IS UP GIRL you look foreboding and malicious! ❜
❛ baby i can be your problematic bi wife. ❜
❛ i don’t think any of you understand how important i am to the plot. ❜
❛ what if we are both red flags? what then? ❜
❛ any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ❜
❛ my hobbies include being right, being gay, and being a hater. ❜
❛ i have a phd in Loving The Color Pink And Also Glitter. ❜
❛ being a menace to society is a full time job and I am dedicated. ❜
❛ my life has been a bouquet of oopsie daisies. ❜
❛ i survive on spite, anxiety, and blasphemy. ❜
❛ if you’re not obsessed with me, why would I wanna be with you? ❜
❛ the hottest thing a man can be is a little afraid of me. ❜
❛ my love language is being a hater. ❜
❛ i don’t get enough credit for acting far less insane than i actually am. ❜
❛ the A in my name stands for always right. ❜
❛ Jesus is my homeboy but God has a lot to answer for and I will continue to be rebellious until he does so. ❜
❛ I’ll see a man with long hair and then remember that I’m not above temptations of the flesh. ❜
❛ i’m going to be honest with you I’m not going to be honest with you. ❜
❛ stop asking me if I’m ok I’ll literally make out with you. ❜
❛ part of my masculine charm is that I’m literally insane. ❜
❛ are you sure those are demons bro? or are they consequences from the choices you made? ❜
❛ i do not identify as a boy or a girl. i identify as a nuisance, an irritant, a fool, and a problem. ❜
❛ praying on someone’s downfall isn’t enough i need to participate in it. ❜
❛ we all need to chill. i won’t do it first but it’s something i noticed. ❜
❛ not to sound like a Victorian woman suffering from hysteria but going to the sea would fix me. ❜
❛ the silly goose convention called; they asked if you could be their keynote speaker. ❜
❛ i deserve unrestricted access to old castles and old churches i want to know all the secrets. ❜
❛ doesn’t matter if you’re cringe or based we’re all just here to suffer. ❜
❛ I’m no longer comedic relief I’m now serious panic. ❜
❛ this is getting difficult to romanticize. ❜
❛ done healing my inner child. next up is my inner teen. her highness needs a sword. ❜
❛ i am God’s silliest experiment. ❜
❛ i’m very vulnerable right now if anyone wants to take advantage of me. ❜
❛ sorry i overshared do you still think im hot? ❜
❛ I can yap for days and still maintain my air of mystery. ❜
❛ good luck sending me mixed signals; I don’t even understand normal ones. ❜
❛ not all of your life decisions have to be smart. some can be purely for cinematic value. ❜
It wasn't rare for a rogue to become obsessed with you. Obsessed with beating you down until there was nothing left of you. To be able to stand up and say they were the one who killed the Batman.
But Edward's riddles, they were for Batman. They always had been. You were not a thorn in his side getting in the way of his careful laid plans, you were the reason those plans existed at all.
Bruce Wayne got up every evening and dressed like a bat because he loved Gotham.
Edward Nygma got up every evening and dressed in question marks because he loved Batman.
You worry your jaw, gaze flickering around from behind blank white lenses.
"You don't love me." You counter. I wish you did. You don't say it aloud. Edward loved Batman, that much was true. But Batman was only ever such a fragment of the whole picture of you.
Edward knew your brain. He knew the way you reasoned, the way you calculated. He probably loved your brain, too.
But Edward didn't know your heart. He didn't know your grief, the nightmares that woke you up from what little sleep you did manage with your busy schedule. He didn't know your soul, how you take your coffee, the music you can't listen to anymore because it reminds you of different—happier—times. Times you didn't allow yourself to think were happier in the moment, because you were too scared to admit, even to yourself, that you might've had a good thing, if only for a moment, because good things never seemed to last for you, and—
"You love someone else. Someplace else. It's not me. It's not here."
Your brow furrows, your heart sinks, and you can feel a lump in your throat that steals your voice away for the moment.
How could he say that? After everything how could he think that? You understood why simple minded doctors insisted this was nothing more than a delusion, they didn't understand him like you did. They didn't understand you. They didn't try. You understood why the rogues only spoke of your affections in whispered giggles. None of them ever cared for you or the Bat. You understood why civilians, not privy to any of the inner workings of your games could assume you simply hated the man.
But Batman was different, wasn't he? He knew your mind as much as you knew his. You were the same. Weren't you?
"No." Your grip on your cane tightens, knuckles white. "I love you. I'm the only one who could. No one else would understand what it's like to be us."
just admit that you don't know what you're doing . // @enignoema @ jason todd
" what's the fun in that ? " your hands are fiddling with something, a gadget of sorts. it's not one you've used before but you'll get the hang of it. eventually. you never learn how to do something without a few failures at first. or something. god, whatever. that's what you get for getting bizarro those cereal boxes with the motivational quotes on the back.
you're looking at him as you press a button and something flies out of it. okay, so not that. cool. honestly, a few minutes with it is all you need to figure out the inner workings and how to use it properly. you're good like that. you didn't really need the thing though, you were just messing with it to see how long it'd take before he got fed up with you. " just give me a sec. or don't. i don't really care. "
"You're going to break it." Honestly why do you bother letting anyone else do anything even remotely related to technology? You might as well ask a monkey to do it.
Actually the only reason you hadn't already been doing this yourself was because Red Hood got to the device first and you do have to acquiesce that he is bigger, stronger, and scarier than you. But this was going nowhere fast and honestly you'd rather not take your chances that he'd set something off accidentally.
"Give it." you grumble, trying to slap his hands away to work on it yourself. Unlike this neanderthal you've worked with plenty of similar devices and even built your own. You'd have this solved in seconds if he just let you do it. And without setting off the security system at that.
"You wimp," He jeered, finding absolute delight in Riddler's dismay and slowly spilling blood. God knows what kind of bacteria had colonized his mouth and was now finding new land in Edward's bloodstream. "I don't see how your thin skin has a single thing to do with me!"
A shrug was his first answer to the question. His second was to look up at the ceiling for a moment biting his lip before abruptly looking back at Riddler and with a humored tone telling him. "I didn't have words! I mean, what could do besides primal action in the face of such a monumentally ridiculous plan?"
"Ridic- It's a brilliant plan! What, do you think you have something better, lunatic?" He scoffs, cleaning and dressing the wound to the best of his ability.
If I get an infection I'm coming back and gutting this freak I swear-
"No really, I'm all ears. Because obviously you're so well known for well thought out capers, right? Of the two of us you're the one who's known to be rational and to have considered every option?"
"Yes. Yes." His hands holding tight to Edward's forearms move to his hands. The word repeated softer a second on time. Fingers intertwine. Jon shifts to better observe Edward's fingertips. The corners are red, bloodied, and raw. They're not getting any time to heal between their sessions. He's the source of his suffering, despite all the time spent to relieve it. "The final trial."
One last shot, administered the same matter as always. Guided by the same shaded hand directly into Edward's bloodstream. The empty syringe abandoned, Jon's hands clasp over Edward's. Down on his knees, looking up at him over the rim of his glasses. "It will work." It has to. This time it has to.
The pupils dilate, breathing quickens, the procedure begins. "It's only a simulation." The doctor brings their hands over his mouth, his breath ghosts over their skin. "You have to remember, Edward." Surely his voice is still able to reach him. "It's all in your head."
Even before the hallucinations start the poison inserted into his veins kicks his nervous system into high gear, adrenaline spiking as he tries to breathe through it, trying and failing to will his heart to slow back to a reasonable rhythm, holding his breath without realizing it
And then it truly starts, eyes darting to corners of the room searching for sources of voices he knows don't exist.
It's all in your head. And of course he knows that, he's well aware of how this works at this point, but as the doctor's voice echoes and feels miles away Ed still can't help the way his body tenses and jerks at every sensation all the same. It's all in his head but it feels real his panicked mind can't differentiate between real life and the shadows peeking at his peripheral vision, behind the doctor's voice and familiar crashing of glass. He grips tightly the hands that hold his own, the tactile feedback assurance that that was real. The doctor was there with him and real.
Hi! So me and my homeless family have finally gotten through our start of month bills, we've also relocated to a small city where we're hopeful about finding short term housing. We need to get ourselves situated and to that we need to cover our food and matinatince expenses.
Between food for the three of us, gas, and incidentals we're roughly going through 50CAD a day while out on the streets.
Anything helps us out while we try to get stabilized here and explore our opportunities. A couple bucks covers our mealtime, a boost can put this in front of people more capable of helping. Thank you.
So we got a flat tire, currently unsure if we'll be able to fix it or if we'll need a replacement but either way it's gonna cost us both money, and time we'd much rather be spending improving our situation
Hi! So me and my homeless family have finally gotten through our start of month bills, we've also relocated to a small city where we're hopeful about finding short term housing. We need to get ourselves situated and to that we need to cover our food and matinatince expenses.
Between food for the three of us, gas, and incidentals we're roughly going through 50CAD a day while out on the streets.
Anything helps us out while we try to get stabilized here and explore our opportunities. A couple bucks covers our mealtime, a boost can put this in front of people more capable of helping. Thank you.
It wasn't supposed to come out. It was obvious, yes, but it wasn't supposed to be said in such clear terms. Especially not in some stupid heated rant you went on only because you were throwing a tantrum over your perfectly thought out plan being ruined again.
"... Yes! Yes obviously I'm in love with you!" You throw up your hands exasperatedly, but only a moment later your voice softens "Who would do all of this if they weren't? I- Everything I've done has been for you. I taught myself everything I know just to keep being a challenge for you. To make sure you had the rival you deserved."
Could he really have been so blind to your motivations this whole time? Did he really believe someone would throw themselves at him like this over and over knowing what the outcome would be every time, for any other reason? Why else would you have refused to play the game with anyone else?
"I play this game to help you. Because I love you."