while true do reblog(rand(0,math.huge)); wait(rand(0,1e6)); end
@wackomcgoose
/*Blog theme will be reformatted... somday...*/
[All RPing has been moved to creeperpuncher, the former URL of this blog. Threads and stuff here will be kept for posterity, but all new stuff will happen over there!]
Your name is KIMURA. You are the MUN of a set of THREE DIFFERENT TIMELINE VERSIONS OF A SELF-INSERT. You have recently finished SPLITTING your ROLEPLAYING SHENANIGANS into a separate blog, leaving this one as your PERSONAL BLOG for all manner of RANDOM REBLOGS AND OTHER SHENANIGANS.
Your CHUMHANDLE is still creeperPuncher, though due to SBDICKS and LOST PAWNS, you tend to be on stealthyCalligrapher more often lately. As proven on a nigh-daily basis, you are the SUPER HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL PROCRASTINATOR, and you really wish you weren't.
(Will clean the blog theme up here soon, there's still leftover RP info pages to hide...)
This comic came out in January 2003 in the Cartoon Cartoon serie. It was meant as an introduction to Codename : Kids Next Door. It was signed by the P.T.O.O.E.Y. : they appear themselves in one episode as one time villains only.
I wonder how the adults were capable to get those pictures… The only time we learn that Numbuh One was born in England was mentioned in the show, it was in season 6. I love the fact the writers stayed true to those information about Nigel running away when there’s to much trouble xD. Also, a lot of people think Father was mentioned in Operation : Z.O.O., while it was in fact in Operation : C.A.N.N.O.N. . And then, there’s me, an intellectual : mmmmmh….. Actually it was in the comics *whistles*
Honestly, I would have like to see the story behind Numbuh Two crashing through his room :/ The Delightful Children are cracking up a joke ? On Numbuh Two’s file ? Should I put this thing on my list of foreshadowings ?
I like to think Numbuh Three keeps a joyfull behaviour in order to not fell into depression
*facepalm* Even the villains REALISE ¾ is a thing.
I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know about you guys, but I thought the mission prep room was somewhere else. The place they’re showing can be seen in Operation : K.I.S.S. for exemple : it’s a huuuuge living room-like place, soooo….
The writers mentioned they wanted to do something with the animal-looking villains, but it was never explored, so we will never know why and how Mr. Wink and Mr. Fibs look like that.
The Delightful Children get ROASTED!!!
Kids nowadays will never have the chance to experience the good old checkboard Cartoon Network….. Aaahhhhh…. Growing up sucks.
"The Not-So-Haunted Factory" - Written for Arachnida (@blood-brainbarrier) for HWD Secret Spectres @hwdevents
Human AU, Highschool AU, platonic RusAme
Major shout-out to @littlekroshkakartoshka for beta-reading and for letting me use her Yugoslavian headcanons!
[Mood music: Code Lyoko - Kadic Mornings]
It is a blustery fall day. Alfred walks out of the school as the final bell of the day rings. Once out of the way, he pulls out his phone and begins texting someone...
-- heroicBurgers began pestering vodkaMagician --
[heroicBurgers] hey
[heroicBurgers] hey dude
[heroicBurgers] got any plans for this weekend?
[vodkaMagician] Нет, Фредка.
[heroicBurgers] ...dude, i told you i can't read vodka runes
[vodkaMagician] I said nyet. I do not have plan, Fredka.
[heroicBurgers] well then now you've got one
[heroicBurgers] i heard a group of kids talking about exploring that old factory this weekend
[heroicBurgers] you know, the car factory they say is haunted?
[vodkaMagician] Da... Your point is?
[heroicBurgers] my point is, let's go prank some freshman, dude!
[heroicBurgers] we'll make them think it really is haunted!
[vodkaMagician] ...
[vodkaMagician] Fine.
[vodkaMagician] Why you are like to prank freshman, I do not understand, but I will come with you.
[heroicBurgers] it's gonna be fun, ivan, get in the spirit already!
With that sorted, Alfred walks off to gather supplies and intel for the prank. This is gonna be great!
[Mood music: Code Lyoko - Sneaking Around]
That Saturday, Ivan makes his way to the supposedly-haunted factory, once again questioning the reasoning of his American-born friend. He arrives, carrying the few requested items: a gallon of glow-in-the-dark slime, an old construction worker's outfit, a spool of twine, and a crowbar.
"Dude, finally! I've been here for hours working on this already!" Alfred's voice can be heard from behind a pillar. Ivan walks over, discovering a rather elaborate device already being built. "Did you get the slime and outfit?"
"Da, I did, though I do not know why. Nor why you did not buy slime yourself, since you are living closer to craft store than me..." Ivan mutters as he hands the stuff over. "What is device?"
"You know those 'audio animatronic' things Disneyland's got? Same concept, but mobile. We're gonna have a 'ghost' ride up to the group, dripping ectoplasm, and scare the pants off them!" Alfred grins, beginning to put the clothes on the dummy. It appears to be one of those poseable store mannequins, attached to a large RC car, with pulleys on various joints.
Ivan mutters to himself in Russian, making Alfred pause. "Fredka, that is not how you scare person. This is how you scare person." He pulls out of his jacket, a piece of rusty-looking lead pipe, with what appears to be a hell of a lot of blood on it. Alfred turns white as a ghost. "...Relax, is fake blood! I scare you muchly, da?"
"N-Not f-funny, dude, we're supposed to be on the same side here." Alfred finishes 'clothing' the device, and picks up an RC controller. "Besides, we can't let them see us, or they'll recognize us immediately and the prank is ruined. What else you got?"
"Hmm... Maybe if they are see us, is problem. But... what if they are only hear us?" The Russian exchange student unpockets a pair of walkie talkies and a few small speakers. "Is from electronics store. Voice changer and different channel select, can hide speaker in different place and make spooky sound."
Alfred's face lights up. "Now you're thinking what I'm thinking! I was gonna buy something like that, but the store was out. High five!" He holds up his hand. Ivan slaps it hard enough to make Alfred wince in pain. "G... good arm you got there... let's try and find places for these... then I got some other stuff..."
The dynamic duo proceed to spend the next few hours setting up various spooks, traps, and jumpscares throughout the facility. The whole time, there is a bit of an evil look in Ivan's eyes, as though it's more than a prank to him. Alfred tries to look away, but he swears he saw Ivan's eyes flicker with a purple aura once or twice...
[Mood music: Wallace and Gromit in Project Zoo - Warehouse (Exploration)]
"This is gonna be great, guys! We're totally gonna debunk a legend, bre!" The Serbian girl walks into the factory, leading her three companions inside.
"...Eh? Is this why you dragged us out here at midnight, Brenka?" Looking around, the Croatian boy rolls his eyes, while the young Bosnian hides behind the Montenegrin. "Calm down, Izet, there's nothing to be afraid of here 'cept Brenka's imagination. And stop hiding behind Jevrem."
"D-Do you m-mean the f-factory o-owner who d-d-died here?" Izet says from his hiding place.
Jevrem yawns. "Can we go back yet? I got sleep to catch up on and a paper to not do."
Brenka stops in the middle of the entry hall. "That 'paper' is why we're here, actually! We have to write about local legends, and I thought why not debunk one of the most popular, the Lithuanian car factory owner that got--" She pauses, staring at the trembling Izet. "Why did you come along, anyway?"
"I-I was d-dragged here..."
"Oh no you weren't, get over it already," retorts the Croat.
"Yeah Izet, get over it and help me look for clues!" Brenka rolls her eyes.
"W-who put y-you in c-charge?" Izet still won't come out from behind Jevrem.
"That's very easy, bre! You see..."
Meanwhile, Alfred listens to all of this over a hidden microphone. "Heh heh... They're so distracted, it's the perfect time to scare them! Ready, dude?"
Ivan grumbles, wearing a ratty factory-worker outfit. "I still do not like idea, Fredka."
"The worker-bot can't go up stairs, I need a real man out there to chase them! Now hurry up and get into position down there..." Alfred looks to the factory intercom system, wired into the voice-changer Ivan brought.
[Mood music: Code Lyoko - Emergency]
"And that is why Srbija is best nation. Any questions?" Brenka beams, having just finished a fifteen-minute 'lecture' on why her home country is the best.
"WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?!" A voice booms out, filling the room.
Izet practically jumps out of his skin, Jevrem's eyes snap open from their half-closed state, Andrej rolls his eyes, and Brenka grins. "Hah! I knew someone was gonna set us up, bre! Show yourself!"
"IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE NEW WORKERS HAVE SHOWN UP..." The creepy voice echoes throughout the facility. "YOU FOUR SHALL DO NICELY."
"You wanna fight this?" Andrej puts up his fists. "I'll knock you into the post-afterlife, chump!"
A pair of 'factory workers' shamble into the room, one wielding a rusty pipe. Izet runs off before anyone else can stop him, Jevrem in pursuit shortly after.
"It's fake, guys! Come on, stop being chickens, bre!" Brenka calls after the others, before turning and noticing the one worker walking up to her, pipe raised over his head.
"...Escape first, debunk later, Srbija!"
"I told you not to call me th--" Brenka objects before Andrej grabs her hand and starts running.
Alfred taps the mute button on the intercom, doubled over with laughter. "This is going better than I thought!" Watching the two pairs of kids run away on the monitors, he pulls out his walkie-talkie and radios Ivan.
"Dude, keep following the talkative Serbian and the other guy. I got the sleepwalker and the scaredy-cat." He picks up the RC controller as he resumes piloting the robot. "Best. Halloween. Ever."
[Mood music: Wallace and Gromit in Project Zoo - Diamond-O-Matic (Fight)]
Izet runs through the halls of the factory, Jevrem in pursuit. Shortly behind the two, the robo-worker swings a shovel.
"N-not d-dying t-today, n-not d-dying t-today..." Izet mutters to himself as he continues to flee.
"C-come on, Izet, I can't keep up with you like this!" Jevrem wheezes as he struggles to keep up with the fleet-footed Bosnian...
"In here!" Andrej drags Brenka into a side room, slamming the door behind her.
"What the hell, Andrej! It's just a guy in a costume, it's gotta be!" She manages to wheeze out, trying to catch her breath.
"Fake or not, whatever it is wants to kill us..."
The man shambles up, pipe in hand... but is stopped as Andrej slams the door in his face, sending him reeling!
"..." Brenka is stunned at what she just witnessed, before Andrej continues pulling her along.
"We have to keep moving... Where's the others?"
Jevrem finally manages to catch up to Izet, as the two reach a stairwell. Shortly behind, the robo-worker approaches.
"C-come on... T-there has to b-be a w-way out!" Izet stutters.
"Yeah... upstairs." Jevrem grabs Izet's arm, and begins to pull him upward.
"W-why? W-we'll be t-trapped!" The robo-worker approaches... and bonks right into the bottom stair! It stares up at them neutrally.
"...Very interesting..." Jevrem notices this, staring suspiciously at the stuck pursuer.
"Ne... I think there is something else going on here." Contemplatively, the two kids run up the stairs.
Alfred groans, staring at the camera feed from the robo-worker's 'eyes'. "Drat. They figured out its weakness already. Well, maybe Ivan's onto something with the two loudmouths..."
He flips through the camera feeds in the control room, noticing Brenka and Andrej approaching a blast door, Ivan in pursuit. "Heh... perfect." Planning to trap them, he hits the button to close the door.
Up ahead of Brenka and Andrej, klaxons begin to blare as the door lowers in front of their escape route.
"Not good, bre! Who is doing this?!" The angry Serb looks around the room.
"Figure it out later!" Andrej runs under the door. Brenka slides under, but her šajkača is knocked off her head in the process!
"Oh ne!" She looks back, seeing the special hat under the closing door. With impressive reflexes, she reaches back, grabbing the hat right as the door slams shut! A thump can be heard as their pursuer faceplants into it.
"You... went back for a hat." Andrej raises an eyebrow, watching Brenka put the hat back on.
"...Do not disrespect my šajkača, Croatian." She gives him an angry glare that could weld a door shut. "Now come, bre. I see stairs ahead."
Andrej giggles at her, as he gets up and follows her toward the stairwell. "Heh heh, you said 'come'."
"Darn it..." Alfred mutters as he realizes his 'trap', actually trapped his partner in crime instead. He looks at the cameras, not realizing which stairwell the kids are walking up...
"And just what do you think you are doing, bre!"
"W-Who are y-you?"
"Guys, I think we found the mastermind..."
"What was your first clue, eh Jevrem?"
Alfred's face goes white as he turns around, seeing all four of the kids standing in the doorway, staring at him. "Well, shit."
"So. What was the meaning of all this?" Brenka says, pacing back and forth in front of Alfred and Ivan. The two pranksters are sitting in the middle of the control room, surrounded by the other kids.
"Do not blame me, was all Fredka's idea." Ivan points out.
"Duude..." Alfred whines, "I didn't /force/ you to come, you /wanted/ to be here!"
"W-what should w-we do?" Izet stutters out.
"You think we should dress them in something embarassing? Heh heh heh..." Andrej imagines what kind of stuff they could make the duo wear.
"...Actually, I think I have a plan." Brenka pulls out her phone, showing off a picture. "They are called opanci. Very weird shoes from my homeland. We will make you wear them to school for a month, bre!"
Ivan flinches at the sight of the ridiculous shoes, while Alfred laughs. "Hah, do your worst! I lost my dignity years ago when my older brother made me wear a tea bag costume!"
Andrej laughs, while Ivan mutters, "...phrasing."
"Not scared, huh? I can think of far worse..." The Serbian woman begins to think... her face plastered with an evil grin. "I might have some /women's clothing/ that may fit you two."
"Serby, that's dirty..." Jevrem whines.
"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that! I am not Srbija, bre!"
Meanwhile, Ivan's face freezes, looking over the shoulders of the Yugoslavian kids...
"You... do not belong here..."
"Whoa, dude!" Alfred laughs. "Nice work on the second ghost!"
"...Is not me, Fredka..."
Brenka and the others turn around, looking at the mysterious voice. It's coming from a man, dressed in construction gear, with a distinct translucency to him.
"Hah! This one's fake too, bre! Watch!" Brenka walks up, intending to slap the 'fake' ghost... and watches in horror as her hand passes right through, turning frosty in the process.
"Leave... now..."
"...Ohhhh ne." Brenka manages to gasp out, before the kids run away. In the process, Alfred knocks over a CD player he had set up for an earlier part of the prank. It begins to play a song, having landed on the factory intercom button...
Hearing the ghost behind them, they all bolt in different directions.
'Cause the world might do me in
Izet runs down a paper-strewn hallway, Jevrem following him.
It's alright 'cause I'm with friends
Alfred runs down the stairwell.
Guess I'm giving up again
Ivan heads down a different hallway, the ghost in hot pursuit.
It doesn't matter (Ooh ooh ooh)
Brenka and Andrej carefully make their way across a catwalk.
Had me feeling like a ghost
Alfred kicks down a door... revealing a broom closet.
And that's what I hate the most
Jevrem trips over a cardboard box, Izet helping him up as they continue.
Guess I'm giving up again
Seeing no ghost behind them, Brenka and Andrej take their time with the second catwalk, picking up speed once they're on solid flooring again.
This time, this time, this time...
Ivan finds a rusty pipe, the same one he had earlier...
This time I might just disappear
"Давай, дебил!" Ivan taunts the ghost as it approaches.
Ah yeah (Woah ooh oh oh)
The ghost leaps at Ivan, who swings the pipe. It ducks, and Ivan feels a chill through him as the ghost passes through his torso.
This time I might just dis--
Coughing, Ivan stumbles to his feet and resumes running. The ghost continues, in pursuit of someone else.
(Mo mo mo mo moah~, mo mo mo mo moah~) AH YEAH
Brenka and Andrej round a corner... right into the ghost's path! It roars at them, and they run the other way.
(Mo mo mo mo moah, oooh~) This time I might just disappear
Izet grabs onto a rope and slides down to the ground floor. Jevrem continues to run, unaware of his companion's separation.
(Woah ooh oh oh)
Alfred tries to kick another door, only for it to recoil and knock him over.
This time I might just dis--
Brenka trips over the fallen American, sliding down the hall. Andrej holds out his hand for Alfred to get up, and they follow the sliding Serb.
(Mo mo mo mo moah~, mo mo mo mo moah~) AH YEAH
Jevrem finds a hallway with portraits of the workers of the old factory. He is vaguely unsettled by this.
(Mo mo mo mo moah, oooh~)
Ivan manages to run into Izet. "Come, friend, we must continue!" He picks up the scared Bosnian, and carries him toward the central hall.
Alfred, Brenka, and Andrej reach Ivan and Izet.
"Dudes, there's no exit!"
"I am not getting killed by a ghost that doesn't exist, bre!"
"W-we m-must e-escape..."
"We WILL find way out. Come, da?"
"Hehe..." Andrej snickers.
"Not the time, dude."
A yell echoes from one hallway, while the ghost approaches from the other. The group resumes running.
Try and hear me, then I'm done
Jevrem is caught in a tangle of cables he ran into.
'Cause I might just say this once
Andrej finds him first, and pulls him out. "Did you find something, eh?"
Seen this play out in my dream
"The ghost... it doesn't match any of the pictures on the wall..."
It doesn't matter (Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm)
Their train of thought is interrupted as the ghost shows up.
Tired of giving up the ghost
The other four enter the hallway, grabbing Jevrem and Andrej and running.
Fuck, it's YOU I hate the most
The ghost points a spectral finger at the group, yelling something in an odd language as it resumes pursuit.
Maybe there's no guarantee
"...Литовский?" Ivan mutters, before Alfred gets his attention again to keep running.
It doesn't matter
The group rounds a turn, running into a hallway filled with doors.
"Dudes, no..." Alfred groans. "I hate the bit with the doors..."
A very close-by roar makes him reconsider.
(Uuh) This time I might just disappear
All six of them run into one door, closing it behind them. The ghost opens the door and follows.
Ah yeah (Woah ooh oh oh)
Ivan and Brenka run out of the opposite door, Izet and Jevrem out of another, Alfred and Andrej out of a fourth, and the ghost comes out of the first door.
This time I might just dis--
The pairs swap room sides, the ghost phasing through Andrej to chase Izet.
(Mo mo mo mo moah~, mo mo mo mo moah~) AH YEAH
More door-shuffling occurs. A comment from Ivan about "dumb amerikanski cartoon reference" is lost in the chaos.
(Mo mo mo mo moah, oooh~) This time I might just disappear
The ghost exits a door, being chased by the four Yugoslavians. Alfred and Ivan are somehow chasing copies of themselves.
(Woah ooh oh oh)
A penguin wearing a red rubber glove on its head waddles out of a door, tripping the ghost in the process. The six kids regroup in the middle of the hall.
"...This chicken looks familiar..." Alfred mutters, only to be interrupted by the ghost standing up. The kids run back the way they came, Jevrem pointing out a 'fire exit' sign on the wall.
This time I might just dis--
"We're almost out, dudes!"
"Now are you believe in haunted factory, Serbian?"
"Okay, bre, I guess it was real!"
"T-the e-exit! C-come o-on!"
"Hehe..."
"NOT THE TIME, ANDREJ!" comes a yell from all five of the others.
(Mo mo mo mo moah~, mo mo mo mo moah~) AH YEAH
Jevrem leads them through a stairwell, going right through the control room.
(Mo mo mo mo moah, oooh~)
"Are you KIDDING ME, bre?!"
"Dude, there's my CD player!" Alfred runs over and turns it off, the music promtly halting.
"Fredka, leave it and run!" Ivan points out the ghost behind him.
"Well, crud."
All six kids roll out the fire exit, and run into the woods back into town. The ghost stops at the threshold, watching them escape, before floating back inside.
"Next year, we are go trick or treat instead, da?"
"Da."
"D-da."
"Da, yeah."
"Da, bre."
"Sure, dude."
The ghost floats back to the central hall of the factory... before reaching up, and taking its mask off. Underneath, an elderly Lithuanian man can be seen.
"Heh heh heh... Every year, it just gets more fun to do that." He begins to walk out... before stopping at a certain hallway. Curiously, he opens a door, and sticks a hand through... before staring, confused, at that same hand sticking out of a door at the other end of the hall. "What in the...?"
Deciding not to question it, he goes back and heads out the factory exit door, chuckling to himself. "Keep this up, Toris, and you'll have a haunting legacy for life..."
So first of all that is not an exaggeration: they had a first readthrough, two rehearsals, and then final dress. Whenever someone inevitably fucked up and had to call for line, the audience had to drink. It was free admission, put on by a bunch of professional actors on their night off, and it was fucking hilarious (not usually a term you associate with titus andronicus, but I digress) It was also completely gender-blind casting – Titus was a woman, and absolutely killed it
Also, the audience was given red confetti (to throw when someone died), and gummy severed fingers (just for the hell of it)
Some particularly notable moments (under the readmore because this got longer than expected)
In the very beginning where Saturninus and Bassianus are arguing, Saturninus entered and climbed atop a scaffolding on the stage in a frankly unnecessarily sexy manner while Bassianus situated himself on top of the cab of a freight truck pulled up to the brewery’s loading dock and shouted back at him
Saturninus in general was just flamboyant and sassy as all hell and shouted back at the audience when they booed him
There were guts spilled at several points and they appeared to be pantyhose filled with marshmallows
The costuming was just what people had on hand mostly, with the romans in white and the goths in black
memorably, Lucius spent the whole play wearing an open bathrobe as a cape, a bandana tied around his head, and carrying a katana and a modern-ass normal hatchet
the goths were entirely in leather pants and bondage gear, regardless of gender
When Chiron and Demetrius throw Bassianus’ body into a pit they just sort of yote him into an inflatable kiddie pool full of upholstery foam that they had awkwardly dragged onstage with them
Quintus and Martius were played by two actresses in fake moustaches and chest hair, putting on the most absurd italian mobster voices
My ex was in this show as a messenger who shows up briefly and after that he just came and sat in the audience and gave me a beer from the beer-holster belt that was part of his costume for some reason
Another messenger is supposed to show up on horseback near the end and she galloped in wearing one of those onesies that has the front half of a stuffed unicorn sticking out and the person’s legs are the back legs
The midwife who comes in holding Aaron’s son was a large man in a sexy nurse outfit
The archery scene involved the relevant characters catapulting t-shirts that said “saturninus sucks” into the audience
“Enter Demetrius, Chiron, and Tamora, disguised” was Tamora wearing an eye patch and one of those crinkly fabric capes that has sticks in the sides so it can look like wings, Chiron wearing fishnets and a belly dancing scarf around her waist, and Demetrius wearing the same kind of scarf diagonally across his chest with one tiddy out. three Very Good Looks tbh
In one particularly heated moment of that scene titus kissed tamora angrily and demetrius (who was making comments to the audience members he was crouching near) was like “!!!! she kissed my mom!!!!!!!” and then more quietly “….im into it” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
After Saturninus was killed, a bucket of the blood and organs of chiron and demetrius was poured over him and the actor looked a combination of dead inside and trying not to laugh
When I was leaving I passed Demetrius smoking weed behind the building
last but not least, I just find this portion of the cast list to be unreasonably funny:
For @wackomcgoose
Sorry its a day late, but I got super busy with irl stuff. I took this in a slighly different direct than your prompt. I hope that’s okay!
Part of the @hwdevents / @hetaliawritersdiscord
Nope. Girl 2 saw that Girl 1′s absolutely accurate analysis was being shut down just because it wasn’t stated in an intellectual way (in spite of its validity). So Girl 2 reinforced Girl 1′s opinions in solidarity and made sure that it was absolutely clear that Girl 1 was factually correct. WITHOUT taking credit for her observations (”kim is right” instead of “Actually, kim”)
If you read thirty pages of a book and hate it, that’s a good analysis. Girl 1 literally said, “It sucked for these reasons, and I only got through 30 pages.” She was absolutely paying attention and trying to get it. But if all you get is a headache, fuck that book.
"A Business Deal" - Written for Jupiterra for the @creatorsofhetalia Back-To-School Exchange
Pairing: RusAme, platonic
The Russian man sighs. Another slow business day, same as usual. He gets a lot of orders around major romantic holidays, but this isn't one of those seasons. Worse yet, the landlord's jacked up the rent, and most customers to the building are actually here for the coffee shop next door. Oh, here's a customer now... Nope, they're here for Alfred's Java Jam and entered the wrong door, sigh. It looks like Braginsky Bouquets is not long for this world... Perhaps he could move into his sister's vyshyvanka shop across town, see if he'd do better in the Ukrainian embroidery market instead. He's sure Katyusha would be willing to take him in...
Out of boredom, he looks at the clock. Closing time already? Blin... Walking over to the door, he flips the sign to closed, walks out, and locks the door. The shop still needs to go through closing duties, but he needs a drink, a stiff one. There's that vodka distillery down the street... Nyet, he's not in the mood. Coffee will have to do instead. Resignedly, he enters the coffee shop next to his soon-to-die flower shop, and looks around at the place. It's fairly quiet, understandable since the dinner rush ended two hours ago. He walks up to the counter and greets the shop owner with a muttered "Privyet..."
"...Oh, hey dude! How you been? And whatcha wanna drink?" Alfred says in his perpetually cheerful voice.
After a moment, the Russian man replies, "...More customer. Also, coffee. Large. Strongest blend. No sugar." before putting $5 on the counter and shuffling his way to a table.
Alfred immediately senses something is wrong, but a customer order is a customer order, and he quickly whips it up for him. Setting the cup on his table, Alfred sits across from him. "...Something's up with you, Ivan. What happened?"
Ivan sighs. "Landlord raise rent again. Not many customer in off season. I have two month of savings left before store is closing." He drinks his coffee, eyes opening a bit as the bitter taste wakes him up.
Alfred frowns. "Dude, no, you can't quit like that! We've been neighbors for years!"
"..." Ivan sets the cup down. "Is nothing we can do, Fredka. We cannot force customer to come in, da? Actually..."
He begins to chuckle darkly, but Alfred shakes his head. "No. That breaks the very first rule of customer service: Let the customer come to you. So... what's the problem here? Why don't you have customers coming in?"
There is a soft thud as Ivan's face hits the table, nudging the coffee cup out of the way. "I am bad at market myself? Cannot get customer to realize that they are needing my flowers. Da, I have many business around holiday in February, but is September now..."
Alfred frowns. "Yeah, that's always a problem. I'm drowning in customers sometimes because I'm the only coffee shop in this part of town, and people have an existing need for it. But, flowers are kind of a special thing..." He puts his hand under his chin, thinking... "Ivan, I'm going to propose something, and you might not like it, but hear me out."
Ivan glances upward, a confused look in his eyes. Alfred pauses dramatically for effect... "We merge into one shop. Ask the landlord for permission, bust down that wall, and split the rent between us. My profits are more than enough to cover both of us, plus you can piggyback on my marketing, too! I can see it now: 'Buy a bouquet while you wait for your coffee!'"
"...Fredka, you are more crazy than my older brother and younger sister combined." He chuckles in his thick accent. "...But da. We will become one."
"Labas, you two. What can I do for you?" The landlord greets the duo as they enter his office.
"Um..." Ivan begins. "You know how you raise rent again, Tolys?"
Tolys nods, frowning. "Was forced to by the city, I'm afraid. Taxes keep going up, and I'm barely staying afloat as it is myself."
"Ivan says he can't afford to stay here anymore, and he'll have to close up shop in two months if we don't do anything! You gotta help us, dude!" Alfred's excitability was always a bit hard on the Lithuanian, but considering the income of his tenants practically doubled when the coffee shop opened, he's more than willing to tolerate it.
"I..." Another sigh. "What do you want me to do? I cannot force customers to come to you, Ivan!"
Ivan pauses for a moment... before saying bluntly, "Is only one way. Make us become one."
Tolys holds up a 'wait a second' finger, reaches for his water bottle, takes a swig, then spit-takes to the side. "WHAT?! Um... you know there is a chapel down the street..."
Alfred and Ivan look at each other, turning redder than Vargas brand tomatoes. "H-he didn't mean it THAT way, dude! He meant, let us merge our shops together!"
"Da. Fredka is saying, if we become one shop, I can... 'piggy back' off his customer."
"Exactly! My coffee sales alone would easily cover the rent of two shops, plus what income Ivan gets..."
Another sigh from Tolys. "I... I get what you are proposing, but are you really sure? There's paperwork to do, all sorts of taxes, and a thousand other things involving the legal redefinition of two suites into one..."
"Then do not do that. Just let us make two shop into one by breaking wall down. Then let Fredka cover my rent." Ivan smiles at the landlord, knowing the plan will work.
"I... ugh... fine, I'll consider it." Tolys groans. "Don't do any construction work yet! I have to have a contractor come in and verify which beans are load bearing!"
"Bah. In motherland, we do that with sledgehammer. If building falls, beam was load bearing. Then you rebuild building." Ivan's candid statement gets an eyebrow raise from both the Lithuanian and the American.
"J... just come back in a few days, please... I need a drink..."
"Ivan knows a good vodka place down the road! He never lets me have any--" "Fredka, drinking age here is 21. In motherland, you could drink. Not in Amerika." "--but he at least lets me have some of that fake-beer stuff... what's it called?" "Kvass?" "Yeah, dude, that stuff!"
Reluctantly, Tolys nods, standing up from his desk. Ivan leads the three of them out, heading for Viktor's Vodkas, where precisely none of them end up getting drunk. One isn't a legal adult, one doesn't have enough money to buy enough to get drunk, and the third is too intimidated by the second to attempt to buy vodka, so he follows the first's example and buys kvass.
About a month later, the work is finally done. Ivan and Alfred stand in the middle of their combined shop, looking out at the customers awaiting the "Grand Re-Opening".
"It sure was a fun time getting here, wasn't it, dude?" Alfred pulls out his phone, and begins scrolling through a photo album of the construction process.
"Da, Fredka, it was. But is done now." Ivan leans over, and looks at the pictures.
Alfred flips through what seems to be a "highlights reel" of the past month. Tolys and Alfred staring at the wall, trying to determine what parts are safe to break down. Ivan just sticks his foot through the wall, earning a glare. Ivan looks awkwardly out from under a pile of rubble. Alfred clears out debris while Tolys makes a phone call. Alfred and Ivan are duct-taped to a chair, while a professional construction crew makes repairs. Ivan starts painting the new wall, while Alfred lurks behind with a can of red paint over his head. Ivan, now with a paint can on his head, chases Alfred off-camera. The pair stand in front of a finished wall remodel like nothing ever happened. Everything falls off the wall. A picture that appears to be a thumb over the lens. A final picture of the finished, decorated, and furnished room.
"Memories, huh dude? Well, we better get going, the shop's gonna open soon-- URK!" Alfred says, before he's pulled into a bear-hug by Ivan. "W-Watch the merchandise!"
"Oh, is that so?" Ivan pulls the young American over to his side of the shop, before tying a yellow ribbon around his neck, the same kind he secures bouquets with. He then dangles a "Buy Two, Get One" price tag from Alfred's ear. "Now you ARE merchandise."
Alfred tries to blow the tag out of his field of view, to no avail. "Whatever, let's just get ready. I need to teach you to make coffee later, don't let me forget..."
"And I am needing to teach you to cut flower, too." Ivan grins.
Together, they open the doors of their new shop, and their new life as business partners.
This is the Black Knight, an unknown object orbiting Earth. Ufologists believe it is of extraterrestrial origin and it is believed to be approximately 13,000 years old.
The question I’ve gotten the most on this trapdoor murder basement microwave post is “why???” and while there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, I’m tempted to let it remain a mystery.
However one thing that saddens me is the fact that no one has noticed you have to pretty much stand on top of an actual well to use the microwave.
The party has been trapped in the Tomb of the Nine Gods for what seems like months. They’re all slowly losing it, and the bard (who has been suffering from long-term madness and horrific stress) wakes up to find his remaining party members cursed. The paladin is slowly transforming into a humanoid goat, while the fighter wakes up with her left eye transformed into a cat’s eye.
Bard (me): Are you fucking kidding me? She wakes up with a cat eye, you wake up with fur all over you.
Fighter: It’s not a big deal.
Paladin: What are you pretending to be today, Charon?
Bard: SANE.
[surzhykKorektor] ok is everyone clear on the plan
[vodkaMagician] Da, but... why?
[koldHearted] Vanya has good point, why are we doing this, Sasha?
[surzhykKorektor] there's a game here at the arcade I've always wanted to try out, and it requires four players
[motherlyUkrainian] You mentioned it once...
[motherlyUkrainian] The RealiTech Music-Video-O-Matic, tak?
[surzhykKorektor] that's the one, sis.
[koldHearted] Well.. Why do you need US for this?
[vodkaMagician] Da, perhaps some of your people might want to play?
[surzhykKorektor] tak and ni, I could but
[surzhykKorektor] I want this to be a family thing?
[vodkaMagician] ...I suppose.
[motherlyUkrainian] What song did you have in mind?
[surzhykKorektor] it'll become clear once you put your visors down ;)
=== End chatlog ===
Transfer Oleksandr... Transfer Katyusha... Transfer Ivan... Transfer Anya... Scanner Oleksandr... Scanner Katyusha... Scanner Ivan... Scanner Anya...
Virtualization.
The quartet appear in a white void, with a set of band instruments behind them. Sasha looks at his other siblings, all four of them looking distinctly more computer-generated than usual, then motions to the setup. "Shall we?" After a bit of confusion and argument, Ivan takes the drums, Anya and Katyusha pick up the pair of guitars, and Sasha takes the microphone. "...Why do you get to sing, brother?" "Because I know the song, Vanya..." "...That is fair, da."
As they prepare to play the song for which only one of them actually knows anything about, Sasha pauses and turns to the others. "Just a warning, the scenes will randomly change. Just roll with it, it's part of the music video." A trio of confused "shto"s can be heard as the music begins...
Song: The Subdigitals - Planet Net
(The video begins, with the four nations sitting around a computer screen watching as crates pan into frame along with studio equipment. A pillar of boxes can be seen, with "Braginskys" written on it. The scene changes to show... themselves, playing the instruments. Katyusha wonders if she really looks that... large.)
Sasha: "We're a new generation,"
(Sasha and Ivan can be seen chatting to each other over their phones)
"Surfing on the Web all night and day."
(The two brothers sit in a blanket pile watching old Russian cartoons)
"Always a celebration,"
(Anya can be seen entering the room, Katyusha shortly behind her)
"'Cause when I'm online, it's time to play!"
(The four of them board an airplane, for parts unknown)
"We can travel around the world,"
(Sasha is seen talking with the two Polands about something, while Ivan looks on in confusion)
"Share another family's daily life."
(Cut back to the 'studio' as the camera pans around the 'performer versions' of the four nations)
"For this world is no longer round,"
(Pan through of the Main Twelve nations standing with their nyos)
"And every corner, I find friends of mine..."
(Sasha holds Nyo Poland's hand as she gets her first tattoo, a pheonix feather)
"Such good friends,"
(The four nations sleep on a couch together)
"'Til the end..."
(Close up of Drummer!Ivan mashing the foot pedal, then zoom-out of the performers)
All four: "We're going live!"
(Katyusha and Anya chase Sasha and Ivan respectively, down a forest path)
"We're surfing to these vibes!"
(Close up of the Braginsky Sisters rocking out on guitar)
Ivan: "One brand new world,"
(Ivan goes rolling down a snow-covered hill)
"To be uncoiled."
(Anya waits outside Sasha's house, picnic basket in hand)
Anya: "Are you there?"
(Sasha opens the door, and hugs Anya)
"I've got a message to send, are you there?"
(Katyusha stands in a wheat field, waving at someone offscreen)
Katyusha: "I wanna find a brand new friend..."
(During the instrumental solo break, the camera films the perfomers from behind, then a sound-mixing board and other concert visuals, along with the entire Braginsky family (including the Belarus twins) running through a field of sunflowers)
Sasha: "One simple connection,"
(Four-way splitscreen of the quartet chatting at their computers)
"My computer helps me travel far."
(A flurry of blue data screens flies past, as the quartet seem to be flying through a Tron-like internet tube)
"So much information,"
(Sasha is video-chatting on Discord, laughing as an on-screen Mongolia falls out of his chair)
"With my webcam, I see who you are."
(Katyusha and Anya sit on a park bench, showing each other stuff on their phones)
"We represent the youth of today,"
(A blender full of pancake mix explodes in Sasha's face, as Katyusha stands there, phone out and recording)
"Making the most of modern technology."
(All six Braginsky siblings group-hug each other)
"We are united in every way!"
(They do that one marching dance thing from the Hetalia end credits)
"We will change the course, of history!"
(Ivan noogies Sasha)
"Such good friends,"
(The six nations watch the sunset)
"'Til the end..."
(Ivan bangs on the drum as the chorus begins)
All four: "We're going live!"
(The quartet continue to watch 'themselves' on the computer screen)
"We're surfing to these vibes!"
(The sun rises over the skylines of Moscow, Kyiv, and Minsk in sequence)
Ivan: "One brand new world,"
(Katyusha looks disappointedly at Sasha, who has gotten himself tangled up in a garden hose)
"To be uncoiled."
(Singer!Sasha spins around with the microphone)
Anya: "Are you there?"
(Ivan, in Aura Mode, grumbles at the "All servers temporarily unavailable" Discord error message)
"I've got a message to send, are you there?"
(Katyusha taps on Anya's shoulder, who promptly freaks out from being startled)
Katyusha: "I wanna find a friend and,"
(On the computer screen, the camera pans around the performer versions of the four nations)
All four: "We're going live!"
(Anya and Katyusha rock out on their guitars)
"We're surfing to these vibes!"
(The four nations drive off in Sasha's farming truck)
Ivan: "One brand new world!"
(The camera spins around the performers again)
"To be uncoiled."
(Anya and Ivan talk to each other on their phones, facing away from each other, sitting on the same couch)
Anya: "Are you there?"
(Sasha texts someone while sitting atop a tractor)
"I've got a message to send, are you there?"
(All six of the Braginsky family sits on a picnic blanket in the park, drinking kompot)
Katyusha: "I wanna find a brand new friend."
(As the song begins to fade out, the camera spins around the four performers one more time, while the nations watching themselves on the computer screen give each other a group hug)
(The song ends.)
"Hoo... What did I tell you guys? It was fun, tak?" Sasha grins at his siblings, setting the microphone down while Ivan steps out from behind the drums. "Da, brother, it was... but, maybe we could try easier song next time?" "Okay, Vanya, fine. What did you have in mind?"
Chuckling, Ivan flicks his hand downward, accessing the control menu of the simulation. "You are not only one that has seen this show. Sestra, would you like to drum now?" Anya nods, handing Sasha her guitar as she takes a seat behind the drums. "I will sing now."
As Ivan taps the play button for the next song, Sasha nods, taking his position next to the drums along with Katyusha. He grins as he hears the song begin, and starts playing his guitar.
Ivan: "There is a world, that is virtual and different..."
WE WERE GOING THROUGH STORAGE TO GET A STURDY BINDER FROM THE 80S FOR SCHOOL AND MULTIPLE COPIES OF THIS FELL OUT OF ONE OF MY MOMS JOURNALS IM SHITTING
To be honest.. if more children were shown from birth that they are loved, cared for, and listened no matter their gender we might not have some of the problems we have now.
@harrypotternetwork creation contest: create your own magical school
dogshin khulan institute – the royal wizarding institute of the khans
established by chinggis khan’s chief shaman in the thirteenth century, this prestigious mongolian school is the alma mater of many famous khans and warriors. although the mongol empire is no more, its legacy lives on in the most elusive magical school of the world, the travelling dogshin khulan institute.
the dogshin khulan institute accepts pureblood and halfblood wizards of mongolian and other nomadic heritage. it does not accept pupils from sedentary cultures, although visiting scholars are welcome. dogshin khulan does not see itself as a national institute; it presents itself as more of an international academy, given that the school travels across the Eurasian territory year-round.
dogshin khulan specialises in the traditional magical arts of the steppe, including time-honoured martial magic, shamanism, and blood magic. outsiders are not allowed a serious study of these subjects, and visiting scholars are only able to learn about these practices by interviewing a mentor of the institute.
dogshin khulan also does not share the same attitude towards the ‘dark arts’ with other magical academies. due to the nature of steppe culture, they have different values and morals than do sedentary populations. as a result, some have erroneously characterised dogshin khulan as a school of barbarians and bandits. however, this is inaccurate; the mongolian steppeland is not a lawless place, they are strictly controlled by the laws in chinggis khan’s yasa and the mongolian honour code.
moreso than other wizarding institutes, dogshin khulan has impacted the development of magic and contributed greatly to the global distribution of magic during the thirteenth, fourteenth, and fifteenth centuries. it established a trading route for magical knowledge and wizarding technology, and without this influence magic would not be advanced as it is today. despite its relative infamy in the wizarding world, dogshin khulan’s importance is undeniable and awing in its scope.
while true do reblog(rand(0,math.huge)); wait(rand(0,1e6)); end @wackomcgoose - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
