i'm not very good at meaningfully writing meaningful things so apologies in advance for my unconditioned rambling about a subject i know simultaneously nothing and everything about and am going to write about without proofreading so it might include some minor typos! but i guess that's what you've probably come to expect from this platform anyway so who cares. anyway!
i don't really know how to start this other than just saying things. but if you ever meet someone who's you think might have a chance of being anything in the lgbtq+ community and they haven't seemed to realize that yet, there are a lot of things you can do to help them and a lot of things you can do to REALLY hurt them!! and most of these things are just common sense and the things that a lot of people do/don't do anyway -- don't just be ___phobic [insert relevant prefix] around them, let them know (without making your suspicions overly obvious) that you'd care about them no matter what...
oh hey did you catch that?
without making your suspicions overly obvious.
probably one of the worst things you can do -- especially if there's more than one person doing it -- is make it super obvious that that's how you see that person!! it doesn't matter if you're not doing it in a mean way. it doesn't matter if they tell you they don't mind. (but if you have to get to a point where you feel a need to ask if they care or not, that's probably not a good sign in the first place!) they might not see it yet, but having an entire group of people that for all they know are often to constantly talking behind their backs about them being [insert thing here] makes it REALLY HARD when it comes time for them to do any kind of actual self-reflection!! whether that be because they feel pressured to be [insert thing here] in order to continue to fit in with that group (think 'everyone tells you to go to a spa retreat because they all told you you're too stressed so you feel stressed while at the spa retreat just trying to destress to accommodate for everyone else'), or they want to NOT be [insert thing here] just to spite everyone they know (in the same metaphor, think 'they all paid for the retreat for you and forced you to go on it even though you didn't want to, so you want to teach them a lesson by coming back even.. anxious-er.'), or anything in between! their identity becomes not a question centrally of their identity, but the identity they feel they need to put on in order to continue to fit in with everyone they've always fit in with.
alright so now that we've established why we shouldn't do that, what should we do instead?
for starters, i want to make it clear that i'm not saying 'DON'T TELL THEM ANYTHING AT ALL KEEP IT TOTALLY SECRET FROM THEM IF THEY HEAR ABOUT IT THEY DIE' no it's not that serious. in fact, if done well, it can be really insightful to them to have a conversation about it with them, since often times they wouldn't have ever even begun to consider the notion on their own! .. of course, there's a right and a wrong way to do that, but most of it comes down to not making them feel like you're 'forcing an agenda' or whatever people say now and just generally ensuring they feel loved nonetheless. if you don't love them (no i don't just mean romantically silly!), just leave it be! let someone who's a little closer to them do the job for you, since they'll be more likely to have more of a positive impact.
okay so what don't you do? well let's see. don't make them feel like that's a core part of their identity in your group -- 'the one who's [insert thing here] but doesn't realize it yet' -- even if you don't actually think that's a core part of who they are, if you mention it enough it'll come off that way. don't bring it up with so much consistency that [insert thing here] loses all meaning to that person (this is just bad for really obvious reasons!).. oh, DON'T MAKE FUCKING BETS ABOUT THEM?! even IF it's behind their back -- people are able to do this thing called, FIGURE THINGS OUT?! just because they might not know about themself to draw any kind of conclusion that you want them to make doesn't make them an idiot! ... anyway. yeah, you get the gist.
and lastly if this little carbon message in a bottle from a random unknown user like me happens to actually find anyone who is the center of a situation like this.. just ignore all of them. they might think they know you, but spend some time getting to know yourself and you'll learn more about who you are than any of them ever could. if you are [insert thing here] like everyone thought, there's no shame in admitting they're right! (also, congratulations!) and if you're not, well, as i said. they don't know you better than you can. if you're worried about them being upset at you or leaving you behind because of that, then the classic relational advice of 'if they'll leave you over something like that, you didn't want them in the first place' comes into play. but i'm sure they won't mind.
i'm gonna go back into my routine of posting things that don't matter at all now thanks for listening bye :3
