SIDELINED

[wakeupcalled]

my foes and friends watch my reign end / i don't know how it could've ended this way / smoke billows from my ships in the harbor / people look at me like i'm a monster / now they're screaming at the palace front gates / used to chant my name / now they're screaming that they hate me / never wanted you to hate me

1x1 writing blog with @2onrad featuring steven conklin of prime's the summer i turned pretty and cole walter of netflix's my life with the walter boys , with the potential of guest muses appearing in the future . please do not follow / interact if you are not link !

[wakeupcalled]

it feels stupid to steven to be feeling so deeply about his accident . it's almost like a situation in his head of he's fine so why is he so scared shitless of something that didn't happen ? ribs that hurt like hell and a migraine that he can't shake strikes an invalidation of his own feelings within him and he hates himself for being such a baby about all of this .

as @2onrad sits down on the hospital bed next to steven , it suddenly hits him . he feels weak . when conrad left , he had to pick himself up and push through the days because it was the greatest heartbreak of his life . he built his life around the best friend he fell in love with and suddenly he just wasn't there . then his accident happened and it made him feel even weaker . when did he get to feel strong again ? " yeah ? that's good to know . i was worried things would never be the same between us again , you know ? like . . . all this shit's happened between us and suddenly we're not the best friends that we were pretty much born in to . and i . . . need that in my life . i need you . "

then conrad's asking how he's feeling and his damp red eyes have to look away momentarily . how does he phrase it in such a way that doesn't come off as the biggest like that he's ever told ? conrad's always been able to see through his bullshit , tell his lies from the truth . no matter how convincing he could be to others . he's always been the one person in the universe he could truly be vulnerable around . his gaze finally shifts towards back towards conrad , distracting himself by trying to re-memorize every single detail of the man before him . as if he could ever really forget . " i feel great . just some sore ribs and a headache . i've had worse . " he still chooses to lie , shoulder coming up in a half shrug .

[2onrad]

even   now,   he   can’t   quite   find   it   in   himself   to   look   at   him.   his   lips   part   to   speak,   and   instead   a   dying   hush   of   his   breath   departed.   as   if   he   no   longer   had   the   energy   to   fight   for   what   they’d   been   fighting   for   all   along.   the   right   to   love   each   other,   without   bounds   and   without   restriction.      ❛❛   i—   ❜❜       that   single   syllable,   strained   and   nearly   dead   at   the   tip   of   his   tongue.      ❛❛   i   just   don’t   know   what   you   want   me   to   say,   steven.   ❜❜       other   than   to   confess   the   very   thing   that   they   both   knew   was   true.   in   many   ways,   it   always   would   be.      ❛❛   i   love   you—   you   know   i   love   you,   i’ll   always   love   you.   ❜❜       he’s   keen   to   self   destruct,   tear   himself   down   if   it   meant   building   up   the   people   around   him.      ❛❛   i’m   just   going   to   hurt   you   again,   and   i   don’t   want   to   live   with   that   steven.   ❜❜       it   killed   him   to   stuff   what   remained   of   their   undying   love   into   suitcases,   and   flee   across   the   country.      ❛❛   i   can’t.   ❜❜ 

[wakeupcalled]

steven knows he should be more patient with conrad . but with every denial of what they could and should have , his patience wears thin . he's been trying to keep it together . hold it all in and get by because what else was he supposed to do ? make conrad feel bad because their timing was off or their circumstances sucked ? he was tired of having to hold back how he still felt about the other and he would be damned if they gave up another chance they had to be together . no , this time he was fighting it . " no . no , you don't get to pull that shit this time , okay ? you don't get to walk away and go back to your perfect life in california without giving us so much as a second thought . we love each other . alright ? i — i love you more than i've ever loved anybody in my entire life . more than i know what to do with . so , no , i'm not letting you give up on us this time . i let you walk away once and i'm not doing it again . " there's something about the way conrad says that he doesn't want to hurt him again that sets something off in steven . anger flares up within him and it's more so out of the aching pain in his heart and his love for the other that burns inside of him as his voice raises . " then fucking hurt me ! do whatever the fuck you have to do just don't you dare fucking leave me again ! "

[wakeupcalled]

" what do you want me to say , conrad ? " cole questions , looking at his boyfriend as he runs his fingers through his blond hair . it was killing him that @2onrad had quit football , sure , but it was also killing him that he had to find out from jeremiah of all people . " it kills me that you just threw away what i would kill to have back in my life . but it sucks more that you felt you couldn't tell me yourself that you quit . were you ever going to tell me ? "

[wakeupcalled]

" alright , are we going to keep doing this ? " maybe if they were getting somewhere in all of this and not going around in circles , he'd be a little more patient with this situation . but his love for @2onrad isn't going anywhere and only seems to be getting stronger the more time that passes and it's killing him that they're not back together yet . " are we just destined to go around in circles and let life pass us by ? i mean , come on , you know how i feel , con . i love you . why can't that just be enough for once in our lives ? "

[rozrozhollander]

multifandom meme > [10/12] brotps - steven x conrad

The first time you guys brought me here to surf, man, I was so freaked out. You and Jere had just come back from some fancy surfing camp, and you knew all these cool tricks. I felt like such a little kid. But you stayed and paddled with me til we caught a wave together. I thought you were the coolest person in the world.

[2teven-a]

@2onrad