Untitled

[wannabedreamer14]

I truly think I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t deserve for anyone to care about me

[wannabedreamer14]

family of bipolar

Im sitting here crying because i’ve been let down again. Hoping that this time would be different. That this time she would change. I sat here looking stupid hoping for her to show up knowing that she would show up. I don’t know how much hope i have left in me. i would love to see her get better. But i’ve let myself down in the processes and its taken over me. If i know what the outcomes going to be then why do i let it bother me so much. she makes me want to be numb. she makes me not trust. I’ve let her take my world in her hand when she doesnt even have control oof her own. i dont know how to take it back and not care as much. i need to not care as much. 

[wannabedreamer14]

Looking to sell feet pics

[wannabedreamer14]

Looking for a sugar daddy with no sexual intimacy

[wannabedreamer14]

I skipped my childhood so others could have it

Me

[wannabedreamer14]

my life

Everyone thinks I’m older than I am

The guessing game of age

As if it defines who I am  

“wow you seem way older”

“I never would have guessed”

especially considering the size of your chest  

7, 9, 14, and it goes on

All of those ages

In the past  

Gone.

You won’t see those ages ever again  

So cherish when you have it  

Because I skipped mine  

So others could have it

Why would I skip all the playgrounds and fireflies  

But wouldn’t you do the same

If it meant helping save a life

During the day it’s all fine

It's all good

I have my perfected smile and laughter and perfected words

Then night falls and out comes all my feelings

The tears the thoughts and all of my demons

Quietly screaming in the bathroom all alone  

But the only thing going through your head  

is that no one can know  

When there's no more tears left to cry  

And im done wiping my face dry  

I walk out the bathroom

With the same fake smile back on my face  

As if nothing ever happened

I’m not allowed to have a dark place

I start walking to my room  

Passing my parents  

No words were said  

No gazes were swapped  

Complete total emptiness  

As we continue to walk

Midnight comes and we all hear her again

My parents go to her room  

While I get the butterfly stiches  

There were tears and blood  

But no surprise  

The only tears running was down her eyes  

My parents hold her distract her from the pain

While my job was to hide the razor again

At 11 I'm there holding her hand

telling her its fine

The same old words again and again

I held her bandage  

Making sure she doesn’t bleed out  

I have her blood all over me  

I’m use to it though so I don’t freak out

But don’t forget I may be 11  

But my age doesn’t matter  

When my sisters life is in question  

As I walk into 6th grade the very next day

As if nothing ever happened  

I still have to go on with a smile on my face

I was always the quite one  

And of course I got bullied  

But it’s fine

I’ll just add it to the bottle  

that hides my hidden emotions

After school comes  

I prepare myself to walk through the door  

First thing I see is my parents sitting  

Waiting for the storm

There’s no “hello”

“how was your day”

But once again its fine  

I don’t expect it anymore anyways  

My sister gets home and walks Stright to her room  

The night is starting  

And what’s now a routine continues.