[wannawriteyouabook]

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[wannawriteyouabook]

I will give you the victory of a war I've never declared, if you give me my dignity back. I lost the fight of not caring, but you won my battle with my heart yet again.

Just a hint of pride keeps me from reaching to my phone at any moment. A million what if questions I will never know the answer to? Still wondering if I will go down as a quest you achieved before getting bored.

Still not knowing if to call it the mistake of my past, or the only good thing I've done in a long time. What do I call my awakening from the deepest slumber to the brightest of colors, and the loss of it all?

What do I call myself, without you?

You would smile at my capability of talking, coming up with new sentences. Did you take that part of me, or is it lost somewhere else? Either way I'm stuck repeating the same sentences again and again, visiting the same spots, revising the same conversations; being a good little dreamer unable to escape the imaginary clock freezing her in what once was her dream.

Can we blame it on the global warming or the radiation? Can we blame every single thing outside and watch how long it'll take until we turn the finger at each other? Can you look at my face and speak even if it's to blame me?

This was my ruination. Whatever it was, and it existed and it ended and it ruined me. And now I'm stuck.

I miss your eyes, my love, but I hope we never meet again

[wannawriteyouabook]

I saw you in my dream today. My phone kept calling you again and again despite my efforts to stop it. And you picked it up each time. You even called me back, worried asking if I am okay.

I'd rather delete your number than call you now, but would you pick up? Would you pick up for the old times sake and give me one last conversation? Would you worry, would you wonder?

I know it's over but the question is haunting me now, baby. Because i loved you.

[wannawriteyouabook]

And I swear I am over it, but would you have loved me, if I met you in September instead of May?

I swear I don't miss you anymore, except I miss the girl that was planning that stupid trip with you, before she had to take it all alone

[wannawriteyouabook]

At 17 I was so sure I was in love. At 21 I'm not even sure if I'm capable of loving anyone other than myself

[wannawriteyouabook]

3 days after I wrote this, I met with the person I fell in love with.

And at 22 I learned; I am capable of so, so much love.

And at 22 I learned, sometimes, loving someone is not enough, after all

[wannawriteyouabook]

And then I looked at your city and the life you have and for the first time I let myself imagine how easy it would be to include myself in it, slowly and then completely

[wannawriteyouabook]

And how pathetic and sad it was, that this girl right there, didn't know it was the last time she'd ever see you again?

[wannawriteyouabook]

It didn't kill me and so here I am, sitting in my room and mourning a what-if that almost happened. And I wonder where we would've been right now, if only our stars had aligned one more time

[headspace-hotel]

sometimes it’s like. I have been so brave for so long. I deserve the universe not being terrifying for 5 minutes

[wannawriteyouabook]

Oh terrible creature of mine, I am finding myself once again trying to come back to you; even after you've moved on.

Have me back

[wannawriteyouabook]

Oh terrible creature of mine, I've learned to stop myself now; blocked my roads, silenced my calls.

I'm learning, darling, but it's like a moth to flame, heart leads to where mind wouldn't visit

Don't let me come back

[wannawriteyouabook]

I may be searching for more people in my life, but no one will know my soul like my best friend does, the way she did when she traveled countries to spend time with me and ended up sitting on the dirty floor I can't get up or clean with me.

[wannawriteyouabook]

Oh terrible creature of mine, I am finding myself once again trying to come back to you; even after you've moved on.

Have me back

[wannawriteyouabook]

That one thing you've done that you truly regret, that you cannot speak to any single person about? That terrible thing that makes you a monster... If you regret it, and you have learned from it since, then it's forgiven.

Because what is a God, if not forgiving. And no matter how soul staining it may be, what God doesn't answer and forgive when you truly regret, apologize and move on?

My God is a gentle one. And He knows my deepest regrets and the nights it kept me awake. He knows my prayers and apologies.

My God is a forgiving one. And so, I am forgiven.

[canthaveshitingotham-crucified]

i hate it when i cant even write a poem about something because its too obvious. like in the airbnb i was at i guess it used to be a kids room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. like that's a poem already what's the point

[canthaveshitingotham-crucified]

you get it. you get the themes. i dont have time to do it justice. just look at it its on the ceiling

[brenna]

[wannawriteyouabook]

I wonder who was the first person to hurt me in the name of love. I wonder who first set this belief on stone, and made me take all the hurt the rest gave me in the name of love.

I wonder when was it that I Iearned that if I loved a person enough, them making me bleed inside was just a reminder of their presence. That I should suffer for love.

[wannawriteyouabook]

Desperately wishing to have you back. But it wouldn't be the same now, after you've done the one thing you promised you wouldn't. After you didn't show me any mercy and release me from the pain of it all.

I am still imagining you on the other side of every space I occupy. I am still clutching to the idea of you somehow.

Maybe you should've hurt me more

[wannawriteyouabook]

Maybe you did love me. You loved me enough to keep me for sometime. Just not enough to stay, just not enough to be kind enough to leave me without getting hurt.

Maybe you loved me just enough that I was the company you chose on lonely nights until she came along.

And i was just glad to be loved.

[wannawriteyouabook]

I think this all always come down to one single truth, no one ever loved me enough to stay. I've never been loved enough for people to look back once they think about leaving and choose to stay.

I've never been a reason enough for someone to fight for another option, so that they could keep me with them.

Even the ones that love me make it so obvious at times that I wouldn't be the first choice. I've never been.

I think this all comes down to one thing, I've never been truly loved, because isn't to love not to leave?