my adderall journey

a diary and blog about my adderall addiction and, hopefully, recovery. icon and mobile header images by eva koťátková.

[youarentdelicate-deactivated202]

“Adderall is just meth for people who had a decent upbringing.”

[summitbehavioralhealth-blog]

Understanding Adderall Addiction: Signs & Symptoms

Adderall is a commonly prescribed medication for treating symptoms of hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and narcolepsy. This mood-altering stimulant, which contains a combination of amphetamine and dextroamphetamine, affects brain chemicals that control both impulses and hyperactivity.

The medication is also abused by a growing number of individuals because it produces a temporary euphoric feeling. Currently, nearly seven percent of all college students have experimented with this drug.

On the street, Adderall is commonly referred to by a variety of nicknames including:

Dexies

Beans

Pep pills

Double trouble

Black beauties

Speed

Adderall abuse can quickly lead to addiction. As more of the medication is taken, the physical and psychological damage becomes more severe with symptoms that include:

Paranoia

Seizures

Impaired speech

Hallucinations

Aggressive behavior

Heartbeat irregularities

Signs of Adderall Addiction Are you concerned that a friend or loved one is abusing Adderall? There are distinctive symptoms to watch for such as:

Nervousness

Restlessness

Tremors

Irregular sleep habits

Weight loss

Many individuals who recreationally take Adderall also experiment with other drugs. Because of this, those who become addicted are frequently also addicted to other substances which can make recovery and treatment more complex. Because of this, it’s vital that any individual who is abusing Adderall gets professional help. Withdrawal can be difficult, and it often requires the support of both addiction specialists and medical experts.

Don’t Delay in Getting Help The longer Adderall abuse continues, the more difficult the recovery process can be. If you, a friend, or a loved one needs help with overcoming Adderall addiction, the first step is asking for help.

Call now at 844-251-0477 to find out about treatment that can lead to lasting recovery.

[wantremover-blog]

Many people are using Adderall to mask a sense of disappointment in themselves…because it narrows their focus down to simply getting through each day, instead of the larger context of what they’re trying to build with their lives.

Casey Schwartz, “Generation Adderall,” published in the New York Times

[wantremover-blog]

Rome, Built in a Day by an Architect on Adderall

My heart was pounding like the heart of a Christian who’s about to be fed to a lion.

even though adderall abuse is serious, sometimes it’s fun (and comforting) to read about it lightheartedly. in this satirical piece by brent katz, published in the new yorker in 2017, rome actually was built in a day—thanks to adderall. 

here’s a particularly relatable excerpt:

And then, at about VI or VII in the morning, I had awful dry mouth, and I was standing on a mountaintop, and my bones felt hollow—like I could feel the hollowness inside of them—and I was surveying this grand city that I’d built in a single day, and I felt, like, That’s great. That’s so great, but what’s next? You know? What’s my next project? Gotta think of the future. Can’t get complacent. But also, hold on. I need to sleep. I should catch, maybe, like, IV hours of sleep right here on the mountain.

So I sprawled out. But my heart was still pounding like the heart of a Christian who’s about to be fed to a lion. And I was very aware of the hair follicles on my head. And I kept tonguing the roof of my dry, dry mouth.

[wantremover-blog]

hello

you can call me kay. i'm 23 years old and living in the biggest city in the u.s., but it's not as fun as it sounds. that's because the last 2+ years of my life have been defined and damaged by adderall.

what started out as an occasional indulgence during my college years slowly transformed into a dependence and, shortly thereafter, an addiction. it has gotten to the point where i go through a 60-pill supply in 2-3 weeks, and i can hardly function without it—let alone enjoy myself or be happy.

the thing is, i don't enjoy myself on adderall, either. i'm tweaky, i'm irritable, i'm isolated, i'm impulsive, i'm malnourished, i'm getting no more than 5 hours of sleep a night. (click here to see a more robust list of my side-effects.) i'm so deep in the cycle that it feels like i can't live with adderall anymore, but i also can't live without it.

but i am trying to. that's why i made this tumblr—to try to reclaim my life back from adderall's grasp, and to feel like my happy, healthy, normal self again. i also hope to connect with other adderall abusers who have the same goals, or who have already recovered. addiction is usually an isolating, lonely disease, but it doesn't have to be.

with this blog, i plan to post articles, videos, tips, and other resources on adderall addiction; talk about my own story and daily struggles; and motivate myself and others struggling with adderall abuse to create a life without it.

thanks for visiting.

—kay

[wantremover-blog]

my side-effects

below is an extensive list of nearly all my side-effects, both positive and negative, i get when high on adderall, and during the comedown. of course, not all of these side-effects present themselves every time i take adderall, but at least a handful of them do, or more.

ON ADDERALL

positive side-effects

organized

energetic

focused

euphoric

goal-oriented

greater confidence

fewer inhibitions

actually enjoy menial tasks/chores such as cleaning (resulting in a cleaner, neater apartment/bedroom and better mood)

appetite suppressant/weight loss

spending less money on food and coffee

helps with writing and doing research, as well as job applications

negative side-effects

excessive sweatiness

redder skin than usual

irritability

malnutrition from forgetting to eat/having no appetite

not being able to enjoy delicious food

worse memory

weak grasp of time (hours flying by in my head; forgetting what day of the week it is)

chance for worsened neck pain from hunched-over, hyper-focused posture

difficulty walking up stairs (or doing anything that gets my heart rate up)

weird breathing pattern (unexplained compulsion to breathe deeply)

impulsivity

muscle cramps/discomfort

not being able to sit still

decreased/nonexistent sex-drive

worsened anxiety

dizziness

dehydration

gagging/difficulty swallowing (even just water sometimes)

more frequent alcohol consumption (helps with comedown when super tweaky)

reckless spending

sensitivity to light

emotional distance

THE COMEDOWN

positive side-effects

…………none.

negative side-effects*

major fatigue

loneliness

depression

lack of sleep despite feeling extremely tired all the time

bad hygiene (bad BO; forgetting to brush teeth; being too lethargic to shower)

minor visual hallucinations

avoiding people

cancelling plans

low self-esteem

regret (both of taking too much adderall + of things i may have done/said while high)

finding less joy in things that normally make me happy

shame

confusion

*many of the negative side-effects i experience while high continue into the comedown, but here i listed ones that are comedown-specific.