aka “everything’s going real right or real wrong”
Where at least one works there:
“You’ve been giving me glances for the past fifteen minutes– do you want me to help you with the person hitting on you?”
“I’m sorry we don’t have your choice beer, but it’s actually to your benefit since that brand isn’t even good.”
“You’ve definitely passed your limit, so I’m cutting you off.”
“You walked in here five minutes before closing, and I was gonna be annoyed by that but you look like you’re about to cry so it’s fine.”
“I don’t know what places you’ve been too, but body shots on the bar aren’t allowed here; it’s like really unsanitary.”
“I know you’re a customer, but can you pretend we’re dating because that other customer is trying way too hard to get somewhere with me.”
“Did you actually bring McDonalds in here to eat with your drinks?”
“Yeah, so stripping doesn’t mean I’m giving you free drinks.”
“I know we’re friends, but my manager takes it out of my pay when I give you free stuff.”
“I would be the only one tending the night my ex walks in with their boy/girlfriend.”
“You keep dropping all your drinks, maybe you should just bus tables.”
“If I get more tips than you tonight we’re going on that date you always promise me.”
“Hey, let’s trade customers; yours is really attractive.”
“Wanna help me get that big guy off the table before we get sued?”
“I’m not flirting with them, I’m just being nice so I can get good tips.”
“Stop wiggling around! I’m getting you down from there so you don’t break a bone!”
“Great, now the nuts are everywhere.”
“Isn’t this bar a bit too run down for someone like you?”
“We’d better not get caught or my boss is going to fire me.”
“I’m training you to be a bartender, but I think you’re more suited to DJ.”
“I’m training you to be a bartender, but you’re so clumsy, but really cute so I don’t want to tell you it’s not working out.”
“I’m the best at making elaborate drinks here, and I’m really trying to impress you, but all you order is basic beer, what the hell.”
“You always end up with more tips than me, what is your secret?”
“No, I’ll clean up the broken glass, it would be dangerous since you don’t have glove-DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID? STOP.”
“This is a bar. We don’t serve pancakes.”
Where you’re both customers:
“It’s really crowded in here, don’t let go of my hand.”
“I get we ordered the same drink, but I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes, so I’m pretty sure this one is mine, not yours.”
“Honestly, before you spilt the nuts everywhere you looked really hard to approach.”
“We’re not going to find dates if you keep hovering over me like this.”
“You like that brand? Everyone always teases me for getting it.”
“Do me a favor and pretend like you’re flirting with me to piss of my ex.”
“How’d we both end up in the same bar in the middle of the night?”
“I cannot keep my balance in these shoes and the drinks aren’t helping.”
“I’m only here because my neighbors were too loud, and I need to study– what’s the wifi password?”
“Your face is so red; it’s from the beer, right?”
“I don’t know who’s birthday it is, but they’re too drunk to notice us stealing some cake, right?”
“I don’t think I’d like to meet a potential boyfriend/girlfriend in a gritty bar past midnight.”
“I noticed you searching through your wallet, and almost crying about something, so how about I buy you the drink to make your day a little less stressful?”
“We came to get wasted and you’re drinking hard lemonade?”
“You’re the designated driver for once since I never get to have fun.”
“I had no where else to go, okay?”
“Not that I want to corrupt you or anything, but I’ve never seen you get drunk.”
“I think four nights in a row at this place is the beginning of a bad habit.”
“You’re acting drunk, but really I’ve just been buying us the fake beer.”
“I feel like a balcony and a bar is a bad combination.”
“The bartender gave you a free drink, but not me…”
“We’re doing the karaoke, come on!”
“I’m kind of pissed they all keep trying to buy you a drink.”
“Look, I’m single now– we’re getting shitfaced.”
“Remember not to get drunk and kiss me like last time.”
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theartofmadeline
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