Transient Thoughts from a Cluttered Mind

A place for me to share a few of the many random thoughts I have each day. That and some other amusing things that can't not be on the internet.

[disneybound]

Get the look!

[wargoddess13]

Finally at Peace?

You know how when you’re busy and life is hectic, the thing that keeps you going is knowing that somewhere in the foreseeable future you will feel at peace. You will feel as if there’s nothing to do and all the important things are done so there’s nothing to stress over anymore. All you have to do is relax and be happy.

But does this time ever really happen? I mean sure people go on vacations by staying at home for a week straight or going to an exotic tropical location where their only worry is what cocktail to order next. But are these moments actually filled with peace? Or maybe they’re just a temporary time where you force yourself not to think about all the numerous things you could be doing in that moment. Maybe only super stressed people think this way. If thats the case, I guess it just sucks for people like me. 

I think the idea of being “at peace” is pretty unrealistic. Yeah that’s sad I know, but think about it. Literally peace means a state of tranquillity. Firstly being tranquil and calm all the time is nearly impossible in the environment humans have created for themselves nowadays. There’s always things to be done, people to beat, goals to find. We never rest. The slogan “never been satisfied” has become common in the workplace as a way to say we should always be looking for a better position, a better life.

Honestly if the world really was at peace, there would be no advancements in science, no breakthrough technologies, medical advancements; the world would just dramatically slow down its rate of development. Why? Because no one would have that drive or passion or need to constantly discover and build. There may still be some development, but the demands would greatly decrease because everyone would be satisfied. 

I’ve heard it said that satisfaction should be avoided all costs because it’s dangerous. If you’re satisfied, you’ll never go anywhere or become better. To some degree this is true, but isn’t satisfaction a part of being happy? How else should we feel about all we’ve accomplished? It makes me sad to know some people will lead there life never being satisfied.

Are peace and satisfaction parts of happiness?

Will we ever be happy?

Will we ever be at peace?

[wargoddess13]

Judgmental

Whenever I wonder if others judge me I ask myself, Would I judge them if they were in the same position?

Unfortunately the answer is usually yes making me wonder is my “nice” image is just that; a vision?

I try to come off friendly, neutral, and nonjudgmental, But maybe the person I am in my head in no way resembles,

The person I think I am.

I took one those trending quizzes the other day and realized, The people I can’t stand the most are those who are fake.

They pretend to be your friend and not judge you, but perhaps I’ve made that same mistake.

I should be the one looking in the mirror, Since until now I never even considered,

The person I really am.

[wargoddess13]

The Pressure is Condensing

So today I’ve spent most of the day freaking out about a final exam rather than being productive and actually studying for it. It makes me sad to know my way of coping with stress is avoiding work like the plague and instead spending hours watching TV dramas and youtube videos. I blame this class, genetics. I’m learning about how genes are transferred through generations and how only certain types of mutations occur in certain areas of DNA and cause cancer, and how DNA condense after the interphase stage of mitosis. I guess thats whats going to happen with my stress; it;s going to condense. Im at this interphase part of the cycle where  the cells are preparing to divide, where molecular changes accumulate in the cell; and where sister chromatids link together and form a single chromosome. I’m preparing for the real studying to begin, for more doubts of whether I actually know the material come along, and where hopefully some topics will start to come together and become one process. I’m not ready for this intense part to begin, for the anxiousness of the exam to come to me, and for me to realize how incompetent I am. I’m not ready for mitosis to begin but I already want it to be over. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s intimidating, attempting to learn so much information in such a short time. I don’t know if I’m capable of it. The best advice I’ve heard so far, however, is that the ultimate goal is to know you gave it your all.

[wargoddess13]

Food is always a good way to avoid the question

[wargoddess13]

Frost Bite

Here I see a shoveled path

yet i see no end to that

The snow floats on a blizzard forms

embraces me  'til i feel warm

There I see  a haunting figure 

its silhouette rather familiar

As it approaches my heart rate grows

and as it gets nearer my mind gets so slow 

Theres so much to fear because you’re right there

just as you are in all my nightmares

If I could go back to the past

back to last year before my life crashed

into this state of misery

where roses and chocolates and trinkets and diamonds

have tossed me into this state of confinement

where I can’t say no when you look at me

and nobody else on the outside can see

that I can’t love you the way you love me

and I can’t be the one who holds your heart’s key

there's someone on this earth who could do it better

who’ll swallow that key and keep it forever

I can’t be the scarf 

that keeps you warm

not even an umbrella, 

useless in a storm

I’ll just be a frost bite

reeling you in

until you go numb 

and wearing you thin

freezing you off 

until you’re lifeless

yet still all you’ll want 

is just a kiss

The snow has now cleared my vision is back

you’re still standing there heart still in tact

Maybe you’re stronger than I'll ever be

who can’t have the courage to say no or maybe

The snow wraps us both closing us off

from the winds that intrude and judge us and scoff

and then I stand there wondering where

I managed to ruin something so rare

It seems to be me who can’t get it straight

this thing that we had was actually great

but isn’t it true that I’m too late

to take back what i said and reopen that gate

the gate to your heart that i might just break

since in comes the wind and the hail and blizzard

and even others I haven’t considered

they come in a gush and leave when they feel

that the rift they’ve created’s too big to conceal

And now we are back just where we began

with me as the devil and you just a man

who’s trying so hard to be there for me

who cares too much unconditionally

  I can’t be the scarf 

that keeps you warm

not even an umbrella, 

useless in a storm

I’ll just be a frost bite 

reeling you in

until you go numb

wearing you thin

freezing you off 

until you’re lifeless

yet still forgiving me

with just a kiss