and that’s exactly why he’d never admit to it, because he can’t be like everyone else. it stretches beyond desire into compulsion, but silas has little interest in thinking about it, much less vocalizing it; he responds only with a half-shrug, nearly retreating to full apathy, but remembering just as his countenance threatens to shift that he wants her to believe he cares —- because he does, despite all his harsh edges and glares, and the sour pucker of his mouth as thoughts circle back to his nose. she’s not the first person beyond himself he likes; there’s been others, always fleeting, and never in a sense of this: something like family, though he doubts either of them are willing to refer to the other as such. it’s only ever been his mom and him, and her, so far away, distance kept to ensure her safety; but then there was kim, the first to press and prod his well-built walls, producing that small fissure of a crack, and trini, too, and it’s made him reconsider, reevaluate —–
he seems to droop a little, silas’ expression easing into relaxed understanding; it stings, but it’s not unwarranted; he’s done little to actually prove he’s genuine in his concern. he wouldn’t trust himself either; not with how much effort he’s put into crafting himself, creating an image of someone cold and callus, detaching himself wholly from anything positive in an effort to not be reduced to the same careless / uselessness of aphrodite’s children simply because he too is the child of a love god, as if none of them could ever be anything more. silas works fingers through his hair, wind-blown and wild, before clicking his tongue against his roof in a too-loud pop. “ damn, does california suck that bad? ” something presses against the interior of his skull, insistent, a thought half-formed, and there’s a moment where silas wonders if he’s missing something —- but his attempts to fill it out fail miserably, and he swallows it down, frowning. “ i’m not pretending. i know it’s hard to believe, but i would like for us to be friends. or, like, acquaintances… look, i don’t want you to hate me forever, alright? i probably… okay, definitely, deserve it, but… it’d be nice if we were just a little cool with each other. ”
mikayla’s eyes roll, but she chooses not to comment. it’s not california, exactly, but someone who lives in it; obviously, admitting that to silas isn’t much of an option. she glances down at the railing she’s destroyed, considering attempting to fix it, just for something else to focus on, until she realizes she doesn’t care enough to waste her time on it. she lets out a bitter laugh. “ what, you gain a sister, and suddenly you’re a better person? ” she gets it. before camp, she was alone, with only a drunken father for unwanted company. mikayla might not be close to her siblings, keeping them at arm’s length, afraid of what they must know about her, but knowing they’re there still helps. she’s not alone. maybe that’s helped him, too.
“ you’re just, like, stupid, you know? ” mikayla steps away, her arms crossing over her chest. “ okay, i’m not— i like guys, so this isn’t about me, but... just because it’s easy for you to be out doesn’t mean it’s easy for everyone else. ” she knows better than to think he’ll believe her, but the denial feels necessary for her own sake. because it’s not easy. and she’s not ready. “ some people grow up in shitty homes. ” whether she really wants him to understand or she’s just looking for a way to talk about it without really having to talk about it, she’s not sure, but she continues, “ so i’ll forgive you for now, i guess, but if i hear about you trying to pull something like that with anyone else, i’ll do more than break your nose next time. ”
