YOUNG WARRIOR

[traeitor-deactivated20250317]

Evan: initially, yes, I did get close to you bc I thought you were bullshitting me about your little Scrote of a brother. But then something beautiful happened, you opened up and revealed your innermost secrets which meant…. I could hurt you even deeper. PSYCH you whinny little prick

sirius: well fuck

[atomancyarch-deactivated2022112]

@warreurs​ : evan to rabastan — last kiss. prompt: kissing prompts / accepting .

When he thinks back on this moment later, Rabastan won’t remember how commonplace a morning it was. He won’t remember that he was half asleep after a very long night of work, his hair messy and his movement slower than usual. He won’t remember the familiar shiver that ran down his spine at the touch of Evan’s hand while he tried to get dressed. He won’t remember the way the coffee smelled or the eggs tasted (extra salty, since Evan had volunteered to make them). He won’t remember what they talked about much or the way Evan’s fingertips grazed idly through his hair while he tried to read the paper.

He’ll remember Evan getting up to go. He’ll remember grabbing his wrist, tugging him back. He’ll remember the mock-impatient laugh and the far too brief kiss he was allowed to give. I’m going to be late, he’d said, but Evan had smiled in that way of his that said he didn’t really care. He touched Rabastan’s cheek, traced the scar still healing across the bridge of his nose and down to the corner of his mouth. He won’t remember the comment Evan made, but it was something kind, probably how it suited him. It’s less important than the fact that the last thing they said was I love you. See you tonight.

Rabastan had gone back to bed and when he woke, the world was different. He woke to the news that his beloved was dead, killed in a fight with Alastor. He screamed until he choked on blood from his split throat. He sobbed until he couldn’t move.

it feels so inadequate later, looking back at the last moment. If he’d known it would’ve been the last time, it would’ve been longer, deeper, more meaningful, full of soft confessions and gratitude. Not the brief, easy kiss of every other morning of their lives. He tries later to hold on to the feeling, but it fades, as does all feeling eventually. He is left with only emptiness, a carved out crater where that love should have been and where nothing will ever be again.

He remembers it all, the coffee, the laughter, the last brush of Evan’s mouth against his own before he was gone, but it’s flat eventually. Lifeless, as all his memories are. He can’t remember the ease or the love. He can’t recall it no matter how he claws at it with both hands. It’s gone. Gone, gone, just like the lips that will never kiss his again.

[proditeur]

There are times when life terrifies me. But what scares me more than that is the thought of what would’ve happened if I chose to do nothing when I could have done something. 𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭. Don’t forget that.

[incorrectconstantine]

[ashstymest-london]

[thelovejournals]

You, of course. Always you.

Clementine von Radics, “What Brings Me Joy” (via thelovejournals)

[atomancyarch-deactivated2022112]

#dont be giving me late night evan and rabastan feelings

this is a callout for @warreurs who literally started it, the fuck

[warreurs]

“wow ok i'm gonna just cry now“ said you abt everything i ever wrote

[alonesomes]

I burned so long and so quiet, you must have wondered if I loved you back. I did, I did, I do.

Annelyse Gelman, from “The Pillowcase” in Everyone I Love is a Stranger to Someone (via alonesomes)

[agentoutofdiaz]

Missing Mon-El ( 8 / ∞ )

[lvd2]

[warreurs]

@atomancy​

[iaintyohomie]

Out of all her chokers she said I’m her favorite.

[warreurs]

@ofloremastery

[warreurs]

like for a starter

[warreurs]

canon is a joke, we all know evan dies when sb presses a wand into his back and he says “is that a wand or are you just happy to see me” and they just say fuck it and kill him.

[warreurs]

@aurorborne is this how it happened

[hustlerose]

the more knives you have the more valid you are 

[atomancy-a]

rabastan lestrange headcanon

evan rosier / relations — specific to @warreurs

rabastan has very few meaningful relationships in his life and even fewer people he’d call friends. rodolphus and bella are family (and so eventually too is regulus). friends are incredibly rare for him, especially at school. he had violent outbursts constantly (not because he wanted to, but because he has an debilitating phobia of human touch and being in a room with ten people or more makes him intensely ill, so school was torture). the first friend he ever made was evan rosier, who he met when he was eleven. they were in the same year, and were assigned the same dormatory at school.

rabastan hated him at first. he thought evan was pushy and annoying. rabastan had no socialization in his childhood past the age of six and he didn’t remember it later so it may as well have never happened. his only human contact largely came from his older brother. for the first year, evan could barely get near him and rabastan, who lashed out violently (out of his own control, but still) the few times evan tried to touch him early on. rabastan assumed from personal experience that he would leave, but he didn’t. he stayed persistent. he wanted to be rabastan’s friend.

bastan really didn’t know what that meant for a long time either. he had delayed speech development from being so isolated and talking was hard, but evan never made fun of him for it. he learned some sign (rabastan’s first language) for him and communicating got easier.

it wasn’t until they were twelve and rabastan killed his mother, though, that they really became friends. it had been an accident and got covered up, but rabastan confided in him what he’d done. evan was delighted, and rabastan, for the first time ever, felt seen and understood. that moment came to define their relationship later on.

rabastan has never had a normal relationship with anyone, and evan is no exception. as they grew older, their feelings for one another shifted toward romantic and vaguely sexual, but that level of contact is too much for rabastan for most of his early life so it was more just mutual pining. evan, however, was always sleeping around and in one relationship or another, so there was never a definition for what was between them. evan was also much more aware of it than rabastan, who has no concept of what relationship lines are like, as many of his get blurred in different respects.

it’s not until rabastan’s father yanks him out of school that he really understands what he means to evan. he disappeared for a year and evan (unbeknownst to him at the time) continued to look for him. when rodolphus eventually killed their father and let rabastan out of the room he’d been locked in, evan decided, essentially, to move in and be there with him full time. he’d had enough of life without him. 

the war started soon thereafter and both of them joined the death eaters young, which bonded them in more ways than they could’ve imagined. they’re both efficient killers, and unrepentant ones, who have no shame or remorse for their actions. it’s early into the war when rabastan realizes he loves evan and finally has a name for it. 

their relationship stays more or less the same until evan’s death at the end of the war, and rabastan was devastated. it was the second major death of one of his few trusted people (regulus being the assumed first). his death sent rabastan into a downward spiral, and so he did not object to his siblings’ plan to torture the longbottoms despite knowing they’d likely be caught. he stopped caring, since without rod and bella, he’d have nothing left to lose. 

evan is, even after his release from azkaban, still one of the most important people in his life. he hallucinates him occasionally when he gets back on the self-medicating habit he had during the first war to manage his haphephobia, and is one of the few consistent hallucinations. he never stops mourning him or missing him, and never quite forgives moody for killing him.

[bpd-hellfire]

i’m bored with myself as a person maybe i should do some drugs or crash a car or stop eating again or pick up a nice smoking habit just to keep me busy

[bpdorky]

am i the only person who has daydreams about their suicide and how people will react