Nightmares
The hole that I’ve dug for myself is getting so thick with mud and I’m drowning. It fills with memories of negative actions I’ve done and it won’t stop pouring on me. I say I learn from my mistakes but why do I always find myself with an aching gut and eyes filled. “I’ll do better next time” but what if there is no next time, what if that second chance runs out after the 4th or 5th time? I’m losing it, I can’t even control my impulses. I can barely see the light anymore. Its become clear to me that I don’t know right from wrong, yes and no, black and white. My world seem to be one agonizing color of selfishness and awareness that what I’m doing is wrong yet I can’t help but to repeat, replay over and over, I’m still digging. I don’t know better, but I do. I’m losing myself. Life is not hard however I make it hard for myself. I’m my own nightmare and I can’t escape, what do I do? what am I doing here?
