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@wasterads
an independent⠀&̲⠀highly selective writing blog for⠀𝗖𝗢𝗢𝗣𝗘𝗥 𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗗⠀of prime⠀&⠀bethesda’s⠀𝙵𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙾𝚄𝚃.⠀mutually exclusive⠀&̲⠀plot focused.⠀following canon content with some divergence.⠀low activity.⠀do not follow first.
⠀ a character study into the weight of memory, survival, physical & moral rot, fatherhood & nuclear ruin.
𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙳𝚈 ,⠀ 𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙾 , ⠀𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂 , ⠀𝙿𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃 , 𝚂𝙱.
I have become heavily fixated on leon kennedy
WALTON GOGGINS as Cooper Howard/The Ghoul in Fallout (2024 - ) Season 2
accepting i have way too many responsibilities going on at the moment and i’m already dealing with burnout. this blog will be on hiatus until around may time so that i can focus on said responsibilities
angst-y sentence starters
if you are sending to a multi-muse, remember to specify the muse that the sentence starters are being sent for .
“ I never asked you to save me - I asked you to stay. ”
“ You keep saying you’re fine, but I can still see the blood on your hands. ”
“ Don’t touch me. Everyone I love ends up broken. ”
“ I forgave you the first three times. There won’t be a fourth. ”
“ You weren’t there when I needed you most, so why are you here now? ”
“ I stopped counting the days since you left - turns out forever is shorter than I thought. ”
“ All those promises you made sound like lies when I say them out loud. ”
“ I kept your side of the bed empty for a year. It’s time to admit you’re not coming back. ”
“ You look at me like I’m a ghost, but you’re the one who killed us. ”
“ I would have burned the world down for you. You wouldn’t even cross the street. ”
“ Say it. Say you never loved me so I can finally stop hoping. ”
“ The worst part isn’t that you lied - it’s that I still believed you. ”
“ I practiced smiling in the mirror so you wouldn’t notice I’m falling apart. ”
“ You taught me how to trust again. Thanks for the lesson. ”
“ Every time you walk away, a piece of me goes with you. ”
“ I didn’t lose you. You threw me away the moment someone better came along. ”
“ Stop apologizing. The damage is already done. ”
“ I still reach for you in my sleep and wake up colder than before. ”
“ You said ‘forever’ like it was easy. ”
“ I keep replaying the last time you said my name, trying to hear love in it. ”
“ The silence after you left is louder than any fight we ever had. ”
“ I was ready to die for you. You weren’t even willing to live for me. ”
“ Tell me where it hurts, so I know where to stop touching. ”
“ You moved on so fast I didn’t even get the chance to miss you properly. ”
“ I built my whole world around you, and you just walked out the door without looking back. ”
“ The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves to survive loving you. ”
“ I finally deleted your number. My phone still autocorrects ‘I’m sorry’ to your name. ”
“ You weren’t the villain - you were just cruel with good intentions. ”
“ I hate that I still check if you’re okay when I’m the one bleeding. ”
“ We didn’t break up. We slowly tore each other apart until there was nothing left to save. ”
“ You said you’d never make me cry. Look at me now. ”
“ I keep the voicemail you left the night everything fell apart. I’ve listened to it so many times I know your pauses by heart. ”
“ Loving you feels like drowning in slow motion while you stand on the shore. ”
“ I wasn’t enough to make you stay, but I was enough to make you feel guilty about leaving. ”
“ You came back like nothing happened, but I’m still picking up pieces you don’t even see. ”
“ I stopped leaving the porch light on. You never noticed anyway. ”
“ The saddest part is I still defend you when people ask why I’m not over it. ”
“ You didn’t just break my heart - you broke my ability to believe anyone else. ”
“ I finally understand why you always said ‘don’t get attached.’ You never planned on staying. ”
“ Every happy memory we had now feels like evidence in a crime scene. ”
“ I wish I could hate you. It would hurt less than this. ”
“ You keep asking what you can do to fix this. Start by going back in time. ”
“ I smiled in all the photos so no one would know you were destroying me behind them. ”
“ The hardest part of letting go is realizing you let go first. ”
“ I still flinch when someone says your name like it’s a curse. ”
“ You weren’t a chapter - you were the whole book, and now it’s on fire. ”
“ I didn’t lose feelings. They were murdered, slowly, every time you chose not to choose me. ”
“ I hope one day you look for me in a crowded room and feel what I feel every single day. ”
“ You walked away like it was easy, but I’m still here trying to remember how to breathe without you. ”
“ I finally stopped waiting for you. That’s the closest thing to healing I’ve managed so far. ”
that episode…
_ ( # ) * "i swear to GOD, if he still fuckin' exists, i'm gonna kill 'im if he doesn't shut his fuckin' trap." words groused from low in her throat as her eyes pierce across the courtyard, her hands busy themselves with the worn leather of a jacket she's about'a negotiate down to half the cap price- because she wants it, but she ain't paying full ... ( she'll get it if not for the personal armoury strapped to her body than the ghoul that stands three feet away / he has his uses ) the him in question has a voice that grates on kendra's nerves, a slur to his words from what could only be moonshine- karma likes her liquor but fuck her if she can't hold it ten times better than the waste of air spouting bullshit about THE END OF DAYS. who fuckin' cares anymore? kenz's eyes drift to cooper as his drawling response shifts her attention.
... / until-dawn / * THEGHOUL _ if you're going to kill someone, kill them- don't stand there talking about it—
a glint in her jade eyes as her ire shifts into amusement. "aren't you mister grumpy today," she cooed back to him as she reaches down to the holster strapped to her jean-clad thigh, withdrawing a modified pistol that she holds up without looking, still watching the ghoul- finger slides in with familiar ease to the trigger that she pulls RECKLESSLY. time seemingly slows as the bullet slices through the air, lodging in that poor pathetic soul's neck before bursting out the other side- clean. silence rings out after the echo of her shot, eyes turning first to the body that falls lifeless to the ground and then across the yard to kendra, gun still in hand and the jacket held out to the vendor in the other. the silence ends as murmurs start back up and life goes on- kenz rolled her eyes. "and they say i'm the bad influence 'round here."
they've got time to spare- waiting on intel to come back for a BOUNTY target they've agreed to share ( reluctantly on his part, hilariously on kendra's ) ... she turned away from him to face the vendor with a risen brow, a dangerous smirk twisting her mouth upward. "don't mind him, he's a little hungry." if you listen closely, you can hear the laughter under her words. "sorry 'bout the mess." no she's not.
⠀ ⠀ 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗚𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗟 didn’t flinch an inch as the shot rang out. he didn’t reach for his own iron nor even blink. just watched on as the poor bastard crumpled to the ground just as that leather jacket would if she’d dropped it. his gloved leather thumb rubbed in circles against his forefinger in thought, parched tongue clicking once.
“ ain’t that a shame , ” he drawled, hazel gaze flicking from the corpse back to kendra. “ fella was just gettin’ to the part where the voices tell him he’s some sorta prophet. ” an intentional beat as his weight shifted on his heels in a turn to face her, suede duster rustling and spurs rattling with the movement. “ told y’ to kill him, not make it a fuckin’ sideshow amusement. ”
following the shake of his head, the corner of his mouth twitched, dead skin pulling tight. he was certainly rethinking the idea of thinking out loud around her going forward. “ as for me bein’ hungry, ” he spoke, voice low and almost a little amused, “ if i was, i’da done it a lot quieter. ”
a glance back at the vendor and then down at the blood splatter on his begrimed boots as the noise and bustle of the market crept back in. then a slow breath passed through his nose, or at least where it once was, the sound dry as mojave dirt sliding over the bone. “ this is why i usually work alone . ”
✱˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒 . ( a collection of horror - based dialogue prompts . adjust phrasing as necessary . mature themes present . )
you'll never get what you want .
we need to stay together . no 'splitting up' bullshit .
nobody ever prepared me for this .
so you've just been lying to me this entire time ?
there's too much blood , i can't stop it .
this is over when i say it's over .
[ name ] , be careful . i've already lost enough people that i care about .
i never should have trusted you .
this is getting really out of hand , okay ?
i feel like we're not alone .
revenge is the best medicine !
put your head on straight , this isn't over yet .
maybe we should ... y'know , check it out ?
run . run and don't stop .
i thought i saw something ... i - i must be going crazy .
you couldn't pay me to go down there .
the cops are on their way .
would you rather stay here and die ?!
there's no such thing as [ ghosts / demons ] . it's made-up .
you aren't going anywhere .
i'm putting you out of your misery .
i know you think you're untouchable , but they will kill us .
you shouldn't have touched that .
we aren't going to make it out of here , are we ?
why are you following me ?
there has to be a medical kit here , somewhere .
i'll go with you . strength in numbers , right ?
don't move ... a fucking muscle .
fuck , the door is locked from the other side .
don't get ... dead , okay ?
that was the only [ bullet / round / flare ] we had .
did you really think it would be that easy ?
we've come too far , we can't turn around now .
put down the [ weapon ] . please .
come on , help me barricade the door .
[ name ] , is that ... blood ?
haven't you seen a horror movie ? the blonde always dies .
it was you ? YOU did this ?!
you are gonna fucking pay .
i'm going to give you ten seconds . nine , eight ...
i want you to admit what you did .
hey , look at me -- it's not real . it's not real .
do you think they're watching us right now ?
we're in this together . no one gets left behind .
let them go ... please , just let them go .
oh my god , what the hell was that ?!
you know i'm capable of this .
i had to ... i had no choice .
you don't have the guts .
this is fucked up , this is so fucked up .
what we're dealing with isn't even human .
you need to hide . find somewhere & don't come out .
stop ! don't touch that . we don't know what it is .
i've done bad things to good people .
if they catch us , they will kill us .
why are you covered in blood ?
i can't ... i can't feel my -
[ name ] is dead . i saw it happen .
what , you're gonna kill me ? i don't believe you .
there is an evil in you . i see it .
this shit only happens to people in horror movies .
forget about me , just save them .
what's one reason i shouldn't kill you right now ?
you aren't supposed to be here .
please don't . i'm begging you .
are you scared ?
whatever happens , don't let go of my hand .
[ name ] , this isn't you .
well , what the fuck are we supposed to do ?!
get out of my house before i call the cops .
you're going to regret that .
there's that smile ... i'm glad it's the last thing i'll see .
if we make it out of here , tonight will haunt me forever .
i’m still adjusting to the concept of gh0ulcy due to, before the most recent episode, not understanding or seeing the concept at all. i’ve also seen the racism it brings out in people who are simply just racist and against the characters being with their poc partners, but also just eager to see an age gap/monster fucker-esque ship on screen. however, if done right and if this is potentially the route the writers are going? i can see it now a little more. just at a very slow burn with a lot of betrayal in the mix.
after over 200 years of survival purely driven by the thought, and goal, of finding his family? I don’t think coop is going to so suddenly be thrown off of that track to start falling head over heels for a vault dweller. if that, in any regard, is going to happen? it’s going to take a long time. additionally, he still wears that theatric cowboy outfit to quietly still feel connected with his non-ghoulified past self. that’s as far as he goes with keeping up appearances and it’s a no brainer that there’s gonna be levels of insecurity and self loathing with how he’s turned out, and what he’s turned out, to be. that on top of a further 200 years of post apocalyptic trauma is a recipe for a non-committal and emotionally avoidant shadow of the man he once was.
↪ 𝑽𝑨𝑵 𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑺𝑰𝑵𝑮 . ( a collection of sentence starters from the 2004 film . adjust phrasing as necessary . mature themes present . )
oh , [ name ] . it's just you .
where are you going to run , [ name ] ?
what are you saying ?
why do you think i brought you here ?
you said you believed in my work .
i would kill myself before helping in such a task .
you've been so kind to me , [ name ] .
you can't kill me , [ name ] .
so , you're the great [ name ] .
we all have our little problems .
let's make it your decision , shall we ?
i wish you a week in hell .
why don't you do something about it ?
this is all a test of faith .
i can curse all i want , dammit .
you . turn around .
strangers don't last long here .
the laws of men mean little to me .
i don't need your help .
you stay here . they're trying to kill me .
nice to see you too , [ name ] .
did i do something to you in a past life ?
i hope you do have a heart , [ name ] . because someday i'd like to drive a stake through it .
your reputation precedes you .
i am hollow ! and i will live ... forever .
please , say you will not try again .
do not fear me ... everybody else fears me .
i was unprepared . it won't happen again .
do you understand forgiveness ?
i would rather die than help you .
don't be boring , everyone who says that always dies .
may he rest in peace .
how long has it been , 300 , 400 years ?
you don't remember , do you ?
what exactly is it i am to be remembering ?
it's no surprise you would know all about me .
we have such history , you and i .
have you ever wondered why you have such horrific nightmares ?
[ name ] , it's alright , i'm taking you home .
what , did you think we haven't tried everything before ?
no one knows how to kill [ name ] .
i could have used that information earlier .
would you like me to refresh your memory a little ?
allow me to ... reintroduce myself .
i think we've overstayed our welcome .
don't give me that look .
you were right . i'm sorry .
monster ? who's the monster here ? i have done nothing wrong !
look , there's still time .
you were right . i'm sorry .
do you have any family , [ name ] ?
if you value your lives , and the lives of your kin , you will kill me .
evil may have created it , may have left its mark on it , but evil does not rule it .
now you know why they call me a murderer .
oh my god ... you've been bitten .
so much trouble ... so much trouble .
now you will become that which you hunted so passionately . may others be as passionate in their hunting of you .
don't worry , god will forgive us .
how many commandments can we break in one day ?
oh my god , you should be terrified .
how does it feel to be a puppet on my string ?
neither of us has ever settled for half .
you make my skin crawl .
i'm not gonna like this , am i ?
one brief moment of pain , and we can be together forever .
you have no heartbeat .
you are nothing but damned bones , and damned souls .
well , that doesn't sound like a good thing .
we don't have a choice . just don't get killed .
you don't understand , it doesn't matter what happens to me .
god is not the only one that can create life .
you can't go until i say you can go , and i say you can go when you're dead !
you're supposed to die .
we are both part of the same great game , [ name ] , we just find ourselves on opposite sides of the board .
you are being used , [ name ] , as was i . but i escaped , so can you .
if you're going to kill someone , kill them . don't stand there talking about it .
all i want is life . the continuation of my kind .
some things are better left forgotten .
WALTON GOGGINS as Cooper Howard/The Ghoul in Fallout 2.01
