Taiwo Kafilat. Nigerian roots. Jesus †. Vegan. DIYer. Foodie. Thrifting connoisseur. Rooibos-tea obsessed. Holistic health enthusiast. On a mission to healthy natural hair. And on a journey to a healthy, happy life.
I’ve been adopting an Ayurvedic hair care routine to remedy my hair issues since July 2017, after doing some extensive research. The Ayurveda life is still in the process of trial and error, but it’s coming along and I can see the many benefits since I began this journey. For one, my edges have been doing very well, which is quite the feat. And for those who don’t know, I experienced a myriad of issues with my kinky, coarse 4C natural hair last year stemming from chronic stress and depression. I slowly cut away the damage and then recently had a stylist cut off 3 more inches of hair, and it has been layered. So, I admit I am not completely comfortable wearing my hair down just yet.
Rather than seeing it as a setback though, I see it as a step forward in the right direction. I’ve been experimenting with a variety of Ayurvedic powders and oils and will document my progress. I am also sharing any insight learned along the way through this blog. I’m definitely going to be focused on healthy hair, mind and body this year, and I am so excited for these new hair goals! I'm curious, do you incorporate Ayurvedic practices?
I would be lying if I said this year was all rainbows and sunshine. Truth is I was a broken mess. This year was difficult. I spent a good portion of 2017 depressed and anxiety-ridden, and carrying a lot of weight from the previous year. I was distant, unmotivated and frustrated, just completely unlike my usual self. At times, I felt far from the Lord, which is the last thing that I would imagine happening. But he always reminds me how good He really is and just how close He is to me. I am promising myself that in 2018 I will not be carrying that baggage. I will be living my life while I still have it. As cliché as this sounds, I am reclaiming what should be mine, which is my joy, peace and my happiness. Thank you Lord for the many difficult lessons. I’m ready for something new. ❤️ Also thanks to Lola from @omololaenterprises for the gold “Made in Heaven / Assembled in Africa” necklace! #Time2Live #2Cute2BeSad #2Blessed2BeStressed
Have you been dating multiple people or just one at a time? How does that work out? I ask because i’m still tryna figure that out for myself!! lol
Hey! That’s a great question.
Since I started dating again, I have only been dating one at a time. This should not be confused with dating exclusively, but monogamous in the sense that I am not seeing more than one person at a time. I think this approach has just naturally taken course because I was not actively looking this year. I also notice that dating monogamously has allowed me to set healthy boundaries.
I found that I was able to weed out men or we naturally phase out of each other’s radar and pretty quickly. And that’s okay! If something is meant to be, it will happen. Sometimes, it’s just not the right time. There was a guy that I was really interested in but he was supposedly too busy to keep in touch, so I have decided to stop contacting him. I like to give others the benefit of the doubt. If he is interested, he knows how to reach me. Cut your losses and keep it moving (monogamous or not!)
Dating also takes a lot of effort for me personally, so I have to be honest with myself. I cannot even keep up with other things in my personal life so imagine juggling several men, lol. If I am interested in someone, I like to see where things will go because I do value my time and energy. You have to understand what works or doesn’t work for you.
But there are limitations to monogamous dating. It is not guaranteed that the person you are seeing isn’t dating other people, which is typically expected if you are dating online. Keep your expectations low. Additionally, if it doesn’t work out between you and the other person (as in they choose someone else or don’t feel as strongly for you as you do them), you have to be willing to let that relationship go without being so invested or attached. Again, you have to know what works for you. Hope that helps!
A few days ago, I was down on myself and a quote by Maya Angelou crossed my mind: “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
I have recently learned that I have an insecure-avoidant attachment style when it comes to building romantic relationships, and how I approach dating. My attachment style stems from the past relationships that have been less than ideal. A year and a half ago, I ended an emotionally abusive relationship. I could no longer deal with the outbursts of anger, the narcissism, feeling guilty for the problems that were actually the fault of my ex, and a myriad of other things. I promised myself that as a single woman I would dedicate time to learning how to heal, find happiness, and love myself again.
It has been an incredible journey, and it has encouraged me to slowly start dating again this latter half of the year. I am hoping that in 2018 I will continue doing so rather than making excuses for not doing so. However, I am seeing that I still need to commit a few things to myself while dating:
1. I need to be more emotionally available. I admit that I am too comfortable being alone, and do not mind being in my own safety “bubble”. In my past relationships, I was too accommodating and felt so drained. As a result, my emotional unavailability has become a defense mechanism. I have to be willing to allow myself to become vulnerable, and to actually make time to get to know my future partner.
2. I need to commit to healing. I have an unhealthy tendency to rehearse past hurts by believing that they will repeat again. I have to believe that these negative experiences are positive learning curves, and that I also have the discernment to recognize toxic behaviors or potentially volatile situations.
3. I need to try. This statement sounds so silly and vague, but it resonates with me deeply. I believe that I have ruined opportunities to allow someone in by thinking “dating is so exhausting”, “I’m so busy”, or just believing the worst in potential partners. It has actually hurt my chances of developing anything, which needs to change. I need to let go of the “what ifs” and to instead ask “why not”. I need to believe that love does actually exist and that it is not supposed to hurt. I need to believe in giving someone a chance, even if it may not work out. I need to have the courage to just try.
I have been struggling for months. I’ve been learning to accept the parts of me that I perceive as imperfections, which is quite a journey. There’s nothing wrong with my overbite. It’s okay that I have large breasts on a small frame. And I love my bushy eyebrows, even when they grow back shortly after a fresh wax.
It becomes so easy to internalize what others deem as most attractive, especially when we are bombarded by images on social media. It can be exhausting looking at these things, but I am learning to unlearn so much of that for the sake of my mental and emotional well-being. I let out some tears writing this, but that’s okay. I am my own kind of cute, boo. ✨
NEW VIDEO: DIY Bentonite Clay Mask for Dry Natural Hair
Link to the YouTube video: https://youtu.be/FvNHViD6C3s
There is a new upload on my channel about making clarifying hair masks using 100% calcium bentonite clay. It is great for my fellow 4C naturals and others who are interested in finding a safe and natural alternative to shampooing and cleansing your hair.
Calcium bentonite clay effectively removes toxins from the hair and strengthens your strands while also promoting a healthy scalp and hair growth. It’s also great for your skin. Last year, I talked about my love for clay washes in this blog post. This clay is what keeps my curls/coils were popping! It’s also very moisturizing. I hope it’s helpful!
I experimented last week by trying a wash and go on dry, stretched 4C natural hair. I used my shea butter mix and Cantu curling cream. Although I didn’t have any gel on hand, I loved the results! I’m excited to try a wash and go on freshly washed hair in the future.
So I have 4c hair. Okay, lol, days ago I decided to twist my hair using vaseline and then around the same time I put eggs & other stuff in my hair. My hair since then feels so rough like never before. Do you know what I can do make it like it was ?
Hey! :-) I am sorry for getting back to you so late. Vaseline on your hair is a huge no! The uses of Vaseline (petroleum) should really only be for the skin. It’s a mineral oil, so it only coats your hair, not penetrate it. It creates a barrier, so it will block out moisture especially if your hair is dry (and 4C hair can get very dry). And when you have 4C hair, you want to make sure that you use water, oils, butters, and the like to help nourish the strands. Also, when using an egg for a deep treatment, ensure that you separate the yolk as the whites can make your hair feel brittle and dry.
So on fixing this: Firstly, strip your hair of all the coating from the Vaseline, eggs, and whatever else you used. Cleansing your hair with a gentle shampoo should do the trick. Even better, you can shampoo + use apple cider vinegar, and/or apply a bentonite clay mask which will purify the hair and leave your hair “free” of all products that were previously applied. Then, follow up with a moisturizing deep conditioner and leave it on your hair for about 30-45 minutes. I really like to add things like honey, coconut milk, or aloe vera to boots the moisture and nutrients in my conditioner.
Dear aloe vera, where have you been all of my life?
In April of this year, I experienced a severe allergic reaction to something I consumed, so I immediately researched natural herbal remedies to soothe the inflammation/itching of my skin. Aloe vera was at the top of the list for treating my hives, so I went to my local farmers market and picked up a huge aloe vera leaf for $1. Within days, I noticed how nice and supple my skin looked, and subsequently realized it was the aloe vera working. Who knew that this would be the answer to so many of my problems?
I have been using aloe vera gel pretty consistently now for a month. I simply cut off a piece from a plant (size depends on how much I need), slice down the length, and use the contents inside. I have applied it to my skin improve redness and bumps, on my scalp and roots, and as a deep conditioning treatment (which is amazing!).
It turns out that aloe vera is used for a variety of reasons with many ayurvedic benefits….
Aloe vera is anti-fungal and anti-bacterial. It contains proteolytic enzymes. These enzymes break down proteins, which help to repair dead skin on the scalp. This allows the gel to exfoliate the dead skin away, and this makes it particularly helpful for those who have dandruff. To exfoliate, just cut off a piece of aloe vera (don’t forget to remove the sharp edges!), apply the gel to your scalp, and massage it in.
Aloe vera is a conditioner. Aloe vera gives your hair luster and shine, so try it as a conditioner. This is because the gel contains many vitamins, minerals, and amino acids that hydrate the hair. I like to add it to my weekly deep conditioning mix. And when I do, I truly see and feel the difference!
Aloe is an astringent. Astringents are water-based substances that shrink or constrict the skin. When applied to skin, aloe vera reduces the size of pores. which helps to keep out dirt, oil, etc that cause skin infections. For this reason, it also very effective in treating acne. After washing my face, I like to gently rub aloe vera gel into my skin, which acts as a toner. Then I apply my skin moisturizer of choice.
Lightens scars and blemishes. Due to its anti-fungal and anti-bacterial properties, aloe vera helps the skin to repair itself, thus improving blemishes and acne scars.
It soothes sunburns and wounds. I recently learned that aloe vera is commonly known as “the burn plant” because that what’s it does…treats sunburns and mild burns! This is also due to its anti-inflammatory and skin cooling properties. However, when treating sunburns or mild burns, ensure that the it is 100% aloe vera gel that you are using to maximize the healing properties (and to also prevent further irritation).
Soothes stomach troubles. Aloe is said to sooth a myriad of stomach ailments, such as gastritis and irritable bowel movement due to the antioxidants that are located in the gel. This also means that aloe can help to detox the digestive track. I have a friend who blends aloe vera gel in her smoothies, and has told me that it has truly helped her! Alternatively, you can also drink aloe vera juice for the same benefits.
Hello there! What sort of protective styles do you suggest for length retention, and for someone in the process of regrowing edges but still wants cute hairstyles lol?
Hey! Some simple styles that I recommend for length retention are two strands twists (you can never really go wrong with them!), buns that are not too tight, and crown/halo braids. Flat twisting can also be a creative way to protective style. My favorite protective styling natural hair YouTuber is 4ADaniels. Her flat twisting styles are always on point! I also like roll, tuck and pin styles. These are definitely good if you’re not braid or twist savvy. Just make sure that your bobby pins are strategically placed so that their not snagging at your roots.
Alternatively, you can try low manipulation styles, where your ends are exposed, but your hair is not experiencing tension from achieving certain styles. YouTube has a plethora of low manipulation hair tutorials!
As for your edges, make sure you’re consistent with moisturizing them in these styles to encourage health and regrowth. I understand that it is huge for many naturals to want to have their edges “laid”, but that can be taxing to the edges. They’re already pretty fragile and much less dense than the rest of our strands. Again, keep them moisturized and somewhat decent looking and you’ll be fine!
Back in January, I noticed that I had an increasing amount of shedding + breakage. To the left, is a hair ball from a finger detangling session. This excludes the fallen hair that was in the shower and as I was “styling” my hair (I use the word “styling” loosely, because I was not properly following up with moisturizing after wash days). I actually started clogging the drain and that has never happened before. My hair balls are usually the size of a nickel, by the way. Styling my hair also became difficult and I was always unhappy with the way my hair looked. I experienced all of this for weeks at a time, and it was discouraging. Yet, this was the inevitable result of laziness, inconsistencies in caring for my hair, and resorting to the same hairstyles where my part never changed (which is a topic I will discuss for another time). There were other factors as well.
In September of last year, I started my first full-time job, and was adjusting to the new routine. At the same time, I was also preparing for graduate school and going through some other personal life stress, which also affected the way that I ate and my overall physical activity. Diet, activity and stress play an integral role in the health of one’s hair, skin, and body. I know that these factors, particularly diet and stress, contributed heavily to the hair shedding. I realized during this time that I really needed to resolve these issues.
Now, we’re at the end of May and my shedding has gotten back to normal, with very little to no breakage. I’m working to be consistent with my regimen, as well as remedying my issues with solutions from the earth. This includes exercising like I used to, eating better, drinking more water, and I’m in the process of learning healthy ways of dealing with stress. And y'all, if you really want to know a simple way to assessing your hair’s health, keep track of the hair that you lose on a week-by-week basis, whether it be through taking pictures, or keeping the hair for comparing purposes. What you think is “normal” could very much be an issue that needs to be addressed.
