A Shakespearean Drama by Lev Novak
(The sequel to Watch the Throne can be found here .)
Act I, Scene I
Kanye is sitting upon the throne of rap. His trusty lieutenant, Pusha T, stands beside him. On the other side is Kim Kardashian.
PUSHA T My liege, As Jay-Z hath ascended Past this mortal realm The throne has become watched by those that would seek it for themselves The guilds of rap grow restless, my Lord. MMG of the north waits patient, and YMCMB rake their coals in darkness Even the fiefdoms seek their claim; A$APs require attention, Asap, Taylor Gang and TDE watch us from afar, And, though I hate to report it, There is a whispering of evil within the very halls of G.O.O.D.
(J.Cole enters, triumphant)
J.COLE I have long said the same, Oh Pusha.
PUSHA T Yeuchh.
KANYE Jermaine? Ah! So good to see you!
(The two embrace as Pusha watches)
KANYE Have you found success?
J.COLE Indeed, Yeezy. As befitting my princely status, I have completed my first quest: I have solidified our treaty with Kendrick of the West.
KANYE Excellent! The West, slumbering May threaten West Nevermore, without Kendrick’s flow. But aligned, The two might prosper. You have done well Jermaine.
J.COLE Thank you, Yeezy. But I have taken a name unto myself: J.Cole
KANYE Christened by Yeezus, I approve your nameship. May pressure make you a diamond. Like the Roc-a-fella’s before us.
(They look skyward)
J.COLE Praised be J-Hova.
KANYE Praised be he.
J.COLE And yet…
KANYE Yet what, Cole? Speak.
J.COLE It was odd; As I left the palace gates, I found myself without reinforcement. Guest verses undelivered, My album was assailed by critics. I survived, and persevered but this;
(shows a scar on his face) Is damage from Pitchfork.
PUSHA T The young Don Glover Found his head upon one. ‘Tis but a scratch.
J.COLE You shroud your meaning, Pusha, And speak of my scratch As though it were not upon my flesh, But rather a mark upon your records, And thus fully inconsequential.
PUSHA T Though you say “Cole World” You would be wise to be wary of heat; heated words, of course. Forgive the entendre.
J.COLE You are modest in your estimation. I fear no weapon. But am wary of he who wields them.
(J.Cole leaves, an eye to Pusha.)
KANYE This is heavy news to ponder. Pusha, I require my jester.
PUSHA T Yeuch.
(Pusha T summons 2 Chainz enters in his jester gear.)
KANYE Two Chainz, my head is weary, as though two chains, each heavy, hung around my neck. Tell me, oh Jester, Is ruling yet a fool’s errand?
2 CHAINZ If it were, your majesty, you’d have sent me in your stead.
KANYE Ha! For a fool, 2 Chainz, your wit speaks loud. Send in my first guest!
(Ludacris enters, in all his finery.)
KANYE Hear, oh wise Ludacris, That you are welcome in my presence. Oh, wise Luda, hear how Jay-Z hath ascended And left me to follow in his wake. It is I, now, who must watch the throne From King Richard the Ross and of Weezy F. Baby, The occult swamp-man who threatens to devour us all.
LUDACRIS Ay, and you have asked for my partnership. A wise decision, Kanye. For indeed, my clan of DTP is mighty In the southern realms of this land, And together, We can rule this land as brothers. Though shrouded in irony, we may keep the peace.
KANYE Nay, Ludacris; I cannot split my rule of this kingdom. I ask not for your partnership, but for your service.
LUDACRIS A knee? Nay! Wise Luda, you have called me, Yet you play me for the fool. I serve standing, never hunched like your jester. He used to be a rapper, a man amongst us, Though he ran from my service only to find your favor? An outrage! He hath 2 Chainz, oh Yeezy, But no honor.
2 CHAINZ Aye, take me for a fool? Perhaps, and that path be quite oft taken to my benefit. They laugh, oh Luda, but I do so to the bank. Why, for me to be forgotten or broke, Why, that would be Ludacris.
LUDACRIS Knave!
(Ludacris draws his sword)
KANYE Luda! There shall be no violence in this halls.
LUDACRIS Hear, Yeezy, how I work alone. But for respect to you, I swear an oath of separation. I will not be disturbing the peace. Keep your clan-mates with you, but be wary, O Yeezy, Some watch the throne When they should watch their court.
(Ludacris exits.)
KANYE Pusha! Oh, my trusted advisor! How might I handle a foe, oh Pusha?
PUSHA T My liege?
KANYE A foe. In glorious battle, with the colors of banners And the roar of my warriors, the clashing of weapons and diss-tracks- What a spectacle! But tell me, Pusha, who radiates a glory near mine?
PUSHA T None, my lord.
KANYE Indeed, Pusha, and this worries me greatly. Jigga, the king before me, rests amongst the greats Having defeated countless foes. But who may I face? Who can match my luster?
PUSHA T One may exist.
KANYE You are kind, Pusha But I doubt that. Still, as I pursue greatness. Can I trust you, Pusha, To do what is necessary?
PUSHA T By Biggie’s Ghost, I pledge my loyalty, now and forever, To the ‘Ye.
KANYE I sense in you the truth. I retire gladly, Pusha. I leave to examine leather skirts.
(Kanye exits)
PUSHA T For truth, I am loyal to the ‘Ye. The yeyo, cocaine, sweet white. Hard white, they call you, though you be soft in my embrace. Kilo’s, soft as pillows, how I long for you in my bed. Caine, oh Caine! It is for you, my love, that I will ascend the throne myself. Forgive me, Pac! Forgive me, Biggie! I betray for love, of the game and of the game. As Cain killed Abel, I too am able for ‘Caine. Yuch. See how I have come to loath the man Yeezy For now the throne is watched Observed by paparazzi Bloggers and more Nerds, hovering over us Casting a shadow over rhymes This doth provoke in me a malice And such as Malice is my brother I find it inseparable from my motivation. That I may avenge Clipse with clips And take the throne I have earned.
(Offstage he hears the click of heels)
Yea, for the strumpet approaches I must keep my plans disguised. Yuch, I say, Yuch, For the Kardashian comes quick.
KIM Oh Pusha, hath thou seen my husband?
PUSHA T Kris Humphries is out, m’lady.
KIM Rouge! My husband, my love, the famed and talented-
PUSHA T Ray J?
KIM Yeezy. Oh Pusha, push me not. My plans move beyond you, With rapid steps measured in weeks and years. My wealth exceeds yours, as does my wit. You pushed cocaine? I too sold poison- Myself! Loved, loathed and consumed By every fiend across this country. Do not doubt me, Pusha. Keeping up with the Kardashians is a fools errand.
PUSHA T Such that your viewers are I am inclined to agree.
KIM You are an ass, Pusha And one that rivals even my own.
(Kim moves beyond Pusha to the kingly chamber, her eyes at the mirror behind the throne)
KIM Oh, my sweet fair Kanye! I envy you, For the vision you have. How good it is to be seen. And how good it is to see me.
KANYE Oh, my sweet fair Yeezy indeed! To see you is to see me, reflected, ad infenium. Your beauty is my own, in blogs and magazines, radiating in this kingdom and beyond. Ah, sweet Kim, she that may join me in blessed union, My true equal. love thee, Kim, for in you I see myself.
(The two embrace, each holding a mirror over the other’s shoulders)
KIM How goes the realm?
KANYE Difficult, my wife. Tensions abound in all corners. The youth, Drake Drizzy, Rallies troops And our alliances have frayed.
KIM Alliance? What need have you for alliance? You are a ruler, my love. Why allow them to share your light? Come, Yeezy, And take what is yours. Attention! From every corner of the world, let them see you- Us! Me! Let them hate us, Or love us, So long as we are noticed.
KANYE Your words to tempt, But Jay-Z was a noble king, Balanced, Who survived the wrath of the old Gods To usher in my realm. Surely, some fealty-
KIM Fealty! Fah! You are a God, Kanye. As surely as I am a Goddess.
KANYE My…my ego sees true. I understand your logic. Our beauty is too transcendent for the mortal realm.
KIM So too shall you leave it.
KANYE Eh?
KIM Nothing, my love. I said, So too you will believe it- And make them believe as well. A kingdom, united, With us as Gods.
KANYE Gods, you say? The aesthetic appeals, I cannot lie. A crown is garish, Gold, outplayed. But divinity? Such a concept would turn a head.
KIM Aye, Yeezy, and the eyes would follow. Let us conquer these kingdoms more fully. Let them make statues of us, Temples in our likeness. May all kingdoms praise Yeezus in their worship.
KANYE Yeezus? Such an act would be grandiose. I love it. Sirrah!
(Big Sean comes running)
KANYE Send word to Weezy of the swamps, that we seek his tribute. Or else a war upon him. Alliance is bland, Peace boring. Let loose war, In all its shades and hues! And Pusha!
PUSHA …my liege?
KANYE It is time to prepare my successor. As Jigga hath ascended To the Booklyn in the heavens He had tapped me as his number #2 For so justly- I was the shit. But now, as the ascendant It is time the next be groomed.
PUSHA T Aye, I am prepared.
KANYE Good. Go and fetch J.Cole. He is the next prince of rap And the heir to the Roc.
PUSHA T …
KANYE Did you hear me?
PUSHA T I did, oh Yeezy. And I assure you. The heir to the rock shall have his throne.
KANYE Very good, Pusha. See to it that he does.
(Kanye leaves, and Pusha seethes on stage)
PUSHA T Ay, for I spoke true; The heir to the rock shall succeed; Crack rock, that is, Myself, then And not the child Jermaine. Jermaine? Who That? He shall not Work Out, Me thinks.
(Shakes head) I have waited too long for Greatness, What good then is G.O.O.D? Ye, I shall take what’s mine. And the heir to the Ye’ shall be the heir to the ‘Ye The prince of the Rock shall be prince of the Roc’ And I shall do as needed to take what’s mine.












