adult life is truly just thinking “I NEED TO CLEAN” while dealing with the 17 other things that have a hard deadline
And in fact: get NOTHING of it done because the simple thought of it is paralysing.

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shark vs the universe

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YOU ARE THE REASON

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DEAR READER

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@wavesby
adult life is truly just thinking “I NEED TO CLEAN” while dealing with the 17 other things that have a hard deadline
And in fact: get NOTHING of it done because the simple thought of it is paralysing.
i think it would heal shane to have some of the centaurs flirt with him. i think it would do him some good for them to slap his ass. i think it'd be nice if someone jumped on his back and he gave them a piggyback ride. i think he would secretly enjoy having the rookies use him as their pillow while waiting at the airport
i just think it'd be good for him to get to experience the parts of locker room culture that are playful and affectionate when he never got them because montreal operated under the logic of you like guys which means you MUST like me and that's a personal threat to my masculinity
extremely funny scenario in which rose joins shane as his plus one and moral support for going after the guy he wants at all stars because she can be his buddy and also his cover for making up for lost time with ilya
which is complicated by the fact that ilya takes one look at rose and shane at the bar (rose's arm looped through shane's in what ilya doesn't know is just a friends move) and BOOKS IT so he doesn't have to see this
and then proceeds to avoid them at EVERY fucking turn
this all terminates into rose going "fuck it I'm a true bro and I'm making this happen so help me GOD" and managing to arrange locking them in a closet together (which is. so funny. but this is not the time to point out the punchline.) (she'll save it.) so ilya can't run away.
and it's very sweet and they have their moment of honesty and yay back to ilya's room now fo-
the-the door is locked.
because it turns out that rose got a LITTLE too enthusiastic in locking it after her plan worked PERFECTLY and now something in the mechanism is broken.
so in one sense, shane did come out of the closet, but in another sense that's going to be funny only probably a few months from now, he AND ilya are now stuck in the closet in a way that is both metaphorical and also. painfully literal.
ACTUALLY heres another one i quickly animated of rocky beating the shit out of grace
Ilya loves calling Shane nonsensical nicknames, but he knows Shane is uncomfortable with him using them out in public, even after they're out, so he abstains from it mostly. But he still wants to so badly, wants everyone to know how much he loves Shane, that they belong to each other.
There's one name though, one that Ilya pulls out when he wants Shane's attention, when he feels fond but knows Shane is in that mood that won't let Ilya be gentle with him. Shanya.
It's the closest thing to a Russian diminutive Ilya has come up with, and when he realizes it's one of the only names he can get away with on public, boy does he take advantage of it.
The Centaurs notice. Of course they do. They notice how Shane's jaw clenches when they call him "Holly" or "Holzy". They notice, and some guess, just how many comments, how many "jokes" the Metros had to make to get Shane to react like that to what should be an affectionate nickname.
And so, when Ilya starts calling him Shanya in practice, and Shane gets this not-quite smile in his face, the rest of the team catches on quickly.
Surprisingly, its Luca who tries it first, the vowels clear and precise just like Ilya does it. Teasing, but fond with it. Shane starts a little, and they all hold their breaths, subtly waiting for the downturn of Shane's mouth, the tightening of his shoulders. And then Shane rolls his eyes upwards, that half smile that talks of fond exasperation, and everyone sighs in relief. It's fair game after that.
"Damn Shanya, what a fucking shot!"
"Shanya, how the hell did you manage that?"
"There anymore water, Shanya?"
"You okay, Shanya?"
Idk something about Shane's nickname changing from what the Metros called him, to a name given to him by his husband, a name used by the team that loves him, given by the man that most loves him.
💐🪻🌾🌹🌼
CONTROVERSIAL OPINION ABOUT BISEXUALITY
that purple in the middle is not the right saturation, it doesn't fit with the other two colors and it drives me crazy.
all right, I think I got this, I've got dual citizenship and I have another flag we can borrow from:
step 1
step 2
step 3
This is true bi/ace solidarity.
holy shit
This is the only correct way
[Patchnotes]
swapped purple in bisexual and asexual flags for better saturation matching and color theory
Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.
happy pride
#myshane loves the pwhl and the pwhl loves him back. in montreal, he would go to every victoire (triomphe?) game that he could given his schedule. he has jerseys and gets wedding invites and the entire roster's numbers in his phone. they adore him and he loves being around people who share his love of hockey without being boisterous dickbags
this leads to a full fledged uprising when shane gets run out of montreal though. they're so pissed off because really?? you got rid of your best player because he's GAY? the victoire no longer even associates with their nhl equivalent. it doesn't exist in their minds. meanwhile ottawa's pwhl team is already best friends with the centaurs and is just excited to have another addition that happens to be shane thee hollander
okay but ilya back in boston after the cottage who has already started learning allergy friendly cooking and done experiments on his own because he wants to NAIL IT the next time he sees shane, to the end result one day that he's at a party and overhears a convo at a table of WAGs where one is complaining about doing an elimination diet to try and pinpoint allergens and she wants a good cake option because it sucks for kiddo to be doing this during their birthday but they REALLY need to get to the bottom of this-
and ilya wanders over and joins the conversation and starts?? recommending?? blogs??? "nut free natalie has really good plain vanilla. it does go kind of flat, though, i think because of sea level? but if you add 1/2 tsp more baking soda and-"
and the WAGs are all??? since when??? does roz know this??? and word gets around because he is a good captain and checks in on the family and ends up chit chatting about allergies and making suggestions based on what he's been researching since he's had a few months of this now and everyone is??? d-does roz?? have allergies? no?? they've SEEN HIM eating this stuff???
and then he moves to ottawa and someone has a (wildly incorrect lmao) lightbulb moment of "oh my GOD!!! ROZANOV HAS A KID WITH ALLERGIES!" they know about montreal jane and figured he was moving up to ottawa to be closer to her anyway, and a kid being in the picture (especially a kid who might have medical needs a la food allergies) would absolutely make sense for him suddenly moving up there after years. and some of the team is a little hurt he wouldn't say anything, but he does get some ruthless press and jane seems really private so maybe?? it's her request???
and naturally gossip flows a little to the point that it makes it to the ottawa team, and i mean? yeah? makes sense? roz is so rigorous about allergies and keeping his place allergy free? maybe the kid and jane come on the weekends or something?? or maybe it's like a week on week off situation??
and eventually shane is down in boston playing and a member of montreal is friends with someone on boston, so the gossip gets passed along that roz left boston to move up to ottawa to be with jane and their kid. and NATURALLY this becomes THE topic in the locker room that evening afterwards. and shane coming back from press hears this and is??? what?? the fuck are you talking about???
"yeah, it's what smythe on the boston team said. apparently roz moved up because their kid is sick or something?? no one's sure."
shane that night texts ilya, "apparently?? we have a kid together??"
and gets, "??? damn, hollander. you should have told me. I would have paid child support."
More than "here in the Southern Hemisphere we have inverted seasons :)" thing, which is TECHNICALLY true, I would go a step further and encourage to think about that "much of the world does not exactly has a spring-summer-fall-winter season sequence as they show in cartoons"
I will scream about this to anyone who listens forever. AUSTRALIA DOES NOT HAVE "ENGLISH SEASONS BUT BACKWARDS" and the insistence that it does creates a massive layer of alienation from the natural world.
I never really realised how much difference it makes until I went to England and realised that here the change of seasons is an obvious, visible, physical change in the world. Like, everything REALLY IS orange and foggy in autumn! In spring there are flowers EVERYWHERE, so much more than any other season, and the trees really do have all blossom and no leaves. Even if it doesn't snow, in winter there's frost all the time and the trees are bare and the sky is visibly greyer all the time. You don't need to be told "this date is the first day of spring", you can SEE IT (although this is getting way messier and less precise due to climate change).
By contrast, most places in Australia the seasons we're taught feel like arbitrary categories - and is it any surprise considering they're colonial constructs? Orange-leaved autumn and blossom-covered spring is a cartoon stereotype with no relevance on a continent where ALL NATIVE TREES ARE EVERGREEN!! Snowy winters are a joke in the desert, and even sunny summers don't ring particularly true considering that much of the country is in the tropics, where summer means monsoons - not that I've ever seen the concept that WE HAVE A MONSOON SEASON taught at an Australian school.
Most Indigenous nations around Australia had six or more seasons, revolving around wet and dry times as much as hot and cold, and marked by the appearances of certain native animals and flowers. Schools need to start teaching the real seasons, and explaining that climate cycles are too complex to generalise globally, or else we will keep raising generations who view the natural world as hostile and unpredictable and climate predictions as generally irrelevent and frequently wrong - and I'm sure I don't need to spell out why that's a problem in the era of climate crisis.
i want to add that 40% of the world's population lives in the tropics, and the 4 season model just doesn't make much sense for a lot of places in there. usually it's just the wet season/monsoon season and the dry season. it's often hot year round.
the 4 season model as you and i know it is a european invention, though 4 season models aren't unique to europe! most notably china has the same type of season subdivision.
in general the way humans define seasons is largely subjective and varies across cultures. the one you were taught is not at all universal!
🏛️The Twelve Olympians🏛️
6. Apollo / Απόλλων
🏛️The Twelve Olympians🏛️
5. Athena / Αθηνά
a body count not as in homicide nor as in sexuality but as in the trail of people from my childhood and adolescence i should’ve been a better friend to and taken better care of but i was too busy being caught up in my own heartache to recognize their own and therefore our relationship tapered off in an extremely unsatisfying way that continuously manifests itself as a thrumming sense of grief in my chest. anyway which restaurant chains have the best free pre-meal bread?
🐕
ilya is saying something like "your dada doesn't want a dog, but don't worry i'll convince him"