Peter Pettigrew | 19 | Half-blood | Neutral | Carlos Valdes | CLOSED
It was from a young age that Peter vowed to never be a coward, because he associated the word with his father–someone whom he never had the chance to actually meet. He only asked his mother a few times about him as a child, and each time was met with angry, bitter words, along with a rant going on about how that man was never to be trusted. The only interaction, if you could call it interaction, that Peter had with the man was the monthly child support checks they collected in the mail, and even that stopped after a few years. This, Peter, decided, was the mark of a true coward, and he never wanted to be considered as such.
He supposed it was because of this that he never actually noticed that he was, in fact, like his father. Perhaps it ran in his family; Peter didn’t believe that he could be anything like dear old dad, all while going about and cowering from his troubles. His mother, as much as she loved him, scolded him often for hiding instead of standing up for himself–the playground bullies shouldn’t have any hold over him. His mother called it cowering, but Peter preferred the term self preservation, a term that he wasn’t going to easily give up. People, of course, didn’t understand his point of view, because instead of complimenting him on taking a step back (something that he thought to be brave, because it took even more courage to protect oneself rather than go into something head on despite the danger) he became the subject of more belittling. Needless to say, his younger years were spent in the company of his mother and younger sister. Friends were overrated.
Hogwarts, however, was different. He was a hatstall, the Sorting Hat torn between placing him in Gryffindor and in Slytherin. If he’d been sorted in the latter, Peter was sure that his life would have been much different. Maybe he would have submitted to the Death Eaters sooner; as it was, he was sorted into Gryffindor, and with that started the best seven year friendships of his life. James, Remus, and Sirius were the best friends that Peter had ever had, or in the very least the closest ones. The four of them did everything together, especially when it came to mischief and mayhem. The Marauders, the map they created deemed them, were quickly infamous throughout the school–it was rare to find something happen that wasn’t somehow linked to the group. Remus, Sirius, and James helped Peter’s confidence grow, and by the time his Hogwarts years were coming to an end, he could hardly recognize the boy who had once sat on the stool in front of the entire Great Hall. Sure, he wasn’t the smartest in the class, but he was still thriving in his own ways. He helped out students in their younger years and joined clubs that appealed to him. He was authoritative when he’d once thought that to be impossible for someone like him. Where he lacked academically, Peter thrived in a social life. In short, he was proud of himself, and his mother was as well–he could see it in her eyes during holidays. Most importantly, he wasn’t who his father had been, and that made all the difference in the world in Peter’s eyes.
No matter what people said, he still didn’t consider his decision anything more than self-preservation. He could see the war, see where the tide was turning, and Peter was determined to be on the side that would protect him when it came. Perhaps it could be considered unfortunate because of the side he was choosing, but the Death Eaters had all of the power currently. Lord Voldemort, so long as he stayed on his good side, would provide him more benefits than if he’d gone on to resist his rise. He didn’t tell the others, though. He couldn’t. Perhaps Remus would understand where he was coming from, but he knew James and Sirius well enough to know their reactions would be less than kind. Because of this, he kept quiet and to himself, falling silent when political came up in daily conversation. He could make his own choices, after all. He didn’t owe his friends anything.
(Perhaps that was some lingering bitterness talking, too; close or not, it was obvious that he was the one who walked behind the rest on a narrow sidewalk.)
Dumbledore’s death wasn’t too much of a surprise to him–Peter knew it was coming. What did surprise him was when it happened; an attack in the middle of a school day was completely unexpected and, frankly, disturbing. Not only did Dumbledore die, but Lily and Hestia did as well. It was this event that started Peter down a path of pure doubt, but of course, one couldn’t simply just back out of the Death Eaters. Peter was stuck.
His decision was more like a second decision, really. His first alliance had been with the Death Eaters, but six months and countless deaths later was making Peter have second thoughts. Was it worth standing aside and watching others die from the sidelines? How many more had to perish? Of course, he could simply turn and look the other way like he had all of his life, but this… No, this was something he couldn’t just look away from. To the world, Peter Pettigrew was still a Death Eater, and he was sure he’d still be seen as such for the foreseeable future. To himself, though, he was purely neutral, and that made him feel better in the very least.
{ + } Creative, Ambitious, Proud, Networker, Planner
{ - } Coward, Selfish, Insecure, Fickle, Anxious
