Alive due to 'anon magic', she now kills time working at a library and alcoholism.
Mindfang: Use new Journal
Hm. How does one begin now? I haven’t written in, God, sweeps. Even since taking a job at the library. Wretched place.
What a turn to take, after eons of cycling though my own death. But my love was not there. No one was, in those endless tortures. I was surprised, to see someone, that light. To me, it was the first time I’d died, and after she spoke, I knew it was the thousandth. The sweet purr to her voice did little to ease the transition, yet here I am. Awake. Alive.
I wandered what she called ‘dreams’ for perigrees. I hate that the only connection I had to the universe at large is that stupid website. It was good for somethings, though.
A second chance. Hah, I’d even made contact with my Darkling again. I can’t tell, if he’s changed. Still shrouded in shadows, even when we go out to share a simple drink. When I look at him, I see every life I’ve lived. After today’s events, I wouldn’t blame him for not looking at me at all.
I wander, if wanting to be seen is merely seeking attention. To finally be real again, to be alive, and to want that acknowledged - is it so trite? Perhaps. Lords know I’ve spent so much of my lives looking though people. All but her. In a fucked up way, I suppose it’s her who I have to thank for my afterlife. But I’ll dwell on that later.
I’ll have plenty of time to, now that I’m stuck here. I’m lucky as always, it seems.
I’m still learning, about the woman who offered me a job at the library. Board just above it, noise pollution around it. I am right back where I started.
Am I to die again?
Mm. Probably not. Everyone's moved on, either vanished or living happy, insipid lives. What's the point of any of this?
> -- You don’t write out how forgotten you feel. How lonely you are, have been since realizing your lover is lost to the abyss. Perhaps that is why you are so mad at them. Dhanus, Bastet. They have each other, though fate was so cruel to them.
It feels like no matter how you claw for a way out, you end up deeper. Deeper, still.
You hate them. It is not a beautiful raging fire, but the pitiful embers you are running on.
Why did he leave you behind? Poetic justice, maybe, for the exact thing you’d done to him. Yet, you’d never even spoken of wanting to tag along, did you? For once, you just wish he’d fight for you. For anything.
You hate her, for knowing just how you feel. Her darling is out there, just as yours. Do you tell her, the Dolorosa is your Signless? That you gave everything you had to keep her safe, to help her forget. God, it makes your stomach roil.
You’re going over for cake, soon. As such, you’ve taken out the ponytail you’d cut from the Jade’s overgrown mane, when you’d first taken her. You cut it just how she told you she wanted. Short, swooping up at the ends -
You take a little bit, only a little, out for Survivor. You owe her, but only a little. If only because you too, are a coward.
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