train your heart like a dog

Camille 1993 CA | Bay Area INFJ | Enneagram Type 4 On the day that you do not understand me, please know that I am doing my best. my face | music i like | my writing archive instagram: @camillejuliet var sc_project=7352578; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="0118791f"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");

[wearestatic]

there are two wolves inside me

[wearestatic]

I am once again thriving

[wearestatic]

I feel so trapped in this vortex of grief. I just want to go backwards. To quiet nights where I pick you up from basketball and we talk about our days. Or forwards. To a some place good where I am light and unburdened by this loss. Any direction that isn’t right here. This is not the good place.

[wearestatic]

8.9.25

I’m laying out in a lawn chair by the pool a of massive Air BnB in my old college town. I’ve sent a risky, drunk text message last night— the kind of text that makes me contemplate driving an hour down the highway and throwing my phone into a ravine. I’m too old for this. I wish I wasn’t.

It’s 6am and the sun is peeking through the trees. I forget how the squirrels here are big and fat with long, bushy tails. I used to sometimes imagine that they were spider monkeys leaping through the branches. The early morning air is already hot and dry, but comforting in the way it hugs your body in the quiet stillness before the rest of the world wakes up. It makes me feel less alone.

When I was younger, Chico felt like a prison. I was constantly plotting and daydreaming about my escape. An escape that looks an awful lot like the life I have cultivated for myself now. Here I am, a month from turning 32, wishing I could go back. Wishing I could stretch this morning where I feel briefly that I’ve returned to some sort of equilibrium.

[wearestatic]

Very comforting being 10+ years in the future and reading old posts on heartache realizing that I have survived and I will continue to survive.

[aidashakur]

[sorrydetka]

as the images unwind, like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind..

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (2004) dir. michel gondry // severance, 2.10 ‘cold harbor’

[cninzihni]

[wells-hannah]

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ( 2005 - 2014 ) ↳ season 1 episode 2

[wells-hannah]

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ( 2005 - 2014 ) ↳ season 1 episode 14

[wearestatic]

New heart break I’ve never experienced before

[wearestatic]

Enamored, enchanted, infatuated, bewitched!

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine-de]

[alisonzai]

[wearestatic]

Give it a name

Call it John

or Jane

any name

It doesn’t change

The enormous feeling

This mass in my chest

That is growing with each passing day

And for which I am finding myself

exponentially

but also

delightfully

consumed

Give it a name

Maybe love

It doesn’t change

[wearestatic]

[wearestatic]

Please don’t let me jinx a good thing

your name

when it touches my tongue

feels like a curse inside of my mouth

my teeth are just dominos

which will inevitably trigger

the other shoe to drop

so don’t you get too comfortable!

I feel like I am living on borrowed time

too good to be true

all my wishes whispered

fold into seals of fate

that my hopes will never be realized