So this might be a long one sorry...
//Ok so a lot has happened, one of those things is shit went down and all the savings I had for my trip to the States was taken by a bill. I tried everything to try and find a way of getting money for the trip and it is just not gonna happen unless Centrelink stops fucking me around and pays me the money I am owed and puts me on disability.
I did get somewhere at least with Centrelink when I called yesterday and they have put a complaint down on my file to let the appeal peeps know because I put my appeal in in February and it is almost October so itās been a long ass time.
And of course when it rains it pours so my dysphoria has been at an all time high, I have been dealing with a lot of chest dysphoria because when people see me they donāt hear the deep voice or the way I dress, they see my chest and think straight away that I must be female and thatās not a great feeling. I have also been thinking a lot about my options for top surgery and although I would rather go to a surgeon in America or Canada because surgeons have more experience with top surgery than those here in Australia, I have decided to go to either New South Wales (Sydney) or Victoria (Melbourne) because the Surgeon here in Brisbane... I donāt like her results and I donāt like the fact that with larger chests, which I have, she does two separate surgeries, I donāt like how the nipples look and her general treatment of her patients isnāt great and she is the only surgeon in Brisbane and she isnāt planning to teach anyone because she wants to keep the being the only one available because money.
There are more surgeons in Sydney and Melbourne, they seem to have better results and some of them donāt need to preform two surgeries. I am thinking Melbourne is my prefered choice because I have family there, it will take me three years to save up the money once I am on disability payments because I can get a pay out every six months as well as being on top hospital cover with my current insurance the hospital stay and all that jazz is covered as well as part of the surgery, I plan to save up more than I need so I am covered if any other costs come up, or if I decide to go to Sydney instead Iāll need to stay there for at least a week to recover before I can fly back. I am also aiming to do this in Winter ācause fucking recovering from top surgery and sweating bullets.
So yeah thatās where I am at at the moment, the fact that I wonāt be soending mine and Jayās one year anniversary together sucks major ass. But itās how it is.
I am also going to officially put this blog on hiatus I just donāt have the mental capacity to roleplay right now and being on this blog and not really contributing to it kinda makes me feel worse.
I will however be active on my personal blog @musical-limbo where you can all see my obsession with @thearcanagame and my ranting and raving like a mad man about the governments of the world and other fandom stuff (yes YOI of course will be included). I honest do care and love you all, this community is beautiful and amazing and helped me so much through a really bad time last year, and of course it is how Jay and I met it is why YOI holds a special place in my heart. You are all beautiful amazing people and I am so privileged to have met you all, do not doubt how much you all mean to me. Not to mention the talent of writing and art I have seen from you all is astounding.
If you have managed to make it all the way to the end thank you very much!! And I am sorry that I ramble on so much. I love you and I do hope to be back at some point.
