Crispy Leaves on Starry Shores. @weepingcrocus - Tumblr Blog

Soft cake

Chocolate chocolate

Strawberry or raspberry but strained

I'm finally getting what I wanted

And I should be happy about that

I am

Kind of

Like, I'm smiling, but I'm still crying.

"truthfully, you've taken me for granted for the last two years. You haven't put effort into our relationship despite being almost begged for it. And then, Ryan broke up with you, a switch flipped, and suddenly you *needed* me. You *reached* for me. You talked to me about your feelings again. You added me to your Google calendar.

Things I've asked for for years. Granted, in an instant.

You think of me throughout the day and you reach out

You ask me how my day was

You still don't really touch me, but why would you? We haven't covered that yet.

I can't lose sight of the hurt, not until it's actually been dealt with.

Things are better than they've been in a while, but it's shallow. There's still muck below the surface, hiding in deep water.

I just can't shake the feeling that, were the tables turned, she wouldn't have put up with it. So why have I?

#nts

And yet even still, all I want is for her to message me

Why do I want her to fall in love with me, exactly?

it's not my fuckin fault your boyfriend's a coward.

a great fuckin day overall. failed my driver's test, but had a wonderful 6 hours+ with Dark, had a chill evening, and now I've been shot in the face because I told her that he wasn't coming.

I not only can't control but had nothing to do with Kiara messaging him

neither of us are gonna be at dnd this month

literally the only people he'd have to face are Scott[who he already HAS] and Diz[if they go]. That he's choosing to nope out and be a coward from even the notion that people are upset with him, that's not my fucking fault.

I wish I didn't lose my words so easily.

1- lumped in with K's message which was way worse. As ususal, catching the brunt of a force that's not mine to actally catch 2- I didn't fucking speak for you. If S or D were upset, saying I spoke for them, sure! I did! It was a little risky but it was also TRUE. You sure didn't mind that exact same sentiment when I was saying it to you 3- It is not my fault that your ex boyfriend is choosing to run away from everyone when faced with "hey, you're fucking up your other relationships"

knock it off.

Every time she comes to me for support on this, there's a little me screaming inside my chest.

She talked about the things that are fucked up. Our relationship wasn't even on the list

She directly addressed that she treated Ryan better than any of us

This hurts so bad

But how am I supposed to tell her that now

I want to be there for her because I know in the long run it is good for all of us, but it is really really hard.

I want to be happy, take the things at face value

But I'm painfully aware it started only immediately after she was broken up with. It was like a switch flipped and she remembered that I'm supposed to be one of her people.

I'm having a hard time enjoying something I've wanted and asked for for years because it came so immediately at the turn of the relationship

I've felt like I wasn't shiny enough. Like I wasn't interesting. You weren't paying attention. You weren't curious. You barely asked me how my day was. You don't invite me anywhere

Do you remember my birthday

I am having a Tough Time. Being supportive to Cassia while I've been given so little for the last two years, it's hard. we were so close to making progress and then this happened and now it's on hold. again. always on hold. always less important

Ralph Hap-shit

Red blazer [purcchased, delivered. slightly small] Gold watch[purchased, delivered] Gold bangle Grey tie [silver, purchased, delivered] White shirt [have, closet] Grey pants[have, Lecturer costume] Brown dress shoes [have, brad stuff] Aviators [have] White socks [have?] Blonde wig

Phones? [just the handsets, check savers or just use two bananas]

WHITES White socks, white pants, white undershirt [have? Double check] Need white scrub top and hat and gloves Shoes [Bought, delivered]

I am having some weird feelings. I feel bad, or that I should feel bad, or perhaps more sad for Cassia and Ryan breaking up, but one it feels weird and out of the blue and I'm not entirely convinced it's actually going to stick, and two, because suddenly she is turning and giving me everything I've been asking for for the last two years

I should be happy

I almost told you I love you tonight

I wanted to say it

But saying it comes with so much more

So much weight

But it's true. Not the romantic love, but a holistic, warm glow of love. A friendship love, a "you're important to me" love. A "thank you for holding space for me," love. An "I trust you" kind of love. The "I can't wait to see you and also text me when you get home" kind.

I want to tell you. But we need to talk first. I need to be sure you don't misunderstand.

#aromantic

Lux Solaris(fae/faer/+) is an agender, asexual, aromantic switchy creature with a strong fondness for kink and human sexuality. Fae has called Rhode Island faer home since 2015, and for the last eight years, Lux has served as equal parts salesperson and guide, helping customers find new ways to think outside the mold of a comp-het society and meeting their own needs for sexual health and pleasure.

Lux is bootblack for and an active part of faer local kink night at Alchemy, striving to help the organization grow in a positive, affirming direction for all they welcome. Fae has about 15 years of experience teaching and advising folks on their journeys to self-discovery, happily highlighting the playful nature of kink and all the potential joys to luxuriate in.

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#sbmt

I'm definitely feeling some kinda way right now. very tenderhearted

but did that really have to happen *now*?

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