WILL PEOPLE PLEASE STOP LECTURING ME ABOUT BIRDS

FYI: If you're the sort of person who needs trigger warnings, I should advise you that this may not be the best blog for you to follow. I think trigger warnings are great but I rarely ever have the presence of mind to use them, so I thought I'd give you all a fair warning. Also, another thing you may like to know is that I do not engage in internet arguments. At all. Ever. So if you intend to argue with me, I'm afraid I won't be any fun because I won't respond. users online

[wehidebehindstars]

psst hi im alive

[wehidebehindstars]

hi its me just popping in after like a fucking decade to say that life is significantly worse, my mental health is at an all time low, and basically im hanging on by a thread and would welcome a premature death. 

I don’t know what else to do. 

[wehidebehindstars]

But how do you even get on a unicycle? 

[firelord-frowny]

Public Service Announcement from Firelord Frowny.

I am not a safe place for racist beliefs. 

Lazy thinking is not welcome here. 

As an artist/creative type, I promote social responsibility.

This means I do not tolerate careless portrayals of sensitive topics including but not limited to racism, misogyny, or abuse of any sort. 

I fully expect the artists I choose to interact with to uphold a similar system of values in their own work and in the works they enjoy from others. 

If someone I follow demonstrates that they are NOT concerned with the social impact of art, then they will subsequently be unfollowed and blocked, because it is my belief that those who do not wilfully take on these responsibilities do NOT deserve to have their work appreciated by the public. 

Absolutely none of this is up for debate.

If any of that bothers you, feel free to exit the premises. You are not a loss. 

[wehidebehindstars]

I have such good friends and I wish that fact meant more to me. 

[wehidebehindstars]

and the shit thing is I could totally tell him how I’ve been having these feely feelings for him - I’m actually really good at telling people that kind of shit and I don’t get nervous about doing it, and doing it usually makes me feel hella better, even if the feelings aren’t returned. 

But even though it would make me feel better I’m p sure it would just make things worse for this dude, so like. 

Nope. 

[wehidebehindstars]

just

god I feel so fucking useless right now lmao. 

What good am I, even. 

i just want to fucking cry but I don’t want to do it alone but I don’t want to do it with just anybody, either. 

Why can’t I find solace in myself anymore. 

Or maybe I never could, but

why does it suddenly hurt THIS much. 

Why can’t someone else be strong for me this time lmao. 

Why do I always have to do it on my fucking own. 

Help.

[wehidebehindstars]

I don’t really post here anymore. 

Everything is bad and feels heavy and gray and thick. 

I only log back into this blog to peep how one particular person is doing. It’s weird because it’s somebody I hella crushed on from afar (a-very-far) and idk, I never said anything because there’d be literal no point in saying anything - in fact, there’d be like... a negative amount of points in saying anything. 

But it just sucks so much because I kind of really love the dude in a way that isn’t quite romantic - because let’s be real, I never got to know him well enough to love him like that - but I just. Think he’s hella fantastic and special and sometimes I think about how content I’d probably feel to just chill with him and listen to him talk about stuff and things. 

But like. Idk, man. Idfk. Everything feels so bad in life right now. 

I’m doing the best that I can, and a lot of people would even say that I’m doing hella great - way better than some people are able to manage - but no one is allowing me to be proud of my successes. There is a whole One Thing right now that I’m not doing so great at, and nobody will let me forget it. 

It just feels like such utter shit, to know that I can be doing as well as I’m doing and still have it mean absolutely nothing to the people who have control over my life and my future - parents, professors, (potential) employers...

And I just. 

I want to find solace in the things that I’m great at - I want to think about what a bomb-ass writer I am and be proud of the fact that I could probably make something of myself in that field if I ever got the chance. I wanna be proud that even though I’m doing abysmally in math, I’m still trying as hard as I fucking can, and NO ONE can tell me that I’m not. I have an A average in music history and in piano skills, which are both classes that I failed the first time because they were so hard for me. 

So like... goddamn, I have so much to be proud of right now. 

And I’ve had to sacrifice so much practice time on violin in order to accomplish this. And I fucking KNOW that it isn’t ideal, but it is what it motherfucking is, and if I could do both at the same time, don’t these pieces of shit think I WOULD? For three and a half years now I’ve let my academics rot on the back-burner for the sake of practicing 5+ hours a day. I let that shit be more important than anything else, and now look where I am: Having to graduate an entire year late (possibly even more) because I had to focus more on playing than on studying. 

And now, in my last year, I make the decision for myself that it’s time to start doing what I need to do to get my fucking degree and get OUT, and everyone is angry at me for not prioritizing my instrument anymore. 

I’m not fucking sorry. 

I’m NOT fucking sorry and I resent that they are taking away my ability to feel proud of how far I’ve come in academics. 

So like...

I just wish that if I can’t be allowed to find solace in myself, that I could at least find it in someone who means a lot to me and to whom I mean a lot. Idk. The sort of someone who would just fuckin stay on the phone with me all night or force themselves to stay awake on skype so I wouldn’t have to be alone just hating myself into the early morning hours. 

Like idk. 

I just wanna be told that where I’m at is okay. And I wanna be told that with my shoulder blades against his chest and his lips by my ear and I want the goddamn luxury of letting someone else hold me together for a change. 

I’m feeling so fragile. 

And I get like this, and I think about this fucking dude, and god fucking damn, I wish it wasn’t so hopeless and useless.  

[wehidebehindstars]

oops

[wehidebehindstars]

phone: starts ringing from an unknown number

me: waits for it to stop while feeling very stressed

[wehidebehindstars]

Judging a woman for who she chooses to sleep with will never ever ever be a feminist action. :D

[antifa-chaos-witch-deactivated2]

Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: The beast, which had represented his feelings, was dead. “I think I’ll do a pushup,” he announced to the sea. The sea respected him for it.

“Male Novelist Jokes" by Mallory Ortberg.

[wehidebehindstars]

Like idk if you're gonna have the gall to appropriate AAVE, at least have the decency to use it tastefully. 

[wehidebehindstars]

I don't usually join in on shitstorms but I'm still dying with laughter over the fact that AIA apparently never responded to the message I sent her calling out her constant appropriation and butchering of AAVE. 

Lmao. 

[meloromantics]

TW for racism, ableism, misogyny, etc

surprisingly enough this is not from 4chan! these selections are from the three most recent pages [there are nearly 500] of the discussion topic “tumblr queers" on "the l chat" forum. 

i honestly don’t even know what to say except that there are women in this community who use a mostly anonymous forum board to call women they don’t like “the retard brigade,” to say that women like beautifulyellowperil have a “lust for white dicks,” are “spastic,” “asian attention whores,” “bed wench bisluts,” and a “yellow bitch,” and to tell het/bi women to “stop thinking with their cunts.”

i literally don’t even know what to say but this is real and these are women who are a part of radical tumblr! this community is harboring nasty nasty people and that is unacceptable.

[violentvivacity-blog]

again, if you’re /still/ following AIA or anyone else related to her after this, you’re fucking disgusting. 

"yellow bitch", "asian attention whore", "bed wench bisluts"—where is all this coming from and why is this necessary?  all this because they don’t want to own up to their shitty leader being a rape apologist?  

And just to let you know, yes!  there’s more of this!  About twenty pages of white lesbians calling me a whore and a chink and various other slurs just because I had the /gall/ to point out AIA’s rape apologism.  (at some point, one of them claims to be a WoC, too!  this whole forum is just gold, much like the gold stars they keep pretending gives them free passes to be racist, transphobic, ableist, and homophobic pieces of shit.

[wehidebehindstars]

WOW. 

Everyone behind this forum ought to be wickedly ashamed of themselves and if you happen to know anybody behind this, you'd better hold them accountable, or you're just as bad. 

This is fucking insane. 

[radscumblr]

i have no idea who was involved in the forum shit that i’ve seen screenshotted this morning but if you were among the women on that site calling women “bisl*ts”, “creatures” and other terrible slurs and insults you should unfollow me now.  there is a difference between having a difference of opinion and literally being a flaming sack of misogyny, racism and transphobia and i want nothing to do with you if you think there is ever an excuse for tearing down other women like that.  so much for “prioritizing women”.

[4years-gone]

I just saw the forum wtf

[heronfem]

I don’t think that we talk about leaving fandoms enough on this website.

It is okay to leave a fandom if it becomes toxic, if it no longer inspires you, if you have no interest in it.  That’s important.  It’s okay to let things go when they no longer carry any reason for you.

[angrybabysitter]

tumblr fandoms have actually made me hate tv shows i once enjoyed. its really pathetic (on my part) but damn, some people get so wild about shit that it makes you step back and wonder if you’re watching the same shit because it’s likely not that damn great after all

[wehidebehindstars]

But why are people acting like fandoms are so serious in the first place, is what I wanna know. Why are people feeling obligated to the fandoms they “belong” to. That’s just weird at least mildly concerning. They’re not clubs or memberships. You can’t ‘join’ them and subsequently there’s nothing to formally ‘leave’. 

People need to stop acting like this shit is supposed to be anything more than a bunch of peeps enjoying something together. 

[angrybabysitter]

thats just it. a lot of people in fandoms take it MORE than seriously and it takes the fun out of the show. and for me, when i see all that in-depth analysis of obvious fiction based on 100% fantasy, it makes me start thinking about all the things i DONT like about a show, then i start wondering why im watching it at all. now i just blacklist the name of every show i enjoy as soon as i start to see fandom-type shit on my dash, just so i dont end up getting annoyed and scrapping the show, like i have so many others. i definitely do not feel obligated to any fandom at all. idk if that’s directed at me or what…

[wehidebehindstars]

Noooooo nononono I'm so sorry, that was not even remotely directed at you. <3 <3 <3 I don't even know anything about your fandom activities. :P I'm so glad I checked back on this blog because I had an inkling that you might have thought I was specifically referencing you, so sorry if I caused you any alarm! I was more just adding my two cents to the original post.

So sorry!!