THIS IS HORRIBLE!

❛ your friends don't care about you & your mom and dad don't get you. ❜ ind. sel. priv. original character multimuse. adored by levi. est. feb. 2018.

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❝  are you kidding me?   of course we’re in danger, look at us, we’re the epitome of slasher film characters.    the only reason we aren’t dead yet is dramatic effect!  ❞

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i know i literally just posted this promo here but hey look i’ve moved blogs 

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❝  are you kidding me?   of course we’re in danger, look at us, we’re the epitome of slasher film characters.    the only reason we aren’t dead yet is dramatic effect!  ❞

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i know i literally just posted this promo here but hey look i’ve moved blogs 

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would anyone be Too Inconvenienced if i remade this blog asjdkj i’m literally changing to the exact same url and copy pasting all my pages it’s just i want to redo my tags and having all the repeats there is gonna stress me out fjdks

[stiiiiiiiiiiles]

John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid Starters

“Wish me luck out there.” “We’ve all gone too big too fast and then run out of room.” “We’ve all made a ‘Happy Birthday’ sign.” “I don’t need to trace it. I know how big letters should be.” “Yeah, but that past is the past.” “I mean, we’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly.” “And I don’t like confrontation cuz I’ve never been in a fight before.” “I don’t give off that vibe.” “Some people give off that vibe of like ‘Do not fuck with me.’ My vibe is more like ‘Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you’.” “I’m so open and vulnerable. I look like a doll that you point out molestation on.” “Show us on this white comedian where the man touched you.” “I got married since then.” “I love saying ‘my wife’. It sounds so adult.” “’My wife’ just has some kick ass to it, y’know?” “Marriage is gonna be very magical.” “I didn’t kill my wife!” “Ooh, who’s that fella? I bet he did kill his wife.” “When I was a kid I used to watch ‘America’s Most Wanted’ and I would always think to myself ‘How could another person kill someone? How could a human being kill another human being?’ And then I got cheated on and I was like ‘Oh, okay. I’m not gonna do it but I totally get it’.” “Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die.” “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” “It’s a bananas insulting expression.” “You’re not allowed to milk a cow that you don’t own.”  “Ah-ha-ha, I take your milk!”  [ mooing angrily ] “Roping in cows and getting milk out of them was never anything you were known for, ____.” “A lot of people think that you like bulls.” “Sure, s/he’s a bossy little Jew, but s/he takes care of you.” “I was raised Catholic, I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”  “What’s the name of the bishop?” “That’s actually stand-up comedian Dan Levy.” “And a hush falls over the room.”  “I was a French maid for a period of time. I was treated well in my day. I worked for a variety of sirs.”  “Aw, she’s ugly.” “Cause you know how you lie to your parents?”  “And then I got schooled because they introduced a bunch of new shit.” “Have a nice day.”  “And also you having one.”  “I like having a puppy that’s a bulldog, ‘cause it’s like having a baby that is also a grandma.”  “Her body is young, her face is as old as time.”  “Oh, the things I have seen, you cocksucker.”  “_____ is my best friend in the world. I give her a million kisses a day.”  “Hey, you’re bad at being a dog.”  “Ah, yes, my title of alpha which I once had, how can I reclaim it?”  “You need to show dominance over your puppy.”  “Oh, yes, and what a mighty king I will be, eating dinner at 4:45 in the afternoon.”  “We’re space aliens in a play about human beings that they wrote, but didn’t work that hard on.”  “You’re not eating dinner, cocksucker.”  “2029? That’s not a real year.”  “What, were you two in the Eagles together? What is the animosity about?”  “Stop snitchin’, motherfucker.”  “You’re never too young to learn our national no-snitching policy.”  “Hey, do you know what you’re supposed to say when a baby points at you and knowing says, ‘He has a penis?’. No, I”m asking. ‘Cuz I don’t know what to say in that situation.”  “It’s okay, s/he’s just going through that phase where s/he says penis and vagina a lot.”  “Well, y’know how I”m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time and I have no outlet for it. So… eggs.”   “I don’t know. I know you told me. But I have had a very long day. I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.”  “(First Name Middle Name Last Name), did you bite this nice man’s dick?”  “Hey, doesn’t anyone wanna know why his dick was near my biters in the first place? Isn’t anyone curious as to how I had access?”  “So, how’d you lose your arm?”  “Well, I was born with only one arm.”  “We’re not so different, you and I. You have your law practice, and I have all these fucking markers. I guess we both have responsibilities when you look at it that way.”  “My dad loved us, he just didn’t care about our general happiness or self-esteem.”  “My dad is cold-blooded. He once shushed a kid during Lion King on Broadway.”  “You remember being 12, when you’re like ‘No one look at me or I’ll kill myself’?”  “Ah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!”  “Ooh, ducklings!”  “Too old to a be a duckling. Quack, quack.”  “My duckling days are behind me. _____, don’t you see? I’m a duck now.”  “Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.”  “He is a smooth and fantastic hillbilly who should be declared Emperor of the United States of America.”  “Oh, me? I’m just an old old man. I don’t have the appetites.”  “I slid in the room in my First Communion suit, ready to go.”  “He never forgets a bitch. Ever.”  “You can do whatever you want forever.”  “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.” 

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❝  are you kidding me?   of course we’re in danger, look at us, we’re the epitome of slasher film characters.    the only reason we aren’t dead yet is dramatic effect!  ❞ 

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@paniicstations ♡’d / for anyone !

      “   hi.   ”    and with that, he sits down and immediately kicks his feet up on the table.   it’s a simple game, one he and todd play every time they’re in a restaurant -- sit down at a stranger’s table and act like you’re meant to be there.   bonus points if you can get them to let you stay the entire meal.    “   what are you getting?   i’m feeling the spaghetti.   ”

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SUCH A CLEVER LINE.

          it’s  safe  to  say  he’s  lost  any  and  all  interest  in  the  conversation  by  this  point  –  anyone  who  radiates  as  much  negativity  as  her  fails  to  keep  him  invested  for  long.  chewing  on  his  knuckle,  rich  kicks  both  feet  onto  the  seat  in  front  of  him.     ❛  were  you  trained  in,  like,  an  acting  class  to  pretend  you  have  a  stick  up  your  ass,  or  is  that  just  natural  for  you  ?  ❜    

        oh, he’s kicking chairs now, that’s cool.   whoever’s there is going to think she’s associated with this.    “   i’m drawing on one of my previous performances -- the long suffering teenager who is critiquing a play, like any actress would.   ”     maybe she’s being a little too cruel, but hey, at least she didn’t come to this play with the intention of complaining to audience members.   

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MOMENTS THAT I’LL MISS. // @spikyfamily​ !

        her eyes roll, though she smiles all the same, chucking claudia under the chin.     ❛  it is true, claudia. i am stealing you from your papa. do you mind ?  ❜     eyes remain trained on the child until her sentence ends – then she looks at joey, eyebrows raised, expression stony.     ❛  maybe then he will sleep.  ❜    

         he almost ignores her comment, shaking his head.   “   is it weird that i’m like, afraid i’m gonna wake up from a nap and she’ll be a teenager?   ”    he talks to claudia, not to alice, hoping to alleviate some of this with a joke.    “   two years ago i was buying a fake id and now i’m afraid her boyfriends are going to think i’m lame.    ”

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WE’LL PROBABLY FIGHT.

               ollie grins, wide as ever, “ oh- really ? awesome, okay. i mean, i think he’ll reserve the pickup lines for when we’re exploring the place, but hey, if that means i don’t have to listen to them by myself, then that’s fine by me. ” he laughs to himself, before rocking back and forth on his toes, “ you mean i can reserve my place up at the top of the list forever ? knowing i’m up there might make being kept up another few hours a little more bearable. ”

         “   trust me, however bad you think it is, it’s worse when you’re with him alone.   really, you’re a saint, you just haven’t realized it yet.   ”    for all his complaining, he shakes his head and laughs.    it wouldn’t be a real trip if he didn’t complain about everyone in the troop, and he thinks ollie gets that.   “   you can have the spot until i die if you convince him to test the lines out on you and then tell me them later.   they’re almost clever when they aren’t coming from him.    ”

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* OPEN !

       “   here’s my proposition for why the band should allow co-ed dorms : i’m the only male clarinet, which means i’m always forced to room with the saxophones or -- God forbid -- the trumpets, which is just entirely unfair.   basic band politics mean i should get to room with the other clarinets.    ”

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❛ I want to congratulate you for being on time. ❜ ollie to aidan jkdngd

what do you need a fake i.d. for? // @paniicstations

          “   and i didn’t even need ian to call and guide me here.    ”   he laughs, but his voice holds a certain level of pride that’s difficult to disregard as a joke.   being bad at directions is really only funny when you aren’t the one resisting the urge to punch a hole through your steering wheel.    “   what’s on the agenda today?   convincing mr. alvarez to let us have these meetings later in the day?     ”

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'56) things you said in the spur of the moment' for the thrice shy ot3...

things you said… // accepting!

1. BARLOW :             “ hey, blake, did you – ”   he shakes his head and rolls his eyes, like wow, what a silly mistake, before correcting himself.    “ elder peterson, where did you put the batteries? ”    but blake is already staring at him with a tilted head, and anaya’s sitting up and grinning.         “ your name’s blake?   that’s cute.  it fits you. ”     blake smiles at her, and she fixes her gaze on barlow.    before she can speak, he’s already given in.         “ it’s barlow. ”             and then her nose is scrunched up, moments away from snorting.   “ barlow cardon?   you didn’t get very lucky there, did you?”    blake starts laughing first, and it pushes anaya over the edge – she covers her mouth and speaks through the giggles.   “ it’s cute, it fits you, too!   you’re definitely a barlow.    in a good way! ”           “ a good way? ”   he looks at blake, hoping for some kind of defense, but blake is just about as gone as anaya is, laughing into the crook of his elbow to muffle the noise.           “ a barlow way! ”    he says, leaning onto his hand.   “ you are very barlow, i think.   anaya’s very anaya, and you’re very barlow, and i’m very blake. ”           both of them find that sentiment very hilarious, and barlow thinks it’s very juvenile – but they’re both laughing for the first time they have in a while, and okay, maybe it’s kind of cute.  and when the laughter finally slows, he’s the one that mutters “ a barlow way ” just to make them start up again.

2. ANAYA :          before meeting any, anaya had been almost certain that mormons didn’t believe in fighting.   and you know, maybe they don’t -- maybe it’s just that blake and barlow are moody teenage boys and she’s a moody teenage girl and if they don’t stop talking so she can actually get some sleep, she’ll die.         it isn’t even, like, interesting arguing.   at best, it’s the generic “ next time there’s a zombie coming, don’t expect help ” thing that all three of them have used more times than they can count.   and maybe that’s a mean thing to say, but they’ve got to get moving as soon as the sun rises, and all them are gross and greasy, and this room is too small for them to get any peace and quiet.         “ what are we even fighting about? ”    she doesn’t turn to face them when she asks this, but both of them fall silent until one of them -- she’s too tired to tell, really, but she’s almost certain it’s blake -- sheepishly responds “ we can’t tell which way the map is supposed to go. ”         she opts to let her annoyance at this statement hang in the air -- they have their route for the next week planned out already, honestly, they’re just looking for things to complain about.  the silence works; barlow (definitely barlow, because he sounds like he’s a little kid being scolded) mutters “ we’ll let you sleep, ‘naya. ”        and it isn’t even like she can just doze off at this point, not with those two probably planning to stare daggers at each other all night, so she rolls over and squints at the pair.   “ i finally get why girls always complain about having boyfriends. ”         it comes out weird, and she recognizes that, and then she decides that whatever, she only has like three hours to sleep before she needs to keep watch.          “ girls have to watch their boyfriends fight all the time? ”    it’s blake (definitely, because she actually saw him speak this time), and he lingers on the plural phrases it like he’s uncertain, like it’s taking things too far, and barlow blushes and stares at the stupid map.          and honestly, anaya already knows none of them are going to acknowledge this when the sun rises, so she says “ maybe i’m just lucky, ” yawns, and rolls back over.

3. BLAKE :           maybe it’s the pacifism speaking, but he doesn’t understand the appeal of guns.   he especially doesn’t understand the appeal of using them in the middle of an infected neighborhood, putting anyone who happened to be passing through at the same time at risk of being mauled by the ensuing riots, but hey, there’s no accounting for taste.         the three of them are about twenty feet away from the group (who managed to get guns but couldn’t get anything to muffle those guns, apparently) when the earthly equivalent to hell breaks out, which means they’re forced to help clean up the mess.             blake wouldn’t dare express this out loud, but he is getting very tired of the nearly dying but not quite cycle – tired enough that when the dust settles and he realizes he has no idea where anaya and barlow are, his first thought is at least this should happen sooner rather than later.    and then the part of him that isn’t completely jaded kicks in, and he spins around until he finds them – safely tucked away by a fence, anaya leaning on barlow, both of them worse for wear.         and that small part of him is what nearly propels him into their arms.   in the process, barlow stumbles back and anaya nearly falls, but then barlow’s got his free hand on his shoulder and anaya’s burying her face in his neck.           “ i love you guys. i love you guys. ”    they’ve had near misses before, far worse ones, but for whatever reason, the few seconds he’d been alone now feel like the last seconds of his life.   and even though logically he knows that barlow is now supporting all three of their weights, he kind of feels like they’re all holding each other up, and he kind of feels like that’s how it’s always supposed to be.

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@weightcarried.    //    starter call.

        ❛  i’ve  got  a  singular  impression  things  are  moving  too  fast.  ❜

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     “   you know, i’ve found people will try to slow the world down for you if you ask them really politely.    ”

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@aniomarca // for anyone !

        “   you like popcorn, right?   who doesn’t like popcorn?   ”    he hates popcorn selling season.   everyone else in the troop turns it into a game or ignores it entirely, but he can’t do anything other than get anxious.   “   you know, if you buy popcorn, you can support your local boy scouts -- troop 54, that’s us!   ”

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@paniicstations​ // for ollie !!

         “   one of my little brothers asked me if boy scouts is anything like m.inecraft, and i said yes, so now he wants to join a troop.   i felt kind of bad at first, but then he said he wasn’t going to join troop 54 because i’m in it, so now i’m glad he’s gonna suffer through this.    ”

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(FAN) CASTING : TROOP 54.

corey alvarez -- a.lberto rosende  

marcus noel -- k.odi smit m.cphee

aiden o’hara -- t.revor jackson

ian holloway -- t.oby regbo

liam vidal -- t.ravis turner

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(FAN) CASTING : THRICE SHY.

 anaya spencer -- r.eiya downs

blake peterson -- t.yler johnston

barlow cardon -- tom h.olland