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step one. Cry.

step two. Think of all the things I’ve lost: The nicknames we would give our tummies and other miscellaneous body parts and how in their bareness, they were best friends. Seeing you smile at the dumb things that only meant something to you and I. Curling up in your arms under our favorite blanket to watch hours of Leftovers and feeding you your favorite cereal (feeling like true heaven on earth). Going to concerts, our souls ignited by MDMA and love. Kissing every spot on your face, making sure that none was left unappreciated and stealing whiffs of the scent that belongs to only you. Losing ourselves together in every Anjuna Beats song in an ethereal world only we shared somewhere in between a dream and reality. Showing you the most naked and shy spots on my soul that even I never knew was there and have them embraced.

Most of all… the me that I was with you. Completely raw, without an armor, and yet so intwined with you that we felt infinite whether near or far. Whether we were just a feeling, a connection between the touchy feely ends of Toro and Augustus, love, or something else- we were an entity that existed to me, defying the constraints of reason, time, and space, filling my heart with pulsating euphoria, consuming the very home that had been inviting, and driving out any other sense I had until it was all I could feel. I learned to be full, wholesome, and expansive in its’ presence, but in its’ absence I was left numb and only a corpse of myself.

step three. Ponder on all the ways that what we had might have been spoiled: Perhaps I had deceived myself in a way, believing that we were both unguarded, or perhaps you felt threatened by something greater outside of us and I just wasn’t enough to protect you from it. Perhaps I had forced your surrender to begin with, stripped you of your shell when you weren’t ready to see that raw version of you yourself.

Or more likely, perhaps only at the core, when we were that exposed, our bare selves without a single layer of film, we were faced with the truth that our paths were not inseparable- that we will always be two separate people alone and free to wander. We began to feel guilt that the beauty we have before us: this other soul, and our own souls- is a beauty that is meant to be shared to the world. Perhaps the world needs each of us in our own elements to spread the seeds of inspiration to places in need of more love and perhaps, holding tightly onto each other prevents that natural process.

I mistakenly thought that we were love but it was without a lingering ego- in nakedness, defenselessness, and expansiveness- that you and I, each, were love.

step four. Breath

step five. Reinstall myself. Say goodbye to the me that I was with you. Filling the gaps within myself with everything else that once was beautiful: art, writing, philosophy, self exploration, and the simplest pleasures. Re-inspire my curiosity to truly know other souls and extract their essence for play. Realizing that love has not left me, but has always been all around me, just hidden beneath shells. Understanding that I am the same- love for myself and all beings and life that has only temporarily been tucked away. Act on love every single day and bring beauty into the lives of others.

step six. Thrive.

love each other, love together.

Love someone for everything that you are - someone once told me.

When love inspires me in indescribable ways to learn and grow, I learn to love others for who I have the potential to become, for what I can begin to embody in myself.

So human, I was placed on this earth, from that moment, it was both suffering and pleasure that wounded what was purity. I will never be without flaws yet I know I’m perfect in all the ways that I’ve learned to love, allowing me to see past the veil of the limitations of this material world.

Like all of us, I’m on a path.

Love inspires me to move further on this path.

I’m so thankful to know you. I pray that I inspire you and you’ll keep inspiring me.

I’m so obsessed with love because to what I’ve come to understand and see through all of my experience, it’s the language of God. It’s how we learn to be one with God and the world around us, both breathing all that’s around us, and expanding our spirit to embrace all that’s beyond us. It’s what we all live for- to understand Him, to understand suffering, to understand how to relieve that, to understand each other, to be at peace. Peace- all begins and ends with love.

It’s the only thing that makes sense to me amongst all the chaos in the world.

odaro

grand view drive / whipple russell architects

Things to be looking forward to and make each day happier (alone):

1. Meditating and growing in my inward journey

2. Dancing and feeling so myself

3. Reading/School of Life and writing reviews/thoughts about it

4. Searching for a job and imagining what it would be like in about a year from now to be there.

6. Exercising and lifting

7. Listening to the Serial Podcast

8. Reading books at Literati

9. Getting a hair cut and freshening up

10. Meeting with old friends and catching up

11. Meeting with new friends and living it up

12. Cleaning my room

13. Clearing my laptop

14. Graphic design for myself (SPIT)

15. Reading about Reiki and Native American healing techniques and journaling all of my thoughts and what I’ve learned.

16. Thrifting and making new outfits

17. On occasion, sending out a nice message to those I love in my life

18. Going to the music venue alone and dancing.

19. Going to crazy wisdom book store free events

20. Floating at bloom

queenpalms

milkeu

@by.wish

the dangers of non-attachment.

In the modern world of spirituality and conscious relationships, detachment is considered to be one of the fundamental pillars of conscious living and loving.

The concept of detachment comes from Hindu and Buddhist spirituality. Detachment, or non-attachment, is the result of repeated spiritual perceptions that cause us to be strongly rooted in our sense of Self. This higher Self remains unaffected by the fluctuations of daily life.

It is that witnessing part in ourselves that always feels at peace and simply observes what comes and goes. It is that part that knows that “time heals all wounds.” In reality though, on top of this higher Self, we all have developed a personality that is shaped by our past experiences. This personality carries hopes, dreams, and emotional pain. These aspects of our personality, when not made peace with, keep us identified with our personality and therefore weaken our roots in the Self.

Unfortunately, many spiritual practitioners subscribe to the idealistic worldview that is presented in spiritual lore and artificially apply it because it somehow “makes sense.” While non-attachment is a beautiful and elevated quality that can bring a lot of peace and love into your life, its misapplication can be dangerous for your well-being and of those around you.

Non-attachment is a spontaneous quality of someone who has ceased to identify with the personality parts of himself. When non-attachment does not come naturally or when it is something we are striving for or a technique we are applying, it can result in emotional suppression.

Let me illustrate this with an example from one of my open-relationships. The partner I loved had laid his eyes on another woman and decided that he wanted to date her. While I kept telling myself that I love him and therefore I was happy he was having a great time, my heart suffered. I felt as if he didn’t love me enough by putting me through such hardship. Intellectually, I believed in unconditional love but emotionally I wasn’t ready for it.

Non-attachment is not about not caring but rather requires a deep and intimate experience of life. Unfortunately, my partner was the type who tried to apply “spiritual concepts” to control me. Instead of acknowledging my pain and asking how he could help me, he simply gave me a lecture on non-attachment, on the very things I already knew.

I felt as if I was failing because I was unable to be detached. I suffered because I felt as if my partner was punishing me for feeling hurt. This self-judgment is how we create a vicious cycle of emotional suppression. It’s that simple. Unfortunately, people who tend to suppress their emotions are usually unaware of it and are often those with tender hearts who genuinely love unconditionally, but who suffer as a result.

Emotional suppression is one of the main causes for disease. In the long run, suppressing our emotions leads to a suppression of the immune system. It is one of the factors thought to play an important role in a variety of diseases and syndromes such as anxiety, depression, cancer, fibromyalgia, auto-immune diseases and heart problems.

Spiritual practice requires a high level of awareness and radical honesty with ourselves. If non-attachment is not our natural response, we have to make sure we recognize it. Our ego wants us to believe we already are a fully evolved person. Rather than “practicing detachment” in such occasions, we can practicing mindfulness instead.

Mindfulness is the non-judgmental observation of sensations, feelings, and thoughts as they happen in the here and now. If we feel pain, we recognize and acknowledge it without attaching any meaning to it or creating a story out of it.

Mindfulness, rather than imposing non-attachment, requires us to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge the truth of our emotions and thoughts, without suppressing them. As a result, we have to make peace with ourselves and brutally accept where we’re at including what our wounds and challenges are.

The desire to be detached, preach detachment, and wish it for others is an idealistic drive that belongs to the realm of the ego. It is often a form of escapism resulting from the personality that suffers from the lack of acceptance of the present moment. Acknowledging our pain, and practicing equanimity towards it, involves a surrendering of the ego that wants to be and feel a certain way. This doesn’t mean we should give up on the idea of non-attachment. On the contrary, it’s an invitation to bring more awareness and honesty into the practice.

As conscious people, we need to befriend our own ego if we desire to bring consciousness into our relationships. We need to recognize its good and dark parts, and simply witness the different aspects of the ego as just another aspect of yourself. By establishing ourselves in that part of us that is able to see the play of reality, we witness the reactions of our personality and its wishes and dreams. We need to observe with radical honesty and transparency the challenges our personality needs to experience. Knowing our deepest desire, most heartfelt pain, and deepest longing can reveal to us the purpose of our life. Next time you experience pain, rather than running away from it, let it guide you to discover your deepest truths and the meaning of your life.

Rather than suppressing our emotions, we need to find harmonious ways of expressing them to our partners. As partners, we need to provide the support to our loved ones so they feel safe to express their true feelings and emotions without feeling judged.

Conscious loving takes hard work, and the danger of escaping into spiritual ideals and dreams when things get rough lies just around the corner. Conscious relationships are those in which we explore and work through our vulnerabilities and heal our deepest wounds with a partner who is committed to doing the same inner work. Relationships can be a great tool for transformation and personal development when they are done consciously, with mutual respect and love, and a deep caring for one another. The person who develops the emotional maturity necessary to support another human being will discover the gift of having been helped in return through the very same process.

Relephant:

Love, fundamentally, should be about warmth, affection, caring, communication, trust, space:

Cause we've been driving so long I can't remember how we got here Or how we survived so long I'm tryna run from our pride Till you set fire to my atmosphere And I remember how I spent the 23rd Feeling six feet under When I'm 30,000 feet in the air Chasing that sundown So far east I'm westbound Feeling like the edge of this world is near But you'll feel better when you wake up Swear to god I'll make up Everything and more when I get back someday This is more than just a phase, love Shooting stars all break up And even though it seems like half the world away Things will be better in America Heard the streets are gold there Maybe I could fly you out this place someday Chasing dreams like I'm on Novocain Screaming through your airways Looking back I almost thought I heard you say Stay, you're not gonna leave me This place is right where you need to be And why your words gotta mean so much to them And they mean nothing to me So stay, you're not what you're hearing Cause I've been watching you changing And who said you're one in a million Anyway? Cause you see only what you want to Your tunnel vision haunts you And you can't see what's wrong When you keep sleeping through the PM Eyes wide open when you're dreaming You’re sleepwalking, just keep talking And maybe you can talk your way out of this deep end No b plan in your system Just tell me what you're thinking I'm scared that you might fall But you're not But you're not

And you'll feel better when you wake up Taking off your makeup Sun always seems to wash our fears away And it's always shining somewhere I just gotta get there And even though it seems like half the world away Things are better in America Heard the streets are gold there Maybe I could fly you out this place someday Chasing dreams like I'm on Novocain Screaming through your airways Looking back I almost thought I heard you say Stay, you're not gonna leave me This place is right where you need to be And why your words gotta mean so much to them? When they mean nothing to me So stay, you're not what you're hearing Cause I've been watching you changing And who said you're one in a million You’re so much better than that You’re so much better than that You’re so much better than that

Stay, you're not what you're hearing Cause I've been watching you changing And who said you're one in a million anyway? And you'll feel better when you wake up Swear to god I'll make up Everything or more when I get back someday Chasing dreams like I'm on Novocain Screaming through your airways Looking back I almost thought I heard you say You're so much better than that.

There’s so much beauty in the pain

death-by-elocution

Why does it bother me when you tell me I’m beautiful?

When you whisper You’re beautiful

You tell me in a way that seems to say You’re beautiful... but you don’t even know.

Or are you giving yourself an honest reminder?

Skin and soul, I am beautiful.

Why do you think that we both forget?

Because I’ve shamelessly shed my vanity to love you?

When I tell you you’re beautiful it’s not because I see something I’m lacking in myself.

I’ll say it again and again, not for any reason at all but that I like to.

Skin and soul, I am beautiful.

But why does loving you make me seem less beautiful to you?

Because I seem attained?

Because I see how beautiful you are as well?

---------

You are what you love, and seeing more beauty, being able to appreciate that, and love more- that makes me grow in both love and spirit.

I find it so sad that often- shedding the walls of vanity, allowing oneself to be brave without armor, to be vulnerable, somehow degrades the worth of that person in another’s eyes.

As much as I usually respect your opinions and judgments, I need to clarify a few things about myself and about love- for your ego.

I know my own grace. I can love another without losing sight of the love for myself. I am a free soul, like all of us- whether or not we know it. I am free to stay or go. But I choose to stay because I believe in us- right now. I don’t need you- I just love you. It’s something I can feel half a world away, months apart, as long as it’s still there. It’s a real connection. It’s the reason why when even when I sit next to you sometimes, with all shields down, I can feel the severing of that connection- and that’s why it hurts so much.

Quarrels can be resolved. Why do small disagreements, insecurities, have to escalate to war that decides the end of it all? If they’re really something that kills you a little inside, something that trumps the rest of the relationship, that makes it not worth living, then yeah- let’s stop. Relationships run their own lifespan. Life’s only worth living when you can make the best out of the good and bad, when you can believe in your purpose, believe in a silverlining,

heize91

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB5qcud_AE4)

perpetual love and pain.

and love.

and pain.

psych-facts

You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.

Albert Einstein (via psych-facts)

Frustrated with pricks who just don’t understand. Yeah I sound like an “emo 14 yr old”- but what they have to say is quite valid.

The symptoms of depression are more than just the complaints of someone who overdramatic, lazy, or attention seeking. I think it's often hard to speak about depression because those who have not experienced it often don't understand the reality of how limiting this condition can be- especially for someone who doesn't have the necessary tools to combat it. I've been guilty too many times of not being able to find empathy and compassion when those I loved needed it the most. It wasn't until I learned first hand, the reality of depression, that I could even begin to understand why it felt literally impossible to get out of bed, to complete simple responsibilities, to respond to friends and family, to find any self love and optimism, to see beauty in life again.

This LACK of empathy and compassion from teachers, friends, family, co-workers, etc. is easily one of the strongest forces in perpetuating a deeper state of loneliness and hopelessness- because so few people understand, take this seriously, or care to help someone who is in an unfamiliar and dark place we might've never been ourselves.

We all have our own demons. They're a reminder that reality is fluid. Think twice- three times- just think long and hard!- before placing judgements on someone's actions, words, and behaviors when understanding is simply not there.

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