Weird Wenatchee

A paranormal podcast about normal Wenatchee.

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Wenatchee police report that the gang population has been quickly multiplying, specifically through a freakish bacteria-like mitosis.

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Liberty warrior and constitution gladiator Gary Zane was arrested today for disrupting the summary execution of an interdimensional void beast. He now claims that the execution took place with a tainted jury. The void beast provided no comment but instead incessantly wailed in an unearthly voice.

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Wenatchee blogger and mind flayer, Jimmy Berglund, writes, "These days it seems like everyone is an activist of some kind. And here I am. Just a regular guy trying to get by, devouring the brains of unsuspecting victims."

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Wenatchee Valley Public Safety announcement -- Several drivers and pedestrians travelling on Miller Street suffer bee stings after the apple was inadvertently removed from Applebees.  Citizens with bee allergies are advised to avoid the area until the Bee Control Sub Committee can arrest the offending insects.

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Local mad scientists report that they have successfully duped our community's children into building an unexplainable weapon of mass destruction with Legos.

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NOTICE -- Retail Vegetable-Lamb-of-Tartary-related  business license applications received.  And rejected.  The last thing this community needs is more sheep.

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The Charter helpdesk would like to verify that your power cable is securely connected, and that the thin veil separating your perception of reality from hopeless insanity is still in place.

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Have you seen that Yeti? Have you seen that, Yeti? Have you seen? That Yeti!

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If you see a fifty-foot tall aberration lumbering through the downtown area leaving a wake of destruction in its path, please don't look at it directly in its glossy insectoid eyes. It is a little shy and very self-conscious.

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Wenatchee Valley Animal Control will be cracking down on irresponsible human owners in the coming months.  "It's just getting out of hand," one concerned citizen states.  "Dogs and cats just walking around with NO concern about where their humans are, or what they're doing.  Just the other day, I was attacked by an aggressive human while I was just walking down the street, minding my own business.  The human ran up to me, snarling and foaming at the mouth, circling me and snapping at me.  Its dog was standing just down the street, talking to his neighbor, ignoring his human.  This has to stop.  I was bitten by a human as a child, and my daughter was attacked by a human once.  Now we carry pepper spray wherever we go."

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Want a sandwich really bad?  Like so bad you want to die?  The new Jimmy John's in Wenatchee claims that if that's actually true, they will psychically convey a sandwich directly into your right hand via their trademark "Soul Highway."  For the weak-minded who falter in their sandwich desires, they would be willing to, like, meet you half way there or something.

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The citizens of Wenatchee clamor, "Vile Haggen Food & Pharmacy!  Take your overpriced goods back to the bowels of the Plane of Shadow where they--and you--rightfully belong," with much shrieking and gnashing of teeth.  "If you were, say, Trader Joe's for example, that would be a much different story.  Totally worth the money in that case," the citizens state in a slightly less, but still definitively murderous tone.

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Local vampire claims that, "Crunch Pak is actually a pretty O.K. place to work."

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Wenatchee traffic advisory.

Powers of sporadic invisibility will be bestowed upon random vehicles today. Please exercise caution when entering traffic, exiting traffic, and existing in traffic. Drive safely!

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A recent survey shows that the majority of Wenatchee citizens are opposed to gun control by telekinesis.

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That drug dealer

That conducts business in the corner shop

Is just a front

For a secret, illegal Italian restaurant

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City officials are announcing that a trap door will be installed next to the yield sign near the George Sellar bridge.  Anyone failing to yield properly may find themselves plummeting to an indeterminate level of the underworld.  They have not yet announced the exact date of the installation of said trap door.  That would ruin the surprise.