“To be able to say how much love, is love, but little.”
AnasAbdin
styofa doing anything

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Jules of Nature
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

Love Begins
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Stranger Things

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@welabee
“To be able to say how much love, is love, but little.”
Mahal? O mahal?
Mamahalin pa rin ba kita kung ang mga bilihin nagmamahal na.
Sapat na ba yung pagmamahalan kung wala rin naman tayong makain kalaunan?
Anong silbi ng pagmamahalan kung ang lahat ay nagmamahal?
Kung mahalin ka ay hindi mahal ngunit kung mananatili tayong magmamahalan ay hindi lang sapat para mabuhay tayo sa ganitong paraan
Mahal kita ngunit paano tayo mabubuhay sa pag-ibig lamang kung pati ang paghinga ay tila may kapalit na
Mahal kita, ngunit ang mahal nila.
I love love. I have lived a thousand love stories through pages, yet none have ever found their way into my own life.
What tires me most about my own self is this peculiar desire to be seen-- to have someone take notice of me, to regard me with a considerate eye, to inquire after my well-being with genuine concern. Yet, when such attention is offered, I find myself instantly discomposed. I cannot bear to meet their gaze, nor can I form the proper words to answer, for I am seized by a sense of inadequacy which I cannot easily dispel.
“They who know the truth are not equal to those who love it, and they who love it are not equal to those who delight in it”
I just don't know what's scarier. Looking backwards and seeing how far I've gotten, or looking forward and seeing nothing at all
a thread that i cannot cut
I keep telling myself that this would be the last But each day would pass, I say one more and it would be the last Every time the sun sets, I tell myself this would be the last Memories flow like a river stream— every thought, every emotion, every piece of what I have been through I see myself once genuinely happy And I whisper, tomorrow will be the last
But each day, each time, it always gets delayed Should I be happy or should I be disappointed This would be the last I say But when will be the final time that I will say, I hope this will not be the last
"Oro para que nos encontremos en una situacion diferente, Donde no hay nadie que pueda detenernos… De enamorarse."
Sabi nila, kapag natagpuan mo na ang “the one,” gagawa ng paraan ang tadhana para mailapit kayo sa isa’t isa. Kahit sa gitna ng dagat ng mga tao, kikilalanin mo siya sa isang sulyap lang ng mga mata.
Ngunit paano kung natagpuan mo na nga siya, ngunit tapos na ang kabanata ninyong dalawa? Kakampi pa ba ang tadhana kung ang mga puso ninyo ay pagod na? Paano kung ayaw niyo nang magkita, ngunit paulit-ulit kayong pinagtatagpo ng mga pagkakataon, parang sugat na ayaw maghilom? Paano kung alam niyo pareho na hindi pa talaga tapos ang kwento, pero kailangang wakasan para wala nang masaktan?
Kahit anong pilit ng kapalaran na ayusin at pagdugtungin ang naputol, kapag magulo na, hindi na maibabalik ang dating payapa.
Nakatakda man ang tibok ng inyong mga puso, hindi naman nakatakda ang inyong oras. Pinagtagpo kayo hindi upang manatili, kundi upang hubugin kung sino kayo ngayon. Masakit man isipin, ngunit iyon ang isinulat ng inyong pag-ibig sa mga bituin.
Ang dating matamis ay unti-unting naging pait, mga tanong na wala ni isa sa inyo ang kayang sagutin. At marahil, ganyan talaga ang buhay, hindi ba? May mga bagay na doon lamang nakalaan, may mga oras na hanggang doon lang ang kayang abutin. Kahit baguhin ninyo ang takbo ng mga pangyayari, ang nakasulat ay hindi na muling maisusulat pa muli.
take one or take em all 🌷
Talumpati ng Isang Normal na Studyante
Buwan na ng pagtatapos, lalo na sa kolehiyo. Hindi pa ngayon, pero malapit na. Nararamdaman ko na—unti-unting humihigpit ang dibdib ko sa ideya na malapit na akong matapos. Ako nga pala'y nasa ikaapat na taon, o gaya ng tawag nila, isang senyor. Hindi ako matalino. Hindi ako yung tipong estudyanteng pinapuri ng mga propesor o tinatawag sa entablado para abutan ng medalya. Hindi ako isang laude o tinatawag nila latin honor. Isa lang akong normal—isang hamak na estudyanteng pilit lang lumalaban araw-araw.
Gaya ng iba, nagka-cram ako. Pero may araw rin na nag-advance study ako kahit lutang na lutang na ang utak ko. Oo, tamad ako minsan. Inaamin ko 'yan. Pero kahit gaano ka katamad, may mga deadline na magigising ka na lang, dahil wala ka nang ibang choice kundi tapusin. Hindi ako perpekto. Late ako sa klase. Umaabsent rin ako. Hindi ako honor student. Hindi rin ako 'yung tipo ng batang pangarap ng magulang. Pero andito ako. Buhay. Nakakatayo pa rin. Umaasa na kahit paano, makakaabot din ako sa dulo.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit palaging ang mga may medalya ang binibigyan ng mikropono. Deserve naman nila 'yon, totoo. Pero sana, minsan, mapansin din nila kami. 'Yung mga estudyanteng hindi binibilang sa listahan ng achievers pero araw-araw pa ring gumigising nang maaga para makapasok, kahit puyat, kahit pagod, kahit wasak. 'Yung mga naglalakad sa init ng araw para lang makarating sa eskwelahan. 'Yung mga hindi na halos makakain sa araw-araw para lang may pambayad sa mga ambagan, miscellaneous fee or iba pang mga fee kahit nasa isang state university ka pumpasok.
Bakit tila ba hindi sapat ang maging "normal"? Bakit parang kailangan laging magningning para marinig? Hindi ba mas maraming estudyante ang katulad ko? 'Yung hindi espesyal sa papel pero may kwento ring dapat pakinggan?
Minsan naiisip ko, para saan ba talaga ang lahat ng 'to? Para sa diploma? Para sa trabahong kulang ang sahod? Sa bansang ‘to, kahit ang minimum wage parang maximum na pasakit. Saan ba nauuwi ang mga medalya kung ang sistema mismo ay basag? May karangalan ka nga, pero bakit mahirap pa rin tayo? Bakit ang edukasyon parang premyo lang para sa may kaya? Bakit parang ang hustisya, tahimik sa harap ng gutom?
Gusto ko lang naman na marinig kami. 'Yung mga estudyanteng hindi magaling sa math, sa science, o sa speech. Pero magaling magmahal sa pamilya, magaling mangarap kahit wasak, magaling magpanggap na ayos lang kahit hindi. Kasi kami rin naman 'yung bumubuo ng classroom araw-araw. Kami rin ‘yung bumubuo ng bansa.
Hindi kami perfect. Pero siguro, sapat na rin ‘yung hindi sumusuko. Gaya nga ng sabi nila— "Malayo pa, pero malayo na."
There’s this theory I once read on the internet—that in our lifetime, we will experience three distinct kinds of love. The first is simple: your first love, your puppy love. It’s the kind of affection that blooms during childhood, elementary years, maybe even high school—the giddy feeling of having a crush for the first time, believing it’s already the whole world.
The second love is the one that hurts the most. It’s the love that makes you believe in forever—the one you imagine standing with at the end of the aisle. Maybe you even marry them. But somehow, it still falls apart. It’s not a mistake; it’s a lesson. A heartbreak that teaches you who you are, forces you to break, to heal, to rebuild. And the second love doesn’t necessarily come in the form of your second lover—it might be your third, fourth, fifth. It’s not about order. It’s about depth. It’s the love that shatters you and, in doing so, helps you love yourself a little better before the third arrives.
The third kind of love is the quietest but the strongest. It is unexpected. It does not come to tear down your walls—it respects them, climbs them carefully, maybe even helps you build an entire home on the ruins of what once was.
But for me... I don’t believe that these stages must always happen with different people. Because I’ve experienced them all— with one person. And I have loved him for almost 8 years now. (What the fuck?) Yes. What the fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why does he still haunt me after all these years? Am I desperate for love? I don’t think so. Every time I try to open my heart to someone else, he comes back, like a shadow cast too long to escape. A ghost stitched into every corner of my mind, a whisper in the silence. He didn’t even do anything. He just exists—and somehow, it’s enough to drive me insane.
I tried. God, I tried. I entertained other people. I laughed. I smiled. I tried to stitch someone else's name where his once was. But every time, he returned—sprouting like a mushroom from a garden I no longer tended. All my friends tell me I'm crazy, delusional, trapped in a mirage I refuse to leave. And sometimes, I believe them. Because just when I feel like I’m ready to let go—he appears again. Like a curse, like karma I can never outrun.
There was a time I thought confessing would break the spell. So, I did. I told him everything. Every ugly, raw, humiliating truth. For a moment, it gave me peace. For a moment, I thought I was free. But I was wrong. He is a ghost I cannot exorcise, a chain I cannot sever. No matter how hard I try to outrun him, to bury him, he is there, in the quiet, in the dark, haunting me still.
But God, I know I am not crazy. I know I am not imagining things. I know exactly what I felt. I know exactly what I saw. And it’s a different kind of hell—knowing it so clearly, yet having no one else to bleed it with you. The first time we saw each other again, after I ghosted him (fucking ghosted him because of the overflowing thought of self sabotaging that I was not worth it, I am not enough. Because I thought if I left first he would find someone better, and maybe he did.)—felt like standing inside my own funeral. I saw him at the engineering building, wearing black. I was wearing black too. No big deal, right? Except it was. It was the color we wore for the death of whatever almost was. I recognized him instantly. I didn’t want to, but I did. And worse, part of me knew he would recognize me, too. Because once upon a time, he knew me better than anyone ever tried to. He looked back. He looked back. Like a slow, brutal confirmation that I wasn’t invisible, that this wasn’t just my nightmare alone.
That was the last time I saw him during freshman year. Eight times in second year. Eight collisions. Eight slow deaths. Then nothing, gone. I thought we were over. I thought fate had finally let me go. I thought I was now free, but freedom feels a lot like dying when you didn’t choose it. But no.. Of course not. Because pain doesn’t leave politely. It circles back when you’re almost healed, almost human again. It was the engineering building again. Same air. Same sickening weight.
We stared. And I swear to you, I could feel the scream in my throat rising, the thousand questions I would never ask, the apologies I would never hear. I knew he had things to say, too. I could see it in his hands, in the way he shifted his weight like he wanted to step closer, wanted to fix something he couldn’t even name anymore. But I broke the stare first. Because that's what cowards do. And I have always been a coward when it comes to him. Still, I caught him looking. Again and again. Quick glances, like he was stealing memories he had no right to keep anymore. And I hated him for it. I hated myself more.
His blockmates noticed. Their stares stabbed at me— mocking, judging, stripping me naked without mercy. Maybe they whispered: "That’s her. The girl who was stupid enough to stay in love with him." Maybe they laughed. Maybe they pitied me. I don’t know. I don’t even want to know. I just stood there. Frozen. Smiling like an idiot to my friends, pretending I didn't just look at him. Pretending like my heart wasn’t thrashing inside my ribs like it was trying to escape my own body.
He’s not the villain. He never was. It’s me. It’s always been me. Loving too much. Hoping too much. Holding on like a fucking fool. And part of him knew. He knew me—knew exactly the kind of wound he was leaving behind. And he looked away anyway. We passed each other like strangers, like none of it ever happened, like none of it ever mattered. No goodbye. No sorry. Not even a fucking smile. Just two people—carrying a corpse neither of us was brave enough to bury.
Trigger warnings don’t stop me from reading books that spark my curiosity kahskahskah
I am my own ghost
(this piece is based on the song Multo by Cup of Joe)
I watch myself standing before me— staring, unblinking, not saying a single word, gazing with eyes that say everything without speaking a word. It doesn’t move. It just stares, and somehow, it makes me uneasy.
It’s been so long since I’ve looked at myself this closely. I’ve avoided it on purpose. I know too well that the moment I do, my feelings will spill like ink on a page I’ve tried so hard to keep blank. I look into those eyes— familiar, yet distant. They’re full of something I don’t recognize: perhaps the girl who knows what she wants, a girl who would embrace herself, a girl who never got lost, who never doubted. Is this me? Or the ghost of who I could’ve been? She stands so sure of herself, a girl made of light and forward motion, while I remain here, foggy and stuck in the ache of becoming.
Am I betraying myself, again?
I did not cry— for some reason. No tears stain my face. But inside, I am trembling— balancing on the edge of everything I’ve wanted and everything I’ve let go.
Strings (ongoing title, still thinking about it, its a fiction)
—
Mama—my mother—always told me, ever since I was a kid, that I shouldn’t trust everyone, including her, except myself. I never really understood what she meant back then, but now, I finally do. It’s not about having trust issues or just being cautious—though, of course, we should always be careful—but this, this is different.
My mama works at a company where she met all of her work friends. If I calculated correctly, she has been working there since before she got pregnant with me—so, almost three decades now. She has real friends there, but some? Nah. Some are just show-offs and fakes, though I can count the ones who genuinely care about her. We’re not rich like some of her workmates, but the real ones never looked down on her. They saw her as a true friend. The others? No comment.
Every May, the company holds a Family Day, where some of my mama’s co-workers bring their kids—including me and my brother. I got close to most of them, but my best friend among them was Veronica. She was one of my mama’s co-workers, though they weren’t particularly close. Veronica was cool—kind of tomboyish. She loved playing games on her big tablet but preferred physical games even more. She was sporty, while me? I didn’t really have any particular talent as a kid. But I did love coloring books. It was relaxing and rewarding, especially after finishing a page.
There was this one time I was busy coloring when this boy—one of the "company kids"—kept annoying me. But his sister? She was different. Quiet, pretty, always watching me from a distance. I wasn’t sure if she was silently judging my coloring skills, but she gave me the creeps. She had long, shiny hair, bangs covering her eyebrows, and the longest, curliest eyelashes I had ever seen. She wasn’t just pretty—she was gorgeous. All of my mama’s co-workers adored her. But I wasn’t jealous; she was kind and even gave me snacks sometimes.
Anyway, back to her brother—Zeke. He was annoying and loved teasing me and the other girls in our little group (yes, we called ourselves a "group" since we were always together at company events). But oddly enough, he was very protective of his sister.
May and December were the months when all the “company kids” would gather—May for Family Day and December for the Christmas party. I was 10 years old when I met my real circle of friends. We were all children of my mama’s closest work friends—eight of them in total. That made 14 of us in the group, including my brother. First, the twins, Bella and Ella. The quiet girl (Zeke’s sister) Zyra. The annoying kid, Zeke. The quiet boy who always played on his psp, Steven, like the Steven Universe show. The musician and the soccer player siblings, Leah and Joshua. Veronica, my closest friend at the time (but we’ll get to that later). The artist girl who loved to draw, Shaira. The SpongeBob fanatic who later got me into the show, Jerome. The guy who played instruments (Leah and Joshua’s cousin), Caleb or Cali, and his little sister Michaela. And of course, my brother Nat and me.
It sounds unreal, right? But this kind of thing happens in real life. Over the years, with all the annual gatherings, birthday parties, and sleepovers, we became inseparable—even that annoying Zeke turned out to be a nice guy. He even had a crush on Shaira, the artist girl.
But as we grew older, things changed. Veronica moved away when I was 13, We promised to stay in touch, but we didn’t. She found new friends, and that was that. At first, I was sad and disappointed, but my other friends comforted me, and I moved on.
At 14 years old, I started learning to play a musical instrument. I felt left out because I was the only one in the group without any talent. So, my mama signed me up for guitar lessons—with none other than Leah and Joshua’s father as my teacher. Their mother, one of my mama’s closest friends, was also my godmother. That’s also when I got closer to Caleb (Cali), their cousin, who played multiple instruments and had an amazing voice. He was two years older than me.
I practiced guitar until I was 16. We even played together like a real band. But then, COVID hit. We were all separated. Some moved to other cities, others left the country. Some of us simply grew apart.
Today, only eight of us remain in the group. It’s sad because we literally grew up together—we shared food, sleepovers, and inside jokes. My brother? He’s still in the group but doesn’t talk much anymore. He just ghosted us. Let me reintroduce everyone so things don’t get confusing. The twins.Bella & Ella. Zyra (the pretty, quiet girl) & Zeke (the former annoying kid)—now living in Cagayan de Oro with their dad. Leah & Joshua—still here, still my close friends. Steven (the PSP guy)—moved to the U.S. to study medicine but still keeps in touch. Shaira (the artist girl)—now studying architecture in CDO. Caleb (Cali)—still playing music, still like a big brother to me Michaela—not "little" anymore. Jerome… passed away. COVID took him, but I still doubt that was the real cause. I remember seeing him in an ambulance once, his mom crying over him. I never found out what illness he had, but I miss him so much. He was the kindest person—he used to share his Crayola crayons and snacks with me when we were kids.
And then there’s my brother, Nat, and me.
Hi, I’m Nicole, I’m 20 years old, and I’m studying at the best university in our country—my dream school. Is it hard? No, I don’t think so. And this is my story.
i couldnt believe that i have finished reading a book in less than 24 hrs likeee? this is not me dasljasdljafjejlaw
If someone would asked me about my absolute favorite literary piece or poem of all time, it would be 'Annabell Lee' by Edgar Allan Poe. It’s beautifully written, and I wish someone would write a poem like that about me or about us. My 8th grade teacher introduced me to Edgar Allan Poe, but I truly got into his works during my freshman year in college. So yeah!
—Annabell Lee by Edgar Allan Poe