Forever a dreamer.

I'm Luke, Welsh/British, welcome to my brain. 90s kid, London. Married. #personal

[welcometoflynns]

Starting with the good, then the bad.

The good. This week at skateboarding, I successfully fully dropped in, about 20 times, and I felt elated.

I also went back to Muay Thai Sparring at a club I've not trained at. I was rusty at the start, but final rounds I was picking apart a capable guy, for his friends to ask me if I'm a pro 🤣. I obviously said no.

The bad. My end of year review sent me into an anxious spiral. I didn't get promoted, and I barely got a payrise 2% (crazy for London and this company). The rest of my team have been promoted, and they're hiring for the position above me, and below me in the US. Both of those positions with a significantly higher salary than me, the position below is £12000 more than my salary increase 🤣🤣🤣😭.

I feel completely disrepected and let down. I've worked so hard this year, and have a terrible work life balance, and it feels thrown in my face. My boss is a fucking idiot, he's spineless, and actually doesn't give a fuck about my progression. I honestly think it's his fault I haven't been promoted, he wrote something extremely dumb and insensitive in my review, and it's shown how last minute and tick box he takes these things.

I had to take Friday off to deal with it, and I had a counselling session. My car kind of broke down 40 miles from home and I had to get towed back to my house. I'll have to fix it this weekend if I can get the parts in time.

My wife has been away all week on Holiday with her parents, and I just feel awful by myself dealing with it without her, but I need to figure out how to get past this a bit better by myself.

[welcometoflynns]

Counselling, holiday, and skateboarding.

Counselling face to face went well before holiday. She asked me about feelings of dread and I talked about worrying about family after PTSD of family health with my parents. She said "oh now, and these feelings have all come true?". It really put anxiety into perspective with how stupid it is. I just said no, and laughed to myself. I feel better since i spoke with her since then.

Holiday was great, I'm very grateful my wife and I laugh every day. It sounds cliche or even unbelievable, but despite our small arguments, she makes me laugh more than anyone else.

Skateboarding yesterday, did my first ever drop in and felt super proud of myself, I've even got moving Ollie's down and can Ollie over small bits which is such a good achievement for me.

Anyway, that's it.

[welcometoflynns]

I bought blackout curtains and now my sleep score has been 89 and 90 the last two days, up from 77 for like 3 years, sometimes as low as 50.

Had my first counselling session yesterday, unloaded and felt some relief, also cried a little, next session is in person and I'm a little scared to cry in front of people.

Visiting family in Wales tomorrow, will drive down and surprise my brother for his 50th, hopefully nothing terrible or drama happens.

[welcometoflynns]

I had no idea you were still active on here this is AMAZING

Yeah dude OF COURSE!!! ♥️♥️

[welcometoflynns]

Mood still up and down.

Good news, MRI scan went well and my busted hip is less busted, can go back to exercise.

As a result, played tennis Saturday, Muay Thai Sunday, gym today, and back to skateboarding tomorrow. I'm taking it slow I swear...

Still some dread of how long good feelings will last before I slump again. Trying to stay occupied on the good things.

[welcometoflynns]

holy shit, a company wants to pay me real money for a gaming video on my YouTube haha.

Wild 2026, first sponsored vid.

[welcometoflynns]

Today I fell on my ass skateboarding.

I also told my wife that I think I may have some form of derealization issue, and I just feel foggy as fuck all the time.

On the positive, my good friend with Stage 4 bowel cancer was told his first treatment reduced his tumour by 50% in size.

Oh yeah, I'm starting actual talking therapy which is just all very new for me, and makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and vulnerable. But hey ho, maybe it'll help.

[welcometoflynns]

I had a tough training session this evening, just got home at 23:25 to this from my wife ♥️

[welcometoflynns]

19 years since my mother died. I try to let things go and move on, but it really changed my life.

Sometimes people look back on their life and they can remember pivotal moments clearly, and I remember the days leading up to it crystal.

I remember arguing with my brother and him punching my door off the hinges, it was old and damp.

I remember my dad trying to chisel a new place for a hinge and telling me "things are different this time" with my mum in the hospital.

I remember my best friends little sister saying "Joseph said your mum is probably going to die", she was 7 and didn't know better.

I remember the arguments between my other brother and sister while we sat at my mum's bed and they turned the machine off.

I remember my sister screaming in sadness.

After that, my dad just became vacant and did his own thing, and I basically had to do everything my own way, and that never really stopped.

I'm grateful for how my life turned out, I have truly worked so hard to get to this point, and it makes me proud. Even if others think "it's easy for you down in London, with all your fairy world and holidays".

It's not easy, still isn't, and I still feel anxious about my direction in life. I always feel like I'm trying to catch up, no matter how hard I work.

Cheers.

[welcometoflynns]

Went and viewed a house today to see what our budget would buy us in the area we rent in now.

A hobbit house, yup, something half the size of our rental and 50% more expensive to mortgage.

Housing is mental in the UK.

[huffylemon]

[welcometoflynns]

Wife finished her run and decided to take photos of me floating.

Session felt good, but my hip flexors do not have the same stamina 😅

[welcometoflynns]

Day 1 of a 35yo man learning to skateboard

Well, I got used to my weight and pushing on the board. So many muscles that I have completely forgotten. I felt more comfortable going up and down a patch of paving.

I practiced jumping on the board for balance.

I also tried a static revert in the rain and ended on my ass haha.

This is gonna take time, but I'm committing 😅

[welcometoflynns]

This art is called...

"the midlife crisis"

[welcometoflynns]

[welcometoflynns]

i have nothing to complain about, so why do i feel so low these last week or so

Uch

[welcometoflynns]

I really just hate my birthday. J always tries to make it great, and she does, but I'm a grumpy old man, it just depresses me.

I think I just hate having to deal with fake well wishes and transactional bullshit from my family. "I wished you happy birthday now you owe me something".

I'm 35 in 19 minutes, and I just want to just move on to Wednesday.

Sorry this post is so boring.