"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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blake kathryn
occasionally subtle
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Andulka
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ellievsbear
Sade Olutola
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trying on a metaphor
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Today's Document
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Noah Kahan
seen from Saudi Arabia
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seen from United States

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seen from United States
seen from India
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@wendigo-firefly
Alright, so here’s the thing. At this point, I actually don’t care what Artagan has or hasn’t done and, morally, what that means. It’s irrelevant. Interesting, but irrelevant. What I want to talk about is what the Nein, excluding Jester, know about him, and what they do with this information, and how they cast judgment.
Here are things that the nein have actually seen: fleeting glimpses of a figure in a green cloak. one conversation with a giant archfey who has recruited jester’s help in planning a convention. further, fleeting glimpses. very very brief phrases.
Here are things that the nein have heard about him from jester: he’s pretty cool, you guys :) . he’s got a chaotic streak, like her. he helps her pull off pranks. he’s always shown up for her. he’s handsome. he taught her magic. he kept her company when her mom was busy. he is her first friend. he is her best friend. he is her oldest friend. she really loves him.
and yes, they know he misrepresented himself to jester for years. they know he sent them to an island where you lose your memory every night. they know that he is sketchy as fuck and they do not know if he means what he says. and that is reasonable and understandable and fair.
here is something that i don’t know if you guys know about abusers, regardless of if artagan is one or not. (and he’s not. i’m not even going to say i don’t think he is, he literally is not abusive. words mean something; stop throwing them around because you personally don’t like someone.) you cannot tell their victims that they are abusive or awful or manipulative or horrible, and expect that to help. that makes it worse. the same is true of cults. you cannot, and i mean CANNOT, make yourself hostile, because then the outside world is hostile, and the abuser is safe. the outside world is hostile, and the cult is safe. furthermore you’re reinforcing what every abuser and what every cult plants in their victim’s heads–i’m the only one who would put up with you. i’m the only one who really loves you. everyone else will be cruel to me, but i’m the only thing you have. even if the nein had reason to suspect that the traveler was straight up abusing jester instead of just weird and shady, that is not a good response.
no matter how bad artagan is or isn’t, fjord, caduceus, and beau are still being condescending. they are still failing to trust that jester knows what she’s talking about. they are still trying to coddle her, they are still treating her like a child, and i want to talk about that. i want y’all to see that they’re still treating her like she’s emotionally fragile. like individually, i want to talk about that, and also the fact that everyone seems to want to lump caleb into this. (and yasha?? yasha has barely said anything about him, y’all.)
i’m going to skim over caduceus a bit because i don’t think his is a jester-centric problem. he tends to just trust that he either has the correct answers to a situation, or that even if he doesn’t know what’s correct, he knows what isn’t. this arc has been very interesting, because it’s been a lot of “i’ll play along with this because it sounds intriguing, but i’m going to be very self righteous about it the whole time.” like. the “we’re good” when jester brought up transferring followers to melora is haunting me. why “we’re good”? i get cad’s philosophy that not everyone is going to flock to one god–that’s fine, that makes sense. but the implication of “we’re good” really makes it sound like “mmm no thanks, none of these people would end up in my cool and correct religion anyway.” because he doesn’t know! he doesn’t know if any of these people would actually be happier and better off with melora. or. maybe he does know, or has decided, that they wouldn’t be, because these are not the kind of people that he could see himself falling under the same moral umbrella as. (lmao love how i said i was going to skim. anyway. again, less a jester thing, more a “cad is smug about everything” thing tbh.)
let’s move to fjord. he is quite honestly making me almost more uncomfortable than beau, because he’s making statements that i don’t really actually believe. “we just don’t want you to get hurt” is all very well and good. coupling that with agreeing with beau that they shouldn’t leave jester alone with artagan? without telling jester? does not jive. (i’m still not over the ridiculous of that, by the way. yeah this dude–no, this ARCHFEY, who could snap you in half in a moment–has been alone with her regularly for the first 20ish years of her life but now, now he’s going to try and kill her, and you’re going to be the one to stop that.) fjord keeps saying things like this–that he trusts her–but he doesn’t actually act like it. at one point he even says “if jester has faith in the traveler, that’s good enough for me, i suppose.” but it’s not, and he doesn’t act like it is. you know who actually acts like that? caleb. caleb’s getting his own paragraph though this is getting long as fuck. but if fjord actually meant that? he would’ve told beau “listen i know this situation is sketchy and i don’t like him anymore than you do but because i trust jester i also trust that she knows what she’s doing here, and i’ll be there to back her up with whatever she needs/wants me to do”. but he did not say that or anything like that. instead he agreed with beau to essentially be bodyguarding jester–without consulting jester about it at all. he wouldn’t have told jester “he’s generally full of shit, right?” about the traveler. jester is continually telling the group over and over again that she knows what he’s like. she knows Exactly how he can be. and the sad thing is, if fjord actually believed that she knew what she was talking about when she said that and if he believed that he could actually talk to her frankly and not that her feelings had to be protected at all costs (my skin is still crawling at “we don’t wanna ruin jester’s special day”. it’s not a five year old’s birthday party), then he would have straight up told her. he would have said “hey we’re concerned enough that he’s going to hurt you that we don’t think you should be alone with him. can we help guard against that?”
and i’ll be honest, i’ve kind of been squicked out by all the romantic posts about fjord and jester because he’s spent the last few episodes genuinely treating her like a wonderful but vulnerable child who needs to be protected from the world. when he told beau "I’m probably the least clued in as to how jester feels” i was like YEAH NO SHIT. and i know he meant it in a romantic sense but i feel that it’s true in general. like i get that he’s scared to talk to her. that’s fine. he doesn’t have to talk to her about her feelings, romantic or otherwise. but if he’s acknowledging that he does not at all know how she feels then he has no right to behave as if he does know. and again i don’t mean this in a romantic sense. i mean it in a, he is making the assumption that she can’t handle reasoned criticism of the traveler to her face, kind of sense. he and beau both are opting for “random insults, threats, and judgments they have decided apply” over “genuinely this is why we are concerned”. there has been a lot of “you don’t need him” and “you are better off without him” and “you’re better than him” and “you have us why do you need that” and those are judgement statements that are essentially meaningless. all they do is further demonstrate to jester that they don’t actually understand why she’s upset or what she actually wants.
i think caleb, mr i-eat-encyclopedias-for-breakfast, likely just has a better intellectual understanding of the fae and that may be why he’s not as outwardly concerned as the rest, but he’s also actually decided to trust jester that she knows what she’s dealing with. she has demonstrated both verbally and with her actions that even if she may not have known about artagan initially, She Knows How This Works. and he trusts that. caleb truly went “alright, i trust that you know what you’re doing, where do you need me” and that was IT. i’m not saying that he’s not allowed to be suspicious or concerned or wary of the traveler: i just don’t think he is. and i hate that people keep lumping him in with the rest of the nein “treating jester like a child” because they think he’s predatory or something–especially as caleb and fjord are pretty much the same age–when he is literally the only FUCKING person consistently asking jester how she feels and then actually acting accordingly.
and the thing is, you don’t have to be caleb and largely unconcerned, it is actually possible for you to show concern and alarm and wariness for your friend’s best friend without condescending to them and veth has been doing that this whole damn time. we know how she feels about him; she decidedly does not like him. but she set that aside to really fully listen to jester and then tried to be helpful to her in deciding what to do next, without inserting her own opinion. veth is the only one acknowledging that, sure, this looks really bad and i don’t like that guy, but you know him best, jester, and you know yourself best and so it should be your choice what to do in this situation. she reminds jester–if he is really a friend to you, and he is doing things you don’t like, then you can talk to him about that and he should listen. i want to talk about how when jester suggested that artagan join the mighty nein, there were exactly three reactions. extremely lame excuses from everyone but caleb and veth, “maybe, like, an annex–” from caleb, because he knows what everyone else is gonna say, and “we don’t like your friend” from veth, literally the only person who has apparently decided that jester can hear that without dissolving into a puddle or something.
and i want to make it clear–i don’t hate the actors. and stories are supposed to make you upset and uncomfortable, to an extent. they’re supposed to make you think. you’re not supposed to be happy when darth vader blows up alderaan. you’re not supposed to be happy when edmund betrays his siblings to the white witch. these are all excellent, excellent character choices and i applaud the cast for making them. and i don’t hate fjorester. and like yeah there have been a lot of cute moments in the last few eps. and they are cute and their story is compelling and it’s interesting. but i wish people would stop acting like fjord’s attitude towards her is perfect and lovely and that he trusts her sooo much when he is going behind her back like this. i am…the biggest widomauk shipper. and i have to admit my heart does the swoopy thing every time i rewatch the forehead kiss. but that wasn’t great. it was overall really not a good read or handle of the situation. it was, there was an attempt. and i do think fjord is trying. and i think beau is trying too. and i think all of their attitudes however terrible just come from a place of loving her and wanting to protect her. but–and here i must point frantically back at artagan–loving someone does not mean that you’re not hurting them.
On The Street Where You Live
I have often walked down this street before;
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I several stories high.
Knowing I'm on the street where you live.
Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour out of ev'ry door?
No, it's just on the street where you live!
And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near.
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear!
People stop and stare. They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.
Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live.
- Alan J. Lerner/Frederick Loewe
You don’t have to burn yourself out before you ask for help. If something is causing you abnormal stress, time, and difficulty to complete, chances are there’s something that can be done to make things easier for yourself and avoid unhealthily pushing yourself to the point of mental breakdown. Yes, you should try on your own to problem-solve and live a healthy life, but there’s a difference between “trying your best” and self-torture. I know it’s easy to feel like you don’t deserve help until you’ve killed yourself trying all alone but it’s so so so much better to try and find a healthy solution before you get to that point. You don’t have to be 100% broken before you pursue healing. Just because others have it worse doesn’t mean you don’t deserve better. If you wait til you’re “struggling enough” to “qualify” for assistance, chances are when you get there you’ll be in such an unhealthy place that you won’t have the energy or clarity of mind to be able to go seek out that assistance. If a thing is causing undue pain and/or sending you into unhealthy behaviors, you qualify. Check your own mental and emotional pulse every day, and if there are symptoms of a problem, don’t wait to address it. You aren’t superhuman, you can’t expect perfection of yourself 24/7. Try as best you can without pushing yourself to unhealthy lengths - and if that isn’t working, ask for help.
“Bad” Emotions
I know it can feel like you’re supposed to only appear happy and peaceful and chill to other people and those are great ways to be but don’t let society shame you into bottling up your “negative” emotions - that’s unhealthy, and here’s why.
Think of emotional pain the same way you do physical pain. Feeling physical pain isn’t normally a choice, it just happens. Usually, when it does, it indicates that there’s a part of you that needs extra gentle care so that healing can begin. If you believed that the act of feeling the pain was wrong in itself, you’d pop painkillers for a broken ankle and keep walking on it. This is essentially what’s happening when we shove our “bad” feelings to the side and move on.
But, if you follow the pain to it’s source, you discover where you need to treat your wound and provide yourself with some extra support. You get your ankle set in a cast or a boot, and while the pain doesn’t go away, it does gradually begin to dull. Now that the issue has been addressed, it’s okay to take a couple Advil and try to focus on other things, while still being gentle of the part of you that’s healing.
Fear, anger, sadness, guilt - these “bad” feelings serve a purpose. They are symptoms, not the main condition. Follow your emotional pain to its source instead of running from it, then learn to manage your pain after the wound has been addressed. It’s not wrong to be upset. Don’t walk on your broken ankle.
drew an icon for myself this afternoon instead of working on graduating college so ahahahahhahaha,,, but on the plus side I got to experiment with new brush/art style in photoshop
also this account got its name because I love both of those words so much that I couldn’t choose just one
in conclusion, I have no defendable reason for why I decided on today to pour so much energy into a tumblr blog that I only intend to use as a thoughts dump where no one knows who I am but hey we all have our flaws
I know it may not feel like it right now, but...
We will get it back.
Arms wrapped tight around best friends, crowded city squares, flights to places you’ve dreamed of going, cheesy “thrown graduation caps” photo-ops, cafe book clubs, forehead kisses, wedding dances, games of freeze tag and ultimate frisbee, improv troupes and theater rehearsals, half marathons and filled grandstands, school halls bustling with laughter and secret handshakes. Right now it’s easy to feel like things are only getting worse, and that the hollow ache in your core that craves human togetherness may continue to burn until it becomes unbearable.
I promise you, we will get it back. We will.
Just a reminder
If you consider yourself someone who belongs under the label “Christian,” you’re supposed to live like Jesus, who, leading up to his actual torture and death, didn’t get upset at the people around him or lash out - it literally says when he knew he only had a few days left, “he loved them to the end.” That’s it. That was his response. His first and only priority was to love and keep loving no matter what.
But hey, what do I know - I’m sure yelling at that one teen who listens to rap is exactly what he’d want you to do with that information.