guess who isnt dead, my little jesters?
now, as your wendigo prince himself, i think i have a weird variant of subjects i might touch on here, ones including my love life! i did pester someone about this earlier but felt it would be a decent topic to just spew at my tumblr that i never use.
the complexities of attraction. random, yes, but i feel it would be good to just kinda go into.
i feel like i have a strange problem with, and thats attraction. or the element of it. in recent years ive read into a dozen books, but one that stood out to me and had me thinking about the more amoral aspects of my person is of course a book about amoralism and its personification, The Stranger by Albert Camus (thank u albert).
i know its a weird awakening to realize my means of attraction comes from a novel about a guy who quite literally just perpetually doesn't give a shit. but its more so it made me realize that my mode attraction to others isnt actually based on ... anything directly characteristically unchangeable!
i mean, i dont really care for gender, or sex, or even if the person im dating is older than me (never will date anyone younger. as someone in my early 20s, thats called "the 'go straight to hell' deluxe special" where im from. i care mostly for if i cannot solve someone.
its a weird feeling. i feel like when i talk to people i really wanna know who they are, what their deal is, what they are--how complicated they are, their favorite things, etc. thats why its been so hard for me to date normally because simply put, im not a normal person, and frankly since my homelessness and depression, it has utterly saved my life. being "normal" is a cage for some of you, so be fuckin' weird. now im not saying go sniff people's seats, im saying just be your true authentic self EVEN THOUGH its weird.
and people think "ok stutter and be cringe". no i mean whole heartedly tell other people your interests and critique them if they judge them if the sole means of judgement is "i dont like it and have never experience said interest personally therefore you are an outsider and weird."
do you like battle for dream island? cool, say it whole heartedly to another person. who the fuck cares.
getting to what i mean to say: I like people who are simply peculiarities and work like this. perhaps its because it is like myself, perhaps i am a narcissist? perhaps i merely have fallen in love with the absurdity of absurd itself? i can't tell you, im just a strange man who likes drawing furries, smoking weed, talking too much, and watching videos about true crime and youtube drama. truth be told, while i am a man surrounded by mystic things, being mundane is often the most crucial aspect of mysticism itself. because being mundane makes peculiarity truly peculiar.
i love this about people, that sentence. that peculiarity is only peculiar because its backdrop is mundanity and life. i love my partner a lot for this reason.
yes, sorry ladies, i have a partner, im a real bonafied lover-boy (blows a very exaggerated kiss. but its kinda gross because i dont have lips. because. im a wendigo.)
shes a mess to decipher, every moment of our conversations and talks it feels as though i cant quite grasp what she's doing or why she's doing it. initially it annoyed me to no end, i truly did feel like meursault in the sense that i carelessness was a comfortable domain that was being invaded by this flagrant human being.
and yet i also crave it, and now more than ever. dear gaia. it feels strange feeling the warmth of blood inside of a body instead of outside of it. i remember the warmth of it in abuse or injury back then, but now i just hope not a bruise nor a scar ever befalls her for my love for her peculiarity is exactly why i still have faith in you restless lot.
it is strange, gaia it truly is. there is no aspect of her nor to any other person i can personally identify as attractive aside from that frustrating complexity. most of these people are one-note "npcs". easy to write off and identify their dialogue patterns (even though i wrote this as though i was a fucking incel, my deepest apologies for your eyes.)
but she, my mate, is truly the main character of her life and the deuteragonist of mine.
areudirty
stormborns
gummygunk
blakekathryn
romaincrisis
germansingergirl
kianamaiart