i am the one thing in life i can control

the cynic. avery. 20. english lit. life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. it takes and it takes and it takes. and we keep living anyway.

[jungkai]

It was the only register that didn’t have a queue line, but after witnessing how mean the redhead was, Kai stalled and went back around to look for any other spots. But he was actually in a hurry, he had an appointment with his hairstylist and even though he was a regular, he didn’t like to keep people waiting for him.

He had to do it. It’s not him who annoyed her anyway. And he just used his credit card before coming here. There wouldn’t be a problem. One swipe of the card, and he’ll be off. “I’m… uhm, I’m only here to pay for these.” He laid pens, stationary, and a new notebook on the counter. “That’s all.” He looked up at her, briefly meeting her eyes, before breaking the eye contact quickly and looked around. Hoping he didn’t forget anything. But he did forget something. He needed highlighter pens. “Oh, and I was wondering if you have a set of all the colours of Highlighter Pens? Of Stabilo, to be exact?”

[westofavery-blog]

Avery raised an eyebrow as she ran the boy’s items through the scanner. His accent was English, but a bit too put together to be anything outside of Greater London. She disliked him immediately. When he opened his mouth again, it only made her hate him more.

“Did you check where the highlighters are?” She bit out. “Or did you just gawp at the aisle, hoping it’d jump out at you?”

[rosanna-sc-blog]

When she’d walked into the shop, it had been quiet, all but for a few customers who had been at the register when she’d arrived. Five minutes later and they were still at the register, whilst Rosie was inspecting the pros and cons of ball point pens over fountain pens, and surreptitiously watching the customers over the display board, her interest caught by how they kept on swiping their card at the register and the shop girl who was behind the desk was getting more and more frustrated by the whole affair. And then they were leaving, muttering to each other. Rosie just caught the hints of words “bad tempered”, “bitch” and “should complain”, but they were gone before she could hear anymore.

For another minute she stayed browsing pens, and trying to avoid any awkwardness from her walking up to the counter too soon, just in case the shop girl turned on Rosie for just buying a pen. 

“Uhm” she dithered, before she dropped the pen on the counter. “I wanted to buy this actually” she shrugged, still kind of tempted to leave the pen and leg it out of the shop. The girl behind the desk was just radiating annoyance. “I promise I have cash to pay for it” she added with a weak smile, reaching into her bag to take out her purse

[westofavery-blog]

Avery had to admit that some of her frustration eased at the word “cash.” As she ran the pen over the scanner, she rapped her knuckles over the counter in a simple rhythm and chewed on the inside of her cheek whenever a jolt of pain was too intense to simply ignore. 

“Your total’s on the screen,” Avery popped the cash register open. “I don’t suppose you want a bag for that.”

[pcyton]

Peyton sighed, knowing the other girl had a point, so she turned around and tried her best to avoid looking at her hidden knuckles, which seemed impossible. It was odd, they were suddenly so different and were arguing more than necessary lately. She had also noticed Avery’s hands were redder each time she managed to slip up and see them, but she tried her best to not think about that. It’s okay. “You’re clearly not in the mood, so should I leave?” she asked.

[westofavery-blog]

Her stomach twisted. Don’t leave. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me. “No,” she said quickly, trying to contain the panic that was clearly showing in her voice. “I - ... Hold on.”

Avery heaved herself over the counter and rushed into the back room. She emerged a minute later, looking less disheveled, but still a tad frantic. Unclipping her name tag, she shoved it into her pocket and grabbed Peyton’s hand. “I’m on my lunch break now. Let’s go. Anywhere you want.”

[pcyton]

“Oh, I can’t see my girlfriend now?” Peyton responded, her voice laced with slight annoyance over the girl’s attitude. Avery’s moods had been on and off frequently, but she tried her best to not think much of the whole thing. It scared her, but she knew the reason as to why she was being the way she was, and she wasn’t going to believe in the worst. As long as she didn’t take her anger out on her, Peyton was fine. She bit down on her lower lip, her eyes glancing down at Avery hiding her hands with her sleeves. “Uh, sorry.” she responded softly, turning around, leaning her back against the counter and messing around with her camera.

[westofavery-blog]

Avery flinched and met Peyton’s eyes. She suddenly felt terrified to open her mouth, however that fear dissipated when the other girl turned her back to her. Avery huffed. “It’s not really seeing your girlfriend if you’re not looking at her, is it?”

God, just cut off her tongue at this point. She clenched her eyes shut and held back from rubbing at her forehead.

[westofavery-blog]

“It’s not my problem your credit card was declined. Go bother mummy and daddy for more money, but do it at least a hundred meters away from this fucking store,” Avery hissed as she practically threw the customer’s card back at their face. “Good bye.”

She slumped back into her chair behind the register and sighed. Ever since summer ended, it didn’t take much to send her over the edge. Bubblegum popping; fingers cracking; pencils tapping; loud laughter; a stare held for too long; idiotic customers. 

Avery picked up her pencil, hunched over her workbook, and let out another sigh. Out of habit, she tugged her sleeves farther over her knuckles, wincing as the material brushed over the raw skin. It was then that she heard the scuffing of feet moving towards the register, and Avery fumbled again with the sleeves. No one ever said anything about them last year so stop freaking, she scowled as she tucked them out of sight.

“What do you want?” She grunted, not looking up from the work laid out in front of her to greet the new customer.

[rosanna-sc-blog]

sullivanmock :

clearliquors:

BOLD what applies to your muse.

PLACE IN SOCIETY

financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty.

medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged.

class or caste: upper / middle / working / slave / unsure.

education: qualified / unqualified / studying.

criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no.

FAMILY

married - happily / married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated.

has a child or children / has no children / wants children.  

close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased.

orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s).

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

extroverted / introverted / in between.

disorganized / organized / in between.

close minded / open-minded / in between.

calm / anxious / in between.

disagreeable / agreeable / in between.

cautious / reckless / in between.

patient / impatient / in between.

outspoken / reserved / in between.

leader / follower / in between.

empathetic / unemphatic / in between.

optimistic / pessimistic / in between.

traditional / modern / in between.

hard-working / lazy / in between.

cultured / un-cultured / in between.

loyal / disloyal / in between.

faithful / unfaithful / unknown.

BELIEFS:

monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic.

belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in an afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care.

belief in aliens: yes  / no / don’t know / don’t care.

religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious.

philosophical: yes / no.

OPINIONS

pro-choice / anti-abortion /  doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-marriage / anti-marriage / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-death penalty / anti-death penalty / doesn’t know or on the fence.

pro-drug legislation / anti-drug legislation / doesn’t know or on the fence.

left wing / right wing / middle / doesn’t know or on the fence.

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual.

sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable.

romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable.

sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious.

potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all.

ABILITIES

combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none.

HABITS

drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. 

other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

medicinal drugs: never / sometimes  / frequently / to excess. 

indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. 

splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

[pcyton]

“―Avery,” the girl’s anger was visibly clear even when she was trying so hard to pretend she wasn’t. After staying silent for a moment, debating whether or not she should leave, Peyton shrugged her shoulders, sliding her back down the wall, pulling her knees closer to her. “Fine.” she said softly, her tone barely audible. Once she pulled out her camera, her hands instantly began fidgeting with the device, avoiding her girlfriend’s eyes again.

[westofavery-blog]

Avery hesitated before sinking down against the wall beside Peyton, though she kept a good distance between them. She wasn’t sure what had just happened, but she felt like getting too close to the other girl wouldn’t be smart. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled into her knees.

[pcyton]

“―What?” she refused to look up, her voice was laced with nervousness. You should just leave. “Uh, actually, you are fine,” her fingertips began fidgeting with the strap of her camera. “It’s not like I know you or anything, right?” looking over at her bag that was near Avery’s desk, Peyton sighed and quickly walked over, practically throwing her camera inside. “I’m go before―" she stopped talking once her eyes glanced down at Avery’s hands, suddenly frozen for a brief moment once she looked at her knuckles. “I’ll just leave.”

[westofavery-blog]

Peyton’s jab stoked her anger, but the crushing fear in Avery’s heart, simply from the word ‘leave,’ outweighed anything else. “Don’t,” She blurted out suddenly, shoving her hands deep into her pockets so that she could dig her nails into her palms without drawing attention. “Please, don’t.”

[pcyton]

She slightly flinched at Avery’s sudden burst of slight anger, which resulted in her immediately backing away and leaning against the wall of the other’s room. It shouldn’t have been surprising, after all this was the way Peyton expected her to react, yet she couldn’t help but feel somewhat shocked. “You can lie all you want,” she said softly before rolling her eyes and stuffing her hands inside the pockets of her sweater. “It still doesn’t change the fact that you’re different now.” she whispered, her eyes averted looking at her girlfriend and instead focused on the ground.

[westofavery-blog]

“I’m not!” She whirled around to face Peyton. Any other protests that had been building up in her throat died, however, when Avery saw the other girl backed up against the wall and avoiding her eyes. Idiot. Fucking idiot. Look what you did. 

“Peyton?” She needed to do something -- wrap her arms around her; tell her she didn’t mean to take it out on her; say that she was sorry; say that she was stupid. Her fingers twitched again as she began to realize that a cigarette would not rid her of this awful feeling.

[pcyton]

Peyton stopped trying to focus on her photography and looked over at Avery. Her eyes glued to her girlfriend’s trembling hand. “You’re not.” sighing, she began stepping closer to the girl. Her hands fell on top of Avery’s in attempt to get them to stop shaking as much as they were.

[westofavery-blog]

Avery flinched again, snapping her notebook shut and yanking her hand away from Peyton. “If I say I’m fine, then I’m fine,” She huffed as she got up to throw her book back into her desk. Her fingers twitched anxiously against the wood, aching to open the drawer that had her cigarettes, but Avery felt it would only add fuel to whatever Peyton was nagging her about. I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine.

[pcyton]

“You don’t have to pretend like you’re okay, you know,” Peyton glanced over at Avery as she attempted to focus on what she trying to capture. “It’s obvious that you aren’t.”

@westofavery

[westofavery-blog]

Avery flinched and pressed the tip of her pen harder against her notebook, causing the ink to bleed and spread through a few words. Anger shot through her body as she violently ripped out the page, balled it up, and tossed it across the room. First one of the new year, she thought bitterly as the paper ball came to a stop in the middle of her otherwise bare floor.

“I’m fine,” Avery mumbled, and ignored how her hand was trembling slightly.

[lila-eaton]

Time Jump...

[October 2016]

[galileogalilei]

[insp.]

[pcyton]

Peyton looked down at her camera before rolling her eyes at Avery’s words, biting her lower lip to prevent any sort of smile from appearing on her features. “Nah, I’m good,” she began flipping through pictures on the device in her hands. “I feel very honored though, and you should too,” she stopped looking through pictures once she looked back over at the girl. “I mean I don’t let anyone touch my camera.”

[westofavery-blog]

“Ooh,” Avery waggled her eyebrows. “Do you feel that? We just took our relationship to the next level.” She laughed and gently plucked the camera out of Peyton’s hands when she looked away. Before she could give the other girl a chance to stop her, she had angled the camera up her nose and snapped a photo.

“Yes!” Avery pumped her fist as she examined the picture of the inside of her nostrils. “Save that. Print it out, put it on your refrigerator. I’ll even autograph it for you.”

[pcyton]

“What? I’m not even saying anything,” Peyton was completely silent and Avery was still able to reassure her on what she was thinking about. It was like she could read her mind, which nobody has ever did before, not even her ex. Her girlfriend’s words calmed her down, eased her, made her heart pick up pace, and even made her stop fidgeting with the camera in her hands.

She laughed at the other’s words before placing her index finger underneath her chin, picking her face up from her own arm. “Come here,” she said softly before she briefly pressed her lips against Avery’s. Immediately she could taste the chocolate from the M&Ms she was eating. “I should probably stop worrying about you as much as I do.”

[westofavery-blog]

“I told you before,” she said after they parted. “You mess with your camera every time there’s something bothering you.” Avery smiled at her girlfriend and rubbed her hand slowly across her back. “Nah. I need someone to feed my ego.” 

She brushed their lips together again before readjusting herself so they sat hip to hip on the bench, her arm still around Peyton. “M&M?” Avery held the bag out to her. “You should feel honored in this moment. I never share my M&Ms. I nearly took Dash’s disgusting hand off when he put it in my work stash.”

[pcyton]

“Oh,” Peyton sighed and chose to not say anything else. It wasn’t that she wanted to anyway. It was just something Avery clearly didn’t want to think about, but she was still worried for her, and them having to go to the place that was stressing her girlfriend out the most didn’t help.

“I don’t know, uh, probably Skittles.” she shrugged her shoulders and began messing around with her camera some more. 

[westofavery-blog]

She set her bag aside, threw an arm around the back of the bench, and twisted in her seat to face the other girl. “I’m fine, Peyton,” Avery said softly. “As fine as anyone can be when their homeland has gone to shit, but honestly, I’m not going to let it bother me this summer.”

She wrapped her arm around Peyton’s back and scoot in close enough so that she could press her face into the other girl’s shoulder. “This summer’s going to be about you and me, alright? I’m not letting anything or anyone take that away from me.” 

After a moment of silence, Avery cleared her throat loudly. “Now I’m going to shove more M&Ms into my mouth and pretend I didn’t just spew some fucking Young Adult Romance novel shit at you.” She blindly reached over to the bag and began stuffing the candy into her mouth, all while still hiding her face in her girlfriend’s arm.

[pcyton]

“Jesus Christ, Avery, no,” Peyton cringed and shook her head, but couldn’t help but laugh either way. As soon as she looked at the phone, her eyes completely drifted away from the photo and to the several string of text messages from her girlfriend’s parents. It was too fast for her to read, but from the amount of messages they sent, she could tell it must have been important. “Your, uh, parents are texting you,” she pointed out before looking away and focusing down on her camera.

[westofavery-blog]

Avery glanced down at her phone and switched off the screen. “It’s nothing I can’t hear by turning on the news,” She sighed as she slipped it away from view again. “I just prefer not to think about it until I have to.”

She leaned back against the bench again and shoved her hand into a large bag of M&Ms. “Is it Skittles or M&Ms that people have this weird grudge against the green ones? Makes no sense for it to be M&Ms since they all taste the same.”