The Waiting Game
Hello again, I was intending to post this blog tomorrow but I feel as if there is so much that I need to talk about and vent that I wanted to do it today.
Since my last post a few things have changed. I am currently in the two weeks wait to find out if I am pregnant and honestly the wait is killing me. I am usually on a 26-27-day cycle so I should be on my period now however it has not arrived yet. It’s awful because I don’t want to test too early and be disappointed, I’m kind of holding onto to a very thin thread of hope that I am pregnant but at the same time I have to not cling to that thread because it will just be a bigger fall emotionally if I am not. What is also not helping is that fact I am getting some very similar pregnancy symptoms to last time which of course is causing my brain to overthink even more.
So, I am here to counteract my brain somewhat and talk a little bit about my week. Its been eventful. Firstly, a very dear friend of mine gave birth to her second beautiful baby boy. I was so overjoyed as living in the times we are right now with Covid-19 and good news is just so much more exciting. We all need little joys to get us through this. Amazingly as would normally happen when someone announces they are pregnant or have given birth, I did not feel any jealousy or bitterness towards her and I think I know why. My friend is very aware of the troubles we have gone through and very understanding as to how her being pregnant would make me feel, but honestly like I say the feelings that normally brew just did not arrive this time at all and that is really due to her. She kindly and gently told me she was pregnant before announcing anything on social media as she wanted to tell me face to face and I could see the worry and concern in her eyes as she told me. It broke my heart that someone was almost having to take the joy out of this wonderful news because of me. I was so very moved by this gesture, and I could physically see the strain lift from her once I had been told. I truly was and am so happy for her. I won’t lie, yes, I felt an ache of longingness deep down that doesn’t ever really go away but I pushed it aside and basked in her happiness.
Last time I mentioned that I would be revealing to you my Master Plan (again cue evil laugh). Well this master plan has taken on a very different turn as I will explain. On Tuesday I got a call from my Doctor to let me know the results of an MRI Scan that I had had done on my knee following some pain I had been having and had been progressively getting worse. It turns out that my kneecap is literally crumbling away and that there is a lot of damage to the inside of said knee cap. The findings from the scan have basically shown that I need to have a full knee replacement. Guys I am going to be honest I am absolutely terrified, I am only 33 and this kind of surgery had never really appeared on my radar, so it was a huge shock. Anyway, how does this tie in with my master plan I hear you ask? Well………
My original master plan was to lose a stone in weight to try and help conceiving and to be able to get further help from the NHS. This has not turned into a real emergency need to lose weight before my op date as recovery and the whole surgery itself with be less risky and a lot easier on me (along with the surgeons performing it). So, it’s no longer a case of trying it is a case of I have to succeed!
Monday is our start day and my wonderful Hubby has been so supportive with everything and is going to change his eating habits to keep pushing me forward. We are going low carb and increasing protein to fill us up. I’m not going to lie it will be hard as we are real food people (not in the good sense for me as I am an emotional eater) and being restricted is always hard. However, we have to look at the big picture and really motivate ourselves to keep it up. Wish my luck!
Not wanting to bombard you with too much stuff in one blog post I think I will leave it there for today however I will be back in a week, maybe less to update you on my progress and to let you know what the outcome was of the 2 week waiting.
Next time I will tell why some of my issues are in my blood!!
Toodles xxx