phrases like âyou donât owe anyone anythingâ and ârelationships arenât transactionalâ have the power to be used in ways that are very backwards and harmful
for example, no you donât owe anyone anything in that if some creep is trying to get with you, you can block him without feeling bad. you donât owe kindness to people who are transphobic or racist or bigoted.
but, you canât use this as an excuse to fuck over people who have helped you. âyou donât owe anyone anythingâ isnât an excuse to allow yourself to forget compassion and basic empathy, it isnât an excuse for you to be an asshole just because you find it easier to be one
relationships arenât transactional in that if your partner does something nice for you, you are indebted to them. they do these things because they love you; it is their choice to express love through these gestures
but they are transactional in that you both actively need to be putting time and care into the relationship. ignoring the dynamic of one person caring too much (and putting in excessive (emotional an literal) work and labor) while the other does nothing isnât healthy. one person canât solely take and the other person canât solely give- thatâs dangerous, and you canât put the bandaid of âthis isnât transactionalâ over a relationship that is draining you in all capacities
iâm tired of seeing these things being misconstrued and used as an excuse to hurt people, while framing it as a way of taking care of yourself
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
discoholicmusic
prguitarman
gummygunk
areudirty
yousharknotpass
dailybridgerton
