The Great Facebook Cull 2011
Today I am having my facebook friend cull. It will become an annual event. Below are the strict criteria that I will be following in order that I remain as objective as possible considering the intimate relationships I could be destroying.
You may have been deleted if you meet any of the following 'Negative' criteria...
You used to work with me between the years of 1998 and 2009
You were at school with me and you have had a child and use facebook to tell people how wonderful their first birthday party was and tag any photos of them as yourself so that other people who meet criteria 2 can coo about it and say how beautiful your child is and tell you a completely unrelated anecdote about their own child.
You are a real person but now you just tell everyone about your band
You might be a little bit racist, sexist or a bit 'right of centre'
You haven't updated your profile picture for over a year
Regardless of how good friends we were we are now different people and haven't spoken to each other for 3 years or more. (this can be electronic communication as well as actual physical communication; an email would've been fine)
You have been my boss at some point
You own your own home or you're trying to by having a mortgage
I once saw you hiding a Daily Mail under your arm when you saw me ( I wouldn't mind so much if you were more open about it)
You have inappropriately called me a hippy at some point in the past because I enjoy listening to real music (99% of which has no links to the popular hippy movement of the mid 60's)
So if you're still on my friend list then congratulations. However if you feel that I might have mistakenly overlooked your expulsion please post on my wall which criteria number you think you fall into and I'll promptly delete you afterwards.
You may still be on my friend list if you meet any of the following 'Positive' criteria... (N.B. you may have previously met one of the 'Negative' criteria above but you can still be y friend if you meet some of the redeeming 'Positive' criteria Below.)
You are a genuinely nice person
I live with you currently
You have only become a facebook friend in the last 3 months (you will have to win my affection otherwise you could be part of next year's cull)
I'm attempting to woo you
You have written on my wall on a day other than Birthday
You only wrote on my wall when it was my Birthday but what you wrote was witty and / or thoughtful.
I now only have 12 friends.
