My 25th Year

maybe we can help one another

[whatdoshouldido]

Greta Gerwig on not knowing what to do

[whatdoshouldido]

I turn 25 in 7 days.

I turn 25 in 7 days and I quite my job by text a month ago. People keep asking me what I want to do; and honestly I do not have a clue.

For the past week I have been at my parents house sitting with my cat that I picked out when I was 12. I do not have many friends and I spend most of my days laying in my bed; and everyone keeps asking me what I want to do.

My dad tells me I should go back to school for journalism and my mom said I should work in childcare. I have a degree in Theatre and Business, which seemed like a good idea at 19, but now I don't know what to do.

My cousin gave me $400 because he felt bad for me. I deferred my October car payment and my sister is asking me to go out on Halloween. I have never been so without a plan or direction of what I should do.

Don't ask me about dating; I'll probably die alone. Meeting people give hyperventilations. Painting rocks for my mom and watching two season of Vampire Dairies are the biggest things I have accomplished in the past week. I quite therapy because we found out that I am the problem.

I self sabotage myself. I have one more year more year until I am off my parents insurance. I am too emotional and cry at almost everything. I am an opinionated and high-strung woman I think doing nothing is better than trying; then there is no disappointment or embarrassment.

I spend my hours scrolling on my phone witness the lives of others. In my bubble I am safe. Full of delusions and mind tricks. On my own I can be anything; an artist, an activist, a person.

Maybe this is all that I can do.