LowFatMilk

He/They, 21, Tumblr hot take man

[enbyinfodump]

“Child labor is illegal” ok but is the grind illegal? Is living your best life illegal? Grow up, or don’t, in which case I have a very fun idea about what you can be doing for 60 hours a week for 20 years

[enbyinfodump]

Big Backyards are very elf-brained. Oh, you want your own personal meadow? You want it to have little copses of trees and hang out with caterpillars and grasshoppers and birds and shit? You could’ve made that into so many parking lots you elf fuck

[enbyinfodump]

I pull out both of my badass huge pistols

One says amab

The other says afab

We have a dramatic standoff

Until a shot rings out and you look down, a gold derringer’s trigger is held in my pinky toe, on it is written “third secret scary thing” in extremely small text

My difficult to read gun is the last thing you see before shooting me several times because I actually missed the shot with the toe gun

[enbyinfodump]

I’m not the hero this city needs… and I’m not the hero this city deserves… fuck, I’m not even the hero this city has, I’m here on vacation, I wanted to see the aquarium, they have otters

[enbyinfodump]

Tried out a new Chinese place near me named “taste of China”, apparently China tastes like the cum of the girl who works the register at the Chinese restaurant because that’s all I walked away with in my belly. That lying bitch

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In the land of the bald the one pubed man reigns king

[enbyinfodump]

Screaming and moaning on that thing <The mechanical bull at the Chuck E Cheese>

[enbyinfodump]

I want to help with the fight for women’s rights but I’m not really clear on who I should be fighting because women never emailed me back so I’ve just been killing random politicians and it’s working??

[enbyinfodump]

I’ve been able to consume food without the use of my mouth for about 5 years and nobody has done anything about it

One time I was at lunch and a guy I was eating next to saw me absorb the whole thing meat sauce and all by absorbing the nutrients completely and leaving behind a shriveled pile of grey ash where my burger was and he just asked me if I was going to eat the rest?

[enbyinfodump]

“I gave my medieval peasant a dorito I gave my medieval peasant a Nintendo switch I gave my medieval peasant disco elysium” that’s cool honey I gave my medieval peasant a gun and told him I have French ancestry because they won’t let me in to any of the casinos around here

[enbyinfodump]

The thing those queer doctor types never tell you is that they let you eat 1 (one) other baby in the maternity ward. Guy next to me played the nice guy card, spared me, passed on me even though he had a good 5 minutes of existence over me. Guess nice guys do finish last, and I finish nice guys with a lemon caper sauce and some mashed up butternut squash

[enbyinfodump]

Actually so unfair that people with neither erotic ennui nor nuanced opinions on media are still allowed to interact with me, is this proof that god hates me? Definitely

[enbyinfodump]

The psychosexual urge to let out a single blood curdling animalistic scream and charge the door next time a 6’ 250 roofing guy tries to expose me to the demiurge

[enbyinfodump]

“Hello faggot” I say as I pull out my knife and fork

“Uh oh” says president Barack Obama

[enbyinfodump]

They call me Big Pussy and I’m the greatest adventurer to ever live

[beenis-is-bee-penis]

Big Pussy dad wants you home by 7pm you know that's when we eat dinner :/

[enbyinfodump]

Big pussy doesn’t eat “dinner” big pussy only eats… well, you jnow

[enbyinfodump]

They call me Big Pussy and I’m the greatest adventurer to ever live

[enbyinfodump]

I think the scariest thing about fighting a clone of myslef is that I 100% know where my balls are like no question. Sure if I fought a stranger they could make a pretty good guess but could you be sure? You don’t even know where the secret third one is

If they did a second 9/11 but it was even bigger ansd worse would that be fricked up or what