Active July 2021 @whatmealsbetterthanvodka - Tumblr Blog

Hi, this is my third blog. This blog contains triggering content, such as food logs, calorie counting & tracking, weighing & measuring and my personal thoughts and experiences.

If you‘re in recovery, easily triggered or don‘t have an ed yet, please leave now. I don‘t want to support or encourage anyones eating disorder, nor do I want to glorify eating disorders in any way. I am not pro ana. I am pro recovery.

As I said, this is my third blog, meaning I got terminated twice. If you‘re here to report, please listen. This is my only place to vent and the only way for me to interact with people with similar problems and thoughts, I don’t have anyone irl I can talk to. This blog helps me process my problems. You‘re doing more damage by reporting, than you‘re helping anyone in any way.

————my stats————————

height: 1,74m | 5‘7ft

highest weight: 80kg | 176lbs

starting weight: 72kg | 158lbs

current weight: 59,5kg | 131lbs

lowest weight: 59,5kg | 131lbs

goal weight 1: 65kg | 143lbs

goal weight 2: 60kg | 132lbs

goal weight 3: 55kg | 121lbs

I haven‘t been posting in a really long while, but ig I‘m back. I was binging and purging all the time, losing a lot of weight and then gaining again, because I was doing it irregularly and I was eating too much outside of b/p. I think I almost died a week ago, when I got more strict with purging again. I think I gained a lot of weight, I don‘t actually know because my mom hid the scale. I know I can‘t keep purging so ig I‘m back to counting calories because I can‘t fucking stand my legs over 64kg.

Also I‘m going on a class trip in the end of may and I wanna be skinny so I can wear cute dresses and skirts.

Next goal is definitely buying a scale myself.

i can‘t stop crying because i‘m not allowed to selfharm. it‘s so hard rn to not

my mom caught me purging

the worst feeling is when people start telling you that you‘re way too thin and you still feel way too big. i just realized that i‘ll never be satisfied.

i have an unhealthy obsession with skinny legs

AYOO I‘M UNDER 60KG THE FIRST TIME IN PROBABLY 10 YEARS OR SO

i‘m actually not as happy about it as i thought i would though

currently watching barbie movies for thinspo

whatmealsbetterthanvodka

bro i‘m fucked. my mom asked me if she needs to worry about me because i‘m constantly getting skinnier even though she see‘s me eating enough. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PURGE WHAT I JUST ATE NOW?? i‘m way too full to keep it in and my stomach hurts

whatmealsbetterthanvodka

i‘m so uncomfortable but i think i‘ll just leave it. i won‘t eat for the rest of the day and at this point i‘m losing so fast that gaining one day won‘t matter. i‘m also probably still under my bmr

and also i need to stop starting my posts with bro

bro i‘m fucked. my mom asked me if she needs to worry about me because i‘m constantly getting skinnier even though she see‘s me eating enough. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PURGE WHAT I JUST ATE NOW?? i‘m way too full to keep it in and my stomach hurts

bro i‘m so close to my 2nd gw but i‘m on my period so i‘ll probably gain. also i ate cake and didn‘t purge. still on my morning weight though??

whatmealsbetterthanvodka

me: *b/p‘ed 4 times today*

friend: have you eaten today?

me: yes :)

friend: i‘m so proud of you

me: :,)

whatmealsbetterthanvodka

i really always thought anorexia and bulimia were equally as prominent, but i start realizing what everyone‘s talking about when they talk about how anorexia is the only ed talked about. like damn i told two friends i was bulimic and they keep asking if i‘m eating, hell yeah mf i‘m eating for me, you and your whole family

me: *binged and purged 4 times today*

friend: have you eaten today?

me: yes :)

friend: i‘m so proud of you

me: :,)

myfinalform-kaz

Something people don’t seem to understand about eating disorders

It consumes your whole life. There is no ‘eating disorder’ section of your day, it is all day every day. It’s not like “oh! This is my school life, this is my home life, this is where I manage time for my ed”. Your hobbies can be completely taken over, I spend my free time watching shows about food, I write about food, I paint thinspo, I walk my dog to burn calories not because I like walking my dog. No part of me is not a part of my eating disorder. Nothing I do isn’t disordered behavior. Everything is about food, everything is about weight, everything is about my ed

i‘m just so sad rn, idek why. wtf is wrong with me, my mood is so unpredictable. i don‘t wanna live like this anymore

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Active July 2021