The UnEnlightened Bee
I don't regret writing this.
Maybe I should. I don't know.
But I don't. I know that.
Because I think there is genuine value, in someone who is willing to be an idiot. __________
And that's what I did, when I wrote this Tumblr.
I was willing to be an idiot.
A part of me knew how ridiculous the idea was -- to explain to people, what to expect, when they experienced that thing we call "enlightenment." __________
What I didn't realize, of course, is that if you are writing a Tumblr blog about becoming enlightened...
there is a very high probability
that you aren't the best person for the job. __________
But I didn't let that deter me.
Well, actually, I did. I avoided writing this blog, almost every day for the past 18 months. I was embarrassed by how little I knew. I was embarrassed by how little I had to offer.
In short: I knew nothing.
Which has made writing this blog
VERY DIFFICULT. __________
And so, I am realizing as I write,
it is time for me to bring this blog (or 'zine, if you're reading a physical copy)
to its very natural end. __________ Because I have realized -- with the help of my fiance', Miss Butterfly Starfish --
that the key to 'enlightenment'
is just honesty. __________
__________
She pointed out a few weeks ago,
I never "achieved enlightenment," back in May of last year.
What happened was,
I realized what enlightenment was. __________
That's a common mistake, I think a lot of people make.
It's a mistake I know I made. I can say that for sure.
I realized what enlightenment was. And I mistook that for enlightenment itself. __________
Enlightenment is the realization -- and continued understanding -- that I am not, in fact, the center of the universe. It is also,
and this may seem weird
the realization and continued understanding
that we are. __________
We are a part of the center of the Universe.
Because there is no 'center,' per se'.
And so the focus should not be on us.
Which is a very difficult concept to follow-through on, since we find ourselves living in our own specific vessel.
It's pretty tough to "trust" the whole don't-worry-about-yourself theory, when we can only keep "living" inside of our own body.
So, I don't know if I have anything for anyone,
in terms of "insight." __________
And yet -- like I said -- I have no regrets, about writing this. It is an effort I'm proud of,
if for no other reason than the spectacular failure that it was destined to be.
I felt something, and it felt positive. And good. And it felt like Love.
And I tried to communicate how to get there, to anyone who wanted to.
And now -- Sun 5:36 PM -- I am choosing to retire, from that goal.
I am no longer seeking to be "the guy" who helps people achieve enlightenment. Anyone claiming to do that, still has many steps left, on their own journey.
Onto the next step for me, and for these next steps ahead, I will be taking them in stride with
Miss Butterfly Starfish.
Because she knows as much as I do, and much much more.
And it's high time I shut up, quit writing, and started learning from the master.
: )
Love, The UnEnlightened Bee